Are you starting to question in your mind if your spouse may be having an extramarital affair? Are you seeing and sensing certain things, that makes you suspicious of his or her faithfulness to you and your marriage?
Whether or not adultery is actually happening, your suspicions are telling you that something is wrong and you feel a need to probe a bit more, but how? What “evidence” do you look for or recognize as it’s all put together, that will help you to come to the wisest conclusion as to whether or not your spouse is committing adultery?
Maybe you’ve even asked him or her a few probing questions and you have received a complete denial, and yet something still doesn’t seem quite right. You don’t want to come out and blatantly and more forcefully accuse your spouse of being unfaithful if it’s not true (because you know that can cause even more problems), but on the other hand, there is still this nagging feeling inside of you that your spouse isn’t being honest.
“Is he or isn’t he cheating on me?” “Is she or isn’t she cheating on me?” Those are VERY important questions for you to have answered, and have them answered honestly. No one wants to be played the fool, and no one wants their spouse to deceive them, and yet how do you know what to look for and how do you know if your spouse will answer your questions honestly?
Let’s face it, if a spouse has lowered himself or herself to such a low level as to commit adultery, what makes you think that they will suddenly stop the deception, and become honest with you all of a sudden, when you first suspect something is wrong? It is possible it could happen, but not likely.
So for this reason (and many more), you need to approach this matter wisely, with your eyes as open and your perceptions as keenly alert, as it is possible.
“Hindsight is 20/20, and so it goes with affairs from the spouse’s point of view. Just prior to actual disclosure, the spouse will often come upon subtle or even obvious clues with increasing frequency, bits and pieces of information that spell out ‘a-f-f-a-i-r,’ but only when the spouse looks back.
“Those pieces of information contribute to the spouse’s feeling foolish in the wake of the discovery: ‘Why didn’t I see it coming? How could I have been so stupid?’ The self-incrimination goes on endlessly as the spouse berates herself (or himself) for not picking up on the signals that now seem clear.” (Dave Carder, Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair)
Facing the fact that a spouse may be cheating on you is difficult enough! But to have the pain multiplied by going through a prolonged period of doubting and questioning, makes it all the worse.
So, to help you to recognize the important “signals” your spouse may or may not be leaving around, we have provided links to several web sites that address this issue. As you read them, keep in mind that the author may be addressing a certain gender. It’s not within our power to change that. But PLEASE don’t get hung up on that issue. Read the information. It’s sound information. These articles apply to both genders. BOTH genders cheat, and this may help the betrayed spouse to better know whether it’s happening or not.
We hope they will help you to discover what you need to know, one way or the other.
Please click onto the web site links below to read:
This article was compiled by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International
If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.