Marriage Missions International

100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way

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“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.

“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!

“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)

Discuss this list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her, and then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline —but keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS —not all or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.

(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives wives 100 ideas, as well, titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)

1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends and give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Encourage her to relax in some way while you clean up after dinner.
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. View and treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Priortize to do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure (without judging).
64. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go any further).
67. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family.
69. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb.
85. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.

Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.

— ALSO —

From the ministry of FamilyLife.com the following is a link you can follow and learn:

50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE

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Comments

139 Responses to “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way”
  1. Scot from United States says:

    This is a good list, with many things that I have done, in loving my wife. In several cases, though, it assumes that you have kids, and taking them off of her hands is involved. I can’t do that, since we do not have children (yet). Also, how does this apply to pregnancy?

    My wife is currently 6 months pregnant, and responds very little, if at all (and then usually negatively) to my overtures of love. She’s too tired to take walks, doesn’t like to be touched (even if it’s not in a sexual way), tolerates hand holding, but clearly doesn’t like it, and doesn’t want me to spend money on her (for flowers, a romantic getaway, or even food she likes). She was not like this before pregnancy.

    So, not a criticism, but how can I affirm, encourage, and show love to her during this difficult time, in ways that will be received positively?

    • Sheri from United States says:

      Hi Scot: It seems like you are genuinely trying to show your wife some affection and love and I can see why you may feel discouraged when you are trying to please her. Perhaps buying a card (or just writing a letter) to her about what a good Mother you think that she will be to your new baby. Or expressing to her how excited you are to be welcoming your child into the world. I bought a Groupon ($12) for a family photo shoot before my daughter was born and that gave me something to look forward to, or you could use it to get a photo of her and her growing baby bump. Perhaps you could include that in your card or letter to her (a family portrait, this is really happening!)

      When I was pregnant my feet and back hurt very much and I was always in need of a little rub. Are you rubbing her in a non-sexual way? Make sure that she is feeling like she is getting relief from her pain not getting tense thinking you want something else in return. Maybe say (so she knows what your intentions are) Honey, how are you feeling? Can I help you as a Mommy to be, with a back/feet/neck rub for 10 minutes?

      Is she nervous about the pregnancy/delivery etc? That could be making her sensitive and shutting down affection from you. Assure her that you are are going to be there for her no matter what and that you are proud of how strong she is during this amazing time. You know your wife better than me so just try to communicate with her to see what she is feeling, maybe she doesn’t know what she wants and needs right now. Maybe you can let her know you are trying to be the best husband you can be with her and you are open to suggestions. Try not to get angry if she is being fickle or take it too personally (I know, easier said than done).

      Best of luck with everything and I am proud of you for reaching out and trying to help you and your wife during this amazing journey. Sheri, San Diego

    • Tabi from United States says:

      Hey Scot. I was that way when I was pregnant. I didn’t want to be touched. I was miserable. Pregancy was not my friend at all. Sick everyday 3-5 times a day for 6 months. It was rough. It was endless and exhausting. I can tell you what made me feel loved… when he brought rolaids home without asking. I craved Chinese food, McDonald’s fries, and subway sandwiches, if he brought these to me without me asking, I felt loved. We needed things done for the nursery, he did them and it was always such a stress relief.

      Later in my pregnancy I had trouble getting out of the bath, so he would ask me if I wanted him to get a bath ready and he’d help me in/out. I was miserably hot at night so he’d turn the air down and blast the fan even though he was close to frost bite. I was always surprised and grateful when he’d clean the toilet, tub, and do the vacuuming. Basically I had a hard time. So anything he could do that was productive and helpful and didn’t make me more miserable was a big plus.

      Just talk to her and make sure that’s what’s going on. She could have pregnancy depression. Hormones are a pain in the butt and they create emotions we and our loved ones don’t really get. Don’t take it personal. Just ask her to be sure it isn’t something dangerous, like severe depression. Women like myself, hate feeling helpless so maybe you could ask her to write some things down that she wants, needs, or would like for you to do. Be patient and kind. Remind her she’s beautiful, especially beautiful while carrying/ caring for your child. And if possible plan a pre-baby honeymoon. She doesn’t want you wasting money on flowers so buy her some that will last, house plants maybe. And schedule a maternity photo shoot. She will love that.

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  1. 100 Ways to Love Your Spouse (Part 2: Her Way) - The Kardia from United States says:

    I’m sharing the list of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife Her Way! I originally found the list on this website a year ago, and Caleb and I used it to discover what makes the other really, truly feel loved.



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