For Widows and Widowers Considering Remarriage

After your spouse has been deceased for a period of time, you may think about the possibility of once again sharing your life with another. In practically every interview we conducted with widows and widowers of all ages, the question of remarriage was a common topic of conversation.

…This [article] is designed to give helpful information to you who are presently planning a remarriage or will become involved later with a person who may eventually become your new spouse. If you ever think of remarrying, read this material carefully. Even if remarriage is one of your major priorities and you feel it is God’ will to follow this goal, there are numerous practical aspects to keep in mind.

Whatever you do, be sure you’re guided by the Scriptures in your pursuits. Surround yourself with prayer to help you follow God’s will. We believe that God is Master of every facet of life and if you believe in his Word, every major step you take —including remarriage —will be directed by him.

As part of the research for writing this [article], we interviewed survivors who have married so that we could list criteria to consider before remarrying. Examine each item carefully. If you have difficulty resolving any of the questions posed, you need to examine more carefully your reasons for remarriage and your overall goals. The questions below are not listed in any order of importance, since each is vital to the success of your new marriage.

How long should you wait before you remarry? The answer depends on a number of circumstances. Some authorities say that it should be at least a year after the death of your mate before you make any major decision, which certainly includes marriage. If the death of your mate was sudden, the resolution of your grief may be particularly difficult, and you may wait several years before even considering the idea of remarriage. Conversely, if your mate had a lingering illness and you went through a partial process of grief before his or her death, you may be comfortable in remarrying in less than a year. If this is true, the timing of your marriage may be of secondary importance. We are convinced, however, that resolving the answers to the next questions could take several months, or even years, for some individuals.

…If there are children, how do they feel about your remarrying? This issue was a serious one for Rita and me because she had four adult children and I had three. At first my children had only a slight acquaintance with Rita, and her children did not know me at all. After studying this question carefully and consulting counselors and trusted friends, we took a path that has been reasonably successful in establishing a harmonious family relationship. We recommend the following guidelines for your consideration:

1. Introduce your prospective spouse to your children as early as possible. Much of any initial negative reaction is because the individuals really do not know each other. If possible, let all the children in both families get acquainted before any marriage plans are announced. When you meet the children of your intended, be as natural as possible. Do not try to be someone you are not. They might not accept you completely, but if you show yourself to be a “phony,” they will be even more suspicious. Especially if the children are young, respect them for who they are and be sensitive to their grief over the loss of the deceased parent, which may still be very painful to them.

Avoid recommendations about child-rearing to your intended at this stage. If his or her children make you uneasy and uncomfortable for any major reason, you had better have a serious conversation about your feelings. Even though it may be hard to accept, you will not only become involved with is or her children and other family members as well.

2. Although the feelings of adult children regarding your remarrying must be considered, the final decision must be made by both of you according to the best interests of all. Some children may be negative toward any relationship you enter because they may still be economically and emotionally dependent on you as a parent an feel isolated and neglected if you remarry or even consider doing so. A few people find it difficult to make adjustments in their life and always prefer the status quo. On the other hand, if your children are opposed because of some specific loving concerns, consider these aspects carefully. While you should be concerned about the feelings of your children, you need to take charge of your life and do what you believe is best of you.

The most logical step is to discuss your children’s reactions with your pastor or another counselor and some trusted friends who will keep the children’s misgivings confidential. You need the opinions of persons who are somewhat detached from your situation and can give you objective advice about your relationship.

Once you’re comfortable with the decision you have made, announce your intentions to your children privately and ask for their love, prayers, and goodwill. After you decide to remarry, most loving children will want your marriage to succeed and will be supportive. If not, the passage of time usually helps people adjust to new situation.

3. Absorbing young children into a new marriage may be a major source of conflict for both of you. When there are young children involved, assuming the stepfather’s or stepmother’s role may be demanding and traumatic. We have observed that a husband and wife may agree on nearly everything except how to raise children, their own or someone else’s! It’s nearly impossible to remain detached from such problems once a couple is united in a remarriage.

Often the family situation is still more challenging when you marry a divorced person and bring a child who has been living with the ex-spouse into your new home. Some children of divorced parents are very troubled and have a great capacity to spread discord wherever they go. Consider these possibilities seriously before remarrying.

