Questions … questions … questions!!! What’s the point in asking each other a whole bunch of questions before marriage when it seems apparent to both of you that you know each other pretty well? There are many different reasons:
1. “You’ll never know everything about the person you’ve chosen to marry. But the more information you have before entering into this commitment, the less chance you will be confronted with unfulfillable expectations.” (From the book, Getting Ready for Marriage – by Jerry Hardin and Dianne Sloan)
It is good to do as much of your emotional work now before you marry rather than dumping a lot of unvoiced needs and expectations upon your partner after the marriage. You sure don’t want to set your marriage up for future problems and maybe even possible failure because expectations were never given a voice when it’s most productive and wise to do so!
As couples, we enter into marriage from two different vantage points and with a load of two different background experiences, which contribute to our expectations. That in itself, can lend itself to future clashes. It’s good to try to learn what you can (without living together first) so you can work through many of your differences before you marry. (There will be many, many more that you won’t be able to work through beforehand, so eliminate what you can while you’re preparing for marriage.)
2. It’s better to find out your differences now before you marry so you can decide if it truly is best for you to marry in the first place. It’s better to part ways now than it would be to have a failed marriage —especially with children involved. It’s a difficult situation to think about, but it’s the reality you should face. Asking each other the right questions and then working through the truthful answers, could help you to better know your compatibility.
3. Now is also a good time to learn the skill of building communication bridges together in mature ways. You will be so thankful you did. As you go through the various questions, work through any disagreements in ways that help your relationship grow stronger, rather than tearing it apart. This will take effort and intentionality to do this.
To help you with this, we have many articles and many recommended resources in the Communication and Conflict, and also the Communication Tools topic. And if you need a counselor to help teach you what you need to learn —again, now is a good time to do that so you’re better prepared for your marriage.
So, to point you to some good questions which you can ask each other, we are providing a few links below to web sites, which have good lists of questions you may find helpful.
The important thing is to be honest with each other when you answer and talk about each question. There are no “right” answers, nor wrong ones… just yours, hopefully based upon truth. Use these questions as a launching board to truly get to know what each other on a level that will be important should you decide to marry.
So please go into the link below so you can work through together:
This next set of questions is provided by Growthtrac.com, which we recommend you also talk through together:
This article is written by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International
If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Marriage Prep Tools