The following are Web Site Links and descriptions of resources for those of you dealing with an emotionally distant spouse. We pray they will help you in your marital situation:

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• Rejoiceministries.org This entire ministry, is designed to encourage and give hope to those who are standing in the gap believing God for a miracle in their marriages. They supply its reader’s more than 18 pages of testimonies of restored marriages and over 72 pages where you’re able to read individual letters of praise to God for answers to prayer and testimonies of God’s faithfulness through the various difficulties they’ve encountered in their marriages and families. You can read the testimonies and the stories of restored marriages by clicking into them from the side bar of the Home page of their web site.

• Retrouvaille.org. (meaning “rediscovery” and rhymes with pie) This is a program for couples with serious problems that are disillusioned, separated and/or on the brink of divorce. You’ll be helped by volunteer couples who have also “been to the brink” —who have experienced serious problems including affairs, alcoholism, gambling, violence, etc. or who have simply fallen out of love —but who have worked their way back. They’ll teach you how to fall back in love again and heal your own marriage and make it stronger than ever before. This successful program (85% when both partners work at it) teaches simple techniques of communication and exercises to work on forgiveness, healing, and restoration of trust.

The program begins with a weekend and includes 12 follow-up meetings over 3 months. These are not spiritual retreats, sensitivity groups, seminars or social gatherings —there are no counselors involved and you don’t have to say anything in front of anyone else. Couples discuss the topics and practice the skills in private. It has a blank envelope -donation system and is open to couples of all faiths and to the non-religious. For those in the USA: to find a program in your area call, 800-470-2230 or you can visit their web site.

RESOURCES:

• Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do – written by Dr Tim Clinton and Dr Gary Sibcy, published by Thomas Nelson. This book addresses why people feel and act the ways they do. The authors say that how successfully we form and maintain relationships throughout life is related to early issues of “attachment.” They cite four primary bonding styles that explain why people love, feel, and act they way they do. This book is for those who desire closeness, especially in the most intimate relationships: marriage, parenting, close friends, and ultimately with God.

• Because I Said Forever: Embracing Hope in an Imperfect Marriage -by Deb Kalmbach and Heather Kopp, published by Multnomah Publishers. This book is a compilation of true testimonies on various subjects of marriage lived out by different women who have and are living through some really tough situations and yet God has helped them to live victoriously despite the difficulties. The authors have done an excellent job of “applying biblical principles to the challenging issues involved in a difficult marriage.” Women who read this book will “understand how doing things God’s way brings fulfillment and peace, regardless of the circumstances.” Too often divorce becomes the prime option considered when marriage becomes really tough. The great thing about this book is it gives the readers some different biblically based options to consider.

• How We Love -written by Milan and Kay Yerkovich, published by Water Brook. The authors of this book “draw on the tool of an attachment theory to show how your early life experiences created an ‘intimacy imprint’ —an underlying blueprint that shapes your behavior, beliefs, and expectations of all relationships, especially your marriage. They identify four types of injured imprints that combine in marriage to trap couples in a repetitive dance of pain. The principles and solution-focused tools in this book will equip you to… – identify the imprints disrupting your marriage – understand how your love style impacts your mate – break free of negative patterns that hinder your relationship – enhance your sexual intimacy, and – create a deeper, richer marriage.”

• Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis, by Dr James Dobson, published by Multnomah Publishers. In this book, Dr. Dobson offers practical help for the spouse who wants to hold the marriage together. He shows how to rekindle romantic interest and draw the offending partner back home. For new generations faced with ever-increasing threats to stable and loving bonds, Love Must Be Tough offers realistic hope.

“Dr. Dobson’s premise of tough love, which essentially means defining and maintaining the line of respect around yourself, seems sound and practical. Applying it avoids the drawn-out, torturous emotions that go with living in a decaying relationship. Dobson makes the seemingly radical recommendation that people facing infidelity or other marital crisis of similar proportions precipitate a crisis to bring the situation to a boil. Dobson’s point is that that boil will very often restore the relationship. Precipitating the crisis shows your mettle, which commands respect and even admiration. This book is NO GUARANTEE that you will win your spouse or significant other back. But, like anything else, if you don’t do something you will more assuredly lose them anyway. Pray hard and read this book if you want to keep them. Learn to give them space.”

• Love & Respect – By Dr Emerson Eggerichs, a Focus on the Family Book, published by Integrity Publishers. This is a marriage book that makes a difference! It delivers a revolutionary message. People are saying about this book: “I’ve been married 35 years and have not heard this taught.” … “This is the key that I have been missing.” … “It caused a light bulb moment for me.” … “You connected all the dots for me.” … “As a counselor, I’ve never been so excited about any material.” … “You’re on to something huge here.” Discover the single greatest secret to a successful marriage: “Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find.” “Love and Respect” reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically. Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, have already taken the “Love and Respect” message across America and are changing the way couples talk to, think about, and treat each other.

