Marriage Missions International

Testimony From Someone Who Committed Adultery

Photo by Imagerymajestic, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Photo by Imagerymajestic, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I never really thought I was a prime candidate for adultery. I was committed to our marriage, and I didn’t think I was what you would call “high risk.” So how did I get there?

The best description I ever heard was “baby steps.” I let myself get into a position of innocent intimacy with another female. Our conversations were innocent enough —family, friends, and ministry. But one baby step led to another and to another, and before I could turn and run, I was in way too deep. Falling was much easier than I’d ever believed possible. And at that point in our marriage, I was angry with Mona for putting me on the back burner of her priorities. I could point to many reasons why I could be angry with her, but the bottom line is that I felt she didn’t want me in any way at all.

But she was my wife. I loved her. I had made a commitment to her before God when we said our marriage vows. “I’m in for life,” I always said. But adultery changed things. When God brought me to that point of brokenness and it was time to get this all out in the open, I felt a sense of commitment that I knew could only come from God. I would use all my strength to convince Mona I was here to stay, and nothing she could do or say would change that. And boy, did I find out that she could do and say plenty! It had to be God’s strength that fashioned in me what I called “armadillo skin.” She used words I had never heard her say before. But I was committed.

After a few months on this plane, I found out what commitment was all about. I had started out with a purposed and diligent attitude. I was there at all hours —and I mean all hours —with answers to her questions. I talked and explained until I ran out of words. And then I got mad.

“Here we go again”, I thought. I was angry and tired. It wasn’t going like I’d thought it would. I’d figured if I could just get right with God and confess my sin, he would reward me with a healing process. I had sinned, yes, but I had also obeyed and dealt with the sin honestly—with God and with Mona and with my church.

I had done everything the way I was supposed to, yet the situation just wouldn’t get any better. I had expected a rocky road, but I hadn’t expected the road to get steeper and more treacherous with time. It seemed the more I tried to smooth things over, the angrier Mona got. Her barrage of questions continued to increase, and my anger reached new depths. I had committed the sin, yes, but how much punishment was I supposed to take?

After a few months, the shock wore off for Mona. I think she honestly wanted to forgive me and keep the marriage going, but as she became convinced of my sincerity, she grew angrier and more demanding. She insisted that I spend every waking moment convincing her I was here for the duration, that I wasn’t going to quit. And I had better answer every question exactly as I had answered that same question the last time and the time before and the time before. Any slight variance in my answer was cause for suspicion. Why had my answer changed? What wasn’t I telling her? What lie had I just been caught in? It was an endless assault.

Is this the life, the wife, I can expect from here on out? Am I to never be more than her whipping boy? It seemed the further we went into the supposed healing process, the further we went from a marriage partnership. I was beginning to lose hope. Quite frankly, if this was the way our lives were going to be, I wasn’t interested.

So what’s up with this, God? You brought me through for this? You’ve guided me —here? I’ve been faithful in every way since my confession. So where are you? Where is your mighty healing power? I thought you were on my side.

As I sat there screaming this prayer to God, I began to feel guilty. Who was I? The adulterer! The infidel! Who was I to think I deserved anything better? The issues that had brought Mona and me here were becoming more evident to me, and I was beginning to understand why couples didn’t survive infidelity. I was questioning our survival for the first time.

God’s allowance of divorce for adultery was beginning to make sense. The wounds were so deep for both of us. The intense pain pushed me to think about self-preservation and less about “us” preservation. But through all this I knew in my spirit that God wanted us to survive; it was in his will for our marriage to make it. But where are you, God? Where are you now?

Then I heard His still, quiet voice say, “I’m right here. And Gary, I’d rather have you right here, angry with Me, than not here with Me at all.”

Those few words spoke volumes to me, that picture of a loving Father wanting His angry son. How gracious He is. My anger didn’t push Him away. Our relationship meant more to Him than how I was behaving at the moment or how I had behaved in the past. His was the ultimate example of commitment.

