How do you view your spouse? What type of “glasses” are you looking through in your mind’s eye? Are you looking through tired eyes—through a view that isn’t as positive as it was before marriage?
My husband Steve and I have been married for almost 42 years. YEAH!!! As I look back, I can see that even though we’ve had a LOT of ups and downs in our relationship, the Lord has helped us to fall even more in love with each other than ever before (when we look to Him to help us). When I look at my husband I see a man who is the love of my life; and I’m so grateful. Especially since living together day in and day out can change the way we view and treat each other!
It’s like what Drs Gary and Greg Smalley state:
“During courtship and early married life, almost everything the mate says or does is interpreted in a positive light. He or she can do no wrong. Even unpleasant behavior can be turned around and made positive. This produces a ‘perfect’ image of the loved one that emphasizes the appealing features and conceals the undesirable one. In a sense, it’s like one mate views the other with a pair of rose tinted glasses —everything is perfect.”
“But if the marriage runs into trouble, the repeated disappointments, arguments, and frustrations lead to a change in perspective. For example, a wife may shift from a ‘rose-colored’ perspective to a negative one. Her attitude changes from one of admiration to faultfinding. Then, much of what he does is interpreted in a negative light. He can do no right. In essence, when the relationship runs into persistent problems, we have a tendency to switch ‘lenses’ and see our mate differently —more negatively.”
Dr Debbie Cherry adds: (more…)
WARNING – Escape Abuse BEFORE Marriage
I debated on what to title this article because no matter what it is named, the wording doesn’t seem strong enough for the message I feel compelled to give. This article is intended to put out an “all-points bulletin” if possible, to warn those who are dating, NOT to continue on in a relationship with someone who is abusive.
This to be a warning for women as well as men, because BOTH can find themselves in abusive relationships. You will find that most of the linked articles we provide for you to read address women. But that doesn’t mean that men can’t be abused as well. It happens —whether there are many articles written on this subject or not (we apologize that we haven’t been able to find many). Whether it is a man or a woman that is being verbally and/or emotionally, and/or physically abused, it is a devastating experience to be victimized in this manner.
We receive so many letters here at Marriage Missions from those who wish, with everything in them, that they had NOT gotten involved in an abusive relationship, with some of them marrying their victimizer.
So, to help those of you that we can —those of you who haven’t dated an abusive person yet, let this be your “red flag” warning of what to look out for, so you don’t end up the victim.
“The following red flags are characteristics of an abuser. (more…)
- Cindy Wright – March 3, 2014
I dare say that few of us would think we’re “blinking” (or looking with “indifference”) at failed marriages. But when I read something written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss in the book, The Quiet Place: Daily Devotional Readings I could see how she would say that many people do. What it did for me though, is it stirred my heart, and again renewed my vow not to hear about failed marriages and look the other way.
These particular devotional thoughts were based on the scripture in Jeremiah 9:18, where it is written: “Let them come quickly and wail over us till our eyes overflow with tears and water streams from our eyelids.”
“Sin’s toll is evident everywhere around us. Crazed gunmen enter schools and shopping malls and commit random murders. Multiplied millions of children are shuttled back and forth between two parents who have broken their marriage vows; in many cases they are also violated at the hands of stepfamily members.
“Complete strangers meet by way of the Internet and proceed to abandon their marriages and families. (more…)