Marriage Missions International

The Power Of A Praying Wife

I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?

Photo by David Castillo Dominici, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Photo by David Castillo Dominici, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you. But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?

The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.

If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

Instead say:

“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.

If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”

If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.

If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves —can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.

There is a time for everything, it says in the Bible and it’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.

Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words can not be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.

This is an excerpt from, The Power of a Praying® Wife, written by Stormie Omartian, published by Harvest House. This is one of my (Cindy’s) favorite books! As Stormie said it so well: “I can think of no better way to truly love your husband than by lifting him up in prayer on a consistent basis. It is a priceless gift that helps him experience God’s blessings and grace.” With real-life illustrations, Stormie includes sample prayers and “power tools” —verses that inspire and encourage —to help wives rest assured in God’s promises of restoration, renewal, and growth in marriage.

— TO HELP YOUR FURTHER —

The following is are two links to articles to read, which may inspire you to pray for your husband in a different ways than you might have otherwise thought:

10 Things Praying for Your Husband Does for You (the Wife)

31 Days of Praying for Your Husband

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Comments

552 Responses to “The Power Of A Praying Wife”
  1. Patricia says:

    (ZAMBIA) I want to know how to love my husband.

  2. Bridgett says:

    (US) Oh how I don’t even want to write this but I feel I need to get this out, I’m so desperate for our lives to get back where they were. My husband has started drinking and coming in late, not answering his phone. We’ve had our own business for 24 years and times are rough but he also just lost his sister and her son… first his sister and then 2 weeks her son.

    He has been more devastated than he shows others and will go along fine and things will be good with us physically and all and then he just stays out late from work and comes home from drinking and gets mad that I’m upset. I don’t know what to do. I teach 10th grade girls at church and work with youth a lot. He is a greeter and people have really been undergirding him but they don’t know this part. I pray for him and I feel so sick each time he does this I feel so stupid.

    I don’t know what to do now. I’m so afraid he is going to destroy all we built to this point along with our reputation and our families. God has blessed us and we don’t deserve it but I fear we are about to lose us and our business.

    • Patti from United States says:

      Bridgette -I have not experienced this situation, so I am not writing this from that vantage point. But the Spirit of God has shown me about what you have written. All of us as wives have been afraid of losing our married lives as we know them, or our husbands to one thing or another. As you pray for him in this situation and it’s according to God’s will, you can know He will answer in the positive, and with that you can know you will not lose what you are fearing, even if at times, it may look that way. That is a lot to guarantee someone, but I am basing it on the truth of Scripture, which is directly from the heart of the only true and faithful one, our God and Father.

      I John 5:14-16- “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask and God will for him give life to those who commit sin not leading to death. There is a sin leading to death; I do not say that he should make request for this.”

      So, if you ask God to help your husband deal with his losses by coming to Him, instead of turning to other forms of help (as he has up until now) and that God would protect him from the power of the enemy, and that He would help you continue to be a yielded wife in his life as he goes through this, God will do all these things, because He said He would, and mainly because HE IS FAITHFUL to that Word. In this way, you will truly be a “daughter of Sarah” who doesn’t give way to fear. In this way, you too will have protection. I Peter 3:1-7, vs. 6 specifically uses this term for woman who are submissive to their husbands and don’t give way to fear.

      Don’t fear, Bridgette, but having prayed for your husband, according to His will, He will go to work on your husband’s behalf, fighting his battle, and He will do what you have prayed for and save you husband and your marriage. Trust Him in this.

  3. LaTerra says:

    (USA) Hi, I am 25 years old and faced with a big problem. I am currently a senior in college about to graduate and move on to a masters. I take care of my children and am involved in other activities in church and taking care of the house. I feel stretched thin and was diagnosed with major depression a month ago. With all that’s going on I have recently had a discussion with my pastor and he have given me advice to get a divorce from my husband. He said that God has been urging him to talk to me and to let me know my worth. My pastor feels that if I divorce my husband that I will have a very successful future and my kids future will be much brighter, as well.

    I have been married since I have been 19 years old (almost 6 years) and we have two beautiful children together. He is my high school sweetheart. For the past three years our marriage have gone south. We have been through domestic violence and continous arguments of little things that blow up to bigger things. He still hangs out with his friends from time to time smoking marijuanna. He has been a good provider for the household, so no worries there.