Within a few short moments, a rush of understanding flooded my mind and heart. Suddenly I saw the parallel of my relationship with God in my relationship with Mona. The agape, self-sacrificial love that God has for me was the only model I could follow to get us through this crisis. It wasn’t going to come from me, but from Him through me. The only thing I had to do was to stay committed to God, to Mona, and to our marriage recovery. Not in my strength, Lord, but in Yours.

This article comes from the book, UNFAITHFUL… Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity —by Gary and Mona Shriver, published by Life Journey, an imprint of Cook Communications Ministries, and Kingsway Communications. This is an absolutely terrific book! We can’t recommend it highly enough! It’s written by a couple who have been through this horrible experience themselves. “More than ten years ago, Gary Shriver shocked his wife Mona, with a confession of his three-year affair —as well as a one-night stand.” It devastated their marriage! After Gary’s confession they struggled to keep their marriage together with all the strength they could muster and the Lord’s very real help!

This particular article was part of Gary’s testimony. Because of copyright privilege, we can’t include everything he had to say on this subject but we’d REALLY recommend if you can get the book to do so because he has a lot more to say throughout the book that will help others who have committed adultery. Also, the things that his wife Mona writes about will give further insight also —for those who have committed adultery and those who are the victims. The authors Gary and Mona can be reached at www.hopeandhealing.us.

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163 Responses to “Testimony From Someone Who Committed Adultery”
  1. Lisa from United States says:

    My prayers to everyone on here who has dealt with the gut-wrenching blow of infidelity/adultery. Whether you were the victim or the culprit… it’s still quite a hurdle to get over. One of the most important things to remember, as a child of the Almighty Living God, we are called to walk in forgiveness. It’s not if you want to, it’s a command! And yes, adultery is heavily laden with all kinds of emotions that leave wounds and scars, but God is a healer! He is a protector! He is our Father!

    I’m not speaking from the sidelines. I’m in a marriage (considered a newlywed) and my husband has had multiple affairs, AND abandoned the home. Out of my anger, resentment and pure RAGE… I filed for divorce. But God is a God of RESTORATION and SECOND CHANCES! If we will be still and seek God, listen and obey God… then as the body of Christ, we can turn the statistics around! The Christian divorce rate is ridiculously high and I honestly believe it’s because we aren’t WAITING for God as we should be. As humans, and in this society/culture… we want everything yesterday and we don’t want to sacrifice anything! But if we would earnestly seek God and His direction and instruction, and WAIT for Him to move and guide us… we would experience unfailing, unbelievable, extraordinary blessings.

    I encourage you all to continue to seek God, trust God and meditate on His promises (the word of God). I lift you all up in prayer and ask God through His son Jesus, to heal, deliver and set free everyone enslaved in yokes of bondage, temptation and darkness! I pray that the Lord bestows beauty for your ashes, and I urge you to stand on His faithful word. God will restore and make up for the years the locusts have eaten! God Bless all of us, Amen!

  2. Hurting from Trinidad and Tobago says:

    Hi all, I am a Christian; my husband isn’t. We have a three year old son… a child we longed for for 8 years. In 2011 when my son was 8 months old I found out my husband was having an affair with a married woman. It started off as requests for photos of herself in her underwear or with body parts exposed and they had one sexual encounter. I found out after going through his phone and finding the pics.

    When he was confronted he said it meant nothing and he never did anything with her. Mind you, I got all of the particulars regarding their relationship from her. Nevertheless, I decided to take him back on Father’s day of 2011 on the belief that we would get counselling to help us work through the issue. It never happened. I felt betrayed. This affected my health and I had several trips to the hospital for anxiety attacks. After one of my many emotional breakdowns in December 2011 my husband packed up and went by his parents. He stayed there from that time to present. All the while his mom was diagnosed with cancer, and we were supposedly trying to work on reconcilliaton via seeing a counsellor.

    Throughout the process though my husband seemed comfortable in his present state. He was also taking more of an interest in how he dressed and seemed exceptionally happy. I found out in June of this year that he had been having an affair with a then 27 year old woman from his office that spanned the course of 1 year. I found out through this woman who sent me a note with a confined pregnancy ultrasound at my office.

