“The difference between holding on to a hurt or releasing it with forgiveness is like the difference between laying your head down at night on a pillow filled with thorns or a pillow filled with rose petals.” (Loren Fincher –More Stories from the Heart)
Okay, so you don’t want to sleep on a “pillow filled with thorns” night after night. And you also don’t want to hold onto a hurt that will continually deliver pain every time you think about it. But how do you throw that thorn-filled “pillow” of bitterness and unforgiveness away from you when it has adhered itself onto you?
And more importantly, how do you forgive your spouse when he or she has stabbed you in the heart emotionally? How do you release the enormous pain and confusion you feel because of what your spouse has done to you and your marriage? And why do you have to? Why is it YOU that has to do so much of the hard work when you aren’t the one who betrayed your marriage partner? And where does marriage restoration come into all of this IF there is anything left to restore?
Those are a few of the many questions that will be addressed in the articles we link to below.
“There’s a big difference between forgiving someone and restoring a relationship. Everyone should forgive for their own benefit regardless of the actions of the other person.
“But forgiveness is not synonymous with restoration. Restoring the relationship will take the effort of both parties and is therefore not always possible. Sometimes one party is unwilling to do the work of restoration.
“Within the context of forgiveness, there are two types. In the first, the offending party is truly sorry and asking for forgiveness, which makes forgiveness much easier. In the second situation the offending party is not sorry making it much more difficult, but it is still necessary to forgive them for your own benefit as to not allow that person to ruin your future as well as your past.”
To read more that Anne Bercht wrote on this issue, please go to the Beyondaffairs.com web site to read:
Here are some additional questions that might be circling around in your mind:
“What IS forgiveness? Is it never bringing up the ‘what happened’? Is it never wanting to think about it again? Is it trusting the person? I keep hearing it is for yourself and not the other person but what do you get when you find whatever IT is?”
Anne Bercht answers them in the following article that we encourage you to read:
And then, how do you forgive the woman who had an affair with your spouse, split up the family, and eventually married your husband? It’s a tough situation —to say the least. Read of how one woman discovered freedom as she finally was able to release herself from the prison of unforgiveness:
We realize that you may be the husband whose wife had an affair and you are trying to get to a place where you aren’t imprisoned by unforgiveness. If so, reading the following article posted on Crosswalk.com could help you in some way as you try to process all of this: