During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend

The following article is written to women who are dealing with their husbands who have left them, but the same principles can also apply to men who are dealing with their wives who have left. We encourage you to pray, glean, and see what God could be saying to your heart:

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles
(Isaiah 40:31 KJV).

Because your emotions are so turbulent, you may think no happy answer to your situation is possible. Your thoughts may run the gamut from a fairy-tale ending to the worst possible outcome. When you find yourself in this state for very long,you may be tempted to do whatever will give a clean resolution. You may want closure, even if that means doing what you really don’t want to do. But making rash decisions may be something you will woefully regret later. Time may be your friend, if you let it.

When this disaster first swooped down upon me, my friend Toni Jo said something that shocked me at first. I didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t be in a hurry,” she said. “Give him as much time as he needs. He’s confused and needs to figure himself out. Tell him to take a year if he needs to figure out what he wants.”

“A year!” I exclaimed. “A year?”

“What’s a year in a whole lifetime?” she asked. “If it takes a year for him to figure things out, and then you have thirty more happy years together after that, wouldn’t it be worth it?”

As it turned out, it took three years for my husband and me, not one. But yes, it was worth it.

Trusting God includes waiting on him to do whatever he is trying to do during this process. Because God does not force his loving work into our lives, making rash decisions can preclude God from accomplishing new dimensions of spiritual and emotional growth in you and your mate as well as others around you. We need to give God time.

Waiting is extremely hard when each day weighs us down with an eternity of suffering. But time has a way not only of healing but also of giving perspective. What may seem true to your mate today may look different to him tomorrow. Each new encounter between the two of you can set him or you off in a different relational direction, either positive or negative.

Many years of clutter may need to go through the filter before the gemstones of your life together can become clear. If your husband has separated from you, he may be trying not to even think about you now. He may be focusing only on what he can make sense of. And that probably is not you and your relationship. Most likely he is filling his mind with work and other interests that keep him aloof emotionally.

During moments of deep depression, when you really want to give up, pick up your Bible and let God speak to you. Listen to what he says to you at that particular time. He wants to strengthen you, and you need strong wings if you’re going to mount up on the wings like eagles. Wait on the Lord. Remember, he is able to do more than we could ever imagine. But sometimes it requires time.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD, my cause is disregarded by my God?’

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:26-31).

This article is written by Linda W. Rooks and comes from the book, Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation, published by Life Journey. As Linda writes about this book, “Broken Heart on Hold is meant to be a friend to walk beside you through the labyrinths of your confusion and pain. It is not a quick fix or a prescription for how to solve your problems. It is intended to be a daily companion in your crisis. …Read one selection each day and let the devotional thoughts sink into your heart and mind. Mull it over. Chew it up. Then the following day go on to the next.”

You can also visit Linda’s Web site at Brokenheartonhold.com where she has “individually formatted a number of Bible verses for your strength and encouragement.”


Filed under: Separation and Divorce

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370 responses to “During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend

  1. My husband and I have been separated for seven years. We were only married a short time when problems arose. We would fight and disagree a lot in our first year of marriage. There were mother in law issues, my health deterioted under the stress, and finally our son had behavior problems due to his autism. We were married for five years before we separated. Through the separation…we managed to keep a civil attitude for the sake of our son’s well being. There was no infidelity in our marriage and no biblical grounds for divorce.

    I’ve asked him back many times for our child’s sake, out of shear loneliness, and to honor our commitment before God, but he refuses to reconcile. Last year I gave him forms to fill out so we can file for a divorce. I’ve prayed and hoped for a reconciliation, but this year is the end for me… as I would like to share my life with someone and am tired of being alone and in waiting. I don’t love him, and he states he doesn’t love me, so why won’t he sign the forms? He says he just hasn’t had time and will do them when he gets time. He has had seven years of time. Can someone tell me a specific scripture that talks about abandonement by a spouse and is this grounds for divorce? I’ve searched the word and cannot find any mention of what God expects of me through this painful and drawn out failed relationship.

    1. My husband and I have been married just over two years. I recognized very early in the marriage that things were not right, totally different from the dating phase. He complimented me often. There was a time he was looking sad, and I asked he where was his smile; he looked at me and said “you make me smile.” There appeared that there was nothing he would not do for me. His words and actions are not the words and actions once we were married; I know now that I saw and heard what I wanted see and hear; I remember him saying prior to marriage that “when a person shows you who they are the first time believe them” and other saying “once we get married things were going to change.”

      I feel foolish because even on our wedding day I felt like it is all about him. In the two yrs we have been married we have had sex maybe 2.5 times. He shows me no affection, no compliments. We sought counseling, the session we great…but it again became all about him. It was a Christian counseling, but she recognized, he had a lot of unresolved issues from his life that impacted his relationships. I am his 3rd wife; he would state that he had issues, even would do little things to address the issues that the counselor recommend, but all very short lived.

