“When you yell at someone there’s a part of the brain that shuts down —it’s the part of the brain that houses how we reason through a situation.”
Did you read that right? Yes! It’s been proven scientifically that when yelling starts there is a part of the brain that goes offline —much like a computer goes offline when its circuits become overloaded.
That proves all the more how true it is when the Bible says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Proverbs 29:11). In other words, a fool yells (shutting off all reason) but a wise person stops, listens, and is then able to better reason.
Dr. Dan Siegel, who is an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, and author of the book, The Mindful Brain, talked about this on a Dr Phil television program. He told Dr Phil McGraw that there is a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex that “allows us to think and pause before we act. …It’s what makes us human. It lets us think, and plan and actually look at other people and think about what’s going on inside of them.” It houses our reasoning centers.
Dr Siegel then points to a diagram of the brain and says:
“This is where the more animalistic brain is centered. In general, our higher human brain controls that, but if we get really upset, if these emotional centers are getting active, it will literally shut that off, and this won’t be functioning. What do you think life would be like if we try to talk to each other, just from an animal brain?”
I had every intention of never speaking to him again. After discovering my husband, Tim, had been going to prostitutes for over a year without me realizing it, I filed for divorce.
Unbeknownst to me, God had a much different plan in store. During a six month separation, God held back the divorce papers and brought both my husband and me into a true relationship with Himself through Jesus. Then He called me to reconcile with my husband.
In each of these situations, God directed my steps and showed me very clearly what to do (Proverbs 20:24). The key was listening to Him. Every marriage situation is different. There are different circumstances, different people coming from different backgrounds, different journeys and relationships with the Lord. Perhaps one spouse is a believer in Jesus and the other isn’t. Maybe they both think they are following the Lord but neither one of them has a close relationship with Him.
Many women in my situation ask me for advice. I can only share what God has done in my own marriage and encourage them to seek the Lord with all their heart. God is able to show each one of us what we should do. He desires that each of us trust Him and ask Him for advice and direction. I believe God uses these devastating situations to bring us closer to Him. Because He created each one of us uniquely, He can show us what to do in every unique situation.
Sometimes God will call us to stay. Sometimes He will call us to separate. Never will He ask us to condone or enable sin. (more…)
- Cindy Wright – August 1, 2014
I’ve had the question posed to me MANY times, whether it’s possible to make a marriage work when the love the husband and wife once had for each other is gone, and all there is left is arguing and bitterness.
I’ve written about this before, and my answer is still the same… YES. And here’s another testimony of that. I came across it in the devotional written by Nancy DeMoss, The Quiet Place: Daily Devotional Readings. In a portion of what she wrote, she gave this true account:
“Jeannie and her husband were five or six years into marriage, and whatever feelings had once been there were long gone. Hate was not too strong a word to describe what raced through her heart whenever she was particularly angry with him. In a desperate attempt to salvage what little was left of their relationship, they planned a Valentine’s getaway and hoped something might spark. It didn’t.”