100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way

“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.

“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!

“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)

Discuss the following list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions, which work for your marriage —but keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS —not all or any of them have to be used.

(If interested, there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives husbands 100 ideas, titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way.)

1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.)
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. “Look straight into the eyes of your husband when he talks to you or if you’re speaking to him. This will make him feel that you are interested in what he wants to say.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.

The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”

— ALSO —

From the ministry of FamilyLife.com the following is a link you can follow and learn:




Join the Discussion

Please observe the following guidelines:

  • Try to be as positive as possible when you make a comment.
  • If there is name-calling, or profane language, it will be deleted.
  • The same goes with hurtful comments targeted at belittling others; we won't post them.
  • Recommendations for people to divorce will be edited out–that's a decision between them and God, not us.
  • If you have a criticism, please make it constructive.
  • Be mindful that this is an international ministry where cultural differences need to be considered.
  • Please honor the fact this is a Christ-centered web site.

We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content.


535 responses to “100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way

  1. Going through your write up, it gave me joy for I have about 30 women I am teaching and it was great. It will help me more.

  2. I agree with some of these things but a lot of it is not realistic for everyday occurrence. I am the sole provider while attending college. He is a stay at home father. I am not complaining. But I think this list was put together for an ideal marriage that does not apply to us. This seems to apply to a “man works woman stays at home” scenario which does not exist for us. I am not complaining, just stating that a few of these things can be impossible considering how little time I already have. The rest would just not be able to be done daily. I must stay focused to provide for my family.

    1. Agreed. I work outside of the home and my husband works from home, so a few don’t apply to us, either. And then there’s the fact that I’m the one who would rather be intimate more often than he does. :-(
      Some of them are screaming at me, though, like 68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
      69. Don’t quarrel over words.
      71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.

    2. OK, he is a stay at home father. He still deserves your respect, just as women would if she stayed at home! Everyone in the marriage has to work at it, so it can be an “ideal” marriage! These tips should work for both of you, but both of have to work at it. After finals, show him that you still love him, and I bet that he will do the same!

      1. I agree with you, and value the opinion of the others. A marriage as in all relationships, needs to be worked on daily. A marriage is a gift from GOD. it cannot, and will not survive and flourish without nourishment, neither will you. The woman has to show her husband that she loves him. Through GOD’s grace you have found each other. Did you pray for him?

        Remember your longing, and sadness as you were alone. Appreciate what you have, roll up your sleeves and get to work. If you’re the one working, and your husband (the father of YOUR children is at home with them) that is a blessing! Appreciate that YOUR GOD given children have the opportunity to spend time with their Father; many do not. You’re also not having to rush about to a childcare center, or take off from work when an illness occurs. Please remember those LESS fortunate, and stop wandering in the wilderness. Eat the manna; love your man. MAKE it work. You will find the strength to do it through prayer to GOD. Source: Married to my soul-mate Terry, father of our 9 children for over 25 years.

    3. This list pertains to the women who do not have careers. I work and I take courses online. I agree that I should not belittle my man and be respectful; however, women often feel as if they should play the role of career woman, mother, (in my case online masters student) while he works an 8 to 4 job, comes home and sits down on the sofa with a beer.

      1. This list of ways to show your husband love is not just for mothers who don’t have careers in my opinion. I have been a gainfully employed mother of two for 14 years. My spouse works a lot less hours however. To me it isn’t about availability…it’s about compromise, love, compassion, understanding and desire to show thanks to God & your spouse for the love, faithfulness and companionship that I have been blessed with!

        In no way am I saying that we don’t need our men to be creative in finding ways to show us love. The word of God say’s that we {women} are to be a helpmate…maybe you should make it possible for him to lead and you won’t feel so under pressure to do it!!

        In my lowly opinion, women often assume the role of provider because we have very little faith/trust in our men based on our pasts! Dear God, thank you for not loving me that way, because I’d already be dammed to hell if my past were not in the sea of forgetfulness! Give him the proper, positive motivation to be the man God has called him to be…sit back and watch God work!!!! Much prayer much power…little prayer little power!! A family that prays together stays together. Keep in mind the enemy seeks to defile and destroy the family unit…Don’t help him for family’s sake!!!!