    My husband’s mother died in April of this year and throughout her illness they had been intimate downstairs where he stayed. Money was paid for her to abort the pregnancy… no clue if this is really so. I want no part of this. How does one trust someone who has devastated them to the extent that he has? I believe in the permanence of marriage. He says he wants his family. Do I give him another chance? I need to be sure I am doing what God expects me to do. I don’t know of he will make contact with this person again. He is not forthcoming with information. He wants to put it behind him and move on.

    • Cynthia from United States says:

      I’m so sorry you went through this. If I may ask, did you give him another chance? I am in a very similar situation and I don’t know what God wants from me.

  3. Brad from United States says:

    I’ll start off by saying that when my girlfriend and I began seeing each other, we were both nonbelievers. We had two children together, talked about marriage but could never afford the marriage she wanted and was important to her. About three years ago, after we had our children, she became born again. At first I had no interest in being born again but remained very supportive as I LOVED the changes she was making. She was becoming not just a good person but a great person. I occasionally went to church with her to support her but maintained in the nicest way possible that being a Christian wasn’t for me. I’ve never hurt anyone, robbed anyone or done anything so heinous that I felt a need to ask anyone for forgiveness.

    After about a year, she felt I was never going to become a Christian and left me. I was devastated. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman and now she was leaving me because of something I had no control over. Shortly after that, she started dating a Christian guy she met at church. It didn’t take long for them to move in together and start having sex, before they were married. I took her back. To make a long story short, for the last 2 years, our relationship has been a series of her cheating or leaving me for a Christian and then asking me to take her back. We recently reconciled after the latest infidelity and things have been ok until recently.

    After a poignant trip to church, she came home and declared that we will NEVER get married until I’m a Christian, we are not going to be intimate in any way shape or form (including kissing)and if I can’t handle that, there’s the door. I told her I understood if she wanted to do that if she felt bad after sex and that I would deal with it. So here’s the problem I’ve been having: I told her I want to keep our family together and that I’m open to the idea of accepting Jesus. I asked her to pray with me, she said no. That was something I’d have to do on my own. Any help I’ve asked her concerning born again, she’s been nothing but skeptical and says no. I’ve been praying for strength and guidance, I tell her this and she says because I haven’t been saved, God can’t hear me. That before I ask for help, I have to praise his glory.

    How can I praise his glory if I don’t believe yet? Since she made this declaration she’s been treating me like garbage. She was always completely honest when it came to cheating and she swears she’s not cheating and she doesn’t necessarily want to break up, but doesn’t seem to care at all about me. Her friends from church she is so sweet to, but I get nothing but attitude and indifference. I use every chance I get to try and make her happy and she says she appreciates what I do but doesn’t act like it at all.

    So my questions are when I pray, how do I praise God when I’ve asked him to come into my heart, been praying a lot over the last 3 weeks and reading the Bible and I don’t feel free? My anxiety is just as sky high since before I started asking for this change and I’m still as confused and I don’t know what to do. Also, I understand warning Christians not to be in relationships with nonbelievers, but what happens when people commit to each other before one of them becomes born again? I love her, I’ve never cheated on her and now because she’s born again it’s ok for me to be left out in the cold? I didn’t understand. God is supposed to be about love but I’m hurt because of her change. How am I supposed to praise God when the dogma of Christianity is tearing my family apart?

    • Steve Wright from United States says:

      Brad, you need to know that I am not a counselor so please don’t take my thoughts as “counseling.” What I will tell you is that I would be extremely concerned about any person who says they are “born-again” and continues to move from relationship to relationship (having sex along the way). I would ask them to show me in the Bible where it says that God honors that kind of behavior. I would also be very concerned about someone trying to use their “Christianity” as a club to get someone else to accept Christ into their lives. Again, I would ask them to show me in the Bible where this is taught.

      To me, Brad, it sounds like your girlfriend is – at best – very weak in her understanding of Biblical truth and she probably told you she wouldn’t help you come to Christ when you asked because she wasn’t sure herself. I can’t imagine a true Christ-follower ever saying that to someone who is seeking to REALLY know Jesus. And either the church she attends isn’t teaching the “Truth” of God’s word, or she isn’t listening when it is taught and she takes what she wants to believe from the scripture while still holding onto many worldly behaviors. She is what the Bible calls a “double-minded” person.