Before you enter into a marriage where young children are involved, it would be advisable to air your concerns with your pastor and/or trusted friends. Don’t let the present grief of your mate’s death cause you to enter into a new marriage arrangement that is a profound risk for all involved.

What is the financial status of each of you? Of all the issues that may imperil a marriage, the subject of money can be the most deadly. The issues below must be studied and resolved before the marriage takes place.

Agreement must be reached if one of you has much more money than the other. There must be a clear understanding of how finances will be divided. There probably would not be a 50-50 split of assets in this circumstance. If this is a potential trouble spot, identify it early in a relationship.

A definite plan must be established with regard to spending money —whether it be for yourselves, children’s needs, recreation, vacations, or eating away from home. If you are planning to establish a joint checking account (with or without equal contributions to the account), there should be a clear understanding about which expenditures will be made from that source. Unless such a decision is reached, there is considerable potential for disagreement and stress.

A program must be agreed on with regard to checking, savings, and various investment accounts. The exact ownership and plans for these accounts should be described in detail in a prenuptial agreement (especially if either of you has children). Normally it is recommended that each of you keep your own name on any savings or investments that were yours before the remarriage. Decide whether the beneficiaries of the accounts will be your new mate or the children of one of you. Sometimes joint checking accounts are established with the understanding that both parties will contribute agreed-on amounts each month. For your mutual protection, property bought jointly after marriage should be stated on the title as “joint tenants with right of survivorship.”

Should you have a prenuptial agreement and new wills? The establishment of a prenuptial agreement before a second marriage is advisable, especially if there are children involved and either of you have various financial holdings. In the event of a divorce or death of one of you, each mate needs to have a clear understanding of his or her legal rights at that point.

New wills are an absolute must so that each of you will know which possessions will be yours on the death of the other and to formalize your wishes regarding any other separate or joint heirs. Be sure that your will mentions that a prenuptial agreement has been made. If it does not, there can be considerable heartache for all concerned. Your county’s legal society can recommend local lawyers who specialize in premarital agreements and wills.

Are you sexually compatible? One of the most important aspects of any marriage is the degree of sexual satisfaction attained by each member in the relationship. Your need for sexual gratification probably did not terminate at the death of your mate. Despite myths to the contrary, there is a substantial body of research data to show that the great majority of physically and mentally healthy persons remain sexually active up to age eighty and even beyond.

If you intend to remarry, discuss your degree of sexual interest and your preferences in this area with your prospective mate. There is potential for a great amount of stress and difficulty if a person who has previously had a very active sex life marries someone who has little interest in sexual intimacy or has different ideas of how to express that intimacy. One of the most authoritative books regarding this matter is Sex over 40 by Saul H. Rosenthal, M.D. Another interesting publication is Common Sense Christianity by Gerald Mann, who devotes an entire chapter to “great Sex for Christians.”

What are your religious beliefs? Of all the questions cited so far, this one may have the greatest potential for trouble between a couple. Resolve this issue before you pursue a relationship to any great depth. Our studies of this question have led us to some rather firm beliefs about related concerns.

Basic spiritual values. If persons of any age (especially older) have never been interested in such matters as church attendance, tithing, prayer, witnessing, and the need to be saved, there is a good prospect that they will not embrace all or even some of these aspects just because they get married. We hope that they will change their lives. However, they probably will not.

Evangelism in a marriage. The Bible tells us not to be “unequally yoked” with a nonbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). To disobey this admonition may be an invitation to a stress-filled and unsuccessful marriage. Never enter a marriage with the expectation that your fervent witnessing will eventually lead your souse to accept the gospel truths.

What will be your living arrangements? There are many questions that need to be answered in this arena.

1. Will you live in the other’s home or your own?
2. Will you both sell your houses (or move from your apartments) and buy or rent a new dwelling place that is jointly “yours”?
3. Will you have his or her children (and/or your own) living with you?
4. Will you use some of the furniture of each mate or buy everything new?
5. How will you dispose of items not needed in the new home?

