The following are “Real Life” testimonies from people who have dealt with the heart-break of what Emotional Infidelity can do to a marriage.
We believe you will learn through what they have to say and will prayerfully find hope through reading their stories. Pray, read, and Learn. We pray you will!
EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY TESTIMONIES
• Allowing Wrong Thoughts is a Dangerous Step to Take
• I Didn’t Want My Husband Anymore
• Could I Forgive His Emotional Affair?
If God has given you a testimony which you could share with others, that may help them and encourage them somehow, we would love to hear from you— even if your testimony isn’t very long in length.
Please share your testimony with us by going to the CONTACT section and clicking on “Contact Us” and then writing it out for us there.
If you want to remain anonymous, please let us know. We will not to reveal your name and the name(s) of your loved ones if that is your wish. Our aim is to encourage others, not to embarrass anyone.
Thanks so much!
WE APPRECIATE YOU!!!
(SOUTH AFRICA) I had an emotional affair two years ago. I didn’t think it was wrong at the time and I didn’t realise that I was being sucked into something I never intended. At the time my husband was unavailable emotionally and we had a lot of work and family stress, but instead of speaking to him and drawing him out, I turned to another man for friendship. Nothing physical ever happened between us and we were both very clear that we would not cross that line, although we did flirt and that provided us both with an ego boost.
I never stopped loving my husband and I never thought of the other man as anything but a friend whom I was also attracted to –big mistake, because in reality this allowed me to close my eyes to the danger. By keeping this friendship secret from my husband, I betrayed his trust in me. Eventually I cut off all communication with the other man and I did tell my husband. I apologised to the other man’s wife for my disrespectful behavior and only then realised that despite claiming she knew about me, he had not told her either.
My husband and I worked on our marriage and our communication skills, and we got over it, mostly because we loved each other and believed ourselves to be soul mates. I hurt him terribly and I will regret it for the rest of my life. Even though there was no physical affair and no intention for one, I spent time that was meant for my husband with another man, and I shared my thoughts with that man. It is time I can never get back and give to my husband. It was thoughts and ideas that belonged with my husband and I can never undo that. My husband admitted that I had also become emotionally unavailable to him during our times of stress and he was tempted to stray. We had a wonderful marriage with only those two incidents blemishing our happiness. I would say on the whole, we were blessed to be together and to have found and loved each other. That was almost two years ago and in the intervening time we were happier than ever before.
My husband died unexpectedly a month ago and I feel such sorrow for the time I wasted on someone else. Such heartache for not spending every second with him, if only I’d know how limited my time was.
My love, I told you so many times how sorry I was, and I will say it every day for the rest of my life. I will tell you forever how blessed I was to be your wife and to be loved by you. I am sorry I didn’t see that 100% of the time. Please listen to me: if your marriage is not worth saving, walk away cleanly. If it is, and if you love your husband/wife, then stop wasting time on someone else because your time might be running out. Talk to each other and make it work again. I was lucky to have those final years of happiness with my husband, I was lucky to know him and to be loved and cherished by him. He was a very good man and I never lost sight of that, I just lost sight of us for a while. Stay focused on what you have and you will never have any regrets. I was lucky to get a second chance and I know that I will see my husband one day again.
(USA) My husband had an affair with a co-worker. I found out when his phone accidently dialed mine. I got to hear him flirting with her and then vulger talk, so dirty. I did not know he talked like this. He was talking about the different shapes of ice he could put up her because she was telling him how hot she was. I listened for 43 min. and my life was ruined. We have 4 kids and have been married for 21 yrs. Later I found out he was having sex talk with different women.
Now his main squeeze has been harrasing me. She has texted me over 200 times in 2 mo. I have begged him on my knees to tell her to stop and she won’t. She tells me how ugly and pathetic I am and that I need to die ect… He told her all about 1 of our sons, they sat at work and watched utube videos. Everyone knew about it. They are cops and now if there is an emergency I can’t call 911 because she can make sure that message doesn’t go through. I have serious health problems and he still did this. I don’t know why he won’t make her stop texting me. He won’t even report her. He says he doesn’t love her but yet he lets her hurt me.
He says he loves me but when I break down in tears he shows no compassion even though that is what I beg for. He has no emotion over my pain. He gets angry with me because I keep bringing it up. I want details and he leaves so much out. I have no one to talk to.
I knew something was wrong in my marriage when he stopped speaking to me and our sex life was nil. I tried asking him what was wrong but that would make him mad. When he was home he was on the computer, phone or video games. I can’t divorce him because we have no money but I live in agony everyday. Sorry so long, but there’s just so much more to the story.
(USA) Listen, if you call 911 in an emergency they will respond. Nobody is blocking 911 or intercepting your phone calls to them.
I think your husband is having multiple affairs and you may have mental health issues. Please visit a mental health professional and discuss your fears with them. You can live a happy fulfilling life if you get help.
(AUSTRALIA) Hello everyone, I’ve just encountered this site, and have been mesmerised by the posts. So many similarities to my own experience. The posts I’ve read thus far seem to be circa 2009… I wonder where you good folk are at now? I learned seven months ago that my husband was having an affair. We were doing great at the time (or so I thought), and had he not accidentally sent me a text that was meant for his ‘other woman’, I’m sure I’d still be none the wiser now. He could certainly play a convincing role, as my husband, lover and best friend.