    However, I am over the physical and mental abuse. My husband feels that my mother and grandmother are too heavyly involved in our marriage and the parenting of our kids. It seems like he always somehow shifts the blame on me to make me feel guilty about what has happened in our marriage. He tells me that before me he never had a problem with abuse. I know he loves me but what I hear constantly is that “A man that loves you would not hit you or hurt you …he will only treat you like a queen”.

    I have been through so many things in my life being abused by my mother and losing a child that I do not know how to cope. I suggested to my husband that we should separate for a while so that we can each know what we want in life and out of our marriage. But now I don’t know if it’s worth the effort or not to try to repair my marriage. I’m truly broken hearted because I want to have a happy and loving family. I don’t want my kids to grow up in abusive home as I did and be in the same situation. I am a woman of faith and believe that God can truly change him. Others that I have come in contact with think other wise. Is it no hope for us? Should I just call it what it is?

    • Pavrone says:

      (USA) God bless you! I would question whether you need to remain under that Pastor’s teaching or not. God says ONLY for the cause of Adultery, does He allow divorce so…

      I wish I had answers for you. I endured my husband cheating and it nearly killed all of us. So much supernatural stuff over this stupid, selfish sin that wasn’t even successful and she says that by his nick name “LD”. She was trying to hang on to a house she couldn’t afford after her husband left her and mine is a lead engineer for his company. “The love of money is the root of all evil.”

      All I can offer is my sincere prayers but stick close to God and His Word and His Word is Jesus made flesh. Love and prayers…

      • LaTerra says:

        (USA) Thank you for your kindness.

        • Nell says:

          (SOUTH AFRICA) Jesus says, “because of the hardness of your hearts, Moses allowed you to divorce, but in the beginning it was not so”. So I would advise you to pray and trust God. I don’t have all the answers, but if there is abuse and it’s hurting you and the children, maybe you may separate and ask God to do His work in both of you. You need to heal, find hope and strength, and for him to change.

  4. Bonnie says:

    (US) He stops for a while, then he starts again. He says he loves God and Jesus, then he just starts drinking again. He says there’s nothing wrong with it. When he’s not drinking, he reads his Bible at work and prays all the time. Now, it’s Easter, and he’s drunk again, and he’s watching “The Robe,” like it’s some magic cure or something?? I’m tired. I’m just so tired. 7 years of prayer, and I’m so old now. I wish I was dead. I know that I can’t do that, but I wish I could just turn life off and die.

    • Star says:

      (CGO) Bonnie, I am so sorry for you! You have to remember you are a child of God and no amount of pain is worth trying to die. You have hope because you have God. Do not focus on what your husband is doing, refocus on Jesus being your guide; he will pull you and your husband through. You can’t change your husband but God can. Release your issues to God and let Him help you. You are a wonderful woman. Be blessed.

  5. KALLA says:

    (MALAYSIA) Ours is an arranged marriage. After engaged, he loves me so much. After 2 months conceived. My husband took good care of me. BUT NOW… IT’S NO MORE. Before marriage he promised: 1. he will always love me. 2. we will move to a new house, which is under his name. 3. salary more than RM 2000 and above. After marriage: 1. love less 2. bring me to his brother’s house. They have 3 rooms, one for his brother’s family, one for his mother and father and the other one is a praying room. So, because I am pregnant I sleep in a single bed in a praying room. My husband sleeps in the hall.

    It continued for one year. His mother always will ask me to do a lot of work and torture me a lot. Then, I delivered and got a baby girl. After 2 months I have problem with him. He sent me to my mother’s house. He said he doesn’t want to live with me. I and my kid stay at my mother’s house. After 12 days, he came to see me, and said, sorry, and bring me to his house. He said it was his house (but name under his second bro name’s). I lived happily without his mother’s torture.

    BUT IT JUST REMAINED FOR 1 MONTH. His mother taught him many bad things. If I cook he doesn’t want to cook. He goes to his mother house to eat. They tell him don’t buy anything for me. Nearly 2 months already he never eats my cooking, never sleeps with me, didn’t pay my car loan, insurance, top up me, ….didn’t do anything for me. Sometimes, he never even buys food for me. He only listens to his evil mother words and ignores me like that. I am struggling now… GOD also didn’t bless me.

