Marriage Missions International

100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way

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“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.

“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!

“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)

Discuss this list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her, and then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline —but keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS —not all or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.

(There’s also a list under the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives wives 100 ideas, as well, titled 100 Ways Your Can Love Your Husband His Way.)

1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends and give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Encourage her to relax in some way while you clean up after dinner.
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. View and treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Priortize to do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure (without judging).
64. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go any further).
67. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family.
69. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb.
85. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.

Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.

— ALSO —

From the ministry of FamilyLife.com the following is a link you can follow and learn:

50 WAYS TO INSPIRE YOUR WIFE

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Comments

131 Responses to “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way”
  1. USA says:

    (USA)  This is great advice for men who are wise and are married. I have played the fool in not loving my wife in an understanding way. The heart of the matter of love and respect is knowing that men and women do NOT think alike. I have been married for 25 years and am just now understanding how thinking that my wife thinks the way I do is a recipe for disaster. Women want men to be men, but appreciate and love them as a women in a loving way, especially when they appear to be at the peak of frustration and wrath.

  2. Roshan says:

    (INDIA) I did love marriage and I am happy with my wife. I don’t have any problem with her. I assure you that after getting these 100 happy ways I will make my wife more happy. And more over, we of the Indian culture, accept our life partner and know we are made for each other for a long life.

    I’m thankful that I was born in India. We, as husband and wife, respect each other in India. If anyone wants to enjoy a happy married life come to INDIA. From here you will get tips on how people live in a family.

  3. Blake says:

    (USA)  Wow! I’m the perfect husband. I do all these things without realizing it.

  4. Anne says:

    (ZAMBIA)  Truly, I don’t like being touched just because of sex. I would like to be touched most of the time to show that I am loved and appreciated and not a sex object! This makes me dislike being touched… as I know next it is sex.

  5. KC says:

    (USA)  I can tell a man wrote this. A woman can tell the difference between a man who truly values and cherishes her and a man who’s going through a list to manage to get some sex out of his wife. Healthy intimacy is the fruit of a man loving his wife the way Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. A loved woman blossoms like a beautiful flower. You can see the beauty of her husbands love reflect in the sparkle in her eyes. You don’t need a list!

    • Natasha says:

      (USA)  Like it or not sex is important for a marriage, coming from a woman, a mother, a wife, and a believer. Case and Point: “The husband must fulfill his sexual duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another of sex.” -1 Corinthians 7:3-5

  6. Matt says:

    (UNITED STATES)  This is a great list. The only thing I would add is that you can love your wife by first pursuing a deeper relationship with God and then you will be able to pour out His love on her. Here is a short post about first pursuing a relationship with God: http://www.thedatinghusband.com/2012/03/love-your-wife-pursue-intimate.html

    • Cindy Wright says:

      LOVE this Matt. Thanks for sharing. After looking at the web site, we’ve added it to the “Romantic Ideas” as well as the “For Husbands Only” links part of this web site. We wish more husbands and more wives understood the importance of pursuing intimacy with God and each other for a lifetime in their marriages. Thanks for letting us know about this great web site. We love the mission!

  7. Tariq says:

    (MALAWI)  I am married with 10 years, and I love, care, adore a lot, my wife.

  8. Janeger says:

    (PHILIPPINES)  If I had a husband like that I wouldn’t really think any negatives about him… hopefully I can find someone like that…

  9. JOSIAH says:

    (PHILIPPINES)  I love my wife. We’ve been married for 6 years now. I thought I was already good enough for her. After reading this article, it made me think that I wasn’t really doing a great job in loving her. All this time I was doing things to feed my own gain and habits which I thought pleased her and maybe the reason why we argue at times. I hate myself for that…

    This will be my mission to try and make a change, and show love to her without expecting anything in return. Thanks to everyone who made this noble effort to help people like me who were blinded but now enlightened.

  10. John says:

    (USA)  There’s no way that a man can do all of this.

    • Cindy Wright says:

      John, NONE of these are mandatory. As a matter of fact, some of them may not even speak love to your wife, if you did them. Every person is different. Read the instructions again and try to figure out, after perhaps asking your wife, what is most important to her –what speaks love to her the most, if you did them. It’s not that difficult.

  11. Natasha says:

    (USA)  Thank you for both this list and the other list “How to love your husband HIS way”. I enjoyed both. One advice I would like to give is that the Bible holds all answers of how we should be as a wife (or husband). Knowing God’s plan for you is what will give you a successful and happy marriage. I see many negative comments on both lists, but what it comes down to is marriage is a team effort. I love my marriage because we both strive to better ourselves instead of each other and most importantly we seek God together.

  12. Lori says:

    (MALAYSIA) I wish such a man existed but they don’t. I myself have done these things for my husband but he has never done so. All he does is make me feel stupid and ugly. He has never done anything romantic and has even taken away the one gift he did buy me when I got sick and could not cater to him.

    Sometimes I have dropped hints about what I crave in terms of romance and chivalry but he simply ignores me or lectures me on how doing things for a girl that include spending money is sexist. I may not have money but I try to cook and plan sweet surprises for him.

    I guess these are things I love to read and fantasize about… if only my husband did them… sigh.

  13. Ben says:

    (US) This is ok stuff, but not what I was expecting. If my wife was a former nun it might be more relevant.

  14. Arthur says:

    (USA) Do all of these things and she will surprise you with awesome sex…seriously. Oh, and cuddle with her often not wanting anything in return (You will find cuddling is enough for you too sometimes :)

  15. DIVIVITY says:

    (GHANA) God bless you all for the great work that you are doing. Please, I will like to learn more about love before going into it. I hope this media will be my great help. Thanks

  16. Joe says:

    (SIERRA LEONE) My wife printed this list and handed it to me and I appreciated it so much.
    We are blessed by the contents.
    Thanks

  17. Chituru says:

    (NIGERIA) I am not married, but I know that any man who would do all of that, would get my 100% love. This is a wonderful article. Please our wonderful men, take it seriously. God bless you!