Our experience and survey data show that there are no clear-cut, desirable answers for each of the previous questions. …Each situation has to be judged individually to arrive at a plan that will be satisfactory for both of you. If either of you is unhappy about living in the other person’s house, you had best make other living arrangements.

Do either of you have family or financial obligations? Discuss these details completely before the marriage takes place. Jo and Linda were married some time after the deaths of their mates. About one month after the marriage ceremony, during a casual dinner conversation between them, Linda discovered the following information about Joe’s commitments:

  • He had told his mother she could live with them sometime during the next two years instead of going to a nursing home.
  • He was giving about $200 a month to his unmarried (and usually unemployed) son, who lived in the next town.
  • He had taken limited bankruptcy three years ago and still owed creditors over $20,000.

Obviously this information was most upsetting to Linda. These facts, along with Joe’s refusal to compromise on certain religious issues, caused their later divorce. There should be no secrets of this type between two persons contemplating marriage!

Will you avoid comparison of your deceased mate with your new one? You will never find a mate exactly like your first. Your new husband or wife will no doubt have some good (and bad) qualities your first mate did not have, and vice versa. Do not place your former mate on a pedestal and challenge your new partner to be the same. Leaving the deceased’s picture on the wall and constantly remarking that he or she “was so good” about doing such-and-so is not conducive to a harmonious second marriage. Conversely, there is no profit in amplifying all the faults of your former spouse. Be fair and objective about your first mate, without making direct or indirect comparisons to your new or intended partner. What happened in your first marriage is history —let it go at that.

If you have grown children, what will be your contact with them after you marry? Your marriage will be a major adjustment for your adult children. If you follow some rather simple guidelines, your new marriage can be very successful.

First of all, let your children know that you still love them and that they should feel welcome to call you and see you within the bounds of common courtesy and good sense. Having a new husband or wife should not cause you to be isolated from your children, even if they have misgivings about the marriage.

Second, do not go to your children with every problem or conflict that you have with your new spouse, at least until all other avenues for resolution have been explored. Even then it may be counterproductive to do so. In every disagreement have a private talk with your mate and try to resolve conflict at that level. Playing “mind games” with each other’s children is a sure way of breeding major problems for a marriage.

How will you manage family traditions and holidays? The first Thanksgiving and Christmas following a second marriage calls for much planning and discussion. There are many relatives to consider, and a calm, well-developed plan can avoid much unneeded stress. Keep as many of your own family traditions as you can, but at the same time be ready to compromise to include your new mate’s relatives. You may need to have two Thanksgiving meals —or one big one for all. …Can your traditions and celebrations be exactly the same as with your first mate? Of course not. If both you and your new mate flexible and willing to try new plans, family gatherings can be harmonious, fun-loving, and wholesome for all.

To summarize, we want to emphasize that remarriage is not necessary or desirable for everyone whose mate has died. If you ask God’s blessings and are led to the proper person, however, a new marriage can be highly rewarding.

There were other valuable points made, that we weren’t able to include, from the chapter of the book, Coping with Life after Your Mate Dies by Donald C. Cushenbery and Rita Crossley Cushenbery published by Baker Books. If you know of someone who needs help in coping with the death of their spouse, or if you have unresolved issues from your own spouse’s death, please consider obtaining this book because you could find it very helpful. It is written to be read quickly and easily at a stressful time.


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156 responses to “For Widows and Widowers Considering Remarriage

  1. I thank you for this article and all the comments. My dear husband passed away March 18th of this year. It has only been five months and I’m still devastated. He had been married before and had three grown daughters when we met. He was 16 years older than me. His first wife passed away shortly before we met and I had just gotten divorced from an abusive marriage. We took it slow because of his kids and because of my problems with trust and allowing closeness again. God surely brought us together as I see now how many things had to align Just Right for us to even meet, especially when neither of us was considering someone.

    I loved him with my whole being. We worked together well as partners and were evenly matched spiritually and in most of our beliefs. I’m a caregiver to my elderly mother with dementia. She had lived with us for three years before his passing and he helped me greatly. Now she’s here with just me and I have promised to take care of her to the end. My family didn’t approve of my marriage and have walked away from me and his children never warmed up to me the way I prayed they would and don’t speak to me either. Most of his family is the same. So except for my mom and some close friends, I’m alone.