      2. I have read comments from the working women stating this list does not apply. I will tell you that it does apply. I work a full time job and have two part time jobs. My husband works a full time job and has irregular over time hours. I find that when I do things to show my love and appreciation he will reciprocate. Married women need to understand that when you chose to make excuses for not showing love instead of giving that love with a joyful heart, you run the risk of allowing someone else to enter into your relationship that is willing to show that attention.

        I have seen many relationships get destroyed because the wife felt the husband would never leave. How long do you want him to sit there longing for attention from his spouse that never comes? You obviously landed here because you want a better connection with your spouse. You have already recognized the need. Do the things you can to build a wonderful marriage that includes intimacy and showing of love.

  3. Was it necessary to write that many? Do you have a list like that to tell husbands how to love wives their way?

    1. Yes, and yes. Yes, it was necessary to write that many so the husband can have the wife choose her top 5 or 10 or so and he can be more aware of how to show her love in tangible ways that are meaningful to her. And yes, there is also a list for husbands, which you can find in the “Romantic Ideas” of this web site.

  4. Thank you so much for this list. For the wives that are complaining about how long this list is, the list is definitely for you. Being married is all about serving your spouse, and dying to yourself! I know firsthand that’s easier to say than do! I prayed today that God would show me how I could help my husband and voila I found this site! God bless, and thanks again!

  5. Amazing tips… this will be useful for the ladies to lead their life in a success and happy manner… salute.

  6. Guys, this is just a good way of learning how best we can treat or husbands. I really appreciate this for I have learnt a lot. You tend to even realize most of the things you were failing to do for your husband. If you check closely though, it is meant for us women. It can also be used by our husbands on how best they can treat us. Thanks a lot.

  7. I read BOTH lists (this one and for the wives) and I realised we have so much work ahead of us! I, too, am the so-called ‘bread winner’ in our marriage (for language reasons) and also a student. I can use many of these suggestions (that I have not been doing) to make things easier for my husband. I will show him this list, encourage discussion then show him and translate the Wives list.

    I hope this will help us grow closer together in Christ, as our mighty Creator of the Universe intended. Please pray for my awesomely wonderful husband and I. YHWH will know who you are praying for. Oh, and thank you for these guidelines and prompts. God bless you.

  8. This is so awesome, I was actually showing my husband ways that he can be a better husband hahahahaha and then I found the list on how to sho. your husband you love him his way… Shux I have a few things I need to work on- lol what I thought was for him has turned out to be for me just as much :-) Awesome tool. Thank You.

  9. Howdy I am not sure whether or not it’s me or simply your internet
    site but it’s loading seriously slowly for me personally, I had
    to spend just like a moment to load up however , google works
    perfectly for me. Well, Thank you for writing an extraordinarily great blog post.
    Nearly everybody who actually came to this
    site must have discovered this short article honestly handy.

    I should say that you actually have done fantastic job with
    this as well as hope to discover more amazing content through you.
    Immediately after viewing the content, I have bookmarked your web blog.

  10. My husband and I both work so we share everything, whether it be helping with homework or cooking, but after 10 years some of these techniques just don’t work. So we have found a common ground for everything and either make a decision together or support the other while they work their issues out. But the main thing we use is communication and support to get our family through whatever it is that they need help with.

  11. Thank you and may God bless you exceedingly, abundantly above all you may ask or think. This wisdom has blessed me today. Thank you for the light you have shared so that we may continue on a path that reflects the love God has for us.

  12. Read both lists. Men’s says let women spend time with her friends. Women’s says let men spend time with their friends, “if they’re trustworthy”. Really??

    1. Thank you for pointing that out… we have made the appropriate changes. We appreciate you letting us know.

  13. #101. Ladies, stop keeping a scorecard of everything your husband has said and done wrong, and stop reminding him of it on a regular basis. God gives us a new day every 24 hours. If He can forgive us and let us start anew every day, then please let your marriages build on the good and positive notes. This goes along with not using the words “always” and “never” when you preface a statement. Husbands are really not that complicated. May His peace be with us all.

