How A Man’s Friends Can Make Or Break His Marriage

Photo credit: Alex Light / Foter / CC BY-NC
Photo credit: Alex Light / Foter / CC BY-NC

Life is one series of choices after the next. We all have within ourselves the free will to make choices that are good for what we want out of life and we have the free will to make choices that can hurt what we want out of life.

If we determine that we want our marriage to be one of partnership and to be the best it can be, we have to make the choices that will help that to happen. And when it comes to how we handle our friendships, the same “rule” applies.

“Each of us has a choice to make in terms of what we expect out of our friendships with others. You see, some may be content with just hanging out with the boys after a game. It’s fine just throwing the ball around, getting dirty, having some laughs, and then going home. For many that’s enough; that’s what friendship is. But if you want something more for your life, you have to go after it. You need to find people who are looking for the same.” (Dave Currie with Glen Hoos)

It’s true what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning: for there are some who are ignorant of God —I say this to your shame.”

You can’t play with “fire” in going places and doing things with friends that can hurt your marriage and not expect for it to “burn” your marriage so it is severely damaged. If you have friendships that hurt your marriage, then you need to pull back from them, as difficult as that may seem. It’s the same principle as “cutting off the hand that causes you to sin.” One is a temporary hurt, and yet it eventually leads to a better end; and one leads to having you continually hurt your marriage which can cause it to break under the pressure.

Years ago I had a friend that enjoyed smoking. And that was fine for that friend. But when she kept trying to get me to smoke, and I determined in my mind that I didn’t want to end up a smoker, I had a choice to make. I could either keep up my friendship with this person and eventually become a smoker (because she wouldn’t stop pushing the cigarettes at me and I knew I would eventually give in to appease her) or I would cut off our friendship and find another friend.

As difficult as it was to cut off the friendship, I’m now glad I made that choice (especially as I see other friends who are struggling to try to quit smoking).

I realize this circumstance is different than the ones you are facing. But the issue is the same. If a friend is tempting us to go in a direction we shouldn’t, and we aren’t strong enough to do the right thing, isn’t it better to end the friendship rather than doing what we shouldn’t?

If you have a friendship that is hurting your marriage, you have a choice to make. Is this friendship more important to you than your spouse and is the vow you made when you married less important than your friendship, or what?

Sometimes we have friendships that are good for us “for a season” but then it’s time to move on from there because they just aren’t working anymore. A friendship is different than a marriage. With a marriage, you entered into covenant with your spouse and also with God. To leave that marriage for the sake of an outside friendship (no matter how strong the friendship bond was at one time), you are breaking a solemn vow. You need to realize that.

To help you further with this dilemma, we would like for you to read an article written by Dr Dave Currie and Glen Hoos. To do so, click onto the link below:

How a Man’s Friends Can Make or Break a Marriage

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.


Filed under: For Married Men

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44 responses to “How A Man’s Friends Can Make Or Break His Marriage

  1. (USA) I’m currently going through this with my husband. He wants to be out with this friends all the time. I don’t think his friends are the best company since they are doing things that they shouldn’t and I know my husband is too. I’m so sadden by this that I just want to leave him. It’s been going on for 5 years and I just can’t take it anymore. Please pray for me. :(

    1. I had the same experience. The best can be to leave if they don’t give in to the relationship 100%.

  2. (USA) We are praying for you ALove. May God open your husband’s eyes to turn his heart towards home and in the future, to guard his heart for you and God alone to be his partners.

    “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit!” (Romans 15:13) “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Romans 15:5-6)

  3. (LESOTHO)  I am currently married, and we had problems even before we got married. The love and the spark is no longer there. I was in love with someone else before my marriage and I am still in love with her. Is it a sin to divorce my wife and marry someone that I truly love unconditionally?

  4. (USA)  I have a question. Am I wrong? I got up set today because my husband is talking to old girlfriends on face book. It hurts me and I said something to him and he got mad at me. He is now saying he is going to divorce me. I was hoping someone can show me in the Bible if it says anything about that or if I am wrong in how I feel? Please help.

  5. (NAMIBIA)  Hi Heidi. I have the same problem with facebook. My husband recently decided that he would sign up on facebook. We had initially agreed that we would not be on facebook, due to past issues. I personally feel that it is indeed an evil thing as marriages are breaking up because of spouses doing the wrong things on facebook.

    I don’t understand why my husband has to dig up women that have caused problems between us before. What friendship will they be having? He knows very well that I will not be happy if I were to find out that he is “friends ” with these people on facebook. Does that show respect for me cause what will they be thinking of me?

