Comments on: Quotes on “Extramarital Affair” Sat, 04 Jul 2015 23:24:53 +0000 hourly 1 By: Zea<span class="comment-author-location"> from Philippines</span> from Philippines]]> Sun, 24 May 2015 08:17:52 +0000 I am married for 5 years and pregnant for our first baby. Before we got married I knew that my husband had a long time illicit affair with a single mom colleague. I decided to marry him because he promised me that he’d choose me and he’d finish his relationship with this woman.

After two years I discovered that they still had a secret affair and found out that they had their own mobile phones for their commmunication purposes. I chose to stop nagging him and do my part as a good wife. He never gave me his money so I decided to work to support my personal needs. On the other hand since he is the one who responsible for all the expenses, I don’t even force him to gave me an allowance. We’re living in the house with his father.

The hardest part is, I know that until now that woman and my husband had a relationship secretly. One day, I saw my husband’s facebook and found out that his woman is there and I saw a lot of pictures of them. That facebook page is also a secret. The question is, who among them who don’t want to move on? Why is my husband still holding on to her? What will I do? Set them free and try to move on myself? Please give me advice on this matter because I really want to be enlightened on this matter for the sake of my child.

By: Sad<span class="comment-author-location"> from South Africa</span> from South Africa]]> Fri, 17 Jan 2014 14:42:04 +0000 You are destroying the life, the very personhood of his wife and you have the potential to scar his young children for life! So PLEASE stop this – I beg you!

By: Nathalie Tue, 13 Nov 2012 18:42:52 +0000 (PHILIPPINES) Hi, I have been married for two years. Before that, my husband and I lived together for 3 years before getting married. We have a 4-year-old son. He has cheated on me before and that has passed. I had forgiven him but I had not forgotten about it. First time he cheated, I wanted to walk out the door. But I still loved him and I want my son to have a complete family. When he asked for forgiveness during that time, I told him I would be in control. He cannot be friends with women and he cannot go out to drink.

First year after the first affair, he has proven that I can trust him and he followed everything I said. After that I became a little loose but still in control. He tells me everything and we were together 24/7 because we also work in the same office. 2nd and 3rd year after the first affair, he can go out but only with trusted men (those who will never allow their friend to stray -only 2). He is also allowed to play basketball. He has been very loving and I admit he lost friends along the way because I did not trust him and he knew that. But for this year, he said he was fed up trying to earn my trust.

There has been 3-4 accounts wherein when we fought he walked out the door and returned only after several hours. He told me what he was doing during those times. He said he just wanted a breather… I was already suffocating him. I immediately began to feel worried that he might stray because of what I was doing. So I let him out when he wants but still with conditions. I immediately had to give my trust and give the benefit of the doubt. I learned that I loved him so much that I can forgive his sudden change in behavior. I learned to be more patient and let him be.

The first time that he walked out the door during the argument was 3-4 months ago… ever since then I felt and he did admit that there are times that he is already confused if he still loves me or he’s just staying because of pity. There are also times within those 3-4 months that he said he still loves me and would still want us to grow old together happy. I can see the effort in him to make me happy although he said that during the first time (within this 3-4 months) he feels forced to do it. But now he is willing to work it out for our family. Just a couple of days ago he confessed he is currently having an affair… and that the moments that we fought or some moments I let him go out, he is with her. She knows that he is already married.

As he was talking, I did not became angry with him, I just cried. He said he’s sorry that he hurt me and he just cannot keep the lie anymore. I asked him what he wants and he said, the other girl makes him happy and he’s not yet ready to let her go. I asked him to stop seeing her because it’s a sin. He said he knows how wrong it is but he just wants to be happy. He told me that he can say to me that he will stop but then again he would start lying to me again and he would be consumed wth the lie that eventually he would have to leave me… and he does not want to do that because he knows we can still fix it.

I asked about the girl and he said he will not give out any info about her and how they met… but he admitted sleeping with her. He said that before confessing, he didn’t know what to do. But after seeing how much I love and how forgiving I have been, he said that whatever he has with the girl, he will be ending it. He told me that he thinks that this is just a phase and he is more than willing to stay with me much more than before. We did have an agreement and I am not sure if this agreement that we have is right (still definitely painful)… since he does not want to end it with her yet, and he does not want to lie to me as well.

we agreed that i will let him do as he pleases once every 2 weeks for 6 hours and no communication with the other person whatsoever during the time he is with me… and he will be the best husband he can be while he is with me and there will be nothing more with the other woman except for sleeping with her. He said to be patient with him and that it will be over, hopefully soon.