      She told you that God “can’t hear you” until you give your heart to Him. The truth is God always hears the prayers of a person who is honestly seeking Him in truth. I believe that’s why you have all these questions and why you searched the Internet and found our web site. God wants you to know Him – the REAL God and not some half-truths trying to scare you into a relationship with Him.

      I was 24 when I came to realization that I needed Jesus Christ to come into my life to change me. I hadn’t robbed anyone, or hurt anyone (intentionally) or done anything heinous and I considered myself to be a really good person, too. But my marriage was about to end, I had major health issues and I realized as long as I stayed in “control” of my life it would end in disaster -or an early death. That’s when Jesus came to me and I realized that the answers were in Him and I surrendered my life to Him. That was in 1974. So, if you do the math, I’ve been a Christ-follower for 40 years now.

      I would never tell anyone it’s easy to be a Christian. It wasn’t easy for Jesus – or His disciples, or Paul, or millions of His followers before me, so I can’t expect that He’s going to give me an easy life. What He HAS given me is a full life – full of hope, and peace and an assurance that if I make it my goal to live my life to His glory, I can never go wrong. Please don’t misunderstand me, I still do things I shouldn’t but Jesus knows that is not my desire and so I know I have the assurance of His forgiveness when I mess up. And the woman I almost divorced has been my loving wife now for 42 years and God has allowed us the privilege to have this web based marriage ministry. I promise you – none of this would have happened if Cindy and I had not given our hearts and lives fully to Christ.

      What I want to suggest to you, Brad, is to contact one or more of the following resources who can give you the REAL path to answer your questions and doubts and introduce you to the ONE who has been waiting for you all these years. He knew you before you were created and He has had a plan for your life all along. We often refer “seekers” like yourself to a place called NEED HIM. You can either call them at 1-800-NEED-HIM or you can go to http://www.NEEDHIM.com. The other place you can call to talk with someone -a counselor (for free) -is a place called Focus On The Family. You can call them toll free at 1-800-A-FAMILY. Just tell them you have some questions about Jesus and want to talk with someone. Believe me, if you do this I think you will finally find the answers you’ve been hungry to find.

      I won’t tell you that you need to leave your girlfriend, but what I AM afraid of is that until she realizes that she has been “playing” Christian and REALLY surrenders herself to Christ, she can never be a good influence in your life. And I’m also afraid of the example she is setting for your/her children. If you decide to call Focus On The Family they could also talk with you about the relationship issues you are having.

      You have some important decisions to make, Brad. But make the first decision to explore NEED HIM or Focus On The Family. That is the starting place of a new life for you. Please know that Cindy and I care and are praying for you – Steve Wright, Marriage Missions Inetrnational

      • Kay from United States says:

        Brad, I am praying for you and your loved ones! God hears and answers the prayers of those who seek Him. No prayer is ever lost before God’s throne. Excellent advice given in the post above. He has a plan and a purpose for each of us, and I pray you will come to know the beauty of His True Love.

        • Brad from United States says:

          Thank you for the responses. I will look into the resources you suggested and I’m having a sit down with a pastor I like and respect in a couple days. Thank you for the prayers.

          • Steve Wright from United States says:

            Brad, I’m proud of you for the steps you are taking. Don’t get discouraged if the pastor can’t answer every one of your questions in one meeting. Just go in with an open heart and an open mind and I believe God will show up in a BIG way for you. -Steve Wright

  4. Evelyn from Japan says:

    If I recall, I’ve been in this situation that I was so devastated and no one help me, not even my family, but God. And I know how it is to be a prodigal to becoming a stander. At first I was so confused, telling myself that my marriage has no hope that even though I believe in God that He is all powerful and can save, I doubt that He can’t in me. My marriage is still in the process of restoration, but I thank God for allowing this situation because if this didn’t happen in my marriage I would not have an intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father, as well as my perfect husband, for it says in Isaah 54:5, “For your maker is your husband The Lord Almighy is His name…”

    And I would not be able to receive God’s free gift of Salvation, and that I would not be praying for my prodigal husband, and my children…! These things happen to us and the Sovereign God allows it so that we may be able to give Him the glory when our marriage has been restored. It is not our own work, but God’s work, His mighty hand that restored.

