Marriage Missions International

How to Save Your Marriage Alone

Christian psychiatrist Paul D. Meier says that there are “only 3 choices for any person involved in an unhappy marriage: (1) get a divorce —the greatest cop-out and by far the most immature choice; (2) tough out the marriage without working to improve it —another immature decision but not quite as irresponsible as divorce; and (3) maturely face up to personal hang-ups and choose to build an intimate marriage out of the existing one —the only really mature choice to make.”

In your case, the moment of truth has come, for your partner probably has already ruled out the second option and chosen the first without even considering the third. The question is, “What will you do?” Surrender to the pressures of the world’s way of thinking and the emotions of the moment? Or make a choice based on confidence in the eternal truths of Scripture?

The stakes are higher than one may realize at the time. One choice clearly leads to the bitterness and defeat of divorce as well as lost opportunities for blessing. “Divorce is more painful than death,” a woman told me, “because it’s never really over.”

Dr Meier says that when couples run away from their problems by divorcing and remarrying, “then there are four miserable people instead of just two…. Why spread misery?” he asks. “Bad marriages are contagious! Numerous psychiatric marriage relationships get divorced —no matter how good their intentions may be —they nearly always remarry into the very same type of neurotic relationship they had before.”

When you choose the pathway of irrevocable commitment to your mate and your marriage —regardless of how troubled your relationship may seem —you will find that choice leading you into a place of agape love and peace and personal growth. These are just some of the rewards, for the chances are very good that you will also be able to enjoy the blessings that God has wanted to bestow on your marriage from the beginning.

I am not suggesting that the healing of a marriage is an easy process when one partner resists it. But are any easy choices open to you, after all? Torn relationships involve pain, whatever you do about them. As Peter points out in his first letter, it is far better to suffer (if suffer you must) for doing right, than for doing wrong. He makes it clear that God’s favor and blessing shine on the one who patiently suffers, if necessary, in order to do His will. Meeting your marriage problems in a biblical manner is productive rather than pointless, and whatever hurts your encounter will be less damaging than the long-term effects of divorce would be.

“The very word divorce should be cut out of the vocabulary of a couple when they marry,” a woman with a restored marriage said, “because God’s way is so much better for anyone who is willing to give it a try.”

Another woman, considering the turbulent events of the past year that had driven her to grow emotionally and spiritually while she “loved her husband back” to their marriage, said, “It’s been all gain for me. I’m a different person now. The process was humbling, but it was worth it!”

A man said, “During the time when I was trying to win my wife’s love and hold our family together, sometimes I got so tired of rejection that I didn’t feel anything except a determination to do what the Bible said and leave the results with God. The only thing I was sure of was that somehow God would work it out for my good because He promised that in His Word. I never imagined the love affair He has actually given us. He really does do more than we can ask or think!”

While these comments from the far side of the problem are encouraging, I understand that the feelings you may be experiencing right now within the problem are less than pleasant. Many others have been where you are now and can empathize with what you are going through: shock, hurt, rejection, emotional confusion, temptation to bitterness, and of course, pressures from all sides that sometimes make you want to give up.

My heartfelt goal is to help you clarify your thoughts, stabilize your emotions, and learn to behave in a consistent, purposeful way that will save your marriage and bring a new dimension of love into your relationship.

So, if you are willing to make a commitment to your marriage based on the eternal principles and promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in promises of the Word of God, you can take heart and let hope grow in proportion to your commitment. Contrary to what the world believes, one person can save a marriage. In fact, most of the people I counsel belong in this category. Even when both come to see me, one is usually dragging the other along, in a manner of speaking, and only one really cares about the outcome in most cases.

Marriage counselor Anne Kristin Carroll says, “If you think there’s no hope because you are the only one in your relationship who wants or cares enough to try to save your marriage, you are wrong!” She adds, “In my experience most torn marriages are brought to new life, new vitality by the interest, basically, of only one party.” This has been my experience as well. I have seen numerous marriages saved when only one partner applied biblical principles in a whole hearted commitment to the mate and the marriage.

Some have not been saved. Usually this is because the individual is convinced that nothing will change the partner —that the longstanding problem of alcoholism or financial irresponsibility or whatever cannot be solved, and he or she simply gives up.

Occasionally, the partner desiring a divorce has developed such a strong emotional attachment to another person that it is not broken off in time to save the marriage. Often, however, this infatuation ends while the divorce is being delayed and the unfaithful partner thanks the committed mate for standing fast and preserving the marriage.

In a relatively few cases, one partner pressured by family and “loyal” friends, develops a deep bitterness toward the other and is actually encouraged in this hostility by parents and even, sometimes, church members so that efforts at reconciliation may be unavailing.

