100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way

Dollar Photo - A Couple Embrace“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.

“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!

“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)

Discuss this list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her, and then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline —but keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS —not all or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.

(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives wives 100 ideas, as well, titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)

1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends,and  if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Give your spouse time to unwind after she gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. View and treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Priortize to do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure (without judging).
64. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go any further).
67. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family.
69. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb.
85. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.

Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.

— ALSO —

From the ministry of FamilyLife.com the following is a link you can follow and learn:



Filed under: Romantic Ideas

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191 responses to “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way

  1. I read your 100 list and found that after 50 it just repeats itself just in different ways. However, it is helpful. 90% of these items I already do, however, the other side isn’t responding the same. As a Catholic raised man, I try to bring God into the home with respect and kindness but she is not really interested. Our life is really stagnant and going nowhere other than just living together; I don’t know what to do other than continue living in pain for her, me, and as a couple. She is very dependent upon me and very fragile to life. I really don’t know what to do anymore other than just sit back and take it or give up.

    1. Let me say ..marriage as an institutions is like a work. For example, if you fight with your colic at work and you are not talking to each other, obviously you resign because you fight with your colic, Noooo! What you can do is to hang up the problem for a certain period while you are going to the work until one day you said to him /her “can you please pass me the cup next to you? He will give you the cup without saying nothing..don’t worry. On the second day say lets have a laugh together after you greated him. From there he will be calmed. Then you will be back to normal as it was before. To quit is not a solution..same as divorce – it is not an answer, but be patient while you are planning.

  2. Hello. I’m in a bad spot. I have been doing things to hurt my wife, not meaning to. I have a staring problem as she says. I don’t do it on purpose. When we watch tv she gets hurt if I don’t turn my head when another female is on. She also says I don’t show her love and make her feel wanted or cared for. I need help before I lose my wife. I love her more than life itself. I try and try to show her that I love her and want her and make her feel cared for. The more I try, it doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do anymore. When she tells me that I’ve hurt her she tells me to fix it. I don’t know how to fix what I did. Plese help me before I lose the love of my life.

    1. Hi, Chris. I’m assuming your “staring problem” is when things like Victoria’s Secret ads come on TV and not just when “any” woman comes on screen fully clothed. Your wife may have a heightened sensitivity to what you look at on TV if you ever had a porn problem. I know for me I have had to discipline my eyes to look away any time something suggestive comes on screen or if while I’m driving I catch a glimpse of a woman walking on the sidewalk. I do this to honor Cindy BECAUSE I DID have a porn addiction years ago. In every room we have a TV I have placed placards with this verse written on them: “I will set before my eyes no vile thing.” (Psalm 101:3) They’re either next to the TV or on top of it. If you do have problems with porn I suggest you get the book, Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series) by Steve Arterburn & Fred Stoeker. This is the book that changed my life and helped me heal from my sexual addiction.

      You also have to remove the mystery of what she means by she doesn’t feel loved or cared for by you. You guys have to talk about this – even though it can be very uncomfortable to do so. You will never be able to figure this out on your own and it’s not fair for her to say this but not give you specifics of what she means and what she really wants from you.

      You don’t indicate if the two of you have a faith-walk with Jesus, Chris. But I know the city you live in has some great churches that have some wonderful men’s ministry groups where you can find other guys who can help you (mentor you) in your role as a husband. We also have a lot of articles on our web site that can give you help in understanding more of what your wife needs from you. But the key is you have to apply what you learn. It isn’t going to just magically happen that one day she’ll wake up feeling cherished. It takes years of hard work and consistency on your part.

      There are so many factors that can play into our wive’s insecurities; most come from childhood or past relationships where they were hurt (physically, sexually or mentally). If that is something your wife experienced in the past it will take EXTRA work on your part to build security and trust in her. She can come to our web site too and find articles that relate to her and she can post her comments (anonymously) and find comfort from others who are experiencing what she’s going through.

      Lastly, if you ever feel like you need to talk with a counselor you can reach out to Focus On The Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY. They have a counseling department where you can talk with someone free (for one session) and then they can point you to someone close by who can follow up with you.

      I hope this helps you out a bit, Chris.

  3. I recently had an affair and am actively trying to show my wife that I love her! She is hurt and I have lost all of her love and respect. I read this to see more ways to show her instead of just telling her that I love her. I truly love my wife and need to restore our marriage. We also have a 7 year old son who doesn’t deserve to lose his family due to my selfishness and mistakes!

  4. As I get older, I find it is important to build up points with my wife. I can lose them faster than I get them, sometimes. But seriously, my wife is my best friend, my banker, my confidant. We have been married 36 years. We both recognize that we often take each other for granted. In the Bible, it talks about a valuable wife that sews for family, cares for a field so they will not be hungry, keeps a good moral character and her husband will sit at the council at the gates of the city. She does not accomplish all of them, but many of them. My very independent wife has made that happen for me. I am a police detective. My efforts in my job would not be nearly as productive, if she were not so independent and pro-active. if you live with an independent wife, reflect on what you have and what she allows you to accomplish. This is not always easy, but in your older years, it will provide much good to reflect on. The list is good. Some of them, I already apply