    I still have not seen in my natural eyes the restoration, but I trust God that He already did restore my marriage in the Spiritual realm. Please include me and my marriage into your prayer! Thank you.

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      I pray for you Evenlyn, that the Lord helps you and your husband to rebuild your marriage even stronger than ever before with the love of God being your strongest bond together. I pray the Lord helps you both, guides you, speaks to you, and works in and through you in this situation. I thank and praise God with you that your eyes are now open to His amazing grace. “May the Lord direct your heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” (2 Thessalonians 3:5) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ –to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)

  5. Martinus from United States says:

    I am in a situation similar to others here. I’ve been married going on seventeen years. We have 3 children, the oldest being my stepson. I met my wife in High School and we dated for a short period of time, but later got together again after I had graduated high school. She got pregnant in between that time with someone she didn’t plan on having a relationship with, but nonetheless; she was pregnant. Since we had started back talking to each other shortly after she got pregnant, I decided to take on the father role though I was only 18 and fresh out of high school and she was still in high school. These were big shoes to step into, but I had fallen in love with her and wanted to help her…

    Anyway, a year in a half into our relationship, she cheated. I didn’t find out until a year after we were married. This really devastated me. I had taken on the role as father when I didn’t have to at only 18 to a child that wasn’t mine. I had been faithful to her though I had opportunities, only to be cheated on. I became very upset and told her I was going to cheat on her. I cheated on her with a couple of people and told her about it… I was going to be done cheating until she admitted that she had been with this person more times than she confessed to and tried with another person. I became VERY upset again… She was going to church every Sunday and saying she was a Christian, but wasn’t walking in righteousness and I wasn’t going to church, but was faithful prior…. So I began cheating more and before I knew it, I had cheated with more than twenty women over a 7 year period. I decided that it was enough and wasn’t going to cheat anymore, but found out she had cheated again with a couple of guys.

    I got jealous again and started cheating again, but she had hurt me sooo bad with who she had cheated on me with this time so I was hurt from two sides… I thought I was going to die or go crazy in my mind I was hurt so bad. I started going to church, but I let the pain and anger overtake me. I stopped going to church because I would not go to church knowing I was sinning. Couldn’t do it! However, as time went by, we were able to deal with the infidelity because she didn’t know about the twenty something women, she only knew about the two that I confessed to her 7 yrs prior.

    Then she got a job and met someone on the job and cheated again after being faithful 5 yrs. I found out through God’s intuition and she confessed. I decided I wasn’t going to retaliate again. I started going back to church, but our relationship has suffered dearly. I was a faithful man when we first started dating, but let her cheating convince me to cheat and it changed me. She knew I was faithful before, but after I admitted all the women to her, she has a hard time trusting me or thinking I won’t cheat again. Sometimes I feel the same way about her. But we’ve been working on it and God knew what it would take for me to start going to church.

    My wife didn’t know what it really felt like to be cheated on by the one you love until I dropped the bomb on how many I had been with. She felt the pain like what I had been dealing with from when she first confessed to me. I know we’re going to make it, but I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t think about someone that she’s been with. I have the tapes rolling in my head. I believe it’s the same for her too. I will give faithful words to everyone and let you know it can work, because it is working right now.

    We’ve been true to each other for 3 yrs and counting. What we had to do for it to even start is let everything out of the closet. Tell and answer everything even if we knew it would hurt to know the truth. I have to constantly remind her and myself that we don’t have anything to hide now. Everything is in the open. When we decided that we were going to stay together, we had to keep no more secrets. BECAUSE whatever is done in the dark will come to light… That is the most true statement you will ever hear. I didn’t believe it. I thought I would go to my grave with the 20 something women, but I had to confess. I felt so much better that I could tell the truth after holding it in for 7 or more years. All I can say is trust God, pray, have faith, be patient, and talk to each other about EVERY THING… Be Blessed.