But in the great majority of cases, the outcome depends squarely on the committed partner’s ability to behave consistently in accord with biblical principles designed by the Author of marriage. So, in a very literal sense, it is all up to you. You need not expect your partner to do anything constructive about the marriage if he or she wants out.

Clarifying Your Thoughts

When the Bible says, Gird up the loins of your mind (1 Peter 1:13), it means to get your mental powers in a state of alertness for proper action. You must do this without delay. Often the Lord will provide the opportunity for some quiet, uninterrupted Bible study and prayerful consideration of God’s plan for your situation. You may also learn some important things about yourself during this time.

When one husband moved out, his parents lovingly helped the wife by keeping the children several weeks while she prepared mentally and spiritually for the challenges ahead.

One young wife was ready to dissolve her marriage until a friend in her garden club led her to the Lord. “I only knew two Scriptures at the beginning,” the wife said, “but they were exactly what I needed: ‘God is not a man, that he should lie’ (Numbers 23:19) and With God nothing shall be impossible (Luke 1:37).

“With those truths as a foundation I began to study the Bible, desperately trying to dig out God’s purpose for marriage and all that He had to say about it. I found out for myself that if I were to obey Him, then I would have to become committed to my marriage and my husband, even though he was involved with another woman and we were on the verge of divorce.

“Coming to this decision didn’t make things any easier emotionally at first, but it did show me a clear path of action, and the situation actually became less complicated because there was no more confusion about what to do! I refused to sign the divorce papers. I had gathered evidence identifying the other woman and proving my husband’s unfaithfulness. I destroyed it all. I didn’t need it anymore.”

A University of Chicago professor described this generation’s dilemma with the now familiar quotation: “We lack the language to teach what is right and wrong.” But the Bible-believing Christian caught in an emotionally fraught situation does not have that problem. The language of God concerning divorce is plain enough for any reader. For example:

For the Lord, the God of Israel says: I hate divorce and marital separation, and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate] (Malachi 2:16 AMP).

He replied, ‘Have you never read that He Who made them from the beginning made them male and female’. And said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder’ (separate) (Matthew 19:4-6 AMP).

As you try to gain clarity of thought concerning your marital situation viewed in light of the teaching of Scripture, I suggest that you read the first five chapters of the book, Love Life for Every Married Couple and search the Scriptures that have to do with marriage. Let me remind you once more of the eternal principle that undergirds the biblical counsel we offer: It is God’s will in every marriage for the couple to love each other with an absorbing spiritual, emotional, and physical attraction that continues to grow throughout their lifetime together.

It should be crystal clear that God intends for you and your mate to picture the love-bond of Christ and His church and that you must beware of substitutes who sometimes find their way into the vacuum of a troubled relationship. Obviously, infidelity and divorce are paths that move away from God’s plan and blessing. But when you pour yourself into restoring love to your marriage, you can be sure that the force of His will is at work with you in the process.

It is important to fill your mind with positive biblical input: biblical counseling, preaching, and teaching; good books and Bible-study tapes; and friends who will affirm you in your commitment to your marriage. You need to take in truth from those who are as committed to the permanence of marriage as the Bible is. And don’t listen to anyone else! Develop tunnel vision in this area as Proverbs 4:25-27 commands:

Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil (NASB).

You need to maintain this total mental commitment to the truth or you will be swamped by waves of human opinion and bad advice, sometimes from seemingly religious people.

One young man came to me, confused because he had been told to do nothing to win back his wife. He had been told to concentrate on his vertical relationship with God. I said to him, “This is true, but you can please God only when you are doing what the Bible says you are to do. You must be right in line with God’s Word. We have no other direction for this life. When we are in total accord with the Word, then we can relax and God has the freedom to work with us. He always works with us on the basis of the information that we have from His Word. So the more you know of the Word of God concerning marriage and love and His abhorrence of divorce, the more equipped you will be to let God do His full work and have His full way in your life.”

“I had to take a stand on this matter of outside influence,” a wife told me. “Everyone has been anxious to give me advice about my marriage. I refuse to discuss it with people who hold an unbiblical viewpoint, or people who try to turn me against my husband, or people who make me feel sorry for myself and encourage weakness in me. I can’t afford to be around worldly friends anymore. They tear me down; they tear my husband down. They may mean well, but they are so misguided. I want to be with people who will stand with me and support me when I might falter.”

When your mind is settled, your thoughts clarified, and your commitment made, you will find that you no longer lie at the mercy of outside events, reacting to every new circumstance with fresh pain and bewilderment. Instead, your viewpoint becomes, “This is what I am going to do, no matter what, because it is God’s way to do it. I can count on His wisdom, and I can trust Him with the results of a course of action based on His Word.”