  14. It’s taken me 22 years to figure these things out. Act on these suggestions and watch your marriage transform! The best part is that your husband will reciprocate. Be patient. It won’t happen overnight, especially if you have a history of approaching your husband with negativity. Unlearning takes time and consistency. May the Lord bless your journey!

  15. I think you have such great information and you will help a lot of people to get closer to the love of their life. Someday I will be married and I will be able to use this website. Be blessed. Still just dating.

  16. All of what you have said is a blessing. Being a husband I feel this is exactly what I need to feel appreciated. I would love it if my wife would give me the feeling of being a God grace to her. Personally I do all it takes to make this happen. Marriage is a challenge and we both should work on it together… With love and respect all is possible. Thanks for the hope you gave to me.

  17. Number 4. The husband can have time with his own friends If they are trustworthy?
    I would have thought the husband would have already decided about his friends trustworthiness otherwise they wouldn’t be his friend. Or did you mean the husband’s trustworthiness?

    1. Lois, you would be surprised concerning how many emails we receive, and comments we have posted on this web site where the husband (or wife) have friends that are anything but trustworthy. And yet they still hang around with them, even though they cause problems. Go figure! As a result, these friends have a horrible influence on this spouse. It’s so very sad, and shouldn’t be, but just because they appear to be a “friend” it doesn’t mean that they are a friend to the marriage. So, for that reason, the wife certainly wouldn’t want to encourage her husband to hang out with those types of friends.

  18. My heart broke down when I read this. I had tears in my eyes because my wife is just the opposite, but I’m a believer.

    1. I think this list is great, and I need to review the list for wives. I have been so consumed with what to do for my husband, which I believe is important, and I need a little uplifting since I am emotionally drained these days.

  19. Actually, my husband has a couple of more, they are, leave him alone, don’t talk to him, and lastly be quiet. We’ve been married 47 years and have only had sex once and we never slept together or had dinner together. His idea of sex is to not have it all. He has always thought sex was pointless, disgusting, messy, smelly a total waste of time. Also believes sex is for making kids and he wasn’t interested in kids. He considers them as like puppies and he hates kids and puppies.

    When married I thought all men thrived on sex but not the one I got. I believe he has some mental problems that he refuses to get addressed. He has always lived in the basement and works nights constantly. All overtime, weekends, holidays no vacations. He seems to not like the world, he has no Tv, radio, computer, phone, just a loner that wants nothing to do with the outside surroundings. Years ago we should have parted ways but it never happened. I hate him and I’m sure he hates me, and we’re way past caring any more.

      1. All that is said is true. I pray to God that all who read this would put it into practice ad it works. God richly bless you.

  20. HI, I like most of the suggestions, but I m married to a man who sometimes wonders what happened to my wife? Like the suggestions which says leave a note in his brief case. He will ask me if I’m ok? When I dress at home, he asks me why this look now? I prefer your simplicity.

  21. Naturally these loving behaviors came from me to my husband. I hung on his every word, bragged about how smart and good he was, told him he was my knight in shinning armor, gave in to his desires about life, stayed thin and sexy, no complaints of sex. I supported him emotionally & financially through college, worked full time as he requested, when the time came… choose a house in the more expensive area like he required… knowing it would be at the expense of being able to stay at home for my babies, was not allowed to have a baby until the expensive house was purchased so as to ensure we got one… on and on.

    Then one day I saw with my own two eyes he flirted with other women while out with me. He did weird stuff, like pretend to lick fruit as a gesture to a receptive woman in the store; again, right behind my back. I just happened to turn. I heard him tell our neighbor he can do whatever he wants because my wife is so close to God, she’ll never do anything. I asked my husband quietly why he doesn’t want me to come with him anymore to the school in the morning to drop off our child. He loudly replied it was because he just goes a little early to spend time playing with the boys. My son heard this reply and began to cry. He cried out “you don’t play with us anymore, you go to see Miss ______.”