      I would avoid talking to him because they always started and ended in anger and with him always saying “I want a divorce.” I thought not addressing the issues was best, but it was not, I was stressed, to the point I have health issues. I was afraid to talk to him because of the normal outcome.

      We’re now separated about I week. I love him but I do have a peace with him gone. I’m turning my focus totally to GOD, which I now know should have been both of our focus all the time, not just some of the time. I want my marriage, but I’m afraid that things will go back. I’m praying for an answer from God. I’m praying for HIS WILL TO BE DONE. In the meantime I’M ASKING GOD FOR UNDERSTANDING, PATIENCE, ENDURANCE, KINDNESS TOWARDS MY HUSBAND.

      1. Your story is similar to mine. Married 5 rocky years – 6 including this year. My husband and I have been separated for a year. He lied to me and said he wanted to reconcile after an affair. He won’t ever admit he misses having me around. Anyway, it’s long winded and complicated but dont feel bad he makes everything about him too. When we were together he never cheated on me. Now that I am gone he is wild and acts as if we aren’t married. I wont lie he still messages me and gives me and the kids good night kisses but I hate the lying and cheating. I wish us all luck.

  2. My wife left me with our son on a Sunday after asking me if I’ve ever felt there was somebody out there for me. I lost my mind (temporary insanity). I loved her so much that I said I would let her go and that’s been a hard battle. I threw her stuff out, cancelled her car and health insurance. I wanted her to see my pain and anger. I could not trust or believe anything she has said for the last two months.

    I’ve become a new Christian to save our marriage and after a few weeks I filed for divorce on the grounds of “suspecting infidelity”, and pursuing a relationship with God instead. I too once felt a connection with someone else but I quickly chose family. When I confessed this she replied, “well I guess I wasn’t thinking about family”.

    Long story short I spoke to her today; it’s been at least 2 months. She says feeling was just a feeling and that she wants to learn things on her own. I genuinely saw some truth in that but I cannot trust her, especially due how she started the situation. She lied to her entire family and was blame shifting for weeks. She’s has recently admitted to causing all of this mess. I’m confused but trying to set aside my feelings to serve my greater purpose.

    She changed my life. When I met her at 16 I said, this is the girl that makes me want to get a career, house, dog and boat and I never thought I’d fall short of that promise. Well then life happened. I absolutely love her and hate knowing this has happened. Since this has happened strange things almost holy things have happened to me. I start feeling like I need to be here then I think of her and everything becomes a mess. I wish I could tell her this but it’s just going to make things worst.

    My thoughts kill me because that’s all I’m left with. But I want to be thankful for this moment because I know it will end with my full trust in God. And that makes me wonder, why is she so “okay” now when she doesn’t even bring him up anymore? This other guy would go up to her and say,”if I were your husband, I would never do that”, well it worked.

    I’ve spent 11 years with her and I noticed a change in her body composer the day I was baptized on Easter Sunday, the day we lost our virginity to each other. It’s almost as if she wanted me to know what she has done. Again these are my thoughts. I’ll let time become my friend. God has not left me he’s sitting with me and giving me his blessings.

    I don’t know if I’m looking for an answer or if this story can help someone but if you’ve read this far just know to treat your spouse good. If they cry, CRY WITH THEM!!! It will create an amazing bond. If she wants to talk during your favorite shows, TALK!!! Spouses need attention in ways you need to learn and imagine. I can go back in time but I can tell her I care today and show it with my actions and the way I’m becoming a better father to our son. I’m not going to lie she looked amazing and made me feel so good that I would of taken her back today but that’s my weakness.

    Sorry for this long story but I’m here now, don’t be like me, be a good spouse and care when you least expect it. I have faith that I could have saved this marriage but I’ve made a sacrifice to save myself and my son. Hopefully, my wife will trust me and join our journey also.

    1. “My Wife wants a separation, and I don’t know what to do. Don’t believe in running to church when all is bad but I don’t know how to handle. We have been together for twenty years today 4/26 and it hurts something terrible. Like a lot of men, I wasn’t really listening with my ears or my heart when she was telling me. Just needed some one who has been married to listen. Thanks You, Hope to hear from you”

      I wrote this a little over a month ago and sent it to a pastor via email. Never got a response. I’ve read your comment and it’s relatable. The feelings and mindset. She (my wife) says while separated that I need to work on myself and confront issues that have slowly slowed this marriage down. Still all this hits me like a ton of weights. Never any physical abuse, I believe some emotional. Reply if time permits.