“I’m not standing by my marriage anymore on the basis of what the outcome will be,” one woman told me. “People urge me to dump my husband, give up on him because he’s made my life miserable; they tell me I deserve someone better, that I wouldn’t have any trouble finding someone else to love me.

My answer is that marriage is sacred; marriage is permanent; I am committed by my marriage vows; I am one flesh with my husband; and then I really shock them! I tell them that even if there is no happy ending for our marriage, I will not regret the stand I have taken. I will know that I made the right decision and followed the only course possible for me. I will have done all that I could.

“But my trust is not in what I am dong,” she added. “It is in God and His Word. He has a perfect, loving plan for my life, and He’s wise enough and powerful enough to carry it out, if I cooperate by following His counsel. So I’m going to keep on obeying Him in my marriage and I’ll leave the results with Him. I am at peace with that.”

[Marriage Missions editors’ note: The authors, Dr Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins go on from this point to include a lot more valuable advice. For many different reasons, including honoring their copyright privileges, we need to shorten this article. Plus we think you need to obtain the book yourself because of the additional advice you’ll benefit from reading. But we do want to end this article with some practical advice that was given at the end of this chapter hoping it will spur you on to start this journey towards saving your marriage, even if you have to try to do it alone.]

A happy wife wrote me a note of thanks for my counsel which gave her the courage to stick with her marriage. She said, “One little thing you said to me meant so much. You said, ‘So what if your husband doesn’t tell you he loves you right now!” I knew you were right. I really wasn’t that important. This wife found that putting up with a little rejection was worth it in the long run in order to have a revitalized marriage.

I have talked with many women who tell me that when they do not feel their husband’s love, the Lord has a way of loving them that is almost tangible. “Like being in the sunshine, just feeling the warmth of His love,” several wives agreed.

A lovely young wife carried that a step further in her own trying situation. She said that it was often difficult dressing to go out for the evening with her husband because she knew in advance that he would not treat her the way she longed to be treated. So she developed the habit of thinking of the Lord Jesus as her friend and escort of the evening. “It helped me tremendously, she said. “I looked my best for Him, I behaved my best for Him, and I was constantly aware of His steadying presence with me!”

In summary, you need to give love to your mate biblically, emotionally, and physically whether you receive a response or not. This is altogether possible through agape love. One wife, whose husband was involved with another woman, said, “I tried to show him that my love for him did not depend on how he treated me. I still showed him physical affection. I said to him sometimes, ‘I love you, no matter what you are doing right now, and I believe the Lord means for us to be together.’ I sent him little cards with appropriate messages that messages that expressed my caring while we were apart. And, do you know, when we reconciled, I found that he had saved every one of them!”

I asked some wives who had been through the experience to give me their list of do’s and don’ts for any woman trying to save her marriage. Here are the excellent suggestions they compiled:

• There can be no growth in your relationship as long as there is doubt as to your commitment to your marriage. Make your commitment!

• When your husband withholds his love, trust the Lord to meet your emotional needs. He won’t let you down!

• Give your husband honor, love, and biblical respect even though his actions do not deserve it. Give him warm acceptance no matter what. The more hopeless your situation is, the more your loving behavior is apt to be accepted as genuine.

• Don’t try to reform your husband. Just love him.

• Live one day at a time.

• Don’t try to do it on your own. The Lord is with you!

• Don’t be bitter against anyone in the situation. Never turn your children against their father. Forgive!

• Don’t ask family or friends to take sides against your husband.

• Don’t discuss your intimate marriage problems. Don’t give fuel to gossip. Confide in the Lord, your counselor, and perhaps a close Christian friend whom you can trust to keep silence.

• Choose your biblical counselor wisely. Never discuss your problems with a friend of the opposite sex.

• Spend as much time in the Word of God as possible.

• Concentrate on yourself, redeeming the mistakes you made, and asking God to show you how to change, rather than concentrating on your partner’s failures.

• Do not separate. Encourage your husband to stay in the home, no matter what.

• Do not give your husband a divorce. Do all in your power to delay or prevent it. If you must consult a lawyer, make it clear to the lawyer that it is only for your financial protection and that of your children. Find a Christian lawyer who will help you preserve your marriage.

• Spend your time with people who will encourage you in spiritual growth.

• Do not overcompensate with your children. They need your love and stability while their father is gone, but they still need discipline. It will be hard to build a new love relationship with your husband when he does come home if the children are out of control.

• Do not try to defend yourself from gossip or criticism. Keep your mouth shut. The Lord will fight for you and you will hold your peace.

• Remember that the most innocent thing you say will get twisted. Avoid loose talk and do not listen to tale-bearing.

• When you do anything (large or small) to pull the marriage apart, you are going against God’s will. Let that be your guideline for all decisions.

• Don’t expect your husband to change overnight when he does come back home.

