Marriage Missions International

During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend

The following article is written to women who are dealing with their husbands who have left them, but the same principles can also apply to men who are dealing with their wives who have left. We encourage you to pray, glean, and see what God could be saying to your heart:

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles
(Isaiah 40:31 KJV).

Because your emotions are so turbulent, you may think no happy answer to your situation is possible. Your thoughts may run the gamut from a fairy-tale ending to the worst possible outcome. When you find yourself in this state for very long,you may be tempted to do whatever will give a clean resolution. You may want closure, even if that means doing what you really don’t want to do. But making rash decisions may be something you will woefully regret later. Time may be your friend, if you let it.

When this disaster first swooped down upon me, my friend Toni Jo said something that shocked me at first. I didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t be in a hurry,” she said. “Give him as much time as he needs. He’s confused and needs to figure himself out. Tell him to take a year if he needs to figure out what he wants.”

“A year!” I exclaimed. “A year?”

“What’s a year in a whole lifetime?” she asked. “If it takes a year for him to figure things out, and then you have thirty more happy years together after that, wouldn’t it be worth it?”

As it turned out, it took three years for my husband and me, not one. But yes, it was worth it.

Trusting God includes waiting on him to do whatever he is trying to do during this process. Because God does not force his loving work into our lives, making rash decisions can preclude God from accomplishing new dimensions of spiritual and emotional growth in you and your mate as well as others around you. We need to give God time.

Waiting is extremely hard when each day weighs us down with an eternity of suffering. But time has a way not only of healing but also of giving perspective. What may seem true to your mate today may look different to him tomorrow. Each new encounter between the two of you can set him or you off in a different relational direction, either positive or negative.

Many years of clutter may need to go through the filter before the gemstones of your life together can become clear. If your husband has separated from you, he may be trying not to even think about you now. He may be focusing only on what he can make sense of. And that probably is not you and your relationship. Most likely he is filling his mind with work and other interests that keep him aloof emotionally.

During moments of deep depression, when you really want to give up, pick up your Bible and let God speak to you. Listen to what he says to you at that particular time. He wants to strengthen you, and you need strong wings if you’re going to mount up on the wings like eagles. Wait on the Lord. Remember, he is able to do more than we could ever imagine. But sometimes it requires time.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD, my cause is disregarded by my God?’

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:26-31).

This article is written by Linda W. Rooks and comes from the book, Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation, published by Life Journey. As Linda writes about this book, “Broken Heart on Hold is meant to be a friend to walk beside you through the labyrinths of your confusion and pain. It is not a quick fix or a prescription for how to solve your problems. It is intended to be a daily companion in your crisis. …Read one selection each day and let the devotional thoughts sink into your heart and mind. Mull it over. Chew it up. Then the following day go on to the next.”

You can also visit Linda’s Web site at where she has “individually formatted a number of Bible verses for your strength and encouragement.”


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333 Responses to “During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend”
  1. Eliza from United States says:

    My husband and I have been separated for seven years. We were only married a short time when problems arose. We would fight and disagree a lot in our first year of marriage. There were mother in law issues, my health deterioted under the stress, and finally our son had behavior problems due to his autism. We were married for five years before we separated. Through the separation…we managed to keep a civil attitude for the sake of our son’s well being. There was no infidelity in our marriage and no biblical grounds for divorce.

    I’ve asked him back many times for our child’s sake, out of shear loneliness, and to honor our commitment before God, but he refuses to reconcile. Last year I gave him forms to fill out so we can file for a divorce. I’ve prayed and hoped for a reconciliation, but this year is the end for me… as I would like to share my life with someone and am tired of being alone and in waiting. I don’t love him, and he states he doesn’t love me, so why won’t he sign the forms? He says he just hasn’t had time and will do them when he gets time. He has had seven years of time. Can someone tell me a specific scripture that talks about abandonement by a spouse and is this grounds for divorce? I’ve searched the word and cannot find any mention of what God expects of me through this painful and drawn out failed relationship.

  2. Adam from United States says:

    My wife left me with our son on a Sunday after asking me if I’ve ever felt there was somebody out there for me. I lost my mind (temporary insanity). I loved her so much that I said I would let her go and that’s been a hard battle. I threw her stuff out, cancelled her car and health insurance. I wanted her to see my pain and anger. I could not trust or believe anything she has said for the last two months.