Right now, I am just praying and praying that everything will come to pass. I trust that God will enlighten my husband’s jugdment in His time. I just don’t know how to cope with what I have found out. There are moments that I regret knowing about it. But I did pray to God that if I need to know something about my husband, it will be according to God’s time. He did answer my prayer that he let my husband tell me all about it. I just don’t know how to deal with this… knowing that he will be with her every 2 weeks.

By: Lola Mon, 23 Jul 2012 13:42:44 +0000 (NIGERIA) I just found that my husband is having an affair; I feel so hurt and heart broken. It’s just so painful as our marriage is just 2 years old. We courted for 4 years and he used to love me so much then, but in the last 5 months everything has been different and to make matters worse he isn’t a religious person, which makes it more difficult to communicate with him.

By: Charles Wed, 04 Jul 2012 22:14:11 +0000 (UK) Hi Cindy and Steve, In my pain I tried to look for answers on the internet. My own head was so full it couldn’t hear from God. That was how I came to stumble on your website. What you are doing is a great ministry. May the Lord really bless you for this invaluable and excellent work you are doing. I would have come back to you earlier but I was so anxious about getting a response from you or someone that I was continuously monitoring my computer but forgot that I that I needed to refresh the webpage in order for it to be updated. It was later on it occurred to me to do so.

I have been deeply touched by your expression of genuine concern and understanding. You have put yourself in my situation and felt with me how I have felt. You have shown sincere empathy and this has brought me a lot of strength and an appreciation that someone truly cares as God cares. I thank you very much indeed. May God bless and reward you bountifully for this great service to humanity; to people like me. Somehow I believe you have been praying for me because I feel much differently now than before; I feel better. You used your time and resources to do this including consulting on my behalf; your labour in the Lord will not go unrewarded.

With respect to my son, when I first got proof of what I had been strongly suspecting was going on, I first went to a quiet place with my son and told him I felt he looked worried and that he looked like there was something worrying him but he said he was alright. I insisted he really looked a worried and troubled person. I asked if that had to do with something a member of our family was doing. He was adamant he was all right. I then told him I’d come across evidence that strongly suggested he was being molested by his mum and went on to confront him with the evidence but he still denied it. I wanted to take him out of the house but that would have given her a free range.

I tried hard in the days following to nick this shameful and abominable issue in the bud once and for all by confronting his mum again and again. It spilled out into the open within the family; the rest of the family knew about it. I even threatened taking the issue to the police. I was in great shock and have been since then. I felt betrayed; for the people I trusted the most to have done that to me hurt the most… but my greatest concern was about the destruction being done to my son. I realise I could have done more to protect him.

I had hoped against hope that it was going to the end but it’s gone on and on. However, this last episode has brought it all back again -opened up the healing wounds.

I really appreciate your Godly counsel and I am considering my options. Please remember me in your prayers. This is one thing I could have done without but that was not to be. My dream for my family looks shattered; May God’s will be done. God bless you all for the support. God bless.

By: Steve Wright Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:48:18 +0000 Charles, I want to add to what Cindy has shared with you. If I put myself in your place I can’t even begin to imagine the feelings of betrayal you have carried with you over the years. My heart aches for you. But I also want to exhort you, brother-to-brother; man-to-man, that you have got to “Man Up!”

I talked with a counselor friend of mine about this and asked if you, as a person “who counsels others” (perhaps not a licensed counselor) would be obligated by law to report a situation like this if someone told you about it in a counseling session. They said, “absolutely.” Furthermore, by not reporting it you could technically be held accountable as being an “accessory to a crime.” Now, my counselor friend said the laws differ from state to state, but even if you weren’t compelled by law, ethically, you are.

Unfortunately, Charles, there is no “happy ending” to this story for anyone. You need to brace yourself for what will come when you do the right thing. You need to seek out legal counsel for yourself. And while there is no happy ending, God can still redeem this horrible thing.

I believe God brought you to our web site for a specific purpose –To have us help shed light and truth on this for you. This has to have been eating you alive and when you take the first step to defeat the hold satan has on your wife and son, you will begin to experience the “peace that passes all worldly understanding” that comes ONLY through Christ.

One last thought, your son needs to see his dad take a stand for what is right, even though it may destroy your personal ministry. Someone once said, “I have the very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate –it’s apathy.” If you love your son, please don’t be apathetic about this anymore. -Steve Wright

By: Cindy Wright Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:45:22 +0000 Charles, What your wife is doing is disturbing on so many levels. I can only imagine how torn apart you are inside. Most anyone would be! Please know though, that what she is doing is not only wrong –sinful, it’s incest. And it began at a time when your son was a minor, so it’s something she could go to jail for. If a man should go to jail for having sex with his daughter, a woman should go to jail for having sex with her son. This is sick, sick behavior.

