Marriage Missions International

Coping With Your Husband’s Annoying Habits

What’s your husband’s most annoying habit? Is it the way he slurps his cereal or cracks his knuckles? Is it the way he breathes, as one woman once complained?

The longer you’ve been married, the longer your list of pet peeves is bound to be. It’s not so much that your husband has added more bad habits over the years, but simply that the ones that were easy to put up with in the early days of your marriage have gradually eaten away at your nerves. Now they’ve reached that really tender spot that makes you yell “Ouch!” — and the honeymoon Novocain has worn off.

How can you deal with irritating habits? Try speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Point out to your husband, in a calm voice and preferably with a sense of humor, that what he is doing really irritates you. Perhaps he’ll make an effort to change his ways. Old habits are very hard to break, though, so don’t expect miracles.

Once the behavior has been named, you can express your feelings the next time he repeats it. It’s far better to say, “You’re really irritating me again,” than to actually be driven crazy by holding in the anger.

Meanwhile, try to admit that you may have irritating habits yourself. Perhaps if you ask your husband to identify your little quirks and then spend time working on those, you won’t keep concentrating on his.

If this approach doesn’t work, consider wearing a “What Would Jesus Do?” bracelet. The bracelet itself might not be an ideal choice for your jewelry collection, but its motto is well worth remembering — especially at stressful moments. I’ve been thinking about printing “What Would Jesus Do?” on a sticky note and attaching it to our bathroom mirror. Then the next time I find the cap-less tube of toothpaste lying in a pool of sticky, cool mint gel, I might not lose my cool.

Don’t forget to pray for your husband. Ask for patience. Take your complaints to the Lord and leave them there. Trust Him to make things better between the two of you.

It might also help to write a list of things that are irritating you to distraction. When you look at it, you’ll see how insignificant most of the items are. True, fleas and ants are irritating despite their tiny size. But we need to develop a new attitude about this small stuff, heeding the title of Richard Carlson’s book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and It’s All Small Stuff. Let’s stop sweating and start counting to 10.

Once we’ve calmed down, we can start developing compassion for our mates — in spite of their irritating habits. (This sounds like something Jesus would do, doesn’t it?) As author Claudia Arp notes, it helps to remember that we are to “cleave” (Genesis 2:24, King James Version) to our spouses for life. “Cleaving,” writes Claudia, “means sticking together no matter what and giving each other permission to be less than perfect.” (This probably includes eating one’s cereal in a less than perfect way.) She suggests that we lighten up.

“There are times in marriage where you’ll either laugh or cry. Dave and I have decided if at all possible, we’ll choose laughter over tears.”

I opt for laughter — and I hope you do, too.

Don’t Touch That Button
Let’s look at two other areas where control battles are waged daily between spouses — television viewing and thermostat settings.

Many couples have different tastes when it comes to TV programs. The obvious solution is to purchase a second television set.

I wouldn’t recommend that for newlyweds. But seasoned couples — especially those who find themselves together 24 hours a day — can afford to spend a little time apart. Television viewing is one area where compromising seldom works; it’s unrealistic to expect an ESPN sports television fan to convert a Food Cooking Network fan, or vice versa.

If buying a second television set isn’t possible, try watching one show while taping another. Unfortunately, my husband and I can’t agree on who gets to see the live production and who has to wait to view the tape. That’s why we have “his” and “her” TV sets — one upstairs, one downstairs. (I take the upstairs because it’s so much warmer up there!)

Speaking of temperature, thermostats are a problem for many couples. You and your mate may be a perfect match, but chances are that your metabolisms are not. Control of the thermostat appears to be edging out the battle over the TV remote when it comes to the major source of arguments among spouses. One mate typically shivers while the other swelters and shouts of “Who messed with the thermostat?” echo off the walls.

At our house, it is considered a federal crime to move the thermostat needle more than one notch at a time. Just to be seen lurking near the thermostat is cause for suspicion. Short of installing a security camera, I don’t have a solution for this problem.

It would seem logical to keep the temperature at a low setting and let the cold-blooded ones grab a sweater and pile on the blankets. The less logical alternative would be to hitch it up to 80 degrees and let warm-blooded family members pass out from the heat. But when I voiced my opinion at a recent workshop, I was bombarded with hisses. I had unknowingly stumbled into a pit of cold-blooded creatures whose cry was, “Take it off, take it off,” rather than, “Pile it on.”

Because of this reaction, I no longer offer solutions. Instead, I ask for suggestions. One woman volunteered her husband’s unusual remedy: “He thinks I should go in for a blood transfusion once a month.” Thin-blooded people, take note!

The thermostat war will continue to rage for a long time. This is one area in which your compromising skills will be put to the test.