      1. I am in a similar situation. I feel we both had some issues to deal with, and I refused to listen, took it as griping. She finally moved out, been tough, but have had to turn it over to God.

  3. My wife and I were married for 13 years. We have 4 beautiful children together. In November of 2014 she told me she was done with our marriage. I was devastated. I know I wasn’t as good a man as God intended me to be. In the last few months I have turned my life around. God got a hold of my heart and changed me incredibly. Yet the hardness of my wife’s heart has not broken. This website and many others have been incredible in showing me new and better ways at looking at life and love.

    Having hope is so fragile right now. My wife has moved to a different town. School is starting in a few short weeks and I’ll be a single father with 4 children under 10 years. She’s pursuing her own life. Searching desperately for happiness. If only she would turn her eyes to Jesus. Alas, I can do nothing to help her see the truth.

    The story of Hosea and Gomer constantly comes up in my mind. It scares my to the core. I’m afraid God will let me go to that place. I’m afraid I can’t survive that amount of heartache and sorrow. I’m afraid of what this will do to my children. I’m just afraid.

    All hope seems lost to me. But I want to believe that God will not let me or my family fall. I want to believe that God is in control, but my fragile mind can’t comprehend it. My heart is broken. My children will be crushed. How do I show them that God is in control when I barely believe it? How do I show love when my heart so so fun of hurt and anger? I don’t want to fail my children.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear you’re suffering so much. I’m in a similar situation, but know that there is no clock in God’s world. As Christians we must have faith, faith in our Heavenly Father who if he chooses to, can make any miracle happen. Know that God is carrying you through these hard times. Take it a day at a time. Pray for strength for you and your family and trust in God’s plan for you. It may not be what you hope for, but know it will be the best outcome for you. God will always have your best interests at heart. Keep strong, and have faith. Take care, Sally

    2. Sometimes when we are short on faith, simple obedience is all we can muster. Obey God, he will reward you for your faithful obedience in your time of sorrow.

    3. I am so sorry for your pain. I know exactly what you are feeling and going through. You said you want to believe God is in control but your fagile mind can’t comprehend it. This type of thinking is of the enemy, he wants you to believe God can not and is not hearing your prayers. I don’t know if you are praying, but that is the way you need to fight. (Ephesians 6:10-20.) we must depend wholeheartedly on Christ’ strength, putting on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the Devil’s schemes.

      Read this scripture slowly and place it in your heart. But most importantly you must seek God first, repent and then praise him in all things, and finally always pray in the spirt in all things. I don’t know what plans God has in store for us but they are good and just. Study his word on the areas that are overcoming you such as lack of faith, anger and rejection. A book I am reading that is helping me learn to pray; it’s for women but it might help you: “Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan for Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer” by Priscilla Shirer. I hope this helps you on the the path to healing and restoration. You are strong and will overcome this, your world may feel as if it is falling apart, but it’s actually falling into place even though we don’t understand. Stand firm in Christ! Blessings to you and your family.

  4. I want a spiritual advice about how to cope up when your husband says he doesn’t love me anymore and we’re seperated.

  5. My husband and I were only married two months when I left the first time. I felt he didn’t want me, would call me names, would tell me I didn’t acknowledge his feelings. I had received an inappropriate text from my ex husband and deleted it because of fear of my husband’s response. Not a good idea because he looked at the online bill and saw the text had come in and then I didn’t have it to even show him. Bad choice on my part. It caused a lot of distrust and doubt in me, understandably.

    He never stopped reminding me of it and wanted me to say I was sorry each time he brought it up. He has a temper and gets loud and cusses. I’ve been in abusive relationships and I ran out of fear. He left to go out of town to stay with his sister and told a friend of mine he wouldn’t be back until I was gone. So I moved all my things and went to my daughters. After a month and half and talking I moved back in. We started counseling and spoke to our pastor. He had quit his job two weeks after our wedding and said he just couldn’t do it anymore. He needed to get out of the medical field and go back to school. He did go back to school. He worked two days part time and told his boss where to go.

    He didn’t work after that. He became extremely depressed, anxious, had BP and heart rate issues and was seeing a counselor and pychiatrist for treatment of anxiety. He’s been on medication for years, mood stabilizers and antidepressants to name a few. Each day he would yell and scream at me for something I didn’t do right, for not acknowledging his feelings, and for not being there for him.

    During our first separation my friend and I opened a dating site account with a false name and email because I suspected he was on there. He was. He confronted me about the account we made and said he felt it was lies and I was really on there looking for someone and he was angry beyond words. It was childish and stupid for me to even do that. I got defensive. He called me all kinds of names. He called his sister and told her I was pushing him and pushing him everyday and he didn’t know what to do, that I pulled the rug out from him every time he began to feel better.