By your living with your wife under these conditions, I need to tell you that you are enabling her sick behavior. She puts no limits on her behavior. She will sleep with her sister’s husband, and now she is sleeping with your son — and it started when he was a minor. If she robbed a bank and you were with her at the time, you could get arrested with her for contributing to the crime. It’s the same here. By your living with your wife while she’s having a sexual relationship with her and your son, you can be considered a contributor –even though you’re vehemently opposed to it and very hurt. You know something wrong is going on –you have the surveillance evidence and yet you’re still living in the same residence. Of course she will deny it. She’s committing adultery. That makes her a cheater and cheaters lie. They cheat and they lie. And yet she is not remorseful and moves from one relative to another –now her own son! How sick!!!

You say that you counsel people. Please ask yourself, “what advice would I give to someone who presented this scenario to me, to give them counsel? Would I tell them just to stay and grieve, or would I tell them to take some kind of action?” I would certainly tell them to take action. And I wonder, how would you feel if you knew that you were going to a counselor and he was giving you advice and yet his own home had this going on and he did nothing? Would you feel good about his counsel? I wouldn’t. I’d say, “counselor, heal your own home first.” You can’t MAKE your wife do what is right, but you can at least confront it and leave that sinful situation –wipe the dust off your feet and try to reach out to your son, if it’s possible. He needs help. His mother may not face the truth and reach out for help, but your son needs the invitation to get help.

In knowing a number of victims who have had a parent make sexual advances and take sexual advantage, I can tell you that later in life they look back and wonder if that other parent knew what was going on. And then they are plagued with the thought, “Didn’t that parent care enough to protect me? I was a minor. Wasn’t I worthy of love and protection from that parent?” Even though your son is not a minor at this point, I wonder what he’s going to think about you –especially as he gets older. And I wonder what he will think of your being God’s “light in this world” if you stepped back in the shadows while you knew deep inside (and even have surveillance evidence) that this was going on? And how will this affect him if he ever marries and has a child? This will scar him for life –you have to know this. And if you don’t bring this out into the light and NOT live in the same home where this is happening, I believe this could seriously twist his thoughts around.

This is the type of thing that brings suicidal thoughts into one’s mind. How does you son sort this out? This is his mother and yet this is your wife. He has cheated on his dad with his mother. Why did she put him in this place? Why did his body betray him to respond to her approaches? A mother is supposed to protect and nurture, not seduce and perpetuate sexual behavior with her son. Why didn’t his dad step in and stop his mother and his wife? Those are all questions (plus there are more) that will haunt him. Yes, he is considered an adult now, but this started before he became “of age.” He has to be having a lot of sick ideas and questions rolling around in his head about his mother, his home life, and his father not protecting him.

Charles, I’m not trying to guilt you into thinking that this is your fault. I don’t believe that at all. You are a victim here of a wife and mother who is sick in what she is doing. But I am trying to shed light upon this so you can see that you are burying your voice. You are burying your head in the sand like an ostrich, hoping it will all go away. It won’t go away. This MUST be dealt with, or it will spiral even further down and will eventually hurt, even worse, everyone close to it. (Think of what happened to Tamar and the family, when David didn’t confront this mess –it spiraled into even worse consequences for the family and others.) The enemy of our faith will make sure that this won’t just go away. If you are helping others come to a better place in their lives and spiritual walk, you have a big target painted on you to take you down. Right now, the ministry you have –that which you feel called to, needs to be put on a back burner. You have a mess at home that needs your attention. You need wisdom, strength, discernment, boldness, a steadfast spirit to confront evil, and the resolve to persevere in working on this issue –taking what has been done out of the darkness –exposing it to the Light, and doing what needs to be done so darkness does not go on in the home you reside. You need to say, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord…” and even if the place where you live is small and contains only you, at least it is a sanctuary, and not a den of lies and cheating.

I can’t tell you what to do, other than to pray and to prayerfully and carefully make sure you are not living in a place where such sick behavior is allowed to go on. Please don’t hide in the shadows, but step into the light and expose wrong for what it is and don’t allow yourself to have any part of it, even as a stand-by victim. I’m praying for you that God will help you to find your voice and especially reach out to your son, offering help and the love of God, if he will accept it. I’m praying God will help you in this distressing matter. My heart goes out to you and to your family situation. May help and hope be embraced.

By: Charles Sun, 01 Jul 2012 20:32:02 +0000 (UK) My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. Less than 4 years into our marriage she had an affair with her sister’s husband in whose house were residing as guests. She blatantly denied it although years after her accomplice admitted it. I tried to put up with it but the pain of it has never really healed; we have never really known true joy for any substantial amount of time as the issue keeps rearing its ugly head every now and then. I struggled to trust her.

