During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend

The following article is written to women who are dealing with their husbands who have left them, but the same principles can also apply to men who are dealing with their wives who have left. During separation, time can be your friend, whether you are a woman or a man. We encourage you to pray, glean, and see what God could be saying to your heart.

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles.
(Isaiah 40:31)

lonely depression separation - Pixabay

Because your emotions are so turbulent, you may think no happy answer to your situation is possible. Your thoughts may run the gamut from a fairy-tale ending to the worst possible outcome. When you find yourself in this state for very long,you may be tempted to do whatever will give a clean resolution. You may want closure, even if that means doing what you really don’t want to do. But making rash decisions may be something you will woefully regret later. Time may be your friend, if you let it.

Difficult Advice to Hear

When this disaster first swooped down upon me, my friend Toni Jo said something that shocked me at first. I didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t be in a hurry,” she said. “Give him as much time as he needs. He’s confused and needs to figure himself out. Tell him to take a year if he needs to figure out what he wants.”

“A year!” I exclaimed. “A year?”

“What’s a year in a whole lifetime?” she asked. “If it takes a year for him to figure things out, and then you have thirty more happy years together after that, wouldn’t it be worth it?”

As it turned out, it took three years for my husband and me, not one. But yes, it was worth it.

Don’t Make Rash Decisions

Trusting God includes waiting on him to do whatever he is trying to do during this process. Because God does not force his loving work into our lives, making rash decisions can preclude God from accomplishing new dimensions of spiritual and emotional growth in you and your mate as well as others around you. We need to give God time.

Waiting is extremely hard when each day weighs us down with an eternity of suffering. But time has a way not only of healing but also of giving perspective. What may seem true to your mate today may look different to him tomorrow. Each new encounter between the two of you can set him or you off in a different relational direction, either positive or negative.

Many years of clutter may need to go through the filter before the gemstones of your life together can become clear. If your husband has separated from you, he may be trying not to even think about you now. He may be focusing only on what he can make sense of. And that probably is not you and your relationship. Most likely he is filling his mind with work and other interests that keep him aloof emotionally.

During Separation Time Can Be Your Friend

During moments of deep depression, when you really want to give up, pick up your Bible and let God speak to you. Listen to what he says to you at that particular time. He wants to strengthen you, and you need strong wings if you’re going to mount up on the wings like eagles. Wait on the Lord. Remember, he is able to do more than we could ever imagine. But sometimes it requires time.

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD, my cause is disregarded by my God?’

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:26-31).

This article is written by Linda W. Rooks and comes from the book, Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation, published by Life Journey. As Linda writes about this book, “Broken Heart on Hold is meant to be a friend to walk beside you through the labyrinths of your confusion and pain. It is not a quick fix or a prescription for how to solve your problems. It is intended to be a daily companion in your crisis.”

You can also visit Linda’s Web site at Brokenheartonhold.com where she has “individually formatted a number of Bible verses for your strength and encouragement.”

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Filed under: Separation and Divorce

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Comments

381 responses to “During Separation: Time Can Be Your Friend

  1. I am a man who has made lots of mistakes with my wife and kids. Tomorrow is our 23rd wedding anniversary but we are separated. Though I have made lots of mistakes I would still like to be reconciled. I have acknowledged and repented of my sins and seek reconciliation. I fear it may be too late. I ask for prayer and advice.

    1. I was a terrible man to my wife of one year. I was a “Christian” but not really. It took for her to leave me, to see how helpless I was in my own sin. It forced upon me a confrontation with myself and my necessity for God. It’s been a year and 3 months since we separated. But we aren’t divorced yet. There has been little to no communication. But I still pray. And I won’t move on and I won’t stop praying every day of every second I can for her. Until the Lord reveals to me that it’s time to move on. I am encouraged by this writer who waited 3 years. And God worked a miracle. I pray God works in a miracle for you too brother. “Pray without ceasing”! God bless

    2. Three years I have waited for my husband in this Midlife Hell! With little or no communication while he carries on in an affair! Ten years married, five together. No remorse or regret. This started in 2012, maybe before, who knows? He started being irritable snapping at the kids and myself no reason! Started when we were going to be grandparents for the first time, his Father passed away, youngest graduated High School and his mother died, didn’t want to celebrate birthdays anymore. Changed his clothes and sneakers; it’s been a nightmare. I encourage him to come home, he says not now, whatever or not happening? 54 years old. I gave the man anything he wanted. Worked two jobs and he had the nerve to start an internet affair with a strange woman; left us all and is running! I can say I’ve been to hell and back with this ride. I love my husband; I just would like him safely home. It’s been three years standing for him. He never came to me with intentions and I’m in the limbo waiting game.

      1. I am sorry. I am in the same boat. My husband left me and now lives in Mexico. He told me he fell in love with another woman and wants me to move on from this fantasy that we will get back together. It was a toxic relationship with verbal abuse and physical incidents as well. I prayed for God to touch his heart and heal the anger, narcissistic ways, absurd pride and selfishness from his heart. He says he loves me but not in a deep way anymore. He wants me to find happiness with another man and wants me to leave him alone. He said he tried but cannot force what he no longer feels. Mind you I still pay his cell phone. I think sometimes, “Am I crazy to be hopeful when he has been consistently telling me for over a year that he no longer wants to be with me?” He still wants to make friends with women over social media and has had inappropriate boundaries with many and never took my concerns to heart when I asked to cut off some whom I felt disrespected our marriage. He said I was being insecure and “sickly” jealous. Absolutely not true. :( I am at a loss for words and feel like I am here but am not. It hurts but I feel that the love I had for him and for myself slowly chipped away with every insult or wound he inflicted on me. I’ll pray for you.

  2. My husband and I have just recently celebrated our one year anniversary and he is wanting out and wants a divorce. He wants to live a different lifestyle. One where he doesn’t want to be committed to a partner, he wants to engage in multiple partners. He identified himself once as a believer but the enemy has deceived him with lust and sex, where he no longer follows Christ and His teachings. Please pray for him, that God will reveal Himself to him and that he will respond positively. I will stay committed to loving him wholeheartedly and I want to save our marriage. Is there hope for us?