I’ve been truly traumatised. He doesn’t live with me any more, and we’re going through property settlement. I still love him and want him back. I read everything I can get my hands on, but truly, betrayal/infidelity has to be the worst kind of emotional pain! And the loneliness is a killer. I have no desire whatsoever to find someone else. I love my husband. That’s all.
(USA) I’m sorry for your pain. Most affairs do die within 6 months. I encourage you to visit marriagebuilders.com and click on forum. Also read Surviving an Affair
by Dr Bill Harley.
(AUSTRALIA) Thanks HDW :-)) I’ve had a good look at the forum you mentioned, and will look at getting hold of the book. Thanks so much.
(USA) I recently found out that my husband kissed another woman at work and they continued to like each other for a long time. I always had a feeling about this but he always said they were just friends. I looked at the phone bills and saw how much they were talking. He said it would have never happened if we didn’t have our problems. He no longer talks to her and is really trying to make things better. I love him so much and I am trying too but I have so much pain and he doesnt want to talk about it.
(USA) Your husband had/is having an affair due to his poor boundaries around the opposite sex. He needs to quit his job and never see this woman again. This affair should also be exposed far and wide. Please read Surviving an Affair
by Dr Bill Harley and visit marriagebuilders.com for help from the forum. If you do not commit to following this program, his adulterous behaviors will continue.
It has been a difficult months for me, having to discover my husband was cheating on me with another woman who lived in another state and having to read through their text conversation every day for months. He also was so smitten with his co-worker that he text her on Facebook that he wished his wife was more like her.
When I finally confronted him, he said that it was a mistake, an outlet for him and it was my fault that lead him to his weak moments. I asked him to stop having any contact with that woman and limited his association with his co-worker. Immediately he unfriended the other woman from his Facebook. I was happy that he chose me than the other woman. What I didn’t know is that that morning, he created another secret Facebook account and added her in. He continued his liaison with this woman until I found out. I felt betrayed and deeply hurt.
Again, I confronted him and he said it was nothing but the conversation speaks otherwise. I told him he has to choose between me or the other woman. He deactivate the other Facebook account. I confronted both women and asked them to stop whatever they are doing with my husband. What happened next blew me out and destroyed whatever love I have left for him. He contacted the other woman to apologized that I called her. I just do not understand his actions and what has propelled him to do this to himself and to our marriage.
When his brother confronted him, he has agreed to stop all what he was doing and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage was dead years ago and now without trust and without love I do not see how God could do anything to it. I trusted God that He will resurrect what I deemed was dead. He said he wanted to work on our marriage but he spends more time on his Facebook than with me. He said that he wanted time out from me, I felt rejected. I was not the one who cheated. He shows no sign of wanting to do anything about our broken marriage. What am I to do in this situation? Don’t I have my insecurities that I needed affirmation?
Hello… (sorry if I’m all over the place). I’m lost in my marriage. My wife and I have been married almost three years and sad to say it has been very rocky. It got to where I had an emotional affair over text with a woman at work. I don’t know what I was thinking at the time because I have a wonderful wife. But we always argue and don’t see eye to eye at times and our communication is horrible with one another.
My wife found out what I did and I apologized and she took me back. But it wasn’t that easy and it’s still not easy for our daily lives. I’ve been honest with her about many things and she still thinks I’m lying to her when I’m not. She makes up her mind with my answer before even asking me a question.
I love her so much but I just don’t know how to show it all the time since I didn’t come from a affectionate family. I used to be a chronic lair but have asked God to forgive me for being that kind of sinner, and I’ve hated myself for the pain I’m putting my wife through.
I don’t know how to overcome this and have her love me and trust me again. I’m seeking all the help and counseling I can get and am getting closer to God. Sad to say, it feels as though things are still bad and won’t get better. No, God is not to blame. I put nothing bad on him. It’s me; I have to change, but I don’t know how.
My wife has been more than fair to me and is putting up with me, but she’s about to give up. I don’t have much time left. How do I get it right with her and keep it that way? I just need guidance.
Nilay, you really have some work to do, to be able to put this marriage into a better direction. But you can do it. Whatever you do though, please don’t give up… you promised in your wedding vows that you would show love to your wife for the rest of your life. So, if it takes the rest of your life to show your wife how much you love her and will be honest and loyal to her for the rest of your life, please persevere. You can do this Nilay. I wasn’t raised in a home where affection was shown either. But I learned. And I’ve known of others who have learned. You just have to become a student of marriage and a student of your wife. God can help you do this.
There are lots of good books, plus ideas on this web site, which you can learn from and apply. Please do so… be your wife’s hero. From this day forward, do what you can to invest yourself WITHIN your marriage, rather than apart from it.
Also, there are good articles, that you could find helpful in the “Surviving Infidelity” topic at: http://host.agencysrvr.com/~marriage/category/surviving-infidelity/. Even though this was “just” emotional adultery, it probably feels as much of a betrayal to your wife… women are like that. You need to man up and work on this, for her sake. Yes, it will be difficult, but it’s SO very worth it. One of the articles posted in that topic is, “Rebuilding Your Marriage After YOU Had the Affair.” It would be good to read, glean through, and apply what will work for your marriage. Ask your wife what SHE needs from you. That should help.
I congratulate you for working against being a chronic liar… that shows you have some good stuff in you, and that you CAN persevere past hard issues. Keep persevering. I pray the Lord helps you, inspires you, and shows you how to do what you need to do.