    I’ve become a new Christian to save our marriage and after a few weeks I filed for divorce on the grounds of “suspecting infidelity”, and pursuing a relationship with God instead. I too once felt a connection with someone else but I quickly chose family. When I confessed this she replied, “well I guess I wasn’t thinking about family”.

    Long story short I spoke to her today; it’s been at least 2 months. She says feeling was just a feeling and that she wants to learn things on her own. I genuinely saw some truth in that but I cannot trust her, especially due how she started the situation. She lied to her entire family and was blame shifting for weeks. She’s has recently admitted to causing all of this mess. I’m confused but trying to set aside my feelings to serve my greater purpose.

    She changed my life. When I met her at 16 I said, this is the girl that makes me want to get a career, house, dog and boat and I never thought I’d fall short of that promise. Well then life happened. I absolutely love her and hate knowing this has happened. Since this has happened strange things almost holy things have happened to me. I start feeling like I need to be here then I think of her and everything becomes a mess. I wish I could tell her this but it’s just going to make things worst.

    My thoughts kill me because that’s all I’m left with. But I want to be thankful for this moment because I know it will end with my full trust in God. And that makes me wonder, why is she so “okay” now when she doesn’t even bring him up anymore? This other guy would go up to her and say,”if I were your husband, I would never do that”, well it worked.

    I’ve spent 11 years with her and I noticed a change in her body composer the day I was baptized on Easter Sunday, the day we lost our virginity to each other. It’s almost as if she wanted me to know what she has done. Again these are my thoughts. I’ll let time become my friend. God has not left me he’s sitting with me and giving me his blessings.

    I don’t know if I’m looking for an answer or if this story can help someone but if you’ve read this far just know to treat your spouse good. If they cry, CRY WITH THEM!!! It will create an amazing bond. If she wants to talk during your favorite shows, TALK!!! Spouses need attention in ways you need to learn and imagine. I can go back in time but I can tell her I care today and show it with my actions and the way I’m becoming a better father to our son. I’m not going to lie she looked amazing and made me feel so good that I would of taken her back today but that’s my weakness.

    Sorry for this long story but I’m here now, don’t be like me, be a good spouse and care when you least expect it. I have faith that I could have saved this marriage but I’ve made a sacrifice to save myself and my son. Hopefully, my wife will trust me and join our journey also.

  3. Ethan from Canada says:

    My wife and I were married for 13 years. We have 4 beautiful children together. In November of 2014 she told me she was done with our marriage. I was devastated. I know I wasn’t as good a man as God intended me to be. In the last few months I have turned my life around. God got a hold of my heart and changed me incredibly. Yet the hardness of my wife’s heart has not broken. This website and many others have been incredible in showing me new and better ways at looking at life and love.

    Having hope is so fragile right now. My wife has moved to a different town. School is starting in a few short weeks and I’ll be a single father with 4 children under 10 years. She’s pursuing her own life. Searching desperately for happiness. If only she would turn her eyes to Jesus. Alas, I can do nothing to help her see the truth.

    The story of Hosea and Gomer constantly comes up in my mind. It scares my to the core. I’m afraid God will let me go to that place. I’m afraid I can’t survive that amount of heartache and sorrow. I’m afraid of what this will do to my children. I’m just afraid.

    All hope seems lost to me. But I want to believe that God will not let me or my family fall. I want to believe that God is in control, but my fragile mind can’t comprehend it. My heart is broken. My children will be crushed. How do I show them that God is in control when I barely believe it? How do I show love when my heart so so fun of hurt and anger? I don’t want to fail my children.

    • Sally from United Kingdom says:

      I’m so sorry to hear you’re suffering so much. I’m in a similar situation, but know that there is no clock in God’s world. As Christians we must have faith, faith in our Heavenly Father who if he chooses to, can make any miracle happen. Know that God is carrying you through these hard times. Take it a day at a time. Pray for strength for you and your family and trust in God’s plan for you. It may not be what you hope for, but know it will be the best outcome for you. God will always have your best interests at heart. Keep strong, and have faith. Take care, Sally

    • Sam from United States says:

      Sometimes when we are short on faith, simple obedience is all we can muster. Obey God, he will reward you for your faithful obedience in your time of sorrow.

    • Cindy From Texas from United States says:

      I am so sorry for your pain. I know exactly what you are feeling and going through. You said you want to believe God is in control but your fagile mind can’t comprehend it. This type of thinking is of the enemy, he wants you to believe God can not and is not hearing your prayers. I don’t know if you are praying, but that is the way you need to fight. (Ephesians 6:10-20.) we must depend wholeheartedly on Christ’ strength, putting on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the Devil’s schemes.