    However, as hard as this is, this is how I’m comfortable. I never want to be in a marriage or relationship like that again. I had it almost perfect for fifteen years and nothing could ever be better than that so I feel why settle for second best? I am not very healthy and pray and study the Bible a lot along with writing and arts and crafts. I’m however, already hearing everyone tell me how it is only right that at my age, 47, I would find someone to marry again.

    I cannot have children and am not interested in sex for sex sake. To me sex was only wonderful because we loved each other so. Is it horrible for me to feel this way and devote myself to caring for others and asking the Lord to fill me up until it is my turn to go to heaven and be with Him and Jesus and my loved ones again? Why does society believe we cannot be happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple? Those of us that don’t want this are made to feel weird and wrong.

    1. Hi Jill – I’m very sorry for your loss and I’m speaking as one with a wonderful 26 year marriage who “lost” his wife to brain cancer in 2013. I certainly understand your feelings being 5 months a widow and especially after having a man of God by your side in the form of your husband.

      I don’t think what you asked for “until you go home” is wrong at all! Sounds like the Lord grants you peace and contentment while you serve Him in your singleness Praise Him! I too felt the same way when, about 8 months after my wife had passed, I found myself desiring to date. I went to a particular church Elder I know (who was widowed and remarried) and asked him how is it I’m feeling like this? I was married to the love of my life (both of us Christians at marriage)! He said read Genesis – it’s our (a man’s) design! I studied, prayed and found that I’m free to re-marry and I’ll never stop loving my first wife!

      Your Genesis design is to respond IF in fact the Lord puts the RIGHT Christian man in front of you, and you don’t have to feel guilty if you choose to respond or remain single! As time passes, the God of all comfort (2 Cor 1:3-5) brings you out of mourning and grieving and you move ahead with the work He wants you to do for His Kingdom (Eph 2:10).

  2. I found this site “Googlng” for sites about widowers remarriage. I’ve been a widower about 2.5 years. I’m 59 with three twenty something daughters (my wife went to Heaven after a 2.5 year battle with cancer). Definitely a lot of good information to review and meditate over at this site.

    By far and away the BEST advice here are the two points you made about “religious” beliefs: 1. Basic Spiritual Values and 2. Evangelism in marriage. If you’re a truly born again believer in the Lord Jesus then evaluate the person of interest using these two points at the get go – not after you have gone out for a while. If the answer is positive, then proceed with caution. If not, STOP seeing the person and either present the Gospel or challenge their theology with the truth!

    Quick comment that I recently heard from a well known, solid, Biblically based Christian ministry while attending their re-marriage seminar: The re-marriage unit of husband and wife takes priority over all the “blended” children concerns and/or objections just as your children with your first spouse were required to submit to the husband and wife unit under your first marriage. Again, back to the “religious” questions above, this is a perfect continuation of Scripture in that re-marriage is permitted and you are free to love and commit yourself to another IF you believe God is leading you in that direction. This is not to say you ignore your children’s “issues”; of course you listen and offer Biblical answers as best as you can. However, if you are pursuing another Biblical relationship they are to come into submission with your decision, and you are not to wait for their “final approval” before consummating your new relationship.

    Is all this “easy?” – no but it’s getting easier! After a pretty good marriage I never thought at my age I’d be “dating” again. However, I’ve come to grips that we live in a dying, decaying world, my wife is in Heaven and I’ll see her again, our sovereign God permitted my wife to go ahead of me for His purpose, and there’s kingdom work for me to do while I’m still here…so perhaps it’s with another wife…perhaps not. As the male pursuer, I won’t know unless I pursue, will I?

  3. I do appreciate the forum. I am a widow since 9th May, 2011 following the death of my husband after a one year of battling with cancer. I’m a mother of three young ladies 20, 16 and 10. The thought of getting married scares me due to the great love I have for my children. I keep asking myself whether I can manage to date another man and where would I even meet a man that I can say I will get to love. Most of my friends tell me that I have opted to hide behind spirituality and I deny the emotional and social part of me. Is it possible that I can love again?

    1. Lilian, I read your contents. My dear, you need to open up and live your life. You will find love once you decide to have a right guy. Though you need to be smart as all men will not be as loyal as you may want them to be.

