Marriage Missions International

Marriage Tips from Proverbs – Marriage Message #360

The scriptures are alive with marriage tips. Any scriptures that can help us with other interpersonal relationships can ESPECIALLY be good to help us in our marriages, because the principles for loving are the principles for living with each other, as husband and wife, in the best of ways.

For the next few weeks we will be sharing with you some very simple principles from the book of Proverbs and pray that they minister to your hearts and your marriages. We would love for you to share with us, additional thoughts the Lord gives you concerning these principles and how they apply to marriage —especially on this web site (in the comment section below). May the Lord minister in amazing ways! Please prayerfully consider the following tips for your marriage:

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare treasure” (Proverbs 24:3-4) What kind of house are you building? Or are you contributing to the tearing down of your spouse’s spirit and the atmosphere of your home? You need to take personal responsibility for your contribution for the atmosphere. “The wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down” (Proverbs 14:1).

• And that goes for husbands as well. In 1 Peter 3 it tells husbands, “Be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with your of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” The Lord won’t listen to your excuses in in trying to say that “she doesn’t act like the weaker vessel” or “the reason I act like this is because of the woman you gave me.” Nope! The Lord didn’t listen to it in the garden at the beginning of time, and He won’t accept excuses today for building your house in foolish and unkind ways, no matter what your wife does.

• But ladies, let’s not make it any more difficult on our husbands than we are supposed to — even if they aren’t living right. It says in the scriptures, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9). “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” (Uh-oh… I live in a desert with my husband. I’d better take this to heart!) “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand” (Proverbs 27:15-16). Unfortunately, this is oh-so true. Lord, help us not to be quarrelsome.

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14). “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Proverbs 26:20). The New Life Application Bible says the following this verse:

“Talking about every little irritation or piece of gossip only keeps the fires of anger going. Refusing to discuss them cuts the fuel line and makes the fires die out. Does someone (like your spouse) continually irritate you? Decide not to complain about the person, and see if your irritation dies from lack of fuel.”

That advice won’t work for every irritation, but it will for many. “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction” (Proverbs 17:19). Know when to “speak the truth in love” as the Bible tells us because sometimes silence builds a “high gate,” but also know when to stop the drama by letting a matter alone. Choose your battles wisely.

“It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel” (Proverbs 20:3). Keep in mind, “If a man pays back evil for good, evil will never leave his house” (Proverbs 17:13). Even if your spouse doesn’t do what is right, don’t stoop down to the same level.

• There is a saying that says “Charity begins at home.” But so does graciousness. “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9). The New Life Bible commentary says:

“This proverb is saying that we should be willing to forgive other’s sins against us. Covering over offenses is necessary to any relationship. It is tempting, especially in an argument, to bring up all the mistakes the other person has ever made. Love, however, keeps its mouth shut — difficult though that may be. Try never to bring anything into an argument that is unrelated to the topic being discussed. As we grow to be like Christ, we will acquire God’s ability to forget the confessed sins of the past.”

• Be careful of “right fighting.” Right fighting is fighting to such a degree that you would much rather prove you are right, than to save the relationship. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 16:25). And sometimes your being so adamant about proving to your spouse that your way is the “right” way, can cause a death in your relationship. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18).

“He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3). The Life Application Bible says:

“You have not mastered self-control if you do not control what you say. Words can cut and destroy. James recognized this truth when he stated, ‘The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts’ (James 3:5). If you want to be self-controlled, begin with your tongue. Stop and think before you reach or speak. If you can control this small but powerful member, you can control the rest of your body.”

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered” (Proverbs 17:27). “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Proverbs 17:28). “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19). That doesn’t mean that you can’t say anything at all. But think of words as gifts that we give to each other. Any good thing can also be overdone. But it can also be underdone. Ask the Lord to help you to keep wise in the balance of all that you share.

“A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:23-24).

We pray that the words of your mouth and the meditations of your heart will be pleasing unto the Lord and bring healing and sweetness to your marriage relationship. May God bless you this week as you work to make your marriage the best it can be to the glory of God.

Cindy and Steve Wright

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Comments

12 Responses to “Marriage Tips from Proverbs – Marriage Message #360”
  1. Marion says:

    (UNITED STATES)  This has been a blessing.

  2. Michelle says:

    (ENGLAND)  We as married couples just have to decide if we want it our way or God’s way. Our results reflects which choice we made! Wisdom is an awesome thing!

  3. Kimberly says:

    (USA)  I met my husband online…we currently reside in different countries…satan is fighting us. My husband knows God and was raised in the church and once had a mobile ministry. We have only been married for a month and I feel like throwing in the towel at times because I am not getting any younger and would love to have another child and have a family that is living their life for Christ. I have been asking God for revelation on this union before and after the marriage. I am trying to remain strong. I asked God for a God loving Jamaican man but it seems like now satan is causing division and my husband is allowing it.

  4. Christine says:

    (USA)  I will soon be married to a gentleman that I’ve known for over 25 years. We live in different states and as time draws near for us to be together (physically in the same state) there seems to be lots of stress and strife between us.

    I take heart in knowing and believing that we will work through this. The things that bother me are of little importance and therefore I hold my tongue as does he. I’ve learned that it is not necessary to have the last word or prove that I am right. It is more important for him to understand that I love him wholeheartedly with all his faults– we are ALL a work in progress.

  5. Katrina says:

    (USA)  This was certainly a blessing.

  6. Megan says:

    (USA)  Really great! I really enjoyed reading this and found myself in some of these which was needed so that I can change. Thanks again!

  7. Norm says:

    (USA)  I am in the midst of this conflict and cannot find a way out. My spouse is determined to prove herself right at the expense of our relationship and my only concern is to leave the past in the past and love her for who she is. Holding my tonque is becoming more and more difficult. Please pray for us.

    • Dawn says:

      (USA)  H, I was reading your comment and just wanted to say, that I will keep you and your wife in prayer. May I add that these scriptures that were given to us, please study and apply them and use them as tools and weapons against the enemy. May God keep you and your family. Stay blessed.

  8. D'Angelo says:

    (USA)  This was a great blessing! We should live in our marriages with agape love, the most high unconditional love. Trust that it is not easy, but agape love is the level of love that marriages must worked toward attaining. For those in marriges that are experiencing a rough time, I also recommend a good spiritual reference book called The Love Dare (English and English Edition) and rent or buy the related movie Fireproof.

    Prayer and this book will help in your marriage, but most importantly if you hold God’s words from it in your heart then you will first see the change in you. We must first change ourselves before attempting to change others. Lead by example! Amen and God bless you all.

  9. Dawn says:

    (USA)  This was and is a blessing. Some of these passages I saw in myself and the error. I am thankful for the Love of God who keeps us and desires to bear fruit and the blessing of them. Thank you for being an inspiration for me and my home. God’s mercy and Love.

  10. Jannette says:

    (CANADA)  This is such a blessing.

  11. Kranthi says:

    (INDIA) Wonderful scriptures; no parent or teacher teaches us such awesome golden words for life. Whoever reads this, they are lucky and who did not please share it with them. We should not forget the above said beautiful information. So write the same on a big poster, whichever scripture you like the most and read it and apply it as you regularly brush your teeth. I hope this brings a tremondous change (useful) in everyone’s life, thank you for spending a little min to see it.

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