It’s quite common for couples to ask my opinion on whether or not they are Biblically free to use pornography to help them get ready for sex or to enhance their lovemaking.
I have three thoughts to share concerning this issue:
1. The average female porn star retires at the age of 27 and the average male porn star retires at 32. The reason is that the porn industry sees the human body as being at its physical peak between the ages of 18 and 27 for females; 21-32 for males. The person in that video will never grow a day older or lose that “perfection,” yet your wife or husband will.
Here’s the warning: If you choose to use pornography as a means to sexually arouse yourself, you are forfeiting the ability to become aroused by your spouse. Over time, it will become more and more difficult to be sexually aroused by your life-mate because he or she will age while the porn star remains youthful. Losing the ability to be sexually aroused by your spouse is a very bad thing. Not only are you putting yourself at risk for the temptation of an affair, but you are killing what should be a beautiful thing between you and your spouse.
Furthermore, which is really the better body? The one whose breasts nursed your children? The body that held you close when you were scared or sad? The body that sleeps by your side at night? The world might see the young porn star’s body as being the best, but which is really the best? Why would you want to give up the ability to be aroused by the best?
2. The use of pornography will inevitably destroy the self esteem of your spouse. Porn stars are selected because they are not normal.
As your spouse is constantly exposed to the “perfection” of the people having sex in the video, he or she usually begins to feel ugly, inadequate and unwanted. It becomes painfully obvious to each spouse in time that a substitute is required to sexually excite his/her spouse.
Can you see how that would destroy self esteem? And trust me, it doesn’t get better with time-it only gets worse as each of you experience the normal aging process while, at the same time, watching porn stars who are always young.
3. If you are using another person —even a picture of another person —to sexually excite and arouse yourself, you are committing adultery according to Jesus. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart“ (Matthew 5:27-28).
I certainly don’t want to judge another person. Nor do I want to involve myself in another’s sex life. You are obviously free to do as you choose, yet I feel that it is important for you to have all the facts and viewpoints at your access.
This question has been asked so often by couples around the world that we felt it necessary to provide an answer here as a resource for individuals who want to please God in every area of their lives and to act in the best interest of their marriage and spouse.
The above article was written by Joe Beam who is Joe Beam founded and led one of the largest marriage organizations in America. More than 100,000 people have enrolled in courses, workshops, and seminars he designed and developed. Additionally, Joe Beam has written several books, many magazine articles, online articles, courses, seminars, and workshops both for the corporate world and the public. He founded LovePath International and serves as its President. For seminar and resource information, Joe can be contacted at Marriagehelper.com.