A Pre-Marriage Checklist to Determine Readiness

Pixabay wedding-1222229_640It was a beautiful wedding—almost perfect. With gorgeous weather, an attractively decorated church, and heavenly music, the ceremony flowed smoothly. Megan, the bride, turned to her mother, and beamed, “Mom, wasn’t it just wonderful?” And Mom agreed.

But as the weeks and months passed by, Megan began to realize that while her wedding was perfect, her marriage wasn’t! In fact, she wondered why she and Michael hadn’t seen some of their problems coming long before they decided to marry.

I’m always interested in how married people respond to the question, “How long after you married did you realize that you were going to have serious problems?” To my surprise many say, “On our wedding day!” I remember Keri, a woman in her thirties, saying,

“As I was walking down the aisle, I realized we shouldn’t be getting married. I knew I wasn’t ready and I kept praying to God that when the pastor asked if there was anyone who had an objection, someone would stand up and say so. But no one did. So I went through with it, hoping things would get better. But they didn’t. They became worse! Finally we divorced.”

When I asked Keith how long it took after the wedding to understand that he and his wife were in for some difficult days, he told me it was on the second day of their honeymoon.

To learn more please read the following, written by Clyde M Narramore:

A PRE-MARRIAGE CHECK LIST

“When it comes to wedding planning, there is a tendency to focus on the minor details while neglecting the main point; planning the wedding, while neglecting to plan the marriage.”

To help you to better plan for the marriages, Debra Fileta gives you some important things to consider and talk about in the Crosswalk.com article (which you should seriously read):

10 THINGS YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

And then, something that many couples don’t consider and yet in this day of modern technology, it’s important to include in your pre-marriage checklist —talking together about your social media habits.

You may think this is a minor “whatever” point —that  it isn’t really, and won’t really be an issue with you and your spouse-to-be. But trust us when we tell you that the social media —the Internet, Facebook, cell phone usage and particular privacy (what each of you consider “your rights” in each of these areas), can bring a lot of conflict into your marriage.

Below is a link to an article written by K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky, who call themselves the “social media couple.” This will start you on your way to discussing matters that could significantly reveal your readiness in marrying. If you don’t hold the same values, if you both are on different pages when it comes to how much and how “private” you will be in your usage of the social media, then it would be best to at the very least to delay marrying.

Most couples wouldn’t want to think about this (especially if a wedding is already scheduled and mostly paid for), but you also don’t want to be in the same place the couple in the first article found themselves, where they realize they shouldn’t be marrying. It’s better to be honest with each other now and face potential problems at this point than live with major marriage problems later, when this could have been prevented.

So, please read and honestly discuss the issues raised by this next article by clicking onto:

FACEBOOKING DO’S AND DON’TS FOR ENGAGED COUPLES

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

FacebookLinkedInTwitterPinterestStumbleUpon

Filed under: Marriage Prep Tools

Join the Discussion

Please observe the following guidelines:

  • Try to be as positive as possible when you make a comment.
  • If there is name-calling, or profane language, it will be deleted.
  • The same goes with hurtful comments targeted at belittling others; we won't post them.
  • Recommendations for people to divorce will be edited out–that's a decision between them and God, not us.
  • If you have a criticism, please make it constructive.
  • Be mindful that this is an international ministry where cultural differences need to be considered.
  • Please honor the fact this is a Christ-centered web site.

We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content.

Comments

8 responses to “A Pre-Marriage Checklist to Determine Readiness

  1. (USA)  Hello. I dated my fiancee for 18 months before she accepted my marriage proposal. She broke it off after 5 months, and then we attempted to re-establish and resolve our problems for over a year. During our last attempt to save our relationship she became very ill, and met a man. 48 hours later he proposed, and they were married. They met, dated, discerned, and married in less than 60 days. She has three children.

    What is your opinion on this sudden turn of events? I find it reckless and dangerous for her and her children. How long should someone wait before marrying after a very serious, and deeply committed relationship?

  2. (UK)  I believe there is no timeline to “waiting for marriage”, Godly counsel is the best… Christian relationaships should not be dragged on for too long because that could cause the parties to fall, however, it should not be rushed either. I would say at least 6 months-12 months.

    1. (USA)  I disagree that relationships will fall out if drug on for too long. My parents were together for eleven years before they married. My grandparents have been together for 20 years and are not married. I have been with my fiancée for a year and we are still happy. We have our quirks and disagree about things but we work through them and are doing fine.

  3. (SOUTH AFRICA)  Couples need to get to know the other parties response to the harsh times before they get married. In actual fact, they have see how the other party is willing to endure the extreme and worst life circumstances from the external environment before they even think of marrying each other. Then one can really tell if you’re really meant to have a future together happily ever after. Otherwise, you will discover the most intolerable behaviors later when it’s already too late.

  4. (INDIA) The courtship period cannot be defined but one should marry as early as possible once you decide to marry to avoid any unlawful deeds. It is important to spend time with your fiancé but the real picture is revealed when you start staying with your spouse after marriage.

    So the key to any relation ship is accepting your partner with the qualities he has and what he/she doesn’t have. And your commitment with yourself that you will made it work with all your heart.

  5. Hi, Me and my fiancee are actually planning of tying the knot this year. I, as a woman, believed that the husband has the decision and I will be a second motion if in case I agreed on what he decide. Every woman wants her wedding to be perfect, and as beautiful as it can be and the wedding of the year. I am 6 months pregnant now, my husband decided that we will be having a judge do the wedding instead of a church wedding. I agreed to it even if I want a church wedding ever since, I agreed to it because I’m also practical; having a baby in my womb is easy how much more if this baby come out.

    So we told our parents about it, my side okayed to what the purpose was but his side told us “if we will spending money here, then we should spend it on a church wedding.” All his side wants a church wedding. And I was like “you can tell it to my husband. For me, he will decide on this. Whatever his decision is I respect it. Now we really don’t know where to start, how to start and what planning type should we do. Can you help us…Please.

    1. Keep it as simple as possible. With your pregnancy, you don’t need complicated, for your sake if no one else’s. Try to keep things as peaceable and nice as you can. From what I can tell, this will just be the beginning of in laws trying to tell you what they do or don’t want. Just try to not get too upset –to the best of your ability. You have a marriage and a new baby coming to concentrate on… The Lord is not honored if you fight over a church wedding… just keep that in mind.