    This just shows that he does not take my feelings into consideration. If I were to do that to him (which I will not) would he like it? I just think that spouses should do to others as they would like the other to do unto them. I really want him to deactivate as I know the dangers from the pas.t But what do i do if he refuses to?

  6. (S.AFRICA)  Hi Heidi and Sisi, At the moment I really hate face book. My marriage nearly broke up and again is at risk as a result of this. Talking to ex girlfriends/”friends” on face book leads to far deeper problems than you can believe. After just “chatting,” this so called “old love” of his, flew halfway around the world so that they could meet up again. It’s not just an innocent visit, I will leave the rest to your imagination.

    Divorce proceedings in-sued at my husbands request and he moved out for nearly one year. He is now back and I forgave him but once again he has not learned his lesson. Secret e-mail addresses and new FB accounts have resurfaced. How much more emotional abuse should one take? Trying to build up trust again but never know for sure who he “chats” to in secret. Modern technology unfortunately allows this to happen. I could easily get rid of the computer but there is always his lap top handy for “work” purposes. I ask God to help me deal with this issue as I will never know.

  7. (NAMIBIA)  Hi Rose. I ask that we pray for our husbands. A friend of mine decided to send me an email, to show me what my husband is saying to these people on facebook. Mind you, anyone who goes on his profile can see these comments. He is busy telling women how good they look and even saying things about visiting them. So I sent him the mail and he asked me what is wrong with what he said in this chatts. I could not believe my ears. So what he said was, “if you want to take it in bad way suit yourself”. So now I am wondering that, if he can allow the whole world to see such comments, then what is in his inbox? Please pray for us.

  8. (USA)  This article can’t be anymore truer! My husband works a lot of hours and spends a lot of time with coworkers (he’s a General contractor) and I sometimes see text messages from his phone from his male coworkers – elicit texts about other people, mostly women. I confronted him about it saying how I do not appreciate these kind of talk as it shows disrespect to him, our marriage and to me as well. He never talked to this kid about it to tell him to stop. They know at work that he’s married and them sending these inappropriate texts that could give him ideas.

    Our marriage has not been in a good situation for a long time now and he’s also had an emotional affair with someone else from work, as well. So the trust is not there and this kind of stuff makes it even worse.

  9. (MALAYSIA)  My Husband’s friends are malicious towards me. It’s so embarassing talking about this because they are adults and not children but they seriously act like one. His friends hate me because of me, he has “responsibilities” now and sees them less. I have never forced my husband to stay at home with me, he does it on his own free will. His friends however, retaliate by treating me horribly.

    When I talk to my husband about this, he would go into a fit and says that he has been friends with them for 8 years and they mean a lot to him. I do not know what to do. I really feel that the only way I can stop this is to leave my husband. Please pray for us… I really need help.

  10. (USA)  Again, a tip that would be good for both genders, aimed only at men. After all, how many times have you seen an unhappy wife get the “you go girl” from her girlfriends telling her to break her vows and leave her husband, that God would want her to be happy, etc. That too is an example of bad company corrupting good character.

    So let’s not just call men on the carpet for this. This is an equal opportunity offense, not just something men do.

    1. Tony, I agree that both genders can and do sometimes make unwise friendships they perpetuate. But give me a break here. This is an article posted in the “For Married Men” topic. It’s one, which is addressed to men about men. If you want something for “both genders” then go into the “Assorted Marriage Problems” topic and you will see an article, which addresses both men and women.

      And before you complain that there isn’t an article posted in the “For Married Women” topic, which addresses women concerning friends they can have, I can honestly tell you that I’ve looked for material on this issue and keep coming up empty handed. Trust me when I say that I’ve looked and will continue to look, but so far I haven’t found anything I can post. You can complain about the state of the world in being unfair on this matter, and you would be right. But I’m not a magician. I/we can only do so much. We do the best we can with what we’re able to find. If it isn’t there, we can’t post it. I can only write so many articles. If the Lord shows me that I need to write one on this issue, I will. In the meantime I work from early morning until late at night on the work the Lord shows me to do (and still preserve and enjoy my own marriage).

      However, you can see that in the “For Married Women” topic we do have an article titled, “Male Bashing.” Technically, this tells women to stop talking about their husbands in disrespectful ways. If you can find more on the internet to help us, please let us know. We need all the help we can get on MANY levels with this ministry. I agree that both men and women (or women and men, if you want me to put it that way) need to be called down “on the carpet” when they gang up with a mob mentality to take down spouses with their words and/or actions. Again, we do the best we can. Sorry. We can’t do more than that.

