Marriage Missions International

How Husband Feels When Wife Puts Children Ahead of Him

How does it make a man feel when his wife puts their children ahead of him? We posed that question to a group of men. Their most common answers are listed below:

1. Insignificant and disrespected
Most replied that they felt a deep lack of respect from not only their wives, but from their children as well. “Respect is important to a man, and he doesn’t feel that when the children consistently come first,” said one man.

2. Unloved
Most men, unlike most women, associate love with actions instead of with feelings. When a woman places her children above her husband, her actions say to him that she loves the children more than she loves him. Though not as vocal about it as women, men desire to be deeply loved by their wives. It is difficult for a man to see his wife cherish the children, but treat him in a cool or casual manner.

3. Lonely
One of the man’s greatest needs is companionship, and he usually expects to find this in his relationship with his wife. “As my wife pours more and more of her life into being a mother, she pours less and less of it into being my wife,” said one man. “The friend I once had in my wife is now a friend to our children, but a stranger to me.” The lonelier a man becomes, the more vulnerable he is to outside temptation. Is your husband lonely because of the time you spend with your children? Are you in any way making him more vulnerable to the attentions of other women?

4. Unappreciated
Men appreciate being appreciated! Many men feel that their wives show greater appreciation to their children than they do to them. “If our daughter goes to a friend’s for the night, my wife misses her terribly,” said one husband. “When she comes home the next morning, my wife is ecstatic to see her and acts as if she’s been gone forever. I can be gone for days on a business trip, and my wife acts like I never left. Sometimes she even seems to resent my return home.” Does your husband know how important he is to you and how much you value him? Are you an appreciative wife?

5. Resentful and Angry
Though not a majority, some men stated that when their wives put their children first, they felt a sense of resentment and anger; some felt this way toward their children, others toward their wives. “My fifteen-year-old son walks through the door and my wife immediately asks abut his day or rubs his back if he’s tired. She pampers him constantly. I find myself resenting him, even though I know it isn’t his fault.” Is your husband frustrated or even jealous of your relationship with your children? Could it be that he feels left out or overlooked?

IDEAS TO CONSIDER:

Maybe you’re sensing that you need a major overhaul in this area, or perhaps just some fine-tuning. Regardless, here are some ideas to consider:

1. Think positive thoughts.
For every positive thought you have of your children, think of two for your husband. Begin noticing the many things he does. Perhaps he sees to it that the house is locked up every night or helps you replace light bulbs. Men enjoy praise!

2. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
Often this comes easily with our children, but is more difficult with our husbands. Grant him the same gracious generosity that you so readily give your kids.

3. Be spontaneous.
Surprise him once a week with a random act of kindness. One woman recently discovered that her husband liked a slushy drink from a local convenience store. She began buying them for him. “He loves it when I do this. It’s such a simple thing to do, and lets him know I’m thinking about him.”

4. Invest in his stock.
Share with your children things you admire about their father. This lets them see how important your marriage is to you. Though it’s been said dozens of times, the way Mom sees Dad is the greatest influencer of how the children see him. Do this with others as well. Many women excel at communicating their children’s strengths, but not their husband’s. One woman pointed out that often friends will talk about their children in glowing terms, but when they talk about their husbands, they tend to talk about their weaknesses and inabilities. If you do this, stop! Commit to sharing with others only those things that build your husband up. Words are infectious and should be chosen wisely.

5. Make your bedroom a haven.
Too often this is the catchall room. Make an effort to keep it clean, organized, and inviting. One woman bought a small love seat and placed it in the master bedroom. This is where she and her husband spend a few moments together once they’ve gotten in the door at the end of the day. It shows their children that they value each other’s company as well. Burn a fragrant candle so that the room smells inviting and warm.

6. Cater to his quirks.
Many times we think our children’s quirks are cute but our husband’s are obnoxious. One woman discovered that her husband liked his sheets changed often, yet she preferred going longer between changings. “I fought this for years,” she said. “I thought he was being too obsessive. One day my daughter asked why I ignored her father’s request for clean sheets but always changed hers whenever she asked. I was shocked. I didn’t realize I did this. I suddenly saw that I was not only dismissing one of my husband’s rare requests, but I was also modeling wrong priorities for my daughter.”

7. Check your attitude.
Said one woman, “I was stunned one night when my husband told me that he wished I had the same attitude toward him that I had toward the kids. From his perspective, I bent over backward for them. I ran all over town to find my daughter the right dress or my son the right tennis shoes. But he said that if he asked me to stop at the hardware store and pick up a gallon of paint, I balked.” Our attitudes speak volumes to our husbands.

8. Pray for your husband.
This tip could go in every chapter. There is nothing like prayer to soften your heart and sharpen your focus.

9. Reintroduce pet names into your relationship.
Refrain from calling him “Dad” or Daddy.” Choose instead to call him by a name that shows your love and high regard for him as a husband.

Your husband may or may not respond as you re-prioritize your relationships. It really isn’t an issue, though, if you are doing it to honor God. Certainly it’s nice for him to notice and appreciate your efforts, but it isn’t necessary. God notices.

The above article comes from the book, The Politically Incorrect Wife: God’s Plan for Marriage Still Works Today, written by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby, published by Multnomah. This is a real down-to-earth book which is both inspiring yet practical, and helps those who read it to have a clearer understanding of God’s design for the married woman. The authors explain how, between the both of them, they bought into more than 40 years of modern day thinking, and eventually realized how it was sabotaging their marital relationships. As they explain, “Being politically correct kept our marriages in the ‘stuck’ position for years-so much so that if you had taken a snapshot of our marriages during that time, you would have found cold hearts and unhappy husbands who were resigned to living with emotionally distant and often angry wives.”

Excerpted from The Politically Incorrect Wife © 2000-2002 by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby. Used by permission of Multnomah Publishers, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of Multnomah Publishers, Inc.

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196 Responses to “How Husband Feels When Wife Puts Children Ahead of Him”
  1. Karen says:

    (USA) I am going through the same thing as described above but I am a wife that is being discarded for our two daughters. This is very sad. My husband has always been very permissive with any discipline and I have wanted some rules and limitations set just to keep some order in the household. When the children were small and there were pure acts of defiance I would handle it and ask him to support me when he came home. He would never do this ever. In fact he would shower them with more affection never support me.

    He attempts to buy their affection with giving them anything they ask for. He uses division to win their love. I hear him saying well Daddy would have done this or daddy would have done that. I can give so many examples of this. Of course now our daughters(teenagers) feel like they run the show and they do. There is no respect for me. He almosts trips over me to get to them saying how is my sweet girl today.

    I beg him to have our time. The few times we have gone out they call and keep him on the phone. We are seeing a counselor but it feels like too little too late. I love my husband and have asked him to come together and come up with some general guidelines for the kids and /or have a family meeting and present a united front. He is unwilling to do this. I have prayed about this so much yet feel so alone and sad.

    • Shaikh says:

      (UNITED STATES OF AMERICA) Glad to know that not only men are going through this. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound like a jerk; I will be praying for you!

  2. Don says:

    (USA) My wife and I have been married 15 years, she had 2 children two and four years old then, I did not have kids. We were not able to have children together. My wife and I are both devoted Christians and have raised the kids that way. Our daughter is now on her own and our son, 17, lives at home, while I realize I am not their biological dad I still think of them as mine. My wife has always put the kids first and through their younger years it was really not a problem, that’s just the way it is, kids take up most of a couple’s time.

    We always tried to keep them shelterd from the bad things in life and my wife always tried to be their friend. Over the years we have had all the usual problems that come with one spouse being a step parent. Sometimes I think maybe that is why she tried to be their friend as well as mother.

    Fast foward to now. My wife and son are best friends (at least she is his), we rarely have time alone and when we are all together it’s like me, my wife and her buddie. I feel guilty for the way it makes me feel, and wonder if I would feel differently if I were our son’s real dad. Sometimes I cannot hide the fact that something is wrong, but I cannot talk to my wife about it because it always leads to a conflict. Our son has no real friends, no girl friend and almost never leaves home. I just pray to God for strength and I try to deal with my feelings, I don’t know what else to do. Things just seem way out of balance, so I just try to hang on and hope once our son graduates high school he will begin to put together his own life.

  3. Don says:

    (USA) This is a continuation of my previous post. I want to add that our son is a wonderful young man, a son to be proud of, none of our issues are due to him in any way. I wish I knew if my feelings are just selfishness on my part. My wife has told me before that I have made her life hard, because she has had to try to please the kids and me for our entire marriage. I love my wife and I love our kids, I am in it for life but I am afraid for the quality of our marriage, I just wish things in our family could be as God intends.

    • Mitzy says:

      (USA) Don, I sympathize, I have a similiar situation in my home but it is my biological oldest daughter. I feel guilty, somewhat feeling resentment towards the situation, BUT, all my reading on the subject to understand my feelings tell me this is called emotional incest or triangulation. Wow, that sounds really nasty and I KNOW there are no sexual boundries being violated, my daughter too is very bright, beautiful and successful, outwardly. But my concern for her still unmarried, and saying she never will is the inward effects, she cannot understand as her father (that pretty much neglected her during most of her childhood) uses her to incite jealousy on my part and make me seem awful and jealous.

      This meets HIS needs, but severly damages hers. Our once close relationship suffers greatly and she often treats me like an underling, and patronizes me, and speaks to me in a tone more like a mistress might, with great contempt and trying to manipulate herself into MY role as wife and mom. She is inside somewhat of an emotional mess, as she too is guilty of trying to take my place, in a more wifely role, and yes manifests all the symptoms listed as to the ill effects this “emotional incest” can have on the targeted spouse substitute.

      This isn’t just father daughter fondness, as they actually spent a good deal of time living together both times my husband and I have separated. In short they give each other molly coddeling and support in ways I find disturbing and inapproriate. He, nor she seems interested when I express concern or try to get either to act more approriate, and both actually bristle when I even hint at this not being in anyone’s best interest and actually embarassing the rest of the family and to my husband, that he is hurting his other children with the overtly kinda sick favoritism he shows this vulnerable, but not so innocent child, who should know better, or at least bow out of the situations she is in, if her Dad won’t.

      Nope, they defend it to the death… yes the death of his and my marriage, not the entire reason, but kinda a straw on the camel back too much issue. I don’t or can’t say this is done on purpose… on anyone’s part or that they really mean to do what they are doing to shut out everyones NATURAL place in the order of things, but often it is quite obvious that there companionship needs are exceeding boundries here, and not peer oriented.

      Knowing my husband’s narcissistic tendencies this gives him a double gain, to have others think she is his wife, hurting me for his injuries, and allowing him to play knight in shinning armor. She, no longer has to do the work of finding herself a husband, feels safe and special and can talk down to mom, and keep all intact as he ALWAYS defends her, and they have more like husband and wife language and defense of each other…to include using the same words. If I say anything to either of them I’m lecturing.

      How can you complain that a child, (really an ADULT child) is purposefully trying to take your place, or a husband is purposefully (or wife in your case) putting a child in his wifes rightfull place? The accuser or left out spouse seems petty, and mean spirited, to say the least. There is no answer or solution that I can find, but I for one KNOW this is not healthy, mature, or remotely right at all in my mind. I am constantly shut out as if my husband is having an affair or has another wife, my relationship with her is very strained at times, and he, well his is an ass deliberately ham it up with her and her contrived NEEDS if I complain. It is shameful and humilating and I will no longer bear it and will have a happy life, someday in spite of how much this deliberate hurt is always with me. Actually, I will probably NEVER function normally with trust in anyone again. Well, it doesn’t seem so now, at least.

  4. mitzy says:

    (USA) Wow, I am amazed to read about the healthy marriages, consoled by the horrible ones (sorry mine is disolving after 34 years) and have concluded, that only two ADULTS (mentally mature) can have a healthy family foundation that basically eliminates the other issues and “acting out” that both men and women can do for the attention, support, and affection they are starved for. I did not want to live or parent alone, while “helping out” was appreciated……I saw it more as being a responsible adult, and was constantly upset by my husband’s self-serving ways thoughout the early years of our marriage. He was 32 and I was 23, and he had been married before with two children. I know why that marriage failed now, it wasn’t the war, but his immaturity).

    Why would ANYONE marry anyone if what they wanted was the life of a teenager? Man or woman, what they really must have been looking for was a parent substitute. This is NOT mature. Now my still immature husband, trying to please me is obsessed with triangulating our CLEARLY grown daughters in ways that made me realize he is still immature and passive aggressively putting them ahead of US. You may think the messages are to be ignored when they first crop up, but trust me sooner or later the bitter pill of “no marriage at all” will choke in the whole family’s throat. Best lesson, age is not a measure of maturity. Choose wisely.

  5. Mitzy says:

    (USA) I want also to add, being a passive aggressive and immature man, naturally he would ignore small children almost entirely and me; then when clearly time to let go, would insist on husbanding the single daughter who was most effected by HIS earlier neglect. She doesn’t realize she is being done this way, he needs to show the world his children can still love him, is running a “whose the better person” war still and like he did when they were young and being ignored by HIM, and he is still more concerned with avoidance than being anyone’s spouse.

    • Tia says:

      (USA) You know, I absolutely had to cut into this discussion because a lot of men seem to be doing a lot of complaining while skipping around a fact of life (on purpose, I’m sure): WOMEN DO MAJORITY IF NOT ALL OF THE HOUSEWORK AND CHILDREARING. What a lot of men are experiencing as far as their wives “not having time” is their own fault, my husband included. I have 4 children and have been married for 8 years; my husband has never lifted a finger to do anything around the house or anything for the 4 children that are home ‘with the both of us’ under 5 (yes, that is correct he is home everyday just like me). My husband runs a business from home and since he has employees he doesn’t really work. I can look out of our window and see him everyday sitting on his behind laughing and chatting away while I’m in the house with the kids. I thought that his being home would mean I would have his help… NOPE. I do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the anything regarding the children. He won’t change diapers, he won’t do bedtime, bathtime, cleanup after them or him. And if I leave to run to the store and they need anything, he won’t do that either. I can say with 100 percent certainty that although married I’m raising my kids alone. He has starved our kids alot during my routine shopping which means that before I leave I have to make sure everything is in order cause he will do nothing.

      I am pregnant right now with a fifth unplanned and unwanted pregnancy and it is only unwanted because my husband does nothing. I have even prayed that God will spare me this child because the man I married has been useless as far as parenting. I got married thinking that was best for a family but what I found out was most married mothers might as well be single mothers, they pull most of the weight at home. Women need to be able to relax when they are at home too and it should be as much of a place of comfort for them as the man, yet home is like being clocked in at work for the most of us and instead of two, husband and wife tackling household and child responsibilities, you dump it onto your tired wives. It is the lack of consideration that has your wives withdrawn …how can you not see that she needs your help at home? Oh that’s right you see it, but men staying true to form have been playing for years like they don’t, they keep frustrating their wives and wanting them to be ‘ol faithful’ at the end of the day.

      Have you guys checked the stats? Do you know women end up more unhappy in marriages than men? Did you also know that institution of marriage itself benefits you more than your wife? You know why, because you get to have someone to take care of all of the stuff you don’t want to deal with and you also get to ignore the needs of the person doing so. Then you act like you don’t know what’s wrong with your wife when she’s told you one million times already what you can do for her, which will in turn make her do more for you. Anyway, I’m not blaming you guys, the world has programmed you to be as selfish as possible, to pretend like you don’t hear you wife and to act surprised and hurt when she starts pulling away. Your wives are people too they are not robots and if they are mothers their plates are full. Why won’t you lighten the load, why is that so hard to understand or are you guys still pretending that you don’t know this will actually solve some of your problems? Google it, this issue of men not pulling their weight at home and even some of them not even working, good grief. I mean it tops the list folks. You guys are doing this to yourselves.

      • Shaikh says:

        (UNITED STATES) I am terribly sorry that you have a deadbeat of a husband, but you can’t paint all men, especially all men here on this blog like your husband. And again not all cases are identical, there are cases where a man does pull as much weight as he can, yet hardly gets acknowledged for it.

  6. Mitzy says:

    (USA) In my haste to join this discussion, I didn’t use good punctuation or grammar, and probably didn’t make much sense, so my first post did not appear, but my equally poor second follow up apparently did.

    Gender differences and needs aside, MATURITY is the real key to successful parenting and marriage success. A man that pours all his time into his job, and expects HIS entitlement to relax and do little at home, is to me showing immaturity in that he cannot see his wife’s sacrifices and that she is STILL at it when he comes home and often late into the nite. God in all his wisdom, holds the man accountable first, in how he leads his family.

    Often by his selfish and self-serving acts of overworking to AVOID his family, a man has stated his job and money will be God in their house. So, after the hurtful insight that the wife and kids are low on his ladder of importance, and after many attempts to arrive at balance, it is NOT at all unusual for a woman to double if not triple her efforts towards protecting the children from his poor leadership. He will often lose all those “earnings” later in life if not sooner when he goes though an emotionally and financially costly divorce.

    Yes, income sufficient (realistically) to provide most basic and some extras is all that is needed. Many men tie everything, including their identities up in their job. This wrong priority is often evidenced in his frequent declarations that HE makes the money and that makes him the boss…he’s more important, entitled to selfish acts, and of more value that his wife or children. Husbands who miss God’s message, often find themselves with wives that spend too much, shut him out, and over focus on the home and family to make up for his neglect. If all one gets out of a spouse is money, (he is usually very guarding and stingy like a King his crown of Godliness) wives often have no trouble expecting to actually USE some of this money to fill the hours (idle shopping, etc) that he has left a void with his more than needed absences and neglect. This is a safe outlet for women who, don’t want the family pain of cheating, drinking or divorce to deal with this misplaced tyranny. Often friends and family use this gap in reality to intrude into the family in not so healthy ways. Lonely and neglected wives, need some “peer group” stimulation, and someone who listens to how hurt and unhappy they are. Bingo, a recipe for divorce sooner or later. The same men that ONLY care about money and the power it gives them are the ones more likely to complain how SHE and those kids ripped them off at the divorice. So sad, and so avoidable. It is often a predicitable cause and effect chain reaction of disaster.

  7. Doug says:

    (US) I see a lot of married folks do the tit for tat deal… “why should I do this when he or she doesn’t do that”… If you compete and compare in any aspect of your life you will always view yourself as the victim. It will lead to resentment and wrathful actions.

    Speaking from my marital experience of 24 years we have grappled with the issue of one spouse admittedly putting the children ahead of the marriage. It was a devastating commentary and I believe it boils down to marital expectations and how couples define marriage.

    For me personally, I did not marry my kids. I do not expect to grow old with them under the same roof. They are the wonderful fruit of our union and all 3 were lovingly planned. I love having them around and I have grown tremendously as a person for the things they have taught me about life. I know there will come a day when they will leave our nest and have families of their own. But I did not come before God and family 24 years ago and pledge “till death do us part” and “for better or worse” with my children. That is a special bond that only a husband and wife can share. No person should take precedent over that marital bond.

    The marriage and spouse must come first or the example set for the children will be the wrong one. The “kids before spouse” mindset will weaken the union and may lead to negative social aspects that in the end will may do more harm to the children than good. Just look at how miserable, bitter and caustic many of the posts are. If married couples truly want to do what’s best for the children, men and women, put your spouse first.

  8. Dave says:

    (CANADA) Hi guys and gals. I have been reading your messages, some I feel for very little. I have been married for 14 years to the most wonderful woman in the world. I too have made mistakes along the way; unfortunately you don’t know until it’s too late.

    My wife and I got together out of previous marriages. I have six children and she has two; most of my children don’t like my wife (blame her for our marriage breakup), but that’s not so. My first marriage was finished years before; we just stayed together out of responsibility for our children. She brought her kids up for the most part on her own. Now don’t get me wrong… I understand that maternal instinct exists and it should. My wife now is walking, and it is pretty devastating for me, because I worship the ground she walks on. Her children know more about my life than I do. For example, she was flying out West to see her son, which was not and is not a problem with me. Her brother phoned me and asked me when she was coming, I didn’t know. Daughter phones up (she’s 28), Mum can you come help me do my laundry, meanwhile we have ours here to be done. Yesterday I went to my wife’s work to gave her fruit that she wanted at 7:30 at night. I found out she was shopping with her daughter instead of being at work. I do most of the work in the home and cook her meals. Don’t know what else to do to keep this lady. You know, we only pray to God when need him and I am no different. I just pray that he will send me some kind of hope.

  9. Jay says:

    (USA) My wife and I have this issue as well. I don’t know what the answer is. She’s like several of the women that have already posted here -that the husband should grow up and accept the lack of attention like a man, that it’s absurd for a woman to put her husband first. Then the complaints that we don’t share responsibility in raising the kids. Well, this is nonsense. It’s a generalization that isn’t helpful at all.

    My wife and I haven’t had sex since our 2.5 year old son was conceived. I’ve tried to talk to her in as nice a way as possible but she gets defensive instantly. She’s explicitly stated that our son comes first and he will start school before she can make time for me – another 2.5 years. I’m sorry, but I will be emotionally gone far before that point.

    I love her deeply. I DO take responsibility for my son, and I DO work 10 hours a day at my job AND do things around the house to help her.

    1) I do my own laundry and a couple of loads of towels/kids clothes on the weekends -consistently.
    2) I get up with him early on the weekends so she can sleep in.
    3) I’m with my son as soon as I get home until 8:00 PM.
    4) I bathe my son EVERY DAY.
    5) I take my son to the zoo.
    6) I do dishes.
    7) I take out trash.
    8) I spend what little free time I have on the weekends doing the yard.
    9) I do the grocery shopping -every week, and have for 3 years.

    PLUS, I make sure that she has money. I make sure her oil is changed in her car. I make sure she has time to relax every day, and lots of time on the weekends. On top of that, I keep in shape. I weigh less than I did when we married, by a good many pounds. I’m in the gym by 5:30 every morning.

    I’m still dead last, even behind the dogs, in terms of any physical affection. No date nights, no intimacy, nothing. I’m low maintenance. A couple of hours a week of time for “us” and this wouldn’t be an issue, but she cannot even do that.

    • Shaikh says:

      (UNITED STATES) Is there any way you and your wife can have somebody babysit you child, especially among any of the family members?

      Does your wife know that neglecting you will deter your son from eventually wanting to get married himself one day? There is a possibility of this, when he finds out how neglectful wives can be. If she doesn’t put you first, don’t put her first. Seriously man. God doesn’t obligate us to put our wives first, even if she doesn’t.

    • Tony says:

      (USA) I think if you really have tried everything else then it’s time to be honest with her and say that if this continues, you will take it as she has abandoned the marriage. She can either return to the marriage you had before your child or you will not be part of this one-sided marriage.

      Personally, I think what you describe is no different than someone walking out on their spouse. She is there as a roommate, but she is not there as a spouse. She can either rejoin the marriage or there is little reason for you to remain as a betrayed husband. That’s right. This is just as much a betrayal as if she were sleeping with other men. If it continues, I would pursue a controlled separation with the goal of restoring the marriage, and put the ball in her court, suggesting that she end her betrayal and rejoin you in having a Godly marriage.

      I’m not saying divorce. What I’m saying is to demonstrate the natural consequences of what happens to someone who betrays their spouse and breaks their vows. Not being there for your spouse is betraying your vows, and it’s clear from what you describe that she is not there for you, but is there for the child.

  10. Megan says:

    (USA) My dad only cares about my older brother, and the rest of us including me and my mom are nothing. He spends most of his paycheck on my older brother. I work two jobs and so does my mom and he says we’re lazy. He has asked MY friends for money for my brother.

    • Miguel says:

      (CANADA) Megan there are of course always exceptions to the rule. That seems ridiculous to me. Either I am missing a lot of the back story or this man is a selfish person I’ll say for this site. Realize also that if you do all you can for your father and mother, that is all you can do! Do right in the eyes of God and that is all you can do. And remember! Although hard for someone you begin to dislike, try to pray for him to see the errors of his misguided ways. If God sees fit, he will take it in his own hands.

  11. Kimberly says:

    (USA) Stumbled onto this article just now & was surprised how many comments it generated. I only read half so forgive me if I missed a post saying the same thing. Married couples need to remember that raising children in your home is a temporary phase. It may not seem like it when you are in the midst of it all, but soon enough your children will grow & hopefully leave your home. Then, the two of you will only be left with one another and you will be more close then you have ever been because you survived through a kind of war sort of speak.

    I made the mistake for a while of putting my children first in everything. But that was wrong of me. I corrected my view & allowed myself not to feel guilty for investing in something that was just for me, MY MARRIAGE! Ultimately I learned that my marriage is an investment in their adult future, as well. If I would have disposed of my wonderful husband when I felt he was prohibiting me from giving all of myself to my children, where would I be now that I’m looking at my near future when my children will be leaving home? They will look to us when they are facing their own struggles & we hopefully will be a walking example of just why they shouldn’t give up either.

  12. KC says:

    (ENGLAND) What about the scenario where you’ve been married for 18 months and prior to the wedding the husband was a fantastic step-dad and loving husband, after the wedding he changed. He critised the children and the wife apparently she spent too much time working or with her children. The husband was always tired because he worked nights and didn’t see a lot of his wife. His wife asked him to change his shift to days so they could spend evenings together. He refused, he wanted to work nights. He constantly moaned at the children in the house and made the atmosphere very negative.

    The wife tried her hardest to keep everyone happy but his constant nagging and moaning about being second best and no one respecting him after months he turned on the wife and physically assulted her and blamed her for all that had gone wrong. When he couldn’t use the children as a reason to blame for the failings he would blame the wife and tell her she was a bad mother anyway for working so hard. The wife explained that she was doing this to make their family life better but he wasn’t happy, he wanted her at his side 24/7. Yes, she said he was acting like a child, yes she sometimes spoke to him like one of the children when he acted like it, not because she had no respect for him but because she was fed up with his constant moaning of feeling unloved.