      First decide how you’ll handle your kids when you’re in relationship. I’m in a relationship as well for 8 years with a widow. But she’s hardly able to spend time with me as her son who is 18 years does not approve this relationship. It’s a very difficult situation. You need to be ready for reality.

      Note you have a life too and it’s very important for you to live the way you feel is right and do not be controlled. All the best, dear.

  4. Hi, I’m aged 42 years and divorced. I have two sons aged 17 & 11 years and both stay with me. I’m in a relationship with a widow for almost 7 years and she had two kids, a son and daughter aged 18 & 19 years.

    Two years ago her daughter passed away in a terrorist attack and her son survived with bullet wounds. I need your advice and help. I am Hindu and she’s Muslim. I used to get along very much with her son and I had proposed to her several times before. After the incident I put forward my marriage proposal to her family members as I felt she needed my support more than ever. I always spoke to her son and my kids as well and all was going well, only later to know her son was against me and the idea of us getting married.

    Family members together brainwashed the boy to an extent that he fights with his mother. We hardly meet each other or can even go out though we work together and that’s only the time we spend. On my side we are very open minded and my family loves them both accepting her son, as well, as part of us.

    On the other hand my lady cannot take any step to be with me as her son threatens her. I therefore decided not to marry but we continue our relationship though now she hardly goes out with me apart from our working hours. I’m feeling torn apart since I have just been waiting for years to improve relations, but instead it worsens. Tell me please what should I do?

    1. Vimal, I am so sorry for this situation you find yourself in with the woman you love. It is admirable that you have stuck with her through all of the turmoil she has endured. More than anything I wish I could tell you that your relationship with her was going to turn for the better. But because you are dealing not only with this woman’s son, you are also dealing with an entire culture and as long as she allows her son to control her, you will have no chance to have the kind of relationship that you (and she) desire. And as hard as this will be for you to accept the finality of the relationship, we believe it is best for you to completely let her go.

      Don’t torture yourself and her by trying to have even a “casual” work relationship. You need to sever all contact, even if it means leaving the company you work for to find a job at another location. I hope you don’t think this was easy advice for me to give to you. It comes from what we have seen happen over many years of marriage ministry and we have never seen a situation like yours work out the way you would desire. While the pain and heartache will be very intense now, it can get better. I will pray for you. ~ Steve Wright, Marriage Missions International.

  5. I thank you people of God, for this forum. I’m a widow aged 44 with 4 children. My husband died 10 years ago. I have been sceptical about re-marrying bcoz I feared that I would hurt my children. My 3 children have completed high school and they’re doing tertiary Education. Most of the time they leave me alone. I feel I need a partner but my worry is where can I find a strong believer because I’m a believer. I’m worried. There’s a pastor who took advantage of and squandered my money. Ever since then, my heart is kind of closed to Zambians. Is it right to ask God for a white man, preferably a missionary to compliment with the burden that I have for my fellow widows? please advise and pray for me.

  6. My husband has passed away. There is a dear long time friend that I have seen a couple of times, gone out to dinner. He has been divorced. I’m wondering what the Bible has to say about a widower remarrying a divorcee. I haven’t been able to find a clear answer in the Bible yet. Any thoughts on this?

    1. Examine carefully the reason for the divorce. Seek counseling from a qualified counselor and from a minister or parson or religious leader. If you’re careful and thorough, it can work out to be fine for you both.

  7. What is going to happen to my name when I remarry? Should I use my late husband’s last name as my middle name and my last name will be my second husband’s? I am confused.

    1. Sure, you could do that as far as making your late husband’s name as your middle name, IF the man you are marrying is okay with it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t. But that’s my opinion. Let me ask you… what did you do with the last name your parents gave you after you married? You probably put your late husband’s name in its place. So, if you did it with your maiden name, why wouldn’t you do the same thing with the last name of the man you are now marrying? Would he feel like he is taking a back seat to the man you were married to before if you are still using your late husband’s name?

      I sure get it as far as wanting to keep his name because of the years and closeness in love, which you had together before. But just make sure that you don’t jeopardize the marriage you would have with this new man if you kept and use your current last name. It’s a decision you both need to make together.