  11. (USA)  I typically see what’s been recently updated. So the headings such as: For Married Men are not what draws a topic to my attention. It’s just the stuff on the RHS of your home page where the latest comments are written and/or the Recently Updated links.

    I realize you don’t write these articles, so my complaint isn’t necessarily with you. Actually, you nailed it. It’s that such articles are targeted at men or women when the principle applies to both. I believe the authors do a disservice to the church when they write things such as these articles and address them only to men or only to women.

    When I see that you’ve not mentioned that this is good advice that applies equally to both men and women with respect to the friends they choose, I simply point out that this is something that applies to both genders. It’s gender neutral advice.

    I think we as the church need to stop fostering incorrect stereotypes. Just today a women suggested that men cannot be faithful. I asked her who the men are having their affair with. Frankly, she had never thought about it.

    The overarching message is that bad character, bad decisions and poor relationship skills are not gender issues, but individual issues. The sooner we dispel the stereotypes that men are unfaithful, inept and are relationally challenged relative to women, the more accurate our starting place will be with respect to building Godly marriages.

    Men are no more and no less well equipped for relationship than women. Men are no more and no less well behaved than women. Men are no more and no less committed to their marriages than women.

    I don’t think our spirit has a gender. I believe scripture is pretty clear that in Christ, which I believe is speaking about our spiritual being, we are all the same. In Christ, we are not male, nor female, we are not slave, nor free. We may have different assigned roles while in these earthly tents. But our spirits are the same. We are all sinners, we all fall short. Not just men, not just women.

    It is just tiring to be constantly beaten down by those who are supposed to be our allies. Our brothers and sisters in Christ, spreading Satan’s lies that men are inferior, or superior relative to women. Or the converse, that women are inferior or superior relative to men.

    Spiritually, we are all in the same boat, suffering from the same conditions, making the same mistakes, and all falling short of the goal. It’s not a gender issue, it’s a spiritual issue.

  12. (PHILIPPINES)  My husband is a seafarer. Every after six months contract, he goes home. It’s his only chance to go out with his high school classmates and batch mates. He never asked me to go with him in all his meetings with his batch mates. And every time, he would only go home at 1:00 AM. But before he leaves, would always tell we can call him anytime, and truly he would answer. In their group, there are ladies, married and separated, and married men minus their wives. They would have a drinking spree there. And sometimes, my husband would drop these ladies off where they live. I never nag my husband when he goes home. He would tell me after, what happened in their meetings. I trust my husband because I love him so much.

    But just last month, while he was on the ship, he missent a message to me. On the message, he called me “honey” which was never our endearment. I was so much hurt. When I confronted him, he accepted that he has a textmate, and said that she will never be the reason for the destruction of our marriage coz he never had a sexual relationship with her. I felt so betrayed. I trusted him. He thinks it’s just okay to flirt with a woman he has not met. Now I doubt it, if she’s a textmate or a woman he met in their so called “meetings”. How am I going to trust my husband again?

  13. (SA) My husband is always out with friends after work & sometimes on weekends. He always come home @ night. I understand his job is demanding but just when you think it’s Friday he will be home early! Guess he’s out drinking with friends without letting me know & he doesn’t see anything wrong with this. It’s really putting a strain in our marriage now because I don’t want to be the nagging boring wife & I have decided to just keep quiet because there’s no point. I pray that we take priority in his list after God.

  14. (USA) Let’s take some things into account. Sexless marriage for first 13 years. Run my own business and there are/were always quirks and always will be. Both have grad degrees in the same field, but she has always been a stay at home mom of two.

    She told me flat out she didn’t want to hear about the office if it wasn’t positive, so couldn’t bounce things off her even though she has same education. I never did enough even when I took Fridays off so she could have a relaxing day. I cleaned and took the kids on Friday. Friday night date night for how many years never led to lovemaking. Did not get support for my business?

    Finally now we are 18 years in. The last 2 years she has only rejected me sexually about a dozen times even though she has said she will never reject me and is ashamed she did for all those years. Now? Well I am either conditioned to masturbate or just do not care and we’ll go weeks without it. Do I blame her? 100% for the sex. I have a very strong suspicion that she was told to withold sex to get what she wants, as my sister, m-i-law, and mother have done that to their spouses and I know it for a fact, so I think she thought it would do something…what I don’t know. My sexual drive is not what it was when I wanted her. Now she is nearly 50 and not the 30 year old athlete I wanted so badly for 15+ years.