• The hardest time may be when you are reconciled and you have a tendency to fall back into old habit patterns. Don’t do it!

• Hope all things, believe all things, and endure all things.

The above article goes on to give more helpful information including a first person narrative expository of the love story of Hosea, from the Bible. This article comes from the book Love Life for Every Married Couple, written by Dr Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins, published by Zondervan Publishing. This book details the process of rediscovering the joy of marriage through practical counsel involving communication and an understanding of each other in our sexual make-up. Physician Ed Wheat will help you improve your marriage through sharing, touching, appreciating and focusing healing attention on your mate. Answering physical, psychological and stress-related questions in a Christian context, Dr. Wheat demonstrates how to bring your feelings of love back to life.

They also have a shorter version of this book which is a mass market paperback titled, How to Save Your Marriage Alone, written by the same authors. You won’t get all of the information that the other book gives on sexual issues among other topics. This book just concentrates on the above subject.


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323 Responses to “How to Save Your Marriage Alone”
  1. Karina from United Kingdom says:

    Please pray for my husband. He is living with another woman but I feel God has told me to make a stand. I feel my breakthrough won’t be long now. Please pray for his homecoming and the Veil of Deception to be lifted from his eyes. We are both Christians. I think he needs a Damascus Road experience from the Lord.

  2. Yolanda from United States says:

    My husband and I separated a year and 4 months ago. We both have done things; I chose to stop. He, on the other hand, refuses and won’t stop. He blames me that I don’t want to make things better so he comes home. I just found out he may be seeing someone and he cares for her because he’s not seeing me. He tells me he isn’t doing anything. He claims he wants to come home but I need to change because I nag, and question. Do you think it’s worth praying, asking God to fix it? Can it be fixed or am I fighting a losing battle? Everyone tells me to leave him alone, he doesn’t care, file for a divorce. I don’t know what to do. Help!

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Yolanda… so, so sorry that you are in this place in your marriage. It just shouldn’t be. I can’t even imagine how much your heart hurts. I’m so sad for you.

      As far as what you can do about your husband’s deceit, it’s difficult to say. Until your husband realizes that he can’t “see” others while he’s married, obviously the marital relationship isn’t workable. You can’t NOT “question” someone who is prone to cheating. You ask us if “God can fix it.” Of course He can. But will He override your husband’s will? Will He MAKE your husband do what he should? It’s not likely. He gives everyone a free will, and although your husband is doing terrible things with that freedom, we’re all given a free choice –you, me, him. We will pay dearly for making wrong choices some day, but for now… it looks like your husband is getting his way in the matter. That is a temporary illusion. I have to say though, that I am proud of you for “choosing to stop” doing that, which is wrong.

      As far as what God WILL do, however, He will talk to your husband’s heart, convict him, and make him more uncomfortable… as you pray and ask Him to. And for some people, this will eventually have good results if the cheating spouse listens and makes the right choices. I’ve seen this happen. But I’ve also seen it happen where the deceitful spouse keeps going on in this horrible manner (at least for the present). I just don’t know with your husband what will happen. And I can’t tell you what to do about this… and neither should other people. This is something you need to talk to God about… this is a decision you should settle with Him. I’ve seen marriage miracles where the wrongful spouse wakes up and everything turns around. The spouse who waited faithfully is elated. But I honestly don’t know if this will be the case with your husband.

      Please pray, don’t listen to those who are trying to advise you to do something that only you and God should decide together. They may be well meaning, but they are doing something they aren’t supposed to do. They are playing God when they try to get people divorce. We are told in the Bible, “What God has put together, let no man separate.” Most times, waiting and praying is the best thing you can do. But whatever you do, don’t do anything of this magnitude because others are pushing at you to do it. This is YOUR marriage, YOUR life, and YOUR decision to make… with God’s wisdom. You ARE allowed, according to the Bible, to divorce someone who is unfaithful, but that does not mean you SHOULD. You and God are to decide what you are to do in your marriage with your husband… not other separating people.

      I pray wisdom for you, Yolanda. I pray conviction for your husband –that God will let him know (whether he wants to hear it or not) that he is wrong to treat you, and your marriage this way. I also pray that God ministers to your hurting heart as you go to Him and lean upon Him. And I pray that somehow, God brings good into your life, someday, out of such a horrible situation. You are NEVER in a “losing battle” when you go God’s way… it may appear so for a while, but never in the long run.

  3. Vibhuti from India says:

    Thanks a million for letting me know that I m not alone and that I can do it…I promise myself commitment to a husband who has never loved or respected me. I have started to believe that he has cheated me by showing affection before marriage and denying it after marriage. Still I will try …. pray for me.

  4. Tyler from United States says:

    Hi, I’m severely confused. 2 months ago my wife left. She tells me we are working on it, and we are currently going to counseling. I’ve screwed up pretty good a few weeks back. She said she got divorce papers that week but hasn’t filled them out, and doesn’t want to… that’s how mad she was.

    She keeps telling me she loves me, wants to work it out, and hopes we can. But I know she is seeing someone else. It is the guy I confronted her about the day she left. She is pretty adamant that she’s not, but she has a second cell phone. I found a movie ticket to a theater 20 minutes from his house. She says she was alone. But that same night she kept shutting her phone off, and sent me to pics. weren’t the pillow cases on her bed from the day before. I drove by where she is staying, and no car… then 3 hours later still no car. 4 hours after that it was back.

    Numerous times in the past 2 months, things just dont add up. But she keeps telling me to keep getting better. She wants me to not be so jealous, and not see the worst. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never given up on her through the past bad stuff, and I just don’t like to quit. She even took the spare key to her car off my key ring. She says she doesn’t want me going thru her car. She doesn’t want me to contact her friends or family looking for her. She stayed somewhere 2 weekends ago, and won’t tell me where. She says her parents know, but I don’t think they do.

    Somehow, it’s all on me, and I have to change. It’s hard to imagine her with someone else, even though we have been through this before.

    What do I do? She won’t come home, but comes around a few days a week. She won’t end it. She keeps telling me I’m doing better, but won’t stop what she’s doing.

    • Gavril from Germany says:

      Hi Tyler, You seem an intelligent guy, so I think I can write plainly. I’ve been right where you are. The worst of it was the uncertainty. The lies, both from her and well-meaning friends who were hoping to spare my feelings, did nothing but convince me that I was going crazy, and that everything that was happening was my fault. Thoughts of suicide were constantly with me, until I read Dr. Dobson’s Love Must Be Tough. I instantly regained my self-respect. I began to see the Lord more clearly comforting me in my pain. I had to act positively for the sake of my children’s and my own well-being.

      My wife was practicing the same deceit as you describe. One can be sure, that when such behavior is taking place, the reality will be very painful. When she turned up pregnant, the new lover deserted her, leaving her to face her God, her children, and finally, me.

      The human heart is capable of wickedness and self-deceit, so much so, that my wife continued to blame me for her actions, and to this day, will take no responsibility for what she did. She gave her child up for adoption and simply did not move out. She cancelled her divorce proceedings and for the sake of my three sons, I remained with her for three years, and did my best to soldier on, and to obey the Lord. However, once the last child left for college, so did she, and divorce papers were forthcoming. Her second marriage lasted less than a year, followed by a string of unhappy affairs.

      This is my advice to you: Obey the Lord. Flee sexual temptation, as there are many women who are willing to comfort a hurting man. Stay faithful to your marriage vows and the Lord will reward you. For me, it was the arrival in my life of a truly beautiful, Godly woman who in the past 16 years has given me two more children, and repaired the almost unbelievable trauma I endured. I believe that this would never have happened had I not done all I could to save my first marriage. May the Lord bless you, uphold you, and bring you through to the other side!

      • Tyler from United States says:

        Thank you for that. I am trying still. Things have gotten pretty dark in the last month, lot of bad things, and loss. She got a place with another girlfriend, says she still wants to work things out. But I know she’s just using me now, to make her transition easy… although she says that is not the case. But the writing is on the wall. She doesn’t realize I know her all to well, and how to read her.

        Thank you again. It means a lot to me. I have just realized how much support and love I have from other people…

  5. Kalen from United States says:

    Please pray for my husband and I to reconcile. We are currently separated and neither of us have been doing what God expects from us. Please pray for this annulment/divorce to be stopped and for us to both be what we need to be for God and each other.

  6. Kevin from United Kingdom says:

    My wife had become so bitter and angry towards me. She asked me to leave. I could not stay as it was making our and our children’s lives a nightmare. I feel I need to fight for our marriage but she will talk to me only on text and still blames me for everything in our marriage. I believe that God can save our marriage, but she is so bitter and angry for past mistakes. I have repented to her on numerous occasions. I keep showing her Love and Grace when I can but this has become intolerable. Even thanking her for something by text turned into a onslaught of verbal abuse. I’ve never had someone treat me this badly. The harder she gets, the softer I become, and the more it hurts. How can I fight for my marriage in this situation?

  7. Tanya from United States says:

    I’m so hurt; my husband lives with another person in his home state. His family loves having him there and said they would disown him if he came home. It’s been 2 yrs and a deceased child later. I don’t know how long I need to fight for this marriage.

  8. Katie from United States says:

    Please pray for my marriage to be restored. Pray God will open my husband’s eyes and soften his heart to love me. That he forgives me of my overly sexual past. That we can be happy and our marriage will thrive. That I have the strength, support, wisdom and guidance from God To Stand For restoration and healing in our marriage. For peace, acceptance for each other, love, grace, knowledge, understanding, wisdom, and guidance.

    That God shows us both what love is and how to love each other. That I strengthen my relationship with God during this time and that my husband will hear God’s voice and listen to His guidance to make our marriage great. That if He saved it neither one will retreat to past behaviors. That we love and forgive each other as God lives and forgives us

  9. Adriana from United States says:

    Please pray for my marriage. My husband just left our house, move out, and left me with our 3 children (3, 7, 10). I am heartbroken!!! I am on my knees praying for the Lord to give healing on my marriage. We have be arguing a lot and he wants a life that I don’t (he wants to go out for bars and games with his friend often, like a single person). We have no intimacy lately, but I still love him with all my heart!!! My children are really sad. Please lift up my family in prayer! I would love for him to come back home so we can start over.

    • Lewas from United States says:

      Ask the Lord to soften your husband’s heart and for him to seek The Lord Jesus Christ, the only one that could fill his void in his heart. There’s a void in his heart and the evil spirit is trying to fill it with things from the world. Forgive your husband but also ask God to guide you every morning and every night so you can speak and do the right actions.

      We thank God that the children are with you. Tell God that your family will forever seek him regardless of what he does with your marriage. At the end God has the plan for your family. Just remember God does not like divorces so you stay firm with patience and faith that it will all work out. I Remember what young guy said to me when he prayed for me and my family: If God could save a whole nation by sending his son to be sacrifice for us, our marriage is a like a drop in a bucket for him to save.

  10. Lewas from United States says:

    Glory be to Jesus Christ we had our first trial date for divorce since my wife filed on Oct 24, 2014. She wasn’t prepared and of course, I wasn’t either. We decided to have her move back to our home with our sons. We asked the judge for more time to see if we can reconcile and make our marriage work.

    Tonight is our first night all together under one roof. Seperate rooms for right now but it’s all good. I know it’s baby steps but with prayer I’m hoping we will reconcile completely to a better marriage than what we had. I will keep on praying and asking God to guide me a Christian husband/father, and to teach me to love my wife Elizabeth (my church) and return her without a wrinkle. I’m so excited to continue to exalt our Lord. God of all Gods. The spiritual battle isn’t over and technically it will never be. As Christians we need to remind ourselves to put on the Armor of God on everyday. Never give up hope; he does listen to prayers but he answers them in his own Will and time.

  11. Jennifer from Canada says:

    Please pray for my husband. He has strayed from Christianity and is hanging out with a new group of friends including a divorced woman who he’s quite connected to. I pray that the evil one will not allow their relationship to prevail. Grant me wisdom and courage to do what I can to show him my love and turn his heart back to me. Pray for his return to The Lord, as well.

    • Scott from United States says:

      My wife has done the same. She is not saved and became emotionally attached to a man who was ending his marriage and has been made final many months ago. She keeps going to the band shows at bars he plays at, and has said she has emotionally disconnected from me and has put up a wall. Says she doesn’t connect with me like she does this “other side” of her that has always been there, that she just always puts it off.

  12. Mary from United States says:

    Excellent site for ones standing for your marriage!

  13. Kathy from United States says:

    Would any of this apply if you’re divorced and spouse remarried? After being married 36 years?

    • Gavril from Germany says:

      My understanding is that once an ex-spouse has remarried, there is no further possibility of reunion for the previous couple.

      There is hope, though, for happiness and fulfillment. Seek the Lord with all your heart, and everything else will fall into place in your life.

      • Elizabeth from United States says:

        If your former spouse is in a non-covenant marriage (divorced you and married someone else), you can still stand for your marriage’s restoration. Rejoice Marriage Ministries is an excellent resource.

  14. Peterfamilylife from China says:

    Thanks, I read this post again and again. I think I will appreciate my life with my wife. I love her! Thanks!!

  15. Peterfamilylife from China says:

    Please pray for my husband. He is living with another woman but I feel God has told me to make a stand. I feel my breakthrough won’t be long now. Please pray for his homecoming and the Veil of Deception to be lifted from his eyes. We are both Christians. I think he needs a Damascus Road experience from the Lord.

  16. Rebecca from United States says:

    Please pray for me and my husband. I just found out that I have ADHD and he’s a disabled veteran with PTSD. He is wanting a divorce, says I cheated on him (which I never did and I cannot get him to believe that). He has turned away from the Lord and started drinking again. I love my husband and don’t want to lose him. But he’s determined to divorce me. He has July 1st is the day he files. I’m trying everything to convince him, even agreed to a polygraph test. Any suggestions are appreciated.