    Her answer was simple if you’re feeling second best and outside the family get involved more, think about how she and the children felt. The children felt like they had done something wrong, mummy’s marriage wasn’t happy and they were being blamed by the step-dad for this (how does that make a 10 year old feel!). They felt unloved by him, they felt like they weren’t wanted (and yes, they were children, not him).

    As for the wife, she felt unsuppported, drained, tired and pulled as if she were being asked to choose. Anyway she did in the end and like any decent mother she choose her children -they had always been there and always would -he never looked back -says it all really -mums/wifes/women are not your mums. If you’re feeling unloved it’s your own insecurities try engaging with the family more. I agree there should be mum and dad time but perhaps dads/husbands/men should reschedule their lives sometimes to make that happen instead of expecting the women to do everything -that’s my story anyway.

    • Lynn from United States says:

      I agree! If men don’t feel like they’re a priority, then step up and become the priority by being engaged in the family, i.e. read to kids, get them ready for bed half the time, make dinner once a week, ask how mom’s day was, ask the kids how their day was, know your kids, talk to them. Don’t just bring home the money, come home, and tune out in front of the tv or computer! Be a part of the family! PLUG IN!

  13. Bub says:

    (USA) As a man, a husband and a father I think there is a hierarchical order that should be expected from your wife. She should put God first, then the children and then you. I don’t see and issue with that. We have a responsibility to our children and we should sacrifice for them as God sacrificed himself for his children, i.e. us!

    • Shaikh says:

      (UNITED STATES) You are horribly mistaken! God values the marriage between a man and woman more than any other human-to-human relationship. Your wife should put God first and THEN you the husband!! Do your homework because I am not going to do it for you.

    • Miguel says:

      (CANADA) Uh hold on there a minute, God didn’t sacrifice himself, he sacrificed his CHILD for our sins. Showing the order of things my friend. You seem to forget that more children can always be made. But the oaths we take before the eyes of GOD cannot be remade. If you break your oath it is done. There is no undoing! We tend to forget that while we live in an age of whiteout and the delete button, some things cannot be deleted!! And breaking an oath to God is one of them. Charge always forward toward the blessing of God for forsaking him is far more treacherous than the mistake of being wrong.

      • Sass from United States says:

        You obviously don’t have children if you can say something as ridiculous as you can always make more. Children aren’t shoes you throw out and replace when you mess them up. And if you do have kids I hope they never read this and find out their parent thinks they are disposable.

  14. Roger says:

    (USA) How do people not see that it is vitally important for the child to see the inseparable bond between the husband and the wife! Are you kidding me??! You act like the only option is to abuse your child in favor of the relationship.

  15. Ben says:

    (USA) This sucks for the man in the biggest way and should be recognized on a national or even international level!

  16. Ponch says:

    (USA) Why is my wife always cutting me down? I help her to get store but did not work so I told her to help me to start my own business but she said it wouldn’t work and it was a waste of my time. Also won’t help me out. So I started and made pretty good money off of it. Also when she to goes to her grandma’s house for vacation she calls her parents first before she called me when she gets there. Also she never tells me that she loves me. Is that ok?

  17. Michael says:

    (UNITED STATES) When I read in the book of Proverbs concerning the virtuous wife, I couldn’t help but to notice how she looked at her spouse as her king. She wasn’t infected by what the world promotes which is the spirit of independence! When a husband and wife are truly married according to God’s standards, there is no such thing as independence, but God’s word promotes Oneness! They are to submit to one another. God has given each individual in the family unit a specific ministry, and that is: Wives Submit, Husbands Love, and Children Obey! There has to be a reason why God has these instructions in place because God is a God of Order!!!

    My wife commited adultery against me, but God told me to love her as Christ love the church! No emotions, no feelings, just obey! I could use that as an excuse to divorce her, but then I thought, suppose Christ had allowed his emotions to dictate his purpose of Salvation base on his feelings of what he might percieve as negative outside influences? What, perhaps, would be the outcome of my eternal future? For without faith, it”s impossible to please God! Have faith in God! Our feelings, which is fleshly, will always tear down, never build up. God is the answer! The message is for those of us who call ourselves Christians and anyone else because this is spiritual! Have I become your enemy because I told you the truth?

  18. Trebor says:

    (AUSTRALIA) Wow, having read the blogs I am starting to feel dizzy! Before the children arrived, it was perfect harmony. Now the children have arrived, everything changes. The new child is priority, for both men and women. The woman is the mother of the child, it is more likely that she will look after the child more than the father. Especially, if the mother stays at home and the man goes off to work.

    Now the world is a changing we say, but really bringing up children has not changed. We both bring love to the table and thats the important thing, LOVE. We loved each other before children arrived, so we need to keep loving each other every day for the rest of our lives. We have to share our love within our family, sometimes it’s not so easy. We have to show our children that we love each other and life becomes easier and better. Go in peace and love one another.

  19. Lilith says:

    (USA) Children will always come first and should. The SOLE purpose of marriage is for the protecting and raising of offspring. It’s the only reason anyone should even waste their time on it. It is nature. Period. Women will always put their children first – a childs survival depends on it. I know my children come first. My eldest has autism. I spend so much time on his development and meeting the demands of my youngest, I don’t have time for myself let alone a husband who wants “servicing”. When a man becomes a job, it’s not worth it anymore.

  20. Miguel says:

    (CANADA) This is what is wrong with the world today. Ok then ladies!, stand up and put your money where your mouth is. You go out and provide a living including all the toy’s and the house and the car and clothes for your husband and children. Sometimes neglecting your own needs to provide these things. Then let your husband (stay at home) do the laundry, clean, then watch 6 straight hours of daytime soaps. then put together dinner that takes about an hour. Clean dishes most likely in a dishwasher you provided to (help) ease his workload. Then when your sitting down at the end of the day and have extra time and want to be cuddled on the couch for your hard work and sacrifce. We’ll hug the children and talk to you about their right to stay up too, and that you should just provide a living and that were not your mothers and that you should help out. Then we’ll get up going into the bedroom slam the door, call our mothers and tell them what bad providers and wives you are and that were just sick of all whining you do. Does that sound better to you in this discription cause that is what you are asking of us. Doesn’t sound very fair does it?