    Let me ask you ladies? Has the women’s movement helped society? Has society been better than the 40s/50s? Why not go back to the respect that women once gave to men? I love my wife deeply, but do not desire her as I once did because of the lack of support, respect and sex. Can we get that back? I do not believe so, as it is… I come last and our teenagers come first. I am as 100% committed to her as the day we married, but I cannot lie and say my hope for a satisfying marriage is still there. I think when she really became saved, she turned a bit of a corner, but I always, always get the exhausted, tired, spent, nagging, complaining wife when I get home, get up in the morning and weekends. Bless you all.

  15. I’m from India. It’s a well known fact in the difference how marriages are handled in East and in West. When I read through the comments I see the difference in approach. In India, when marriages have these bitter moments the only discussion is about the children. Both parents would always think of the child first. And for the same reason it’s very few relations, which end up in divorce… few means around 10 in a million.

    I also understand that in such life there may not be happiness with one of the couple. As the parents love & care for their children the relationship is strong. Children are dependent on their parents till the age of 20-22. And this makes their bond strong. So what happens in marriage is… lets assume the husband seems to go the wrong path, the wife if knows has an argument with her husband… 60% of cases the husband correct themselves. The reason again is he can’t be the reason for the bad effects on children. 20% cases where the husband is not changing parents of both husband wife get involved… and then the husbands tries to change. This is because of the respect he holds for his parents. 20% of the cases may be that the husband never changes. In such cases the wife lives a painful life. But see the brighter side… the children in that family know the pain their mother took… if they’re sons they become very sensible husbands when they’re grown up.

    So the point is if the husband and wife just break up on issues… this is what children learn and then this culture goes on and on… Marriage has to be taken not as moving into home… where you try to live and then if it is not working out you move out. Marriage should be taken as bond which almighty have created between a man and woman. And they should try all that is required to hold on to that.

    I know in that case most of the women may be exploited/cheated upon… but I feel the next generation will be very sensible human beings… and there on it may get passed on.

    What I say may not be practical… or well thought because it’s just 6 years into marriage for me and I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful wife. The way I was brought up… cheating is something by default of the system. I remember a quote from a very old aged husband/wife when asked about how they worked it out to stay together. They said “we come from a time where if something breaks you fix it… not throw it.”

    1. Kishan, This is VERY well out, despite your doubts. You are right in saying that marriage is not supposed to be thought of “as moving into a home where you try to live and then if it is not working out you move out.” That is beautifully said and thought out. Too many people approach marriage like that. It IS supposed to be “taken as a bond, which the Almighty created between a man and woman.” It’s supposed to be approached as a covenant bond, where God is the third person within your marriage, who helps you to hold together as a “cord of three strands” when you both look to Him to help you, which He very much wants to do. If more people who marry see marriage that way and more people also look at the example they are living out for their children, they would each try harder and put their personal feelings aside to do all they can to repair that which is broken. It’s when selfism comes into the picture, then all is tainted. Thank you Kishan, for commenting. It is inspiring. May the Lord continue to bless you and your marriage.

  16. I’ve been dealing with this issue for past 2 years with husband. We have a neighbor who has become best friends with my husband and since they moved in. My husband is never home. The neighbors have parties all the time and lots of drinking is involved. We’re welcome to tag along but because I don’t want my kids around that type of environment, I don’t go to the neighbor’s house very often but do have to walk over if I need to ask my husband a question or need anything.

    We have been married for 14 years and have 4 kids who wonder why their mom is always crying and lonely and daddy is never at home and can’t take us out as a family or spend time with us anymore. It’s killing us all. We used to be so close but now only see him on weeknights after work for a couple of hours, and come Friday night. He’s at the neighbors drinking every single weekend. I miss my husband. But since I don’t drink, I can’t talk to any of them about how I feel because I’m labeled as the goody two shoe needy wife who has no life or friends and is a just a boring, depressed woman to be around.

    1. There is more going on than you think. Your husband is spending time with the neighbors for more reasons than you are seeing. He isn’t going to change and start spending “family” time. Spend time with your kids and make friends. Accept this situation or move on. This is not normal behavior from a “husband”. He is going to say you’re crazy and needy. Just remember you are not -and be strong.

  17. I can’t help but notice that it’s okay for women to discourage their husbands from hanging with a bad crowd, but when the husband points out these same types of flaws with a woman’s friends he’s being controlling.