The Choice Is Yours
When it comes to dealing with the things about our husband that drive us to distraction, it pays to keep things in perspective. Commentator Andy Rooney might have had that in mind when he wrote these words in a list called “What I’ve Learned”:

• I’ve learned that being kind is more important than being right.

• I’ve learned that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

• I’ve learned that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.

• I’ve learned that I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do.

We can’t help it if our husband gets on our nerves at times. But we can help what we do with our angry feelings. We can choose to count to ten, shoot off a prayer for patience, or laugh it off. I think I’ll go for all three.


This article was adapted from the book, Honey I’m Home for Good… The ABC’s of Lovin’ and Livin’ with Your Stay-at-Home Hubby, written by Mary Ann Cook. This was a Focus on the Family Book, formerly published by Tyndale House Publications www.tyndale.com. This book gives biblical advice for adjusting to the new situation, including do’s and don’ts, tips on balancing togetherness with each person’s individuality, and ideas for establishing new routines.

Author, Mary Ann Cook has been the wife of a work-at-home spouse since 1992. She and her husband, Ken, have two grown children and one grandson. They live in Southern California.

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Comments

11 Responses to “Coping With Your Husband’s Annoying Habits”
  1. Eunice says:

    (KENYA) How helpful!!!!!

  2. Lauretta says:

    (SOUTH AFRICA) I have decided to calm down, breathe and think of something pleasant or something nice my husband has done for me. This way his annoying habit won’t get to me as bad as it used to, to the point that I got so angry and started a fight. So I think I might start putting the sticky notes "what would Jesus do".

  3. Gloria says:

    (USA)  I read your comment about annoying habits of your husband. Dear heart, be thankful you have a husband to endure his annoying habits. I pray and cry out to God everyday, sometimes 3 times a day to bring my husband back to me, annoying habits and all. I would love to hear his snore, hum while he eats, cough that irritating sounding cough, bite his nails and spit them across the room, okay, I won’t "gross" you out any longer, but you get the picture. Just to have him in my life again, I would overlook all of that and just love him one more time. God bless both of you. Just smile and love him.

  4. Skye says:

    (AUSTRALIA)  I thought that marriage meant I would be a stay at home mum and housewife. He expects me to work and do all the cleaning and doesn’t even want to start a family yet. I am 28 and sick of having to feel bad for getting a hair cut. He won’t let me get my hair colored. He is a tight wad!

  5. Jenny says:

    (CANADA)  Heyy skye! You should be real happy that your husband cares for you; he notices you and suggests the good for you as he doesnt want you to colour your hair. He wants you to look the way he likes. There are few men who do even care what their wives are doing and how they’re dressed. They’re just busy in thier own lives. Believe me, the simple things make life more precious for both of you.

  6. Tony says:

    (USA)  Tightwad or a wise steward of resources. It’s all a matter of perspective. Which perspective will you choose? Will you give your husband or wife the benefit of the doubt (wise steward) or will you cut him/her down and call them a tight wad.

    The wise spouse chooses to give the benefit of the doubt. The fool assumes the worst and discounts the trait as bad.

  7. Mildred says:

    (ZIMBABWE) Thank you for that word, truly words of wisdom. I think it’s important for us before we look at the bad habits to look back at the foundations of our marriages. Is God the foundation of your marriage? Because if HE IS, HE will not leave nor forsake you. It’s only Him who can best teach you how to face and deal with the bad habits. In all this lets not forget that God, the Holy Spirit, is with us and He alone can teach us, give us direction and reveal to us hidden things. Let us not be taken by suprise in our marriages but let all things be revealed to us before hand so that we are always prepared.

  8. Dami says:

    (NIGERIA) What a wonderful work you are doing please keep it up. The Lord will add grace and strenght to you the more.

  9. Aditi says:

    (INDIA) But what if all time you waited for so many years that things will be good enough and nothing changed to your expectations? I’m realy angry now and feel pity for myself, because nothing in this whole world appears as I wish it to be as per my expectations.

    • Jean from United States says:

      Don’t allow people to tell you that a woman is wrong for being tired of her husband’s annoying habits. If the man had all the chores to do, these SAME people would be telling the wife that she is wrong for messing up his clean housework. We always seem to switch our words in these marriage blogs, around when it is time to accomodate, to defend a husband’s sins. Why do we do this?

      Are we deliberately trying to be evil and cruel to women or what? Are we insecure, or what is the reason why we scold women when a man does his wife wrong? Why? Why can’t we just defend her and for once just admit that he is wrong and he should respect her enough to apologize. He should not have such a big ego the he can not admit his wrong doing and then just open his mouth and apologize. And for goodness sakes, this is no time to submit or be respectful to the man who has disrespected all of his wife’s efforts!!!

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