Marriage Missions International

During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend

The following article is written to women who are dealing with their husbands who have left them, but the same principles can also apply to men who are dealing with their wives who have left. We encourage you to pray, glean, and see what God could be saying to your heart:

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles
(Isaiah 40:31 KJV).

Pixabay.com

Pixabay.com

Because your emotions are so turbulent, you may think no happy answer to your situation is possible. Your thoughts may run the gamut from a fairy-tale ending to the worst possible outcome. When you find yourself in this state for very long,you may be tempted to do whatever will give a clean resolution. You may want closure, even if that means doing what you really don’t want to do. But making rash decisions may be something you will woefully regret later. Time may be your friend, if you let it.

When this disaster first swooped down upon me, my friend Toni Jo said something that shocked me at first. I didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t be in a hurry,” she said. “Give him as much time as he needs. He’s confused and needs to figure himself out. Tell him to take a year if he needs to figure out what he wants.”

“A year!” I exclaimed. “A year?”

“What’s a year in a whole lifetime?” she asked. “If it takes a year for him to figure things out, and then you have thirty more happy years together after that, wouldn’t it be worth it?”

As it turned out, it took three years for my husband and me, not one. But yes, it was worth it.

Trusting God includes waiting on him to do whatever he is trying to do during this process. Because God does not force his loving work into our lives, making rash decisions can preclude God from accomplishing new dimensions of spiritual and emotional growth in you and your mate as well as others around you. We need to give God time.

Waiting is extremely hard when each day weighs us down with an eternity of suffering. But time has a way not only of healing but also of giving perspective. What may seem true to your mate today may look different to him tomorrow. Each new encounter between the two of you can set him or you off in a different relational direction, either positive or negative.

Many years of clutter may need to go through the filter before the gemstones of your life together can become clear. If your husband has separated from you, he may be trying not to even think about you now. He may be focusing only on what he can make sense of. And that probably is not you and your relationship. Most likely he is filling his mind with work and other interests that keep him aloof emotionally.

During moments of deep depression, when you really want to give up, pick up your Bible and let God speak to you. Listen to what he says to you at that particular time. He wants to strengthen you, and you need strong wings if you’re going to mount up on the wings like eagles. Wait on the Lord. Remember, he is able to do more than we could ever imagine. But sometimes it requires time.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD, my cause is disregarded by my God?’

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:26-31).

The above article is written by Linda W. Rooks and comes from the excellent book, Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation, published by Life Journey. As Linda writes about this book, “Broken Heart on Hold is meant to be a friend to walk beside you through the labyrinths of your confusion and pain. It is not a quick fix or a prescription for how to solve your problems. It is intended to be a daily companion in your crisis. It is not a book to be picked up and read through once and then set on the shelf. Rather, I suggest you read one selection each day and let the devotional thoughts sink into your heart and mind. Mull it over. Chew it up. Then the following day go on to the next.”

You can also visit Linda’s Web site at Brokenheartonhold.com where she has “individually formatted a number of Bible verses for your strength and encouragement.” As she says, “From my Web site you can download full-color pages of whatever Scripture you choose and post it on your wall, mirror, or refrigerator so you can see it regularly and be encouraged. When our minds are spinning in different directions, being reminded of a Scripture can lead us to a more peaceful and healthy path.”

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Comments

320 Responses to “During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend”
  1. Eliza from United States says:

    My husband and I have been separated for seven years. We were only married a short time when problems arose. We would fight and disagree a lot in our first year of marriage. There were mother in law issues, my health deterioted under the stress, and finally our son had behavior problems due to his autism. We were married for five years before we separated. Through the separation…we managed to keep a civil attitude for the sake of our son’s well being. There was no infidelity in our marriage and no biblical grounds for divorce.

    I’ve asked him back many times for our child’s sake, out of shear loneliness, and to honor our commitment before God, but he refuses to reconcile. Last year I gave him forms to fill out so we can file for a divorce. I’ve prayed and hoped for a reconciliation, but this year is the end for me… as I would like to share my life with someone and am tired of being alone and in waiting. I don’t love him, and he states he doesn’t love me, so why won’t he sign the forms? He says he just hasn’t had time and will do them when he gets time. He has had seven years of time. Can someone tell me a specific scripture that talks about abandonement by a spouse and is this grounds for divorce? I’ve searched the word and cannot find any mention of what God expects of me through this painful and drawn out failed relationship.

  2. Adam from United States says:

    My wife left me with our son on a Sunday after asking me if I’ve ever felt there was somebody out there for me. I lost my mind (temporary insanity). I loved her so much that I said I would let her go and that’s been a hard battle. I threw her stuff out, cancelled her car and health insurance. I wanted her to see my pain and anger. I could not trust or believe anything she has said for the last two months.

    I’ve become a new Christian to save our marriage and after a few weeks I filed for divorce on the grounds of “suspecting infidelity”, and pursuing a relationship with God instead. I too once felt a connection with someone else but I quickly chose family. When I confessed this she replied, “well I guess I wasn’t thinking about family”.

    Long story short I spoke to her today; it’s been at least 2 months. She says feeling was just a feeling and that she wants to learn things on her own. I genuinely saw some truth in that but I cannot trust her, especially due how she started the situation. She lied to her entire family and was blame shifting for weeks. She’s has recently admitted to causing all of this mess. I’m confused but trying to set aside my feelings to serve my greater purpose.

    She changed my life. When I met her at 16 I said, this is the girl that makes me want to get a career, house, dog and boat and I never thought I’d fall short of that promise. Well then life happened. I absolutely love her and hate knowing this has happened. Since this has happened strange things almost holy things have happened to me. I start feeling like I need to be here then I think of her and everything becomes a mess. I wish I could tell her this but it’s just going to make things worst.

    My thoughts kill me because that’s all I’m left with. But I want to be thankful for this moment because I know it will end with my full trust in God. And that makes me wonder, why is she so “okay” now when she doesn’t even bring him up anymore? This other guy would go up to her and say,”if I were your husband, I would never do that”, well it worked.

    I’ve spent 11 years with her and I noticed a change in her body composer the day I was baptized on Easter Sunday, the day we lost our virginity to each other. It’s almost as if she wanted me to know what she has done. Again these are my thoughts. I’ll let time become my friend. God has not left me he’s sitting with me and giving me his blessings.

    I don’t know if I’m looking for an answer or if this story can help someone but if you’ve read this far just know to treat your spouse good. If they cry, CRY WITH THEM!!! It will create an amazing bond. If she wants to talk during your favorite shows, TALK!!! Spouses need attention in ways you need to learn and imagine. I can go back in time but I can tell her I care today and show it with my actions and the way I’m becoming a better father to our son. I’m not going to lie she looked amazing and made me feel so good that I would of taken her back today but that’s my weakness.

    Sorry for this long story but I’m here now, don’t be like me, be a good spouse and care when you least expect it. I have faith that I could have saved this marriage but I’ve made a sacrifice to save myself and my son. Hopefully, my wife will trust me and join our journey also.

Marriage Missions International