    After many years of prayer and much more pain… I decided to handle it my own way after I felt something happen to my heart. I told him I would become just like he was. I told him I would flirt with other men and show interest in them. I told him lucky for me I’m still hot looking, and that men would respond to me even better than women do to him. I told him he shouldn’t have taken me for granted and ignore my pleading. I told him he gets a taste of his own medicine. I started dressing very sexy and had men falling all over me. I would come home from work and tell my husband about my adventures as an unfaithful woman. He didn’t know how to respond, and I didn’t care anymore.

    Anyway… long story longer, my husband started praying for me (which was a shocker). It touched me after some time. At first I thought “what a joke, from the man who seemed to hate my love for God.” But I believe God heard his prayer and worked on me. I realized I wanted to get my relationship with God back. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t hearing God’s voice and sensing his presense. I didn’t want to be just like my husband anymore.

    My husband is trying really hard to be loving to me now. I’m trying really hard to like it. I won’t let him control me like he used to. He tries not to try and control me. It’s still somewhat of a mess. But a work in process.

    My point is… the list is great, but it doesn’t always change hearts if you do them. At least in my experience.

  22. I was always trained at church to do the 100 things. My mom was a great wife, but warned me that too much of the 100 things makes men think you’re insecure, a pushover, a doormat, and they have you all sewed up and get bored. She always had a great meal on the table, a pretty, very clean home, clean respectful kids, and joined him in things he liked to do on weekends and vacations. She always continued to keep up her appearance and even had a career of her own in management.

    They respected each other but this is very important: THE MAN wants to still do the chasing even 30 years into the marriage. It’s their nature. They love it. Don’t take that away from them. Let them do the little extra things for you that make them feel like a man. They will feel ten feet tall. If the woman starts doing all these things to try to keep her man, they’ll lose interest, lose respect, and start looking in other directions out of the glance to the side when a new pretty to be chased walks by.

    I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m experienced with the truth. My mom and grandma used the above method and kept their man “in love” with them for life. I used the 100 ways to do all kinds of nice things for my two ex husbands and a few boyfriends. First they started getting bored, then they lost respect wondering what was wrong with me to have to put so much effort and became no chase or effort for them. I could see them eye balling new ladies, then they suddenly had to work late a lot, then I caught them out with the very ladies I saw them catching glimpses of right in front of me.

    The only great relationship I had contained these ingredients: mutual attraction, the man taking the lead in the pursuit (I never called him once, he always called me, mutual respect, acting respectfully towards each other’s feelings and personhood, loyalty: complete loyalty, sincere but kind honesty, commitment to each other: more serious commitment when the relationship got deeper, be ladies and gentleman in public, but passionate and giving when sex becomes a part of the picture. The lady should give thoughtful gifts for birthdays and special occasions, but let the man give the flowers, cards, rings, jewelry, and other love tokens: it’s part of his hormonal desire to still be a part of the chase.

    When you’re married already, I suppose sometimes it’s ok to subtlety initiate the chase by wearing a sexy nighty to bed, but this can put pressure on a tired husband, so a really short sexy t-shirt might get better results. A sexy dance to some music when he thinks you don’t know he’s looking does wonders too! Be kind, but not to the point of boredom in marriage. Don’t take the husbands fun of chasing you away from him: ever! And he will be yours forever!!! 70 years of bliss to all of you!!

  23. Let God’s love lead in all situations in all marriages. Maybe marriage was meant to really make us even more holy.

  24. Most of the tips are helpful but the friend one is the reason why my marriage was tested and almost failed. A daughter of his friend (she 17 years younger) was doing 100 plus things while I was either working or raising five kids. I was exhausted to show him at least 3 from the list.

    When I found out they were too friendly I told him to leave. He said there was nothing to worry about. I asked him if he could spend more time at home instead of hanging out with his friend and his daughter. He agreed not to go to that house anymore and since then we’ve been trying to work things out. I stopped working one of my two jobs, which impacted our economy but now he has to work more. He has always provided but the more I work the less he would do when he could do more.

    I’ll say do what you can plus, but don’t lose yourself. If he loves you he will appreciate it. Today I’m confused, bitter, and resentful. I feel I’m ruining everything for not being able to do enough. I will continue to do my best. I love my husband but I keep asking him questions about all the time he spent hanging out with his friend and his daughter. Any advice will be appreciated.