    I watched him cry. I cried with him and told him I wish he could believe in himself as much as I believed in him. He told me I scared him and he feared for his life with me. Thought I would stab him with a butter knife. He wanted a print out of all my text messages and phones calls for the last few months. I initially said I would get them, but after the name calling etc and said that is ridiculous and wasn’t going to do it.

    To back up a few, when I returned home to him after our first separation there were 9 ED pills missing. He told me a story of what he did with them and it wasn’t infidelity he said. So I had my own doubts and fears. So when I told him I wasn’t giving him the online records he screamed and yelled, called me all kinds of names and told me to get ……. Out. I left the next morning.

    It’s been three months. He emailed and texted me several times and then I blocked him. I was confused and sad and hurt. About a month ago he emailed me through his school email and I responded. I told him how much I loved him when I married him and how I felt so hurt and disrespected by him. I want to share the rest of my life with him and don’t know where to start. He says he loves me but he’s scared. His family hates me and his sister has sent me a vulgar text on her thoughts. My husband has spoken to the pastor. My husband said maybe the best thing is not to have a plan and take it day by day. I believe he’s focusing on his pain and how I inflicted it on him. I don’t believe he understands how hurt I was and am. I know I hurt him by leaving. It was wrong and I’m so sorry for walking out. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying everyday.

    1. Dear Brenda, my prayers are with you. Even I face the same issue…been 3 and half years to our marriage now…my husband seems to loose his temper at even small things which never even strikes my mind as a mistake (if I knew or if I was aware I’d surely avoid doing anything that could anger him). Name calling, abusive language…he does it all when he looses his mind. During those times our home turns into a cyclone; things hurling…foul language….& I get so scared I start shivering. It often takes like 4 or 5 hours for him to cool down and ends with bruises here and there.

      But once he has regained himself, he is the one to apply medicines to my bruises, though he never admits to being wrong in causing them in the first place. There are also times, though very few, still there are times….when he tricks me into thinking that everything is fine between us. I had tried talking with his parents, but nothing seems to bring a change in his behavior.

      At this point, I stand confused if I should continue enduring all this and if yes then for how long? Or do i choose to have a peaceful life by finding my way out of it. I do love him and even more I care for him but at the same time I am simply too scared of him. Even to get a doctor’s appointment I keep thinking for hours what time would be most suitable so as to not make his angry or cause him inconvenience.

      I wish God would give me some sign as to what I should do.

  6. Would you please pray for me and my husband who separated two months ago? Over the past few months, we hurt one another. There were arguments over finances and my husband would stay away from the house as much as he could to avoid conflict. There were secrets and lies. After he was gone, I realized the love that I had for him, that I didn’t show when he was with me. I believe that we are meant to be and by faith I pray for his return and that our love will be renewed. Oh the sadness is overwhelming and the pain of him gone feels like I lost someone in death. I pray to Jesus everyday and I have fasted for total restoration of everything that we lost. It’s the hardest issue that I’ve faced and this trial too shall pass. I know that time heals all wounds and my eyes and my heart will be waiting to hear from heaven…

  7. My husband left our two children and myself a day ago. It feels like a long time already. I have questioned so many things & cried out to my God. I’m reading various articles & watching videos on separation & how people have managed through this trying time in their lives. Thank you for the kind & encouraging words on this website & for the scripture verses. I watched the Rooks testify about their marriage & I went ahead & purchased Mrs. Rooks book, which I am looking forward to reading. I pray for divine intervention during this time; for my husband to realise what he’s about to lose. God bless you all.

  8. Thank you so much for this article. Because I am going through this right now as I’m responding. I’m the ex husband who left. I tried to find any answers to my concern. My question was what does one do when his wife loved her kids, which were not biologically mine, but took them in like there were mine? She never cared about me it was all about her and her kids and serving the pastor’s wife. I was a faithful man to the cross but this was the second time I’ve been hurt in a relationship and church hurt. It’s been very hard to trust anyone because my heart has been shattered into pieces.

    I’ve made mistakes as well but I tried my best to better myself, admit when I was wrong and learn from my mistakes. I waited over 30 plus years to be married once and hear I am at 48 and in the final stage of divorce. I’ve prayed to God to bless me with a godly woman who will love her husband with humility and love, grow old together be as one with God in the center.

    I’m African American and have lost hope in African American women and am willing to try women of different ethnicities, asian Indian/ India, Latin. Please keep in mind I’m not desperate I’m stretching out and trying something new.

