Questions … questions … questions!!! What’s the point in taking premarital quizzes, and asking each other a bunch of questions before marriage when you already know each other pretty well? There are many different reasons:
1. “You’ll never know everything about the person you’ve chosen to marry. But the more information you have before entering into this commitment, the less chance you will be confronted with unfulfillable expectations.” (From the book, Getting Ready for Marriage – by Jerry Hardin and Dianne Sloan)
Do Your Emotional Work
It is good to do as much of your emotional work now before you marry rather than dumping a lot of unvoiced expectations upon your partner after the marriage. You don’t want to set your marriage up for future problems and maybe even possible failure because expectations were never given a voice.
As couples, we enter into marriage from two different vantage points. We come from two different background experiences, which contribute to differing expectations. That in itself, can lend itself to future clashes. It’s good to try to learn what you can (without living together first) so you can work through many of your differences before you marry. (There will be many, many more that you won’t be able to work through beforehand. So eliminate what you can while you’re preparing for marriage.)
Keep in Mind:
2. It’s better to find out your differences now before you marry. That way you can decide if it truly is best for you to marry. It would be better to part ways now than it would be to have a failed marriage —especially with children involved. Asking each other the right questions and then working through the truthful answers, could help you to better know your compatibility.
3. Now is also a good time to learn the skill of building communication bridges together in mature ways. You will be thankful you did. As you go through the questions, work through any disagreements in ways that help your relationship grow stronger. This will take effort and intentionality to do this.
Assisting You in This Mission
To help you with this, we have many articles and recommended resources in the Communication and Conflict topic. There are additional ones the Communication Tools topic. And if you need a counselor to help teach you what you need to learn —now is a good time to do that. This way you are better prepared for your marriage.
So, to point you to some good questions to ask each other, we are providing links below to a few web sites. They have lists of questions you may find helpful.
The important thing is to be honest when you answer and talk about each question. There are no “right” answers, nor wrong ones. They are just yours, hopefully based upon truth. Use these questions as a launching board to know each other on a level that will be important before you marry.
So please go into the link below so you can work through together:
This next set of questions is provided by Growthtrac.com, which we recommend you also talk through together:
Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International wrote this article.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Marriage Prep Tools