    • Talia says:

      (USA) I hate to tell you this, but you couldn’t take 2 hours alone in my home, cleaning, watching five children (especially if any of them are vomiting and a ballgame is on), and preparing home-cooked meals while not getting anything new for your birthday, Christmas, Valentines, while not even getting new Sunday shoes for ten years, while not getting a break on the weekends from your routine, while not even getting a break on vacations where you still cook and don’t eat out because you are trying to save money, while cutting coupons and looking for deals, while doing homework with the kids… and all of my responsibilities. You couldn’t handle it.

      Don’t assume all stay-at-home moms watch soaps and eat Bon Bons all day. I tell you, even my college educated engineering, management husband can’t handle what I do. I saved him thousands of dollars by losing sleep and breastfeeding our children. I don’t even get my nails done. I walk into a salon maybe once a year to get a $15 hair trim. I never buy new clothes for myself, etc. etc. etc.

      I’m NOT a victim. This is the job God gave me, and I’m going to do it with all my heart. It is a pleasure to be able to work at home or out of the home. I was trained as an architect. And look what I do now. You want to talk about getting no respect? But I could care less for the respect. My job is the hardest job on earth. I make no money though. Do you still think I’m worthless and need to put my money where my mouth is? I have none to give. When you work for free, maybe then you’ll really understand what respect and neglect are.

      In America, women between the ages of 20 and 30 years are having a very difficult time finding a husband who wants to work, and most men of that age are looking for women who make money and have higher paying jobs so they can buy those toys for the men.

      • Jean says:

        (USA) @Talia,
        Girl, you hit it right on the head. I could not have said it any better. Doesn’t it make you fed up when self centered, men write comments that suggest that stay at home women do nothing. Women are burdened with an enormous amount of responsibilities, and many men, not all men, are unwilling to admit it. They are just too full of themselves to give women credit for all we do. As I said before, I have worked in and outside of the home. It is an awesome responsibility for any woman, because there are hundreds of behind the scenes situations and tasks that most men will never see their wives do. I admire those of you who are home all day. It can get pretty overwhelming for a wife and mother. There are few, few, few, men who have experienced it the way women do it. The women tend to really sacrifice, deny, cut corners, and neglect themselves when they are taking care of the household and the children. Men in this role, are not willing to go as far as we go.

        Then these internet marriage counselors have the nerve to scold women about being in sweats all day and greeting a man at the door that way. The husband is lucky she made it through the day and kept her sanity. How ugly is that anyway? If a husband is that evil that he will allow the fact that his wife is in sweats when he gets home, to make him care for her less, he is truly of Satan, and so is the counselor who suggested that. Women have got to show a united front in situations like this and stop this movement that demeans, devalues, and scolds women and wives. We have got to be strong. I learned how to stand up and speak up a long time ago.

        I love all males, but I refuse to be devalued by them.

    • LibertyBell says:

      (USA) Staying at home is a full-time job. The work doesn’t end… there is no clocking in and punching out. If you don’t appreciate the work your wife does then it’s no wonder she complains about your whining. No wonder your relationship is in trouble. My guess is you wouldn’t trade your job for hers in a million years. You wouldn’t get the respect you get from having a paying job, you wouldn’t get as much interaction with other adults that you do with a 9-5 job, and you wouldn’t get to put in 8 hours and call it a day. I’m not belittling your work, but both roles are important.

    • Jean says:

      (USA) You all keep saying that the husband is the only one working and buying everything. STOP saying that. That is a lie. Many, many, many, women are working now and we contibute paychecks, car notes, grocery money, and other contibutions, just like the husbands.

      Miguel, I don’t know who you are referring to, but you are not talking about me, my friends, sisters, neighbors, and practically all other females that I know. As far as a percentage, 99% of us work outside of the home, too, just like our husbands. You sound like you are referring to a fairy tale story. These days it is hard to find a woman who is like your example.

    • Sass from United States says:

      Over 70% of American women with children under 18 work outside the home. http://www.bls.gov/news.release/famee.nr0.htm I’d guess the stats are similar in Canada. So what is your point again?

  21. Wendy says:

    (UNITED STATES) I disrespect my husband and my kids follow my lead. Will my husband cheat or leave me and our grown kids?

    • Tony says:

      (USA) Can’t say. I do have to ask why you are worried about his behavior instead of asking for help in addressing your side of the street?

      • Jean says:

        (USA) Tony, why do you keep defending men?

        • Tony says:

          (USA) Jean, Hmm, the poster I replied to said she disrespected her husband. So I ask you, why are you running to the defense of someone who is clearly, by her own admission, in violation of what God tells wives to do?

  22. Charles says:

    (UNITED STATES) I just want to say as a Christian, that I appreciate the article about how husbands feel when wives give more attention to the children. The suggestions were great. Of course, please do an article (this is the first time I came across your website) in the same vein about how the wives feel when the husband’s give more attention elsewhere, like their work!

    A lot of marriages, especially in the USA, have gone sour because couples don’t heed the Word of God. Its simple, the Bible is our Owners Manual. If we do what it says we reap the blessings. Look around, so many divorces, what a curse.

    I would say the little ones are fine to give a lot of attention to, but it seems mothers still are locked into giving more attention to the children after they are grown. Both husbands and wives should put each other first. I’m still learning.

  23. Jill says:

    (UNITED STATES) What?! Why wouldn’t that man just change his own sheets when he wanted?

  24. Edward says:

    (U.S.A.) It’s true that men get the bad end of the stick! No matter how much of a brat my step daughter is my wife always has some sort or praise. And because I have something to say about it, now I’m the bad guy, the jealous one. So she goes out of her way to spend more time with her daughter, while the marriage goes drier than a hot desert.

    And to all the women who put their children first and screw their husbands, it’s not long until they end up in the dating web-sites. Single mom looking for a partner! How sad. Can you blame the man for looking for a girl with no children? How selfish an attitude to have, because without us you wouldn’t get pregnant to begin with.

    • LibertyBell says:

      (USA) The fact that you are calling your step-daughter a brat may indicate that you aren’t really interested in teaching her right from wrong. Could you be the one letting the relationship deteriorate because you see women as there to “take care of you” instead of as a person to have a meaningful relationship with? “Single mom looking for a partner” sounds a lot better than “bitter needy man wants woman with no children so she can devote everything to me”. And you call women selfish? You say “without us you wouldn’t get pregnant to begin with” – so you think because you provide sperm you should be given special treatment? Without women bearing, caring for, teaching, and loving their children – this world wouldn’t be worth living in. Thank God there are emotionally mature men out there that don’t share your attitude.

    • Jean says:

      (USA) You men can’t be spoiled. You have to work at the marriage too. So what if he finds another girl, good riddance! Anyway, what about when men put their fishing poles, football games, and buddies in front of their wives? You men are just as guilty as the women. Stop blaming wives for the situation in the marriage when the husband doesn’t lift a finger to be romantic to their wives.