  9. My husband has been suffering from anxiety for about 10 months and today he left me to live with his parents. He told me he is unhappy in his life and he needs time to clear his head. We have been together for 10 years and married for one and a half years. I am lost right now. I fell to my knees and begged him to stay. He says he still loves me but he has to focus on himself. I need God to help me through this time. I am so heartbroken.

  10. My husband and I have been separated 30 days as of today. We have been married a little over 2 years. We got married after knowing each other less than a year. We were having some problems that I didn’t know about until I came home on a Sunday afternoon and he sat me down and told me we needed to go our separate ways. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew we had minor issues but not anything warranting a separation. I asked questions and he mentioned a few things like lacking intimacy, conflict over us purchasing a larger home and he just felt like I was never satisfied. The home we lived in is owned by his parents so it was me who had to pack up and move out (we have no children together).

    I was humiliated having to pack up and move in with my mother. For the past 3 weeks there have been many angry calls and texts. He has asked me to come back several times but I cant bring myself to do it. Honestly this is the 3rd time I’ve had to come back home to my mom because we he feels like things aren’t perfect , I need to move out. HIS WIFE???? I have decided to file for divorce , soon , like tomorrow. I can’t take the instability /insecurity/disrespect any longer. Pray for me. Thank you.

    1. I’m going through the same thing. Only difference is that I’m a man and my wife left. We were best friends who understood each other. We got married and everything changed. She pulled back all intimacy, which drove me crazy. One minute she’s happy, next minute she wants a divorce. She walked out on me 2 weeks ago and I’ve got a feeling she is going to want to come back. I love her and want her, but I think that she needs to stay away from me for a while. I’m trying to say that we need to let these people miss us.

    1. Neal, how I wish we had words of wisdom for you. I’m not sure what happened between you (nor do I need to) and I don’t know her main reason for seeking this attorney… whether abuse was involved or not… or what all is going on in her head and heart. All I can say is to ask, and keep asking God for wisdom. Ask and listen. Work on your own stuff (and NOT just to get her back… that type of “work” is just a front for selfish behavior in the future). Pray, work on your stuff, seek counsel from marriage-friendly people, and see where it goes from there. That’s the best I can give you. You can’t MAKE her talk with you… nor should you. If it was forced, she would have her ears and heart slammed shut. She may appear to listen on the outside, but not be open on the inside.

      Sadly, this is no longer a marriage-friendly world we live in. Everywhere you turn around someone is there to encourage spouses to “cut their losses” and “start again with a clean slate.” That is just not true. You don’t marry, cleave together, and then just back away and start anew. There is a HUGE loss involved –a ripping and tearing.

      But be patient. Even if this goes to divorce, that doesn’t always mean that sometime in the future you won’t have a chance to reconcile. Please go through the “Testimonies” part of the “Save My Marriage” topic and the “Separation and Divorce” topic and you will see a LOT of testimonies where couples, who looked like they didn’t have a chance eventually find their way back together again, reconcile, and actually end up with great marriages (because they learned from their mistakes and individually worked on their issues to get to a better place together). I hope that is true with you and your wife.

  11. Because I was very abusive in my marriage it ended in separation. I have changed. I turned my life around. I want to get back with my spouse. Please help.

  12. I want to know if getting a card for our 15th wedding anniversary is inappropriate. We have been separated for 7 months. I miss him.

  13. So my husband and I have been married for almost 7 years. Most of which, I thought were good years. We had ups and downs, when life got in the way! A lot of people do. The last 3 years have been our hardest. He started to lose his sight 3 years ago. We found out it was cataracts and he couldn’t work because he couldn’t see. So I did. I took care of everything.

    Well last August, he got approved to have surgery to have his eye sight fixed. This was a miracle from GOD! After his surgery, by October, he was working again. This enabled us to get a second vehicle, though I wanted to wait until he had been at his job longer. He insisted and we got the second vehicle. The Dr. put him on a medication last year, that he had been on previously. This medication can cause anger, agression and rash mood swings. Over the past 6 months, since he started working again, those symptoms got worse and worse. He thought his co-workers were plotting against him, that everyone was out to get him. He would get mad for people not walking on the sidewalk and he would just yell at me. I would ask him to stop and the yelling would continue. One time, I actually hit him in the arm to get his attention to get him to stop. (I felt so bad about hitting his arm, I wanted to call the poice on myself.)