•The Best Thing I Ever Did for My Marriage: 50 Real Life Stories -Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby, published by Multnomah Publishers. This book contains 50 eye-opening, often humorous true stories—including contributions from Cynthia Heald, Dee Brestin, Rosemary Jensen, and Donna Otto—that will inspire you with moments that build stronger marriages. It inspires you to: bring down walls between you and your husband, adjust to differences in your personalities, deal with the damage and heartbreak of betrayal, and go on living when everything goes terribly wrong. As the authors, Nancy Cobb and Connie Grisby say about this book (and we agree with) “You’re about to embark on an eye-opening journey that we believe you’ll walk away from feeling hopeful and inspired. The women in this book have walked in your shoes! With refreshing honesty and insight, they share the struggles in their marriages and what got them on track again. And the masks have been dropped! Regardless of whether every chapter applies to you or not, we think you’ll be encouraged and heartened. Each chapter offers insight to help you build a stronger marriage, while sharing inspirational truths about God’s design for your life.”

• The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope – written by Leslie Vernick, published by Waterbrook Press. This book is for any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage. In it, Leslie offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to: – identify damaging behaviors – gain the skills to respond wisely – promote healthy change – stay safe – understand when, why, and even how to leave (if that’s necessary) – recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you. This book comes HIGHLY recommended by many counselors.

• The Walk-Out Woman: When Your Heart is Empty and Your Dreams Are Lost, written by Dr Steve Stephens and Alice Gray, published by Multnomah. We HIGHLY recommend this book. It’s written for women who need practical and inspiring help to breathe new life into their marriages, which may seem hopeless. As the authors say, concerning this book, “We pray that you will recognize the symptoms and dangers of becoming a walk-out woman and that you will realize that it is not a path to happiness. Opening your heart to your marriage again is indeed a risk, but we believe it’s a risk worth taking. We want to help you understand your husband better and show some ways you can encourage him to listen to your hurts and anger. We want to help you understand more about yourself as well —why you may have started “keeping score” and how you have built a wall around your heart. We’ll talk about realistic and unrealistic expectations and the dangers of creating a new fantasy with someone else. We’ll also give you strategies for taking care of yourself, getting connected again with your husband, resolving conflict, dealing with anger and loss, remembering the good times, and pressing closer to the Lord.”

• The Wounded Woman: Hope and Healing for Those Who Hurt -written by Dr Steve Stephens and Pam Vredevelt, published by Multnomah Publishers. This is a good book for women filled who are finding it difficult to cope with some of the tragedies that plague them. It offers you the pathway to regain your footing, restart your life, recover your energy, and reclaim your joy. Contained within its pages are real-life testimonies that will guide you toward recovery and inspire you to press forward in new found strength —not in spite of your wounds but because of them. As Dr Stephens says, “We cannot change the past. What has occurred —with all of its hurt, injustice, cruelty, disappointment, and tragedy —has slipped into history, beyond our control. Even so, we can change how we view the painful realities that have touched our life and what we say to ourselves about those realities.” The mission of this book is to help you move forward as you work through your pain, “reminding you that there is hope —that you’re not alone. God never promised to keep us from wounds, but He did promise to be with us and to help us heal.”

• When Love Dies How To Save A Hopeless Marriage -written by Judy Bodmer, published by Word Publishing. This is a refreshing, honest look at one woman’s journey to the edge of divorce, her commitment to stay even though she didn’t feel like it, and her eventual rediscovery of the love that she thought had died. Some of the subjects she discusses from her own experience are: You Don’t Know How Bad Things Are; You Don’t Know My Husband; I Can’t Forgive or Forget, I Can’t Change the Way I Feel; I had So Many Dreams; I Don’t Love Him; We Can’t Talk; I Feel So Angry; I Married the Wrong Man; I Don’t Want Him to Touch Me; I Don’t Feel Loved; and I Just Want to Be Happy.

• When Work and Family Collide -written by Andy Stanley, published by Multnomah Publishers. This book presents a strategic plan for resolving the tension between work and home. You’ll find ways to deal with the busyness that wreaks havoc with the relationships you consider most important. As Dr John Maxwell says about this book [which we agree]: “This is a life-changing book and extremely relevant to our modern way of life. Author Andy Stanley confronts us with truth and transparency. Just as he had made a commitment in his own life to balance his family time with his work, he encourages us to make similar commitments. One of the main reasons it is life changing is because a godly man who makes choices in his own life to never sacrifice his family for success has written it. If he wins the world but loses his family, what has he gained? Every couple, every parent, and every leader needs to read this book and consider the question: Who wins when my family and work collide?”