  6. Claire from United States says:

    I am the adulter and I am desperate for help…My husband found out only days ago. We are trying to work it out for the sake of our daughter but his pain is so insurmountable. I am trying to stay strong for the sake of our daughter and am desperate for any advice as to how I can help him. Thank God, he is (at this point) wanting to work through this, but I know that at any moment he has the right to leave.

    We have seen a priest and are hoping to find counseling soon but we live in a very small town and there aren’t many resources. I related to this article because the moment my husband found out, it was like a veil was lifted and I suddenly saw all the love and good things he had for us. I also felt immediately called to live my life as a prayer and dedicate myself to him, my daughter and God.

    I’m praying for God to act through me but I feel as though I’m so desperate to help my husband in any way I’m the only person he has (he says) for support which is beyond devastating…for both of us. I can’t imagine trying to find solace from the person who broke your heart. Please help us; I am so guilt-ridden but beyond determined to give us every fighting chance we can get. Please help us…

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Claire, I’m so glad that you woke up and that you are trying to help your husband. I thank God that he is reaching out to you at this point. May he find relief in his pain, as he seeks help. I believe that God Himself is opening up to you and to both of you to help you get your life in a better place… I sense that sincerely.

      The best thing I can recommend to you is for you and your husband to read through the many articles we have posted on infidelity and adultery. There are a lot of them. But the ones who wrote them are ones who are experienced in, and many of them have lived through this type of devastation. Pray, glean through the info and apply what you believe God would have you –customized for your marriage. You may even want to obtain some of the recommended resources, and reach out to some of the web sites we have posted on this, to read further and possibly get additional counsel. With the Internet and Skyping available, you have many more counseling possibilities open to you than you would have years ago. Look for godly counsel though… that which is also “marriage-friendly.” If you can’t find it, God will help you in other ways as you reach out to Him. But don’t eliminate the possibility that God will want to reach out through counselors that specialize in helping couples get through adultery issues.

      You need help in not only adultery issues but also marriage issues, because something was lacking or your marriage needed more help in different ways, so it wouldn’t have been as vulnerable. Sometimes it’s more of a temptation issue, than a marriage issue, but whatever it was or is, you need to strengthen your marriage in that or those area(s). I hope our web site can help you. But I especially hope you reach out to the Lord to personally guide you as your “Wonderful Counselor” that the Bible refers to Him to be, and as your Lord, to guide you into a better relationship with Him and with each other –which has been our saving grace, in our marriage. I pray God’s best for you both as you seek Him. This is a painful journey, but one that can lead you to beautiful possibilities as you reach out for God’s help.

  7. Jenny from United States says:

    I’ve been married for 7 years, but unfaithful for many more. I am a Christian wife and a mother to a 3 year old. Before you judge me, hear me out. I work with my husband and my best friend (who happens to be a guy). I have always been suspicioned of having something to do with this guy, and I haven’t –I thought he was my friend.

    And then I met my husband and he asked me to marry him; so I did. But I maintained and continue to maintain my friendship with my guy friend. I protect him and “treat him better than” my husband (says my husband).

    I’m not going to lie. My husband and I have almost gotten divorced like a million times in the past 7 years because he has treated me so wrong (verbally abusive) and always accused me of having something with this best friend of mine.

    My husband was supposedly a Christian when I married him too, but recently he became a REAL Christian; there’s a total difference. He loves the Lord and lives for the Lord. Total difference.

    And then… four months ago… my husband tells me he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt he has to come clean with me: he’s cheated on me off and on (various women) for 7 years!!!!!!! starting 3 weeks after we were married. But the dilema is he’s a Christian now -for real. I’m angry and hurt and have no one to turn to. So of course, you can guess, I turned to my guy friend.

    And my guy friend has now confessed, “I have had a thing for you for 10 years. I’m in love with you and I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve tried to respect your marriage, but clearly your husband hasn’t either. I’m telling you what you and I have together is real.”

    I REALLY wanted to hear those words from my guy friend before I even met my husband; and now I have a biblical reason to leave my husband, but is it for selfish reasons? I’m not interested in my husband at all anymore; I really am in love with my best friend. It’s shameful to admit because Yes, I am technically married. Now I’m the sinner. So I’m asking you guys, what should I do?!!!!!!!!!!

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