  17. Erica from United States says:

    I could use prayer. My husband and I are in the midst of deciding on trying to work out our marriage or separate/divorce. We have a lot of hurt in our past and I honestly have turned into the “contentious” wife. I know I’ve made life miserable for my husband who is truly a good man, but who suffers from temptation of sin such as addiction and adultery.

    I’ve been working on myself for some time now, but change is hard. I want to save our marriage, but he is less eager because he says we’ll never change. He’s told me he’s no longer in love with me, but does still love me as his best friend and mother of his children. We have 2 daughters, 1 and 3, and my husband loves them dearly and it pains him to think of not living with them…that is his hesitation for divorce.

    I think I can convince him to stay, but my struggle is letting go of his past and recent bouts of affairs (some sexual, some emotional). I don’t know if he is honest with me when I ask him questions, he continues to make inappropriate comments with male friends/family about other women… one in particular whose family is “friends” of ours and fellow church goers… even though I’ve repeatedly asked him to refrain from that kind of behavior.

    I’ve become a “snooper” checking his phone bills and text messages, which he feels invades his privacy tremendously, but it’s the only way I ever get the truth. I know that I’m as much at fault in our problems. As I said I’m a perfect example of a contentious wife! He doesn’t feel loved or respected by me.

    I think I’ve become that way as a “survival” technique, but I know that is not an excuse and isn’t honoring to God. How can I move past fears of being lied to, cheated on, etc. and be the wife that God wants me to be? Should I continue to find “proof” by snooping to show that he is telling the truth/lying or should I leave all that to God? And should I even continue to try and work on our marriage? I’m in such a state of hurt, confusion, and hopelessness… please help!

    • Elizabeth from United States says:

      I’ve found Rejoice Marriage Ministries to be a lifeline these past few months. Charlyne Steinkamp was divorced from her adulterous husband after 19 years, remarried him 2 years later and they were married another 23 years until he passed away. Google her and see if her site can help you make the right decisions…which won’t necessarily be the easiest ones. I’m standing for my marriage and God is the God of miracles. Praying for you.

  18. Elizabeth from United States says:

    I’m asking for prayer for my husband and for our marriage to be restored. He filed for divorce in October 2014 and got it by default in February. I had it set aside legally and my attorney told me he’ll drop me if I don’t settle. I rejected a monetary settlement with a counter-offer of counseling several weeks ago, and have yet to get a response.

    My husband needs to know the Lord, he is desperately searching but rejects his need for salvation. I’m determined to do God’s will, so if that means having to go to trial and be without a lawyer, that’s what will happen. Many people, including Christians, try to counsel me to settle and “move on.” My mom passed away in January, so it’s been a rough few months…but I know God is sovereign and in charge. I’m making the changes in myself that are needed. Please pray that I will soon see God working to heal this painful situation. Thanks.

  19. Heather from United States says:

    This was like spiritual CPR to me. My husband and I have been together since age 13; he was an active member of our church leadership. He left two years ago due to a mentoring relationship that really just became inappropriate. I have pursued him relentlessly, but everyone has told me not to do this. So here I am two years later, exhausted, and truthfully I was just ready to have closure in one way or another. I have felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff just waiting to be pushed off. Why would I want to start over with someone new when we have so much to build on in our relationship?

    We’ve been married 29 years; I see the eternal value of my husband. Here is my new philosophy… hands off, heart open. I’ve left him with God, but my heart is still open to him. I have to say this to myself daily and sometimes hourly. This article only further confirmed my beliefs in what God’s word already said to me. Sometimes the world clouds things up, but if you just get back in to God’s word it all becomes clear again. So stay out of the world and STAY IN GODS WORD!!! Pray for my husband; his name is Johnny. I believe in the power of prayer.

  20. Chris from United States says:

    Pray for me to be strong, to fight for my wife and my family. It’s not easy but I know God will restore my marriage day by day. God is answering my prayer and please pray for my wife to be strong.

  21. Rhonda from United States says:

    Please pray for my husband and myself. He says he’s broken and says I’m the reason. He recently turned to another woman. He broke it off, because I told him it was wrong but he believes he’s in love with her and doesn’t love me any more. I believe in life long marriage and have been doing everything I can to let him know of my complete support and love. He says my efforts are too late.

    I told him I will never give up hope. God believes in our marriage and so do I. He told me he would have loved me and been there for me forever, if only I would have supported him in our life more and not been so controlling.

    I believe in our marriage and have been changing my life and giving God control. I have been showing him that I’m unconditionally committed to him and seem to be getting no where. He says he wants to move out and doesn’t have any hope. Do I support him in moving out? Also he wants me to say that I’ll let him go if it comes to that. I don’t feel that will happen… and I believe that our marriage is forever even if he chooses to leave and a dishonor to God and our commitment. Is this an uncommon thought process? Need prayers and help.