      Also, be sure that you don’t hold your late husband up in such high esteem and priority that the man you are considering marrying will be threatened. It’s good for you and your new husband to honor his memory, but you don’t want to be talking about him so much and have him on your mind so much that your new husband feels like he is second best. Honor, yes… still care, yes… but put your energy into making this new husband know he is your priority as far as having a future life together.

  8. Society must understand that the spiritual world is facing a strong evolution in terms of codes and ethics. No one size fits all. However, all of us must be respectful, courteous. Our religions have molded us into spiritual personalities. I can marry a widow. I will follow the religious and ethical processes.

  9. My mom has just announced she is getting remarried after only 3 1/2 months of dating. My mom is 67. He (Dan) is 70. We are very concerned they are moving too fast. My dad commited suicide in 2010.They had a very intense marriage throughout but the last few years were awful. My dad was bipolar with a narcissistic personality disorder. Dan’s wife just died 8 months ago after battling cancer. Dan is very attentive to her and supportive. He is everything my dad was not. I am concerned that she is more in love with the idea of love rather than love itself. My brother and I are concerned and hurt that she is not listening to our concerns.

    While I live in the same town and knew Dan (and his wife and kids) growing up, I still do not know him in a comfortable way and then there is also the fact that it just seems weird for him and mom to be together because I knew him and Jeannie and the kids and the grandkids. We all went to church together until the last few years. My 13 y.o. daughter was in 3rd grade when dad died. She is trying her best to hold on to his memories. He was an awesome granddaddy. He took them to school every day but didn’t stop at that – he walked them in every day hand in hand. He was at every soccer game, play, every cheer event, etc. She is having a hard time with accepting Mom getting married again. In her little fairytale mind, you only have one true love and by mom remarrying it means that everything she had with her granddaddy was not real and a lie. My brother and his boys live out of town. He and his wife and one of his sons have only met Dan once. His other son (her grandson) has not even met him once. 4/5 of the grandkids are struggling with their grandmommy marrying someone they do not know.

    Dan’s kids and grandkids are having a hard time with it also being too soon. They have not even had time to grieve properly and have all birthdays and annual events without their mom/grandma or the 1 year anniversary of her death. I am afraid my mom is setting herself up for major resentments. On top of all that, she is planning on selling her house and moving into his house that he raised his family in with their mom who died and acts like it’s no big deal and expects us to just pop on over and walk in the door, grab a coke out of the fridge, and yell “hey mom, I’m here” as we do now. Everyone is telling her this is a bad idea but she won’t listen. She hears only what she wants to hear and if it is not “oh, I am so happy” then we are unsupportive. Can you give any advice? Thanks

  10. What should you consider if your child was still in the womb when your husband died? My baby(son) is now 6 months old. I was married for only 5 months (and also 5 months pregnant) when my husband died. He was not a good husband. I only found that out after the wedding (actually after moving in together 3 weeks after the wedding). He was physically abusive. I also found out he was into gay men and drugs. He actually died of AIDS. Thankfully I did not get HIV from my husband so there’s no issue with that.

    I was reading your article as I have thoughts of getting married again (maybe) in the future. But I am so scared. My husband had a very good reputation and a ‘good boy.’ It seems you can never know the real person until after you get married.

  11. I don’t understand the one year after a spouse’s death… and sometimes less.. .remarriage guidelines you suggest are reasonable. It seems so disrespectful… if you really loved your spouse. I love my wife and think it would be disrespectful to her if she passed on and I got married in one year. And marrying that soon also seems like poor advice if you say you should really know someone before you marry them, as you wouldn’t be able to know them well enough by one year… UNLESS you started dating someone the day after your spouse is buried or soon after. Does that really sound like a good idea? How would you like your current spouse to tell you she plans to get remarried in a year or less after you die? Sound flattering? Make you feel special? Makes you feel like you’ll be missed a lot? I doubt it.

    1. I was a widow for 8 years before I remarried. After 5 years I met a man that had been divorced for 3 years. His wife left him. We kept God before us and had planned to get married after courting (not dating) after 2 years but a situation happened that made us wait another year. I think that if you keep your remarriage up in prayer that God will direct your path. Not only is it disrespectful to the deceased spouse but it is also unfair to the new spouse to get married so soon. I’m not saying you have to wait 2 or 3 years like we had to do but it takes at least a year to adjust to holidays and anniversaries.