    Well things came to a head almost 2 weeks ago. He left February 5, 2016. The day before, he quit his job and we did argue briefly, but he got a job interview for the next day, and by noon, everything was ok. I was stressed, worried and freaked out a bit, because we had taken on the responsibility of a new vehicle. But I thought that everything was going to be ok, because he said it. Early Friday morning, I got an alert on my phone that our paychecks had been direct deposited. I looked at them and freaked out because he was entitled to a bonus, the company he worked for took back, I told him that we should pursue this issue and he said ok. We called the people we needed to call and emailed them as a back up. He told me he quit his job because they discriminated against him, due to his medical issues. I said if you feel like you have been generally discriminated against, then you should pursue it with the DOL. He said, ok, but to wait until the company got back in touch with him. I said ok and left it at that.

    Well he scraped my windows, it was cold, and as I was in the car to go to work, he kissed me good bye and told me he would see me at 1 pm. I went to work. When I was at work, I received a text alert that a large sum of money had been removed from our account. I panicked and called him with no answer, so I went to the bank, the entire time, calling him. The bank said he withdrew the money. I freaked out a bit more, but kept my wits about me and closed the account, as I was the primary. I kept calling him with no answer so I went to the house. There I found a note. The note said, “I am leaving. I can’t breathe here anymore. I can’t be the man you want me to be. All I do is hurt you. I am not staying with mom or dad, but that I have a friend with a contracting business and a loft above his garage. I am going to stay with him. I love you and I will call you.” He left his phone at home. I called his mom a bunch that day. I’ve called his mom quite a bit. I sometimes call 2 times a day to see if she has heard anything. Sometimes, to be honest I call more, because I don’t understand where this is coming from.

    Well last night, we talked and I told her that my friend, who is police, said I should file a missing person “bolo” report on him because of this medication. So I called his mom and discussed it with her. I was telling her again, about the medication and about how this is all shocking to me. 2 days before this happened we were at church and he was taking pictures of our class, he was saying we lived for this. (We teach a children’s ministry.)

    She told me she had to go because it was upsetting her. I told her I was sorry, I wasn’t trying to upset her. I was just trying to help my husband. I love him and want him to know that I want to help. I got up this morning and called to check on her. She answered the phone and said that she knew where he was that she had an undercover police officer friend, who located him and he told him he went off his medication all together and that he was ok, that he is thinking more clearly than he has in years and that he will call me when he is ready. She said that he said he tried to contact me via FB but that I blocked him access to his account. That isn’t true, because I have left him daily messages on FB and that doesn’t make sense. If I didn’t want him on FB then why would I leave him messages every day? I have left it in GOD’s hands, but I am hurting and don’t know what to do anymore. She said she would call me if she had any news from him. Please give me advice.

    1. Brandi, I truthfully don’t know what else you can do. Some people just don’t want to be helped, and others do things their way, and eventually wake up. I hope your husband is the latter. Honestly, all you can do is pray… keep leaving it in God’s hands when you pick it up again. I know these aren’t easy words to hear, and harder to live out, especially through all of the confusion surrounding all of it. I wish I had more advice than this. Your husband has a free will. He is running with it in a hurtful direction. I pray for you and for him that somehow God is able to get through to him to stop running and surrender to all that God can do to help him and your marriage. I pray for a peace that passes understanding as you are in this very difficult waiting room of your life. May God help you and minister to your broken and confused heart.

      1. Cindy, Thank you for taking the time to help me. I am just a mess. We lived our lives for GOD and for each other. I moved to this state because he is from here. I don’t have any family here and feel like I am suffocating in sorrow. I wish I could have a vacation from life, like I feel he is taking. My church is helping and praying and my pastor says I have done the right thing. How long do you wait for someone to turn it around or make up their mind? I don’t know.

        I think GOD will tell me what he wants me to do, but I can honestly say, I am miserable. The only time I am happy is when I am with the people from my church and that is hard too…We did everything together so him not being at church is devastating. Thank you again for your kindness and prayers.

        1. He came home Friday, February 19, 2016. We talked about the situation, prayed and are going to church counseling. Prayers really do work.

          1. That’s so, so good, Brandi. Praise God! I pray that as you both go to counseling that you find ways to bridge your differences and build a healthier and more loving marriage than ever before. May God bless you as you persevere in learning, loving, and leaning upon His help.

  14. Thank you for highlighting the fact that the decision ultimately is between God and the couple.

    My situation is not the worst, but pain is just as severe. I had a perfect family -husband, me and a baby girl. I found myself being the breadwinner due to my husband’s lack of communication. I tried to plan but I think he just tried to let me not know until I was forced to ask. I mentally left when it was evident from his lack of planning that I was going to be away from my daughter. I fought so hard for us to be together… to face this.

    I found that God gave clear directions to leave, but I didn’t want to. It’s so against what He should say. But who am I? The Almighty knows His plan… and uses many different paths for us to achieve His will. I know in my marriage I can’t give the undying love of my husband that I should. No one deserves that. And I have a responsibility to protect him from harm… especially if it’s from me.