  22. Michelle turner from United States says:

    Please pray that the Lord put a hedge of protection around my marriage and that mediation never happens. Please pray that my husband can find the strength through God to leave the other woman. I ask this in the name of Jesus, King of Marriage Restoration.

  23. Suzy from United States says:

    I am unequally yoked. I backslid when I married my husband. We’ve been married 21 yrs with a 19 yr old child. I’ve prayed for forgiveness for not marrying a Christian. The last 5 years have been the hardest. It seems my husband and I have nothing in common but our daughter. I feel like I’m reaping what I sowed for marrying him. I’m beyond feeling sad/upset. I don’t feel anything. He’s a roommate. I don’t believe in divorce, and couldn’t do that to my child. So, to anyone in a bad situation. I feel your pain, and just remember, the day is coming soon, when there will be no more pain. Blessings.

  24. Consuelo from United States says:

    I ask for prayer to soften my husband’s heart please. My husband says he has no love for me and our marriage of only 2 1/2 years. He said marrying me was a mistake. I love him so much and don’t want divorce or to lose him. As much as I pleaded and begged and asked him to look into his heart and find a little string of hope to hold on to he says there’s nothing left and he has made up his mind to leave me. Please GOD restore my marriage and my husband’s love for me, his feelings have stopped cold turkey and I feel like I am dying inside please and thank you.

  25. Howard from United States says:

    Hi my name is Howard and I was a very bad husband. I just received the divorce papers on July 16 2015. I am praying for restoration to happen on this marriage conference in July that the Lord will perform a miracle that her heart will change. Please pray for Vennessea. Thank you and may the Lord grant you His peace.

  26. Christal from Canada says:

    Asking for prayer for my husband and I who have been separated for a couple of months now. I’m moving out, at his request and he has absolutely no hope in me or our marriage so claims he’s certain this is over. I’ve come to realize that for so long now I’ve been letting my anger blind me to what the real issues were and have spent my time pointing my finger at him when I should have been focusing within.

    Since I’ve come to God I’ve grown to learn so much that went wrong because of my trust issues in the beginning of our relationship that only caused him to resent me. I know for certain, if given one more chance I could be the wife he truly deserves. Please pray that our hearts come together once again and that our marriage is not over. Thank you.

  27. Beth from United States says:

    Please pray for my husband and I. He has moved out. I love him very much. We have a 9 year old daughter who is devastated. My husband has addictions and was having an affair. I truly believe God wants us together. We have been having problems for a while. Every time I feel like giving up I get an email or someone says something to me to encourage me. We have been together for 12 years and married for 10. He is very cold and bitter to me. He says he doesn’t love me and he wants a divorce. Please pray for the healing of my husband and our marriage.

  28. Marc from United States says:

    My wife and I recently separated. She chose to leave the house and has stated her intentions to file for a divorce. We’ve been married for less than a year and before that we had courtship of less than a year. In that time however, we’ve experienced some very difficult situations. We’ve had numerous fights that has sometime turned physical. We’ve had very intense shouting matches and some really horrible things were said by each of us. My wife has left me several times only to come back and after a short while and experience another bad episode.

    In her defense she has become frustrated and quite frankly fed up with the reoccurrence of our issues. She’s admitted that it’s not all my fault and that I haven’t done everything wrong in our marriage but when it mattered most to her, the fight that I claimed to have for our marriage was non-existence. Because of that fact she no longer wants to remain in this marriage. She feels that we no longer have a future. I want more than anything to save my marriage. I want us to grow together, get past our issues and live like we were meant to live. We’re currently at a point where our communication is simply cut-off, I don’t know where she is nor do I know what to do. I’m filled with so much despair and pain, that I find it hard to simply function. My supreme desire is reconciliation with my wife… I’m willing to do anything. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

  29. RJ from United States says:

    I stood for my marriage for 7 years after my unbelieving husband abandoned me and our 5 kids for multiple affairs. 6 months ago he died, unreconciled to me, our family, or God. After being introduced to Rejoice Ministries I was so sure my marriage would be saved. I’m heartbroken. My kids are heartbroken. I’m so confused. Why would God impress upon my heart to take a stand for my marriage only to let my husband -quite literally -die in another woman’s arms? Leaving me with massive debt for stuff the other woman owns but I’m responsible for as his legal wife. 5 teens and preteens who have never seen a healthy marriage or known a father figure. And what feels like 7 wasted years where I could have been looking for a man who would have been good to us.

    I really don’t want to get bitter, but I can already feel it happening. I feel even more hopeless now than I did in the years that he was gone when I at least had the possibility that he might return someday. How do I accept the loss of those years and those dreams?

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