  18. I’ve been having some of these same problems before my marriage. The FB & IG was a huge problem for me. We always spoke on deactivating them permanently but it never happened. I can’t stand my husband’ childhood best friend. The man who was there as the best man at my wedding but still delivering ex-women messages. Smh. His friend must go. Honestly I’m ready to give him an ultimatum. Its either me or him because I’ve been dealing with this negative no good friend for too long over 5 years now. I feel like all 3 of us are in a relationship at times. So I took his phone and put his friend on the block list. He didn’t realize until a week later…The best week of my life. Then I just asked him, “Can you stay away from going by him for me because he causes problems and he agreed. And he permanently deactivated the FB just have to make it to the Library to get rid of that IG.

  19. I am a non believer of new age culture in self promoting. I judge quality, not quantity of one’s frienship. Do you know the type of friends you have is a mirror of who you are? Maybe not so much 100% reflection but your belief, values are mostly on the same page. If a guy I dated is always around guys with questionable character, multiple divorces he got zero support to build a healthy marriage/relationship outlook. If he can’t be wise enough to at least have some distance from these friends, he is not in my opinion a worthy guy to date. I would give him a signal but I won’t make demand. The older a person, the more comfortable to say no without causing drama.

  20. We were going to this church for about 3 years. Something happened so that I was told I could not be there anymore. Now I am trying to take my family to another church but my wife still stays in contact with the pastor’s wife. I feel that his wife keeping in touch with her is stopping us from being one because what happened was with the pastor. She tells me what happened was with you and him, not me and his wife. Am I wrong for saying you need to stop talking to her?

  21. I truly enjoy reading these articles. Personally, I think the topics discussed are what’s needed to help develop strong marriages and to help alert couples about things to look out for that can hurt their marriages. This article about how a man’s friend can make or break his marriage is one that hits home for me. My husband and I are married for over a year and a half.

    For the first few months into our marriage my husband would talk on a regular basis with a guy who has been his friend for about 7 years. From the first time I met this guy I knew he was not the best choice to have as a friend. I didn’t say anything to my husband but just kept watching. This guy disrespected our home by texting, calling and whatsapping my husband at any hour of the night. It came to a point that I hated coming home from work and when I got home would always be on edge because I knew our evening was going to be interrupted.

    When I couldn’t take anymore I started asking my husband to ask his friend to stop disturbing my home at nights. My husband would respond in a defensive manner and would say that I didn’t want him to have friends. Things got so bad that I started dreaming about this guy and in every dream he would create some argument between my husband and I.

    One morning I woke up and for some reason I picked up my husband’s phone and checked his picture files. Lo and behold there was a pornographic video saved in the file. I waited for my husband to wake up and prayed that God would give me the right approach to address this situation. I got enough courage to ask my husband. He immediately started fondling the phone and trying to find where the video was. As I kept looking at him he was shaking so much and breathing heavily. He started sweating like crazy because as calm as I was he knew I was extremely angry.

    He eventually found the video in his files and when I asked him how it ended up there he said that the same guy had sent it to him. That’s when I lost it because this was the same person I had warned him about and the same guy that we had a number of arguments over. In my presence he started messaging the friend and told him that I had found the pornographic video. The sick thing about it is that the friend started laughing. That got me even angrier. I told the guy to stay away from my marriage. He tried to apologize, which I knew wasn’t sincere because just a few minutes before he was laughing about it. I chastised my husband so much that day even to the point where I questioned his Christian faith. He was so distraught by some of the things I said but I felt within my rights to call him out.

    My husband uninstalled the Whatsapp app so that the friend couldn’t contact him by this means anymore. I called up the phone company and had them block the guys number. Now I can block the number myself whenever the block expires. The crazy thing is this guy is also married. Just makes me wonder how much time he is giving to his wife and the development of their marriage. Just sad.

    By the way this same friend tried to coerce my husband to send money for some woman whose boyfriend wasn’t paying her child support smh. What is wrong with men that they find it difficult to confront a male friend who is causing a negative impact on their marriage?

    Christian men, my advice to you all is to love your wives as Christ loves the church. This is a command from the Bible. You don’t need to score points with your friends. In many cases these same friends are looking to destroy your marriages and your lives. Score points with God by honoring His Holy Word. When you stand before Him on the day of judgment your obedience to God is all that matters. You will not be given the opportunity to tell God that you’re going to get your male friend to explain why you did what you did. Cherish your wives in the Name of Almighty God.

  22. I have a question. What about just the opposite? What about a woman’s friends and mother trying to break up a marriage? The reason I ask, is the same thing is going on for me. A couple of my wife’s friends and her mother have tried their best to break my wife and I up. Her mother, nor most of her family has liked me from the very beginning of our relationship. We had to keep our relationship secret for months in the beginning, because she was so afraid of her mother and what she might say.