      It is not the wife’s responsibility to lead in the marriage. Being servant leader, means the man ahould be taking the initiative anyway. The man should set the example. Wives get tired of their husbands too. We want to cheat too. We look at other men too. You men who are reading this, just know that there are men out there who are attracted to your wife and she is attracted to them, just like you look at other women. Your wives fight to resist them, but after you cheat, just know that she can too.

  25. Angie says:

    (GREECE) I read most of the comments here and I must say… wow! People always need to organize things in an order, first, second, etc… even love. How can you say you must love your husband first and your child second, or vice versa? These are two totally different kinds of love and I really don’t understand how people can put one above the other. Why does there have to be a race for the love of the woman of the house?

    It seems to me many women neglect their men, and many men whine when they don’t get attention. After all, human beings are imperfect, and you can’t expect your spouse to do everything right. Talk to each other and learn to pray and be patient and understanding. This is not a competition; it’s life. And to all the men who say that they found another woman because their own didn’t pay attention to them, well, I get their point, but that reaction shows irresponsibility and immaturity. Don’t forget a marriage takes two to work, and the fault always lies with both sides, more or less. Nobody is blameless.

    • Jean (Valley Wildcat) says:

      (USA) Angie, this is not a writing contest. But to explain about the writing, sometimes we either forget how to, or we are so eager to get our points out, that we lump it all together. Besides, God does not judge our writing skills, the way we judge women.

    • Jean( Valley) says:

      (USA) Angie, do you also find that many men neglect their wives? Are you a fair and balanced person? Why would you only refer to women neglecting men? After reading this statement by so many people, so many times, here and there, it makes me question people’s intelligence and ability to be fair and reasonable?

      My comment may sound cruel, but I wonder about people who continue to lie about what women are not doing. Why do I hardly see statements about many men neglecting their wives? I dare one of you husband/men supporters to put a questionnaire on this blog or anywhere online and allow men and women to write in and answer. Ask questions about feeling neglected. Maybe then you all will have an awakening and will realize that men neglect their wives just as much, but because women tend to be more self sacrificing and willing to overlook our men’s faults. You don’t read many women’s comments about this.

  26. Observe says:

    (USA) Thanks to the authors of the book that this is taken from. Thanks for having the courage to consider marriage from a biblical perspective, in spite of all the feministic, manish responses from women who don’t know how to relate to a man, and as a result, are stuck in bad relationships. Modern women have traded the traditional roles of women for a more masculine role. Judging themselves by masculine standards, and have no idea why they keep going from one bad relationship to another. YOU are the problem. You’ve bought into secular philosophies that tell you that you should be the head, and that you should run things. That’s a part of the curse… the women would try to control her husband and usurp his authority (authority that shows itself in loving humility).

    Women have been duped by feminists, who aren’t interested in loving relationships with men, and they don’t want you to have them either. So they sabotage your life and relationships by teaching you all the things that will derail, hinder or completely destroy your relationships with men.

    A man naturally provides and protects his family. He has to be taught to nurture and love them tenderly… BY OTHER MEN. Good men know this and teach other men what they need to know. Many women on the other hand… often advise rebellion and personal rights, effectively sowing the seeds of discord and relational failure.

    WOMEN… if you want to be happy, love, nurture and submit to your husband. A man who receives such attention and care will unconsciously be drawn closer to you and will desire to meet your every need. HOWEVER, don’t complain when you don’t do your due diligence when selecting a mate. Don’t be upset with all men, simply because you chose a tight butt and a clever bad boy grin over a nerdy but stable and loving gentleman. You can’t act and dress loosely to attract a good man and then complain about a lack of character and concern afterwards. Spend more time looking for character and lose the list of attributes you don’t possess… all the while demanding that a man be “all that” and more.

    Women often adopt a false personna and a false image via make up, girdles and every other body altering device. These things are used to hide a lack of character and depth… they are “hooks” used to catch the “fish” they think they want. So don’t be suprised when you find out that the guy has also been hiding his weaknesses, as well.

  27. Kit says:

    (CANADA) When I marry, I can only hope that my husband will put our children before me.

    Personally, I see children as an extension of BOTH their parents – when I care for my child, it will in part be a service of devotion to their father. I don’t understand how more people don’t see that.

    I also feel that when one spouse complains that they are not getting attention, they are being extremely hypocritical. By being so demanding and self-centred, they are putting THEMSELVES first, before both their spouse and children. This goes for husbands and wife alike. And it is a nasty thing to demonstrate to you children – neediness and self-absorption.

    • Doug says:

      (USA) If your children do not see the oneness of you and your spouse and hence the singularity of the family unit, they will suffer. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. We are working on correcting the results of such; having narrowly skirted divorce, thank God. If they are put first, they will be the ones that demonstrate neediness and self-absorption.

      • Kit says:

        (CANADA) I agree. But I don’t think the path to oneness is to pull one section of the family away from another to be closer to a different section is a good way to achieve it. To be truly one, the whole family needs to come together as a unit.

        To achieve this, *both* partners must work hard. Fathers need to be more hands on, but mothers need to work harder to make sure their husbands are involved. And I don’t just mean in helping with chores. Mothers need to make it having fun with the children in a family-oriented setting (not child-oriented, and there is a difference) more available and easy for fathers.

        I think the separation between children and adults in North America is one of our leading problems as to why so many marriages fail. While obviously some aspects of a marital relationship must be kept behind the bedroom doors, the divide between ‘kid time’ and ‘adult time’ (with kid time taking first row in the afternoons and on weekends) is very problematic.

        Of course, fathers feel lonely and unappreciated since they are often a bit out of the loop during these hours, which are their prime free time. No one wants to work all day only to come home and be ignored. There needs to be a time when the parents interact with each other as much as they are interacting with the children. This will not only give the father more of a sense of belonging and appreciation, but it will also help his relationship with his wife, making her happier with him and far more easier to be compliment in those less-child-appropriate times.

  28. Rodolfo says:

    (PUERTO RICO) How does it make a man feel when his wife puts their children ahead of him? This is when both are responsible, hardworkers, do all the chores at home without blaming each other. The problem is that children tend to look for the mother and the mother should have the maturity to make the balance and not side with them. The mother is responsible for the respect that the father deserves at home. It does not matter if the children are her children or he is not the father. Children know what they are doing and will follow their selfish instincts. The mother should not side with them. This will create chaos at home and a very tense environment. This is true unless the mother wants to have the selfish power of everything going at home.