    In your journey… mine just beginning …do what a friend of mine said …be gentle with yourself. I pray for you…please pray for me

    1. I will definitely pray for you! This has been the hardest situation I have ever endured with my husband. I find myself not always trusting what he says because the trust has been broken. It went so far as me downloading a friend finder app on his phone to check on him. I’ve been praying a lot and church counseling has helped. It has helped a lot to have people to talk to. While I was in the middle of it all, I just wanted to lock myself inside my home and not talk to anyone. It was only after I reached out to people that I started to be able to see the light.

      While my situation isn’t a 100 percent better, it is a lot better. Shane is working again, he’s dealing with bills that he generated before and having to deal with the reprocussion of his decisions. We’re trying and I love him enough to keep trying. I will pray for you and your spouse and baby. GOD BLESS YOU!

  15. My husband recently came clean and told me that he had an affair. After the anger and hurt subsided, I told him I could forgive him and that we could work out the problems that led up too the affair. He told me that he didn’t think I could change even though I have already begun the process. He told me that he needs time away to think and to find out if he still loves me or not. I feel like my life is on pause and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I love him and I’m not ready to give up, but waiting like this is torture, and I don’t know how long I can actually hold out…what do I do??

  16. Lord I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 24 years. I believe he is my soul mate although he left me 6 almost 7 yrs ago and got with another as I did the same not one day passed that he didn’t cross my mind wishing the one I was with was actually my husband we are both single now I do not want a divorce. I said vows in front of u Lord to be with him forever our time was shorted my heart US in his how do u win him back.

  17. My husband of over 20 years recently left telling me simply “I’m done.” He has also left behind 2 beautiful children. I don’t know where he is living, but he comes by our home almost daily. I allow him to come in as if he still lives there only because of our children. He moved very few items out of our home. I am left to look at his personal things, the photographs of happier times, etc. It is emotionally draining but I have to keep up a strong front for our children. The children are angry at him and refuse to go places with him, or stay overnight in his new place. Instead of sitting down and talking as a family when he left, he chose to simply stop coming home at night. I fear the damage to myself and our children is more massive than we can imagine. He refuses any counseling as a couple. I am unable to afford counseling for the children without his financial assistance and he will not discuss it. He is our main financial provider in the home. I fear we will lose our home, and everything very soon. I am a Christian and my faith has been tested so much by this event and other recent events in my life. I am getting weaker. My heart is broken in a million pieces. I have tried praying for our marriage, our family and even for his salvation. But at this point, I am no longer able to pray. I am just too discouraged and unable to come up with the words in pray. I hate to admit it, I am a little angry at God right now. I am a good person. I go to church, I volunteer at the schools, I volunteer at charity events, I live a good life. Why did this happen to a good person? I have always put God first and I have always loved my family to the fullest.

  18. My wife of 11 yrs kicked me out 3 years ago with not much more of a reason than’you sleep too much’, ‘I love you but I’m not… ‘, We’ve grown apart’, and ‘I know you’ve never deliberately hurt me but I’m very hurt.’ I’ve tried everything I could find to save my marriage but she doesn’t respond to anything! She filed for divorce a year ago & we are in mediation now. My princess is slipping away from me but I want her back so bad. I read your example of the 3 year separation & it gave me hope. I’m positive, motivated & try to include the lord as much as possible in my life. I don’t know what to do next!

  19. Me and my husband have been separated for almost 3 weeks. I feel so hurt and lonely. We’ve known each other for 6 years now and have been married for a year. He says he is not coming come until he see a change in me. He wants us to see a marriage counselor; he doesn’t text me or call me he. He just wants to be around our son, but not me. I am really scared he might start dating someone else. I am going crazy trying to figure this out.

  20. I hope and prayed to God, that yes it has been a long five years without my husband but I know now after reading this article that only God will bring him back into my life…

    1. I have been separated for three years from my husband with no reason after his Father passed away. He abandoned his whole family and his wife for no reason, no communication, living a double life with an Internet woman four hours away. I gave him everything he wanted, worked two jobs, loved my family! Gone abandoned, everything and everybody. Almost three year mark. The pain is nothing as I have felt before! He has no remorse or admits a mistake. Won’t return home keeps saying not now. And is acting like a teenager. I think buying the sports car would be less damaging! Doesn’t answer the phone. Married long time, started as a Internet affair, never saw it coming. Walked away from friends, wife, kids, everything.

  21. My wife of 28 years marriage and 5 years of dating has left me. Came home one day and told me she is moving out, needs some time away and space. I have honored her request. My wife is also going through menopause and I have been under God’s power and my will to stop drinking for the last 18 months sober. I was not having an affair, I was not spending or money gambling, I was not a raging alcoholic, guy who liked a couple beers after squash match or watching the game.