    Then when she did find out, she blew up and wanted her to stop seeing me immediately, even though she was almost 20 years old. My wife told her no and so she made things miserable for us. We decided to get an apartment together so she could escape her mother. I didn’t go with her when she told her about it, but she returned in tears. After telling her about us getting an apartment, her mother blew up, calling her names. My wife got her clothes and even tried carrying her bed out by herself, but after hearing her crying and having trouble with the bed, her step-father helped with the bed.

    Anyway, with time things calmed down and we became friends, so I thought. But for 15 years she has bad mouthed me behind behind my back every chance she got. For some reason, my wife is terrified by her mother. She barely looks at her in the eyes she’s so terrified. I’ve known my wife and mother-in-law since we were kids. We went to church together, I was a sound technician and her mother, as well as my wife were singers. We were close at the time, but later stopped going to that church.

    So I don’t get it, I’m not a bad person, never been in trouble or anything like that. But over time my mother-in-law has done her best to destroy our marriage and family. We have one child. We’re currently separated, still very close, but the future is, who knows except my God. I pray and pray for help and I see and claim an answer from God of my wife coming home to us. IN HIS NAME, I CLAIM IT!

  23. Me and husband have been married for 10 years. We had one child. My husband has this Vietnamese ex coworker female friend who worked with him for 3 month and got fired from the company. She keeps chatting with my husband day and night. And she asks my husband to steal company data for her and meet her behind my back. She even instigates my husband how to lie to me. I had so many fights with my husband because of her. My husband just doesn’t want to drop her, and he said she is his friend. Now he wants a divorce. And I didn’t even have a chance to tell him we have a second baby on the way. ( This woman is destroying our family.

    1. She was sent by the devil himself to destroy your marriage. So sorry that your husband doesn’t have a spirit of discernment to see that. Sad situation. This is something that I’ve always been bothered by, that a woman or man would come between a husband and wife with the willful intention to destroy their marriage. I pray that the Father opens your husband’s spiritual eyes, causing him to cry out in repentance and work to restore his marriage. God Bless you all.

  24. I’m engaged to be married this next year. We have a 3 year old son together and have been together for 7 years. I’m finding Christ again in my life and will soon be baptized. (I know we’ve done things backwards from what God tells us to do.) I’ve been able to have my fiancé go to church with me 2 weekends in a row. We’re doing a 60 day marriage challenge at church. He says that church was really great and then after church he goes and golfs with his friends (some of them are single and the others hate their marriages.) And then comes home in a terrible state of mind and then that starts our bad week. He spends more time focusing on his friends and I really think this is going to jeopardize our relationship together. I’m not sure what to do because I’m really trying to follow in the footsteps of our almighty to do the right things as a soon to be wife and as an individual.

  25. I am in love with someone for the past one year and I made my vows with him even though we are not married yet. He is an amazing person to be with, but there’s something holding him back from living his life. He has a few friends that I know who are a very bad influence on him. They trick him into wasting his money and his life on drinking, smoking and drugs. There was even a time when he cried to me about this and I have made up my mind to pull him away from them. But I don’t know how to do this as the influence is getting stronger and I don’t want to give up on him. I know that there’s still hope for him to be saved. I just need help on how to deal with this situation. Will someone please guide me? I’ve spent the past few days in anger and tears and I’m desperate for a solution.

  26. My husband’s a great guy. I don’t mind him going out with the guys. Some are great and I talk to them. We’ve been having problems, communication and drifting apart. I let him know how I feel. He has a friend who been divorced 3 times (always the female’s fault). He’s very needy and husband drops everything to go over. He is now staying there until 3am now and sometimes overnight. When he comes home he smells like alcohol. He is also type 1 diabetic. I don’t think he is a good influence, what do I do?

  27. I am currently going through something like this with my husband. It saddens me because prior to an event we (myself, my husband, his friend and fiance) had a great time all spending time together as couples. He and a friend had a bit of a falling out due to me and a nervous breakdown I had towards his friend’s fiancé the day before their wedding. I immediately apologized to both of the friends and his fiancé as well as mu husband.

    I was uninvited to their wedding that we traveled to for 21 hours while my husband was a part of the wedding and was still invited and attended without me (understandably and encouraged to do so by me). I feel as though what I had said should have been said, however, it should have been done in a much more adult like fashion, at a different place, at a much different time. I portrayed my feelings of regret more than once to all parties involved and informed his friend and his fiancé, now wife, that I had felt as though she (the wife) was being very disrespectful to myself, her husband’s family and friends, and her new soon-to-be step son, (12 yr old).