    • Jean says:

      (USA) Why are you saying the wife sides with the children, Rodolfo? Sometimes the father sides with the children. Why are we always blaming women? Satan is surely at work these days.

  29. Frank says:

    (USA) Having read this article, I am merely a room mate, a paycheck and benefit package for her and her daughter (as I cannot give my children from my previous marriage money or assistance). I haven’t seen any of my children in years, my wife refuses to even try to start a relationship with them. But we have all the time and money in the world for her daughter, family and friends.

    She left me to celebrate New Years alone while her and her daughter headed to a Casino out of state for the weekend. Constant trips to visit her daughter for a day or 2. Gives her thousands of dollars each month to pay her bills, go out with friends, whatever. She just spent the weekend with us and brought her boyfriend. We spent nearly $500.00 on taking them to dinner, buying their beer and drinks, paying for their good time. I couldn’t even get close to my wife (we haven’t made it to our first anniversary yet). I paid for her to go on trips to New York with us (big mistake, as always I was pushed aside and it became all about her and my wife). When her and her boyfriend left, her boyfriend at least thanked me. She didn’t hug me, say thank you, nothing.

    On other visits, my wife gets angry because I won’t sleep in the spare room so she and her GROWN daughter (21) can sleep together. I am thinking of divorce because I really don’t think any of it will change. I will never be anything more than a room mate to my wife, and certainly never a priority in her life. I have made her my priority since we met and truly love her with all my heart, but I do not feel or see the same from her. Pray for an answer for me, because my heart is breaking daily and I feel completely hollow inside.

  30. Stephanie from United States says:

    Wow. What a sad world. And I must say, the older generation in America sets a very POOR example of what a true marriage should be like. I don’t even have my own parents to look up to. This is truly disastrous. I am 20 years old and based on what I see in my every day life and the comments that I read on here, I am not even sure if I could survive marriage because of all of this.

    I know I will cherish my husband and children, but goodness gracious, if it takes that much anger is it really worth it? I pray that I will FINALLY witness a true marriage before I start my own. Where are the role models?

  31. Jason from United States says:

    I suck as a husband, man and father. My wife is a dream killer and close minded. Yesterday was our 8 year wedding anniversary. Not a single kiss was given. Instead, I slept on the couch. Whatever love we had for each other is gone. We’ve got 2 kids, 5 and 3 years old. I am trapped. Either I divorce her and pay for everything and not see my kids or I stay and live a miserable love life, but see my kids.

    As I’ve said before, I suck as a husband. However, I have a great career, pay all our bills, help out with the kids. I do the dishes, cook, clean, pickup the kids from school. We share responsibility of everything 50/50. Yet, she’s never on my side, never says she loves me. Love making? Can’t remember the last time we made love. Sex, oh we’ve had sex, but it’s no different than having a one night stand. I’m done with this type of life.

    People, marriage has not been good for me. I wonder how my wife feels? Probably the same as I do. We’ve changed so much. We are roommates with kids. And the sad thing is I have no desire to fix our marriage. If she does, I am clueless. Just had to get it off my chest.

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Jason, It’s obvious that you don’t want input –just want to get this off your chest. I’m not sure how you think it’s okay to “suck as a husband” and stay in that state of dysfunction –not trying to do better, but what can we say? If you think it’s okay to get married and then have kids and model what it is to be a horrible husband to them, I feel sorry for your kids, your wife and for you. No matter what your wife is acting like, that doesn’t justify your acting out as a bad “husband, man, and father.”

  32. Allen from United States says:

    I feel less than my wife’s kids, my step kids. She is always putting them before me, and I have sacrificed a lot for them and her. I feel like a third wheel, an outsider in my own home. When I told her about it and showed her the article, all I got from her was I warned you about this before you married me… I love her but I feel as though there is a wedge between us now. A part of my spirit and heart has died.

  33. Lynn from United States says:

    My husband has been jealous of my son from day one! I would serve my son his dinner when he was five because I didn’t want my 5yr old to carry his own plate to the table because there’s a good chance he would spill and I didn’t need more work cleaning up the mess if he did. I didn’t serve my husband because he’s able to carry his own plate being a grown man! He was jealous and got mad! I’m your wife, not you servant!

    It went down hill from there. Because of the way he has treated me, my son and our children we had together, I have lost respect for him. He calls our then two yr old stupid for spilling milk, tells son to get the he_ _ away from mom when I was sleeping (he had a nightmare). When I’m sick my kids take care of me while he all of a sudden is sick too! Every time! He wants me to put him first while still treating all of us like crap. Wants sex after treating me or kids awful! Sorry I’m not a robot. I need to feel loved and cherished and know that he loves and cherishes our kids too for me to want to show him love through sex.

  34. Marie from United States says:

    I have read through a few of the comments and just want to thank everyone who has turned me off from marriage. What is the point? I am truly happily single, make really good money, have eggs and can buy sperm (and can even be more selective about the sperm if I am buying it). Seems like a spouse is just a huge, necessary inconvenience for the sole purpose of child rearing for so many people. This country is just becoming sickeningly child-centric. Your child should not be your spouse, lover, life partner or best friend… HOW FLIPPING DEPRESSING.

    I absolutely refuse to marry someone who I feel it’s ok to neglect, designate to the lowest tier and feel I can live without. For goodness sake, this is the ONLY family member that I get to choose.

  35. Sass from United States says:

    George Carlin used to say: you know what I tell people who say their needs aren’t being met? Drop some of your needs.

    US = 60% divorce rate, almost as many children growing up single parent homes, billions of dollars in back child support owed, websites where you can shop for someone to have an affair with.

    I can’t be the only one wondering why we fail so miserably at the things, love and family, we claim to want above all else. Perhaps it’s because we believe it’s the destination rather than the journey that will fulfill us. That getting to the altar and having babies will magically heal our broken hears and broken childhoods.

    When we learn that the coveted status we sought doesn’t bring happiness on its own and that it doesn’t come with entitlement to unconditional validation and affection and having your every need met without hesitation, we can’t admit that we dug our own grave because our expectations were neither realistic nor fair.

    If you’re there, like many men (and women) posting here seem to be, and feel the need to cope with your disappointment by making it a contest in your home as to who loves who more, who should love who more, and stating that you’re entitled to cheat, lie, abuse, ignore, do nothing to maintain the home because YOU were denied your “right” to affection, sex, a housekeeper, a financial supporter, etc…. you need to check yourself and fast. Because in the end it is the children who will suffer and repeat the cycle you find yourself trapped in. Put simply… grow up. You can’t be a parent when you’re still acting like a child yourself.

Marriage Missions International