    She told me she needs 6 months and she will make a decision to come back or leave for good. Said we have become lazy in our marriage toward each other. I guess my question is should I communicate with her and how much? It has been 2 months now. Thanks, Soupy

    1. Soupy, I hate to say it but something’s up. If you “have become lazy” in your marriage, then you just stop being lazy. You become intentional, like you did when you dated, and you keep being intentional so you can grow or regrow the relationship into a good one. It will grow once again.

      Yes, you should communicate with her. You need to win her back. You can’t do it by staying quiet. Don’t be pushy, but don’t be quiet either. Don’t forget about the girl… go win the girl. Here is a YouTube video that humorously gets that point across: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuIBZEOhZOw and here is another that we have posted on our web site (in case you are romantically challenged): http://marriagemissions.com/romantically-challenged-the-skit-guys/. Go get the girl. Try to win her back and keep winning her.

  22. I am a 39 year old man, My wife has separated from me and wants a divorce. We have 2 beautiful children, 11 and 8. I haven’t been the easiest to live with. Battles with jealouness and suspicion of her cheating, but never had any proof. Her Mother passed away, I was close to her but fell off the rail and had to go to a hospital for a while. My wife had no time to grieve for her mother, and to this day I hate myself for it.

    On top of all of this my “wife” has been struggling with her thinking she is gay for most of her life, and has finally decided to go ahead and pursue her interests. Now she tells me she has no interest in getting into a relationship right away, she just needs to be free to live her own life.

    I am so hurt and alone and angry and sad, I don’t know what to do anymore. We are renovating our barn into a bachelor residence and one of us will stay out there and swap weeks with the kids while the kids continue to stay in the main house, in their own beds.

    I’m not sure if this is the right thing or not, but I’m not sure. I DON’T want to live without my family, I don’t want to only have them only half my life. I am hurting unbelievably, and I have no control over any of it. My wife tells me that things will work out between us but does not mean getting back together.

    I’m not sure I can go on without having her in my life, but I can’t leave my children and go without them. I’m sorry but I am so hurt and sad, and hopeless, I just don’t know what to do anymore.
    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  23. I apologize ahead of time for the length. My wife of 6 years now told me in April that she was unhappy and that she had feelings for another man (a friend of ours) at the advice of her individual counselor. She started counseling stating that she didn’t know what was wrong with her, having started talking to this guy in Jan and stopping at some point in Feb, then after her first appt in mid March, started texting this guy. This of course made me go nuts. I left for a week and came home all the while she continued to text him. That ended in the beginning of May. Since then, we had fights and then went to a counselor that wasn’t right for us but helped us learn to talk better. After that first session, we agreed on a separation with a “temp check” @ 3 months.

    The Sat before she moved was our anniversary so we went out and had an awesome time, even got a goodnight kiss. Surprising because I had been cut off but, we never really had sex that often and hadn’t since the end of March. She has never liked to touch other people and says that most of her sex life has happened when she has been drinking. She says that she hopes this can work out and is going to go to counseling in mid July with a new counselor. She also doesn’t want me to cancel a family camping trip that we have in late July and wants to go as a family (1 son, 4yrs old) to the Fireworks in our town on the 4th. She moved last Sat and I helped her (stupid I know) and we have had no contact other than our son’s tee ball last night.

    I am so confused as to what to do. She seems to just want to go out and party with her 2 younger single girlfriends and I don’t know if she will ever want to be a wife and mother again.

    I admit that I was not a great husband to her at the end of last year when I got depressed. I spoke to her condescendingly & didn’t help enough around the house. She thought that I was upset with her and as unhappy in the marriage as she was. Boy, was she surprised when she told me and I told her I was not and that I wanted to work on the marriage.

    We share custody of our son 50/50 and I am starting to wonder if I gave her everything that she wanted with the separation, no husband and only 50% parent so that she can party and hang out with her friends. I just wonder if I am disillusioning myself into believing that this will ever work out. Any advice would be great.

    1. I should add that after many, many prayers, long story short, I believe that I was pointed to Ephesians 4:2 in a fairly blatant way.

  24. Omgosh! God is so faithful in bringing Broken Heart on Hold across my path… You are truly here for such a time as this. Thank you… For encouragement & obedience to the call of God. I cried out to God just this morning… pleading with Him to ease this excruciating pain so I can get a grip on Him. I am truly willing to trust God with my life, my husband’s life & our marriage but the pain seemed to be really getting in the way. I’m believing that BHOH may be just the encouragement I need during this especially lonely time… Again, thank you đŸ’™ May God bless you.