    Do I believe my actions were justified because of her actions? Not in the least. However, I felt that while I gave an apology for my actions, I too deserved an apology from his wife for her disrespect to me but more so I deserve to be forgiven. She has repeatedly told her husband prior to this event that I hate them, and because of that he did not partake in a few of our wedding activities in which he was a part of. This made me very sad for him and my husband and their friendship.

    I have told my husband’s friend time and again I do not hate him and I do not understand where this is coming from. To me friends are precious, however, not when it jeopardizes a marriage. I feel as though if his friend and his friend’s wife cannot forgive me then it is time to move on. His friend repeatedly asks him to go to dinner, hang out, and have a beer but, knowing my husband is hanging out with a person who strongly dislikes me and cannot forgive makes me uncomfortable. They both say they want to stand by their wives but also be friends.

    I just don’t see how that can work. I wish my husband would just see that this is no longer a friendship that is going to workout without forgiveness and just let his friend know that they need to just cut ties and live life with their new wives and focus on building a bond as newlyweds. What do I do?

  28. HI. I m hoping someone can advise me. My husband spends all free time he has with his friends and sometimes he doesn’t even come home. All the times and dates that families are supposed to spend together he spends this time with his friends.

    As a result I have decided to end things between him and I because I can see that I am a single parent. His friends arent people of good character; I have seen their ways and I believe in the saying “show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.” He thinks I am overreacting and just dont want to see him with his friends. Am I exaggerating things?

  29. My husband works with a bunch of new men over the past 5 years. One of them is disrespectful to women and is constantly making inappropriate remarks to coworkers. This is one of my husband’s work friends. Now that my husband no longer works there, I don’t want him hanging out with him. This jerk has a longtime girlfriend, and they are often fighting. How can I get my husband to see that his friend’s behavior is not just innocent joking around?

  30. I found this article so helpful. I’m going through a very tough time at home with my husband. He has some friend who have been living with us for almost 2 weeks now and they bring over their girlfriends to our house. My kitchen is no longer mine as those girls go in there and do what they want. I have had a conversation 3 times with him regarding this but it seems he likes their company a lot. I’m trusting God for his help and counsel on this.

  31. Hi ladies, I’m hoping someone can help me. I’ve been married for almost 1 year. My husband is a wonderful man, I love him very much. However, he has a group chat with 2 of his single friends who are constantly sending pictures and talking about other women. I explained to him that it makes me feel disrespected and because he’s married (even though he may not be physically doing anything), he should distance himself from these conversations and tell his friends to talk to each other, rather than including him.

    Just this morning at 7am I look over and see 2 different pictures of women in his phone that were once again sent by his friend. He tells me it has nothing to do with him. I told him it creates trust issues for me and I don’t like it. Now he’s acting as if I’m wrong for categorizing him. I told him there are lines that need to be drawn with his friends. I don’t talk to close friends or family because I don’t want to invite people into our issues, but am I overreacting for this?

    1. You are NOT overreacting. He is not protecting your heart or your marriage. This is a serious problem. He is dipping his toe into the hole of temptation and figures he won’t be drawn in. But what person does? We all think we’re the exception to this type of thing, figuring it won’t happen to us. And yet, if I had a dime for everyone who wrote saying they “never thought it would happen” or they “never meant for it to happen” sadly, we would sure be on the road to prosperity. (It’s money we wouldn’t want.)

      The point isn’t just whether or not this will go further down in a bad direction (although that’s a BIG issue –he’s being prideful to think that he’s more in control than millions of others who have gone down this temptation tunnel), but he’s also putting these other “friends” in front of you. By continuing this, he’s saying that your fears and desires for exclusivity, as far as being friends with females is less important to him than his desire to play around like this. Whether or not he thinks this is innocent fun or not, it’s not innocent but mean-spirited when he disses you and shows preference to entertaining himself and others over you. This isn’t about “categorizing” him, but about being wise and kindhearted, and showing love to you that is reasonable. Why did he marry if he wants to play around with his single friends and talk to other women who threaten the security of his wife that he vowed to love and honor?

      I would take this very seriously. If he’s a “wonderful man” then he will protect your marriage, and he will understand that other women will see this “wonderful” quality in him and will want him to be their own eventually. Why would he put other women in that kind of place to be tempted, as well? I don’t mean this sarcastically, but sincerely. There is a shortage of good men out there, and women know it. He needs to be true to you, as you are to him and invest time in your marriage –growing your love, so you don’t end up like so many couples we see who have lost that connectedness and intimacy in their relationship. I hope you can convince him to stop playing around like this and find a better outlet for his energy. I also pray for wisdom for you to know how to best approach this so you can open his spirit to the wisdom of this advice.