      Read this scripture slowly and place it in your heart. But most importantly you must seek God first, repent and then praise him in all things, and finally always pray in the spirt in all things. I don’t know what plans God has in store for us but they are good and just. Study his word on the areas that are overcoming you such as lack of faith, anger and rejection. A book I am reading that is helping me learn to pray; it’s for women but it might help you: “Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan for Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer” by Priscilla Shirer. I hope this helps you on the the path to healing and restoration. You are strong and will overcome this, your world may feel as if it is falling apart, but it’s actually falling into place even though we don’t understand. Stand firm in Christ! Blessings to you and your family.

  4. Dhinz from Philippines says:

    I want a spiritual advice about how to cope up when your husband says he doesn’t love me anymore and we’re seperated.

  5. Brenda from United States says:

    My husband and I were only married two months when I left the first time. I felt he didn’t want me, would call me names, would tell me I didn’t acknowledge his feelings. I had received an inappropriate text from my ex husband and deleted it because of fear of my husband’s response. Not a good idea because he looked at the online bill and saw the text had come in and then I didn’t have it to even show him. Bad choice on my part. It caused a lot of distrust and doubt in me, understandably.

    He never stopped reminding me of it and wanted me to say I was sorry each time he brought it up. He has a temper and gets loud and cusses. I’ve been in abusive relationships and I ran out of fear. He left to go out of town to stay with his sister and told a friend of mine he wouldn’t be back until I was gone. So I moved all my things and went to my daughters. After a month and half and talking I moved back in. We started counseling and spoke to our pastor. He had quit his job two weeks after our wedding and said he just couldn’t do it anymore. He needed to get out of the medical field and go back to school. He did go back to school. He worked two days part time and told his boss where to go.

    He didn’t work after that. He became extremely depressed, anxious, had BP and heart rate issues and was seeing a counselor and pychiatrist for treatment of anxiety. He’s been on medication for years, mood stabilizers and antidepressants to name a few. Each day he would yell and scream at me for something I didn’t do right, for not acknowledging his feelings, and for not being there for him.

    During our first separation my friend and I opened a dating site account with a false name and email because I suspected he was on there. He was. He confronted me about the account we made and said he felt it was lies and I was really on there looking for someone and he was angry beyond words. It was childish and stupid for me to even do that. I got defensive. He called me all kinds of names. He called his sister and told her I was pushing him and pushing him everyday and he didn’t know what to do, that I pulled the rug out from him every time he began to feel better.

    I watched him cry. I cried with him and told him I wish he could believe in himself as much as I believed in him. He told me I scared him and he feared for his life with me. Thought I would stab him with a butter knife. He wanted a print out of all my text messages and phones calls for the last few months. I initially said I would get them, but after the name calling etc and said that is ridiculous and wasn’t going to do it.

    To back up a few, when I returned home to him after our first separation there were 9 ED pills missing. He told me a story of what he did with them and it wasn’t infidelity he said. So I had my own doubts and fears. So when I told him I wasn’t giving him the online records he screamed and yelled, called me all kinds of names and told me to get ……. Out. I left the next morning.

    It’s been three months. He emailed and texted me several times and then I blocked him. I was confused and sad and hurt. About a month ago he emailed me through his school email and I responded. I told him how much I loved him when I married him and how I felt so hurt and disrespected by him. I want to share the rest of my life with him and don’t know where to start. He says he loves me but he’s scared. His family hates me and his sister has sent me a vulgar text on her thoughts. My husband has spoken to the pastor. My husband said maybe the best thing is not to have a plan and take it day by day. I believe he’s focusing on his pain and how I inflicted it on him. I don’t believe he understands how hurt I was and am. I know I hurt him by leaving. It was wrong and I’m so sorry for walking out. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying everyday.

  6. Denise from United States says:

    Would you please pray for me and my husband who separated two months ago? Over the past few months, we hurt one another. There were arguments over finances and my husband would stay away from the house as much as he could to avoid conflict. There were secrets and lies. After he was gone, I realized the love that I had for him, that I didn’t show when he was with me. I believe that we are meant to be and by faith I pray for his return and that our love will be renewed. Oh the sadness is overwhelming and the pain of him gone feels like I lost someone in death. I pray to Jesus everyday and I have fasted for total restoration of everything that we lost. It’s the hardest issue that I’ve faced and this trial too shall pass. I know that time heals all wounds and my eyes and my heart will be waiting to hear from heaven…

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