      There are also other family members who are going through the loss of your spouse and they need time, especially children, to adjust. I think any widow/widower owes it to themselves and their future spouse to go through this process.

  12. My simple coment is that I have learned a lot from literature and I need more of your guidance and I shall need your advice before I remarry as Iam a widower who has stayed now 3 years before remarrying.

  13. We are getting married on June 25th; we are both widowers and need a perfect song for our church wedding. We heard one in Brandon Missouri last Sept., about sorrow and then joy, but unfortunately I did not write it down and the 4 people that said oh that would be a perfect song for your wedding cannot recall it either. We both were in long term marriages and then sorrow struck when we both had our spouses die. If you help us we would be ever soooooooo grateful!!! Love in Jesus.

    1. Alice, It’s difficult to know what that song could be without more information. The best thing I can recommend is to think of a few words that might be sung in the song and then go onto YouTube and put those words in their search engine (along with the word “song”) to see if anything comes up. If you know the artist who sang it, that might lead you to it on YouTube. You might also try it in your regular search engine –sometimes lyrics of songs are posted on the Internet. If it’s a Christian song, put that in there. You might even call a Christian radio station to see if they can help you figure it out. Also, pray that God will somehow let you hear that song somewhere, and keep your ears open by listening to the radio and such. If it’s meant to be, God will help you with this. But have another song handy in case it just won’t work to find it in time. If a miracle is meant to happen concerning this song, God certainly can supply it. I hope this helps. I also hope all goes well in your wedding, but I especially pray for your marriage –that it is a good one. You both deserve some smiles in life :)

  14. It was the last I expected, going out with another lady just 5 months after my wife’s death after giving birth to my first son. She was all I wanted and felt till 1 year plus that I won’t have anything to with another lady only for me to be seeing myself having feelings for another lady. Some how inside me, I’m not comfortable with it but can’t stop wanting to have her around or see her face because aside from my son, she is one person that makes me happy now.

  15. I heard after 6 months of waiting after a spouse has died, that it was/is okay to remarry? that’s with kids. I’m torn between my X son in law getting remarried. My husband died 5/15, my daughter died 9/15. I do understand where he is coming from. He has cut me and the rest of my side of the family out. Any suggestion?

    1. Oh Barbara, How I grieve for you. I can’t even imagine the depth of pain you have been going through and the confusion you are now experiencing. How I wish I had easy answers for you. These deaths are still so new. And now this… how very difficult, to say the least. Honestly, it’s hard to know what to advise because I don’t know your son in law. But it may be that this is his way of pushing away the pain of losing your daughter and this is the only way he knows how to do it –a “clean break” so to speak. Eventually, he will probably see that this is not best, 6 months or even a year is not enough. He will eventually realize that the hard way.

      But for now, what CAN you do except ask him to NOT push you away, that you want to honor his new wife? It may even be that this is her request, but I don’t know. Barbara, all you can do is give grace as best as you can (because you are grieving too). State your love and support and pray for him, and see what happens. And then adjust accordingly. Sadly, that is the best thing you can do –getting to the place of your “new normal” as graciously as you can.

      Please know Barbara that I grieve for you and your family and pray for you. May the Lord lighten the load and give you smiles here and there, as time goes on.

  16. Restarting after losing a spouse ain’t as easy neither. For instance you experience persistent false allegations with the new spouse either because of envy, jealousy, or even because the might feel loved since they fear after losing the spouse you had befriended others who might still be in your thoughts…

  17. Hi God’s people. I am a widow two years now since my husband died in 2014. I am aged 39 yrs with three children all below 16 yrs. Indeed it is been a challenge to even think of dating given the age of my children. It is even worse considering the culture where I come from. Women remarrying is not a common issue. I am a church worker and I know what the church says about widows. I don’t even know where and how I can get a GOD FEARING WIDOWER to date. My children have started asking me if they will get another dad and I hve no answer for them. Please, what do I do? It is true that am very lonely.