      Also, just so you know, we have several articles posted in the Emotional and Physical Affair topic at that could help both of you if you glean through and use them to establish good boundaries and hedges for such a time as this and other ones that could come up in the future.

      1. The issue isn’t with him talking to other women, the issue is his single male friends that send pictures of women they’re interested in. Rather than him telling them not to, he continues to entertain it and has even told them about women on social media they should check out. I mean, he was in bed with his wife and new born child and his friend was sending pics of some woman. I feel it’s disrespectful. What are your thoughts? Thank you for your response.

        1. My reply is the same. He’s letting his “friends” send him things that are not good. The friends may be interested in these women, but this doesn’t mean that it’s appropriate for them to send those types of things to him. They have brains… they can enjoy that showcase of women without including him in on the line up. It’s just not appropriate. What kinds of standards do these friends have? I sure wouldn’t want these types of things being sent about me (if I were one of these women). And even if they wouldn’t mind, then it doesn’t mean that we have to participate in this type of meat market type of mentality.

          And again, he’s showing preference to his friends over you. What you’re asking of him is not at all unreasonable; it’s wisely cautious. When I was single, I could do a lot different things (read 1 Corinthians 7) than I can now. And now that I’m married, God gives permission to do things singles shouldn’t be doing. There are some things that we did when we were single that we need to stop doing, and others that we didn’t do when we were single that we can and should do now. This isn’t to be restrictive, but to be wise and to enjoy all the fruits of being married in love and maturity.

          I hope this helps in some way.

  32. I actually have a serious question. Is it normal/alright for my new husband (married 12/24/15), to call his childhood friend, who happens to be a woman, during an argument, instead of talking with me? We barely ever argue, but we just had a doozey of an argument, and he immediately called her to talk about it, instead of me. I’m sooo heartbroken, and he immediately turned it all around on me. He said that I’m insecure, and that I wouldn’t be upset if it was a man, instead of another woman. I told him that’s not true. I have no one, except God. Please help me!!!

  33. My husband has been friends with our neighbor for about a year. I dont like the neighbor because he lies a lot, him and his girlfriend both have cheated on each other, he’s always in trouble with the law and he’s an alcoholic. I’m not so certain that when these people talk about me that my husband defends me. My husband says I don’t have a choice in his friends. I can’t stand it and its driving me insane! Any suggestions??

  34. Please pray for my wife and I. Please give any feedback that you might think is helpful. Last year my wife moved about 150 miles away to what had been her home. Before she moved, she progressively started going “home,” more and more often. It started about once per month, and then began that she would leave Friday morning for work and return usually Sunday, or Monday night after work. This was about 5 out of 6 weekends. I thought she was just spending time – a lot of time – with family (due to some sort of failure to “leave and cleave”/separation issues), and then I found out she was spending a lot of time with her single friends.

    She says the town, “fills her tank.” One man gave her a watch. The same man was sending her texts offering to help her move. She tells me she prays for us, on how we can be reunited, but then is usually out with those single friends at dinner, dinner and drinks, activities. You can see balcony to balcony with one of these friends. I have told her that these single friends are fine but their lifestyle and mind-set does not affirm married life.

    I have given her articles and spoke to her about the destructive effects of failure to “leave and cleave,” Christian priority of relationships, and now this article about relationships that destroy marriage. I have sent her a copy of her marriage vows and a “Christian women’s guide to marriage,” (I also asked her to find me a Christian man’s guide to marriage that she wanted me to read. Help? thoughts? Thanks, Mr. Clueless N. Frustrated.

  35. I really need some help & prayers are more than welcome. I am 9 months married with my husband. We were boyfriend & girlfriend for 7 years. Anyways it’s a long story, I will try to make it short. He meet these guys from a motorcycle club. He has his own motorcycle. The problem is that these guys are almost all of the married, but they go out to drink, hooters, strippers clubs, smoke weed & I don’t know what else they use, & my husband wants to go out with them. I don’t like them & I don’t trust them.

    My husband lied to me once in order to go to hooters when he knows I’m not ok with those kind of restaurants. He is very jealous of me. I can’t have guy friends, dress too “provocative” (wear shorts) or even go to the gym. He keeps fighting with me & I’m getting very tired. But mostly I’m very depressed. He said that I’m lying and making drama, but my feelings are true. Do you think I’m overreacting? Is it ok to be close to the fire? I can’t do this anymore. He calls me crazy, drama queen, & he gets very aggressive on his words if I said I’m not ok with him going out with them.