As if this was not enough, three years ago, she started an affair with our then 17 year old son who lives with us; yes, I said SON! This affair continues to this day despite speaking openly to her about it, gathering incriminating surveillance evidence on it. She still denies it and shows no remorse whatever. My son’s self-esteem and confidence have all been eaten away. Among my children, this was the one who clearly from an early age showed greater love for God and indications of God’s hand upon his live.

I have tried to live with it and to get on with my life because of fear of the damage this issue could do to my family and its image. I have not been able to envisage a divorce because of the damage it could do to my ministry as I believe there is a calling of God on my life.

After a couple of months’ break from the affair or so I thought, I’d hoped it was probably now over. I began to recover and to get my emotional strength back as I suffered from emotional and physical burn out. However, this was not to be. Only this week they resumed the affair and now it hurts more ever before. Please do not write me off as suffering from petty jealousy; I have surveillance evidence of wrong doing of the highest order.

I am a person of a great prayer life and have always drawn strength and grace from God but it’s now becoming too much for me. I have taken the first step of moving to a separate room in our house but I am not sure if even that is not a step too far; I do not want to offend my God nor cease to be light in this world; I also feel this issue which should not even be mentioned among unbelievers is extremely shameful a thing which if exposed, could harm the image of my family permanently; it is considered an abomination in God, the Church and Society.

I do give counsel to others but I am coming to my wit’s end on this matter and I am running out of steam. Please someone pray for us. I have become emotional now; I have always wanted to hold on to my wedding vow to end. As far as I can remember, there has never been a divorce in my family; at least from my grandparents down but I am only hanging out in there not wanting to be the first. Most of them did not have Christ; I do. Just what should I do? Please help.

By: Cindy Wright Thu, 21 Jun 2012 14:15:52 +0000 Marchguiel, I’m not sure why you would write what you did on this web site. Are you trying to justify your affair? Your husband was wrong for having an affair –actually 3 or more affairs. He was absolutely wrong. And he was wrong in treating you like he did –absolutely wrong. But your pain in having been cheated on and treated in such an uncaring manner, does not justify your having an affair… and ESPECIALLY with a married man. It’s like you’re helping to spread the hurt around. You say you care about his “family and reputation” … really? I think your husband cares about him and you care about you and whoever gets hurt in the process, and whatever wrong-doing goes on, oh well! As long as there is “love” going on between those who decide, it seems to be ok with you. It’s not ok with God.

Cheating is cheating. Your husband did wrong. You did wrong and you are doing wrong. That’s the truth. A married person is not to betray their spouse, no matter what is happening within the marriage. You are not this man’s wife. You are not to be spending time with him. And nothing you say can justify it. And you know that. May God help you to wake up and stop this line of cheating –whether you think you “love” this man or any man, or not. It is wrong.

By: Marchguiel Thu, 21 Jun 2012 12:18:24 +0000 (SAUDI ARABIA) I am married for 13 yrs now… but it is on the rocks. My husband cheated on me 3 times… coz I was not by his side physically. I am working abroad. The first til the third time I accepted his asking for forgiveness and starting all over again, but in between that situation every time I called him cause I missed him so much, it’s either he’s busy w/ his friends or him telling me, “go and find another man who will do it for you.” I was so hurt that until now it really made me feel so humiliated.

I really tried to reach out just to settle things, and again he said those lines. Since then (4 yrs ago) slowly and gradually I detached myself from him physically and now emotionally, I am not attached w/ him. I moved on but we don’t separate cause I asked him to, but he doesn’t want to. And now he’s trying to win back my feelings again. I don’t love him anymore. And the truth is I have a boyfriend who is married also. I know in my heart that we love each other… because we tried to stop this but circumstances led us to this situation, for him.

Still his family is important even for me too… I love my kids… that’s why I opted to have this secret relationship rather than be out in public w/ him cause I don’t want to ruin his reputation and family though he asked me many times that we should live together here in abroad. I love him. Even if we are not together I don’t mind… as long as we communicate thru mobile. That’s enough for me. When I had a problem… my boyfriend helped me even with my medical check up expenses. I always remind him that we are both working and earning money so theres’s no need for him to help me w/ financial matters. Still, he offers. He didn’t know I kept it in case he needs it.

So material things are not an issue to both of us, even being physical intimacy, cause sometimes he or even me will remind that something like that shouldn’t happen again. We confided our problems openly to each other. He always tell me, having physical contact is not a gauge to express how he loves me… so in that way I love him.