  18. Adam says:

    (INDIA) I’ll try to put it in action…

  19. Ndeutala says:

    (NAMIBIA) God bless you for compiling this list “100 ways to show love to my wife her way.” It is really helpful and an eye-openner as to how to treat my lovely and beautiful wife Vinia, and show her that she is really my blessing from God. She is a blessing.

  20. Joshua says:

    (NIGERIA) My fiance is very frustrating and annoying. I have tried everything possible to make her understand that what she’s doing is totally wrong but instead of relief, the situation is ONLY getting worse. In a day she complains two OR three times even while at work. Can you imagine she actually told me she’s not interested in me anymore so we broke up just yesterday. The thing is she does not understand what I am going through and she believes she’s doing the right thing; meanwhile she’s hurting me. How can I see my so-called future wife and am not happy? I develop headache anytime I wake from sleep. I’m still a young guy, am above 20 but under 30 and going through all this stress, what if I get married, how will it be then? Thanks, God bless you all.
    Good morning.

    • Princewill from Nigeria says:

      JOSHUA, I tell you, I am equally passing through the same thing as you are now. What I did was to quiet things and now she is the one getting confused. But my mind is somewhere else. Now I just pretend I loved her. But I have withdrawn my love for her.

  21. Abdirahman says:

    (SOMALIA) Thanks, for the ideas.

  22. Joseph says:

    (UGANDA) Very useful article.

  23. Hyman says:

    (NIGERIA) Great advice! Love it. http://www.presslodge.com

  24. Rachel says:

    (USA) It is so annoying that everything about marriage help always talks about how guys want “it” all the time. What about the women who have husbands who don’t want sex? What am I doing wrong as a woman and wife that my husband doesn’t want sex or initiate it? We can go for days even weeks and finally I am climbing on top of him for a pleasure-less workout or I am on my knees still pleasure-less.

    When is it my turn to lay back and enjoy a little oral or something. I mean I feel like we shouldn’t have this problem because I’m 20 and he is 27 and we just got married in April of 2012; so why is this happening? It’s like he doesn’t want me to feel sexual at all and he gets annoyed when I am horny and ask him to kiss me or give me oral.

  25. Fam says:

    (USA) I love my husband but he works out of town and it makes it so difficult for me. But even if I tell him how much this affects me he can’t understand me. Today was our 1st anniversary and it was a BAD day. I don’t even want to remember this day in my life.
    I spoke about it with a friend and she told me that her husband and she had the same problem but she was introduced to this Weblog and it seems to be helping them work through their issues.

    My friend’s husband and my husband come from divorced families and we came to realize that they didn’t see dad and mom in a loveing relationship so it is something difficult for them to change that wrong way of acting. Most of the time my husband tells me he doesn’t want to be like his dad and step mom but he just doesn’t realize that he is not doing different ways but simply the
    same that his dad did. :(

  26. Robert says:

    (PHILIPPINES) I have almost done all of the above, there are only a few I missed, but I am not fully honored as husband. I feel cheated. I’m less appreciated by my efforts to give financial support and luxury in my family. Now I am angry with myself; I feel I’m stupid without a cause.

  27. Tommy from United States says:

    I’m going to love my wife better than everything on this list put together. She is worthy of so much more. I wish there were more than a 100 ways but I suppose that’s life. =(

  28. Nissa from United States says:

    Why is it that on the 100 ways to show a husband love his way, a ton of women were angry at it — but on this list I only see one or two men angry at? Maybe we need to stop looking at what our spouses are doing and not doing, but what we are doing or not doing? After all neither men NOR women are in a competition, but in a team.

  29. Ben from United States says:

    I love this list. While not everything on here is for every woman, I would encourage other men to give this list to your wife and tell her you love her, but that you realize you don’t always know what to do to show it. Ask her to help you to be a better husband and check some of the things off the list. Just be prepared to do them if she tells you whats important.

    I’ll also say that if you are doing this to get her to do what you want then it won’t work. It has helped me to focus on what I can do for her, not on what she is willing to do for me. Besides, our love should be unconditional, even when our wives make us not want to love them.

  30. AKUMU from Kenya says:

    These ways oil the day to day life of a couple, hence wonderful.

  31. Farshad from Iran, Islamic Republic of says:

    I am not married but I am in a serious relationship that I hope will end up in marriage. Point is, she has been forced to marry someone she literally hated and she was also forced to live with this person for three years. Now she is in a very bad state and she is in the divorce process. She is totally reluctant to any man and because she is not very young (she’s 40). She always says she would never want to risk again to enter a relationship that could be a threat to her somehow. I know it may sound idealistic but I think this is because of all the hurt she has experienced within thee years (that are beyond the scope of this comment) Anyway, I hope that this post will help me adjust myself to her emotional needs, as this is the most important thing she needs. I also see a psychologist to help me more professionally. Thank you for this post.

  32. Bri from United States says:

    I must be a terrible wife. I do not like physical contact unless it is involving copulation. Handholding and cuddling makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Body heat is so discomforting. I really don’t want all of that list. I just want a few things from the list and I would be ok. Most of it I can not expect nor do I want. I am the provider of the household and I go to school. He spends time helping me study and honestly I just enjoy that kind of support. But like the top states. It is important for men to find out the specifics of what we personally see as enjoying. I often make sure to buy him steak when we have the money despite the fact that I am a vegetarian. I also know that he loves it when I try to play his video games with him. I personally would never expect all of this daily. Too much affection makes me uncomfortable. Well best wishes to all of you this list is definitely interesting.

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