Signs That He or She Has Changed and Will Stop Abuse

Couple not talking angry stop abuse Dollar photoYou want to believe with every fiber of your being that your spouse will never hurt you again. You’re hearing so many promises that he or she won’t be abusive to you in the future. He or she may truly be sorry and may promise you everything you would ever want to hear. But it’s important to know that this doesn’t mean that he or she will be able to keep those promises. Some abusers won’t and some abusers can’t. They may not have the strength within them (at least not yet, or ever) to stop themselves from giving into their impulses to hurt you when they become enraged.

How do you know?

So how do you know if they really will stop the abuse in the future and if they indeed have changed? The truth is that you can never be completely certain. There are some signs, however, that you can look for, which may help you.

Before we lead you to the articles to help you with this issue, we preface all of this by saying that the information we’ve found is addressed to wives who are in abusive situations. But please know that in many homes it is the wife who is the abuser. We truly get that.

We keep searching for articles to help those who are being abused. But the majority of articles written address women as being the victims. If you are a man who is being abused, please accept our apology. We haven’t been able to find many articles to help you. It is not for lack of trying to find them (and we will continue to keep trying). If this is true for you, please reverse the “he’s” and “she’s” in the linked articles below. Pray, read, and glean through them, and apply what you can use for your situation.

Helpful Linked Articles

With that said, below is a link to an article written by Brenda Branson, posted on the web site. We highly recommend that you read it to help you with this very important issue. Please click onto the link to read:


And then from Barbara Roberts, from the web site here are some of the traits you should watch for:


— ALSO —

In another article, written by Brenda Branson, posted on the Focus Ministries web site, she discusses whether the abuser is truly repentant or is temporarily regretful. In this article, she gives you insight, which may help you to be able to discern the difference:

The Difference Between True Repentance and Temporary Regret

The following blog is written by Leslie Vernick. She makes a few additional comments on subjects, other than this issue. But when you read the “Question” posed in her blog, and then the “Answer” she gives, we believe you will find some very good information. Please pray, read, glean and apply what you can use:

•  He Said He’s a New Man. Now What?

And finally, to learn more from an additional article (author unknown) that gives additional points to consider, posted on the web site, please click onto the link below to read:


If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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126 responses to “Signs That He or She Has Changed and Will Stop Abuse

  1. I’ve been abusive. And I equate it to being like a drug addict. You know it’s wrong. You know it’ll destroy your life, but you do it anyway because until you admit you have a problem your helpless to it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

    1. I agree. I was abusive to my girlfriend whom I love with all my heart. When I met her I had never had someone show me so much love so I became jealous, controlling and did not want her to talk to other people. I was so scared that I was going to lose her love that I pushed her away and I found out she was talking to another man. I flipped out and hit her, breaking her cheekbone I went to prison for 2 years for what I did. And you are right.

      You’ve got to admit you have a problem and you can’t blame the other person because I know she didn’t make me do what I did – I made me do it. Now I’m trying to get the trust and love back. I don’t know if I will. This has torn not only my life apart but hers too. I just hope I can rebuild our relationship.

  2. I recently abused my wife of 6 years. I’ve never laid a hand on her till that night. And when I did it I got so scared and called the cops on myself. Since there were no marks or witnesses theres was nothing they could do. I apologized but that means absolutely nothing since sometimes my apologies aren’t real. Just me saying I’m sorry and I love you. I don’t believe in hitting women so this scared me. What should I do?

    1. First off, what is your wife’s reaction to all of this? Is she still in the marriage, or is she out? And where are you both spiritually? Be truthful… this is not to judge you one way or another. We just need to know so we can better guide you.

  3. Hi. I was recently married. It’s been 6 months and my husband has been abusive to me. The last time he slammed me into a wall and I hit my head very bad. He turned himself in and he wants to change and fix things. I really want to give him another chance. I could really use some advice or something.