  6. Angelique from United States says:

    Hi. So, I am 24 years old and have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. I just came across this website and well I just really need some guidance and prayer. Our marriage has been rough. In the second year of our marriage, my mom passed away and that took a huge toll on me. He blames that situation on our marriage failing… along with 1,000 other reasons.

    Anyway… back story: My husband is a musician, a singer for a Christian rock band. He came back from a three week tour last August and told me that he didn’t love me anymore. After that things got worse, he wouldn’t go to counseling to work things out and tried to sleep with a friend of ours. In September I left for two weeks, to give us space so he could see if he missed me… I got back and he didn’t.

    In October he told me that he was “done” and that he didn’t want to live together anymore. I moved three states away back home. December 5, 2012 he texted me and told me that he wanted a divorce… I received the papers yesterday.

    I don’t want to sign but I think he is so lost in the world and the sin of it that he doesn’t know God anymore… even though he says he still loves Him. I mean when we got married he would pray and worship and read his Bible. But now he doesn’t do any of that. It makes me sad for him. And to top it off… he has a girlfriend now and we aren’t even divorced yet.

    I really just need help, I am hurt and sad for him and our marriage. I don’t want it to end but I don’t see a way for it not to. I see the prior postings and see stories where miracles have happened and it gives me a small bit of hope for a second but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like the situation is hopeless for our marriage, but I continue to pray for him daily, in hopes that someday he will come back to God. Thank you for listening, Angelique

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Angelique, I just want you to know that I’ve been joining you in praying for your husband and your marriage. First off, let me tell you how sad I am for you that your mom died. You are so young to have lost your mom. My heart goes out to you. Having lost my mom a number of years ago (when she was only 56 –I was 35), I cry for you. It’s a great loss in many ways. It’s not surprising that her passing took it’s toll on you. I pray the Lord comforts your heart and helps you to live each day honoring the Lord and the memory of your mom, to the best of your ability.

      And to think that your husband praises the Lord with his music and yet he doesn’t “love” his bride, as Christ directs husbands to do. This is so very grievous. The fact that he can compartmentalize the two away from each other –loving the Lord, and yet abandoning his bride, shows how far he has fallen away from Truth. He needs A LOT of prayer –especially that his eyes and heart would open to and embrace the Truth of Christ and the mission we take on when we claim we are Christ followers. I pray for added strength for you and wisdom in how to proceed, putting one foot in front of the other –making one wise choice after the other.

      As for signing the papers, I really can’t tell you what to do. But I’m thinking that I wouldn’t sign them unless a court of law says I have to. I would quietly put them to the side –not making a lot of fuss about it, and do a lot of praying. This would not be an “I’ll show you” gesture, but one in which I would try with all my might not to participate in, in ending the marriage (even though you aren’t living as a married couple right now). I wouldn’t be vengeful or mean-spirited, but prayerful, concerned for his spiritual walk, and meek (which is strength under control). I would do what I could to take a quiet, respectful stand (unless and until God shows otherwise) to fight FOR my marriage (not to fight against my husband) in prayer and care. I pray God would show you how that would look, especially since you live three states away.

      If you go into the “Save My Marriage” topic and go into the Testimonies part of it, you will read and view one testimony after another of God helping spouses to resurrect dead marriages. I don’t know if this will inspire you and if it will happen for you or not because your husband has a free will. But the fact that he’s in the environment of Christian music and that he SAYS he loves the Lord… somehow, that gives hope that as you join God in prayer, He will keep pursuing him, as the Hound of Heaven, to speak to his heart. Certainly at this point, I would not give up. You made a vow… I encourage you to persevere in doing what you can to not allow that vow to be broken. EVEN IF your husband makes it so that you have to sign the papers and the divorce goes through, there is still hope. Cling to God and do what you can to walk in way of Philippians 4:8-9… “and the peace of God will be with you” no matter what storm comes your way. I pray that will be so.

      • Heather from United States says:

        Angelique, (what a beautiful name, and I am sure you have a beautiful spirit!) I am in total agreement with Cindy Wright. Wow! What powerful words of wisdom and comfort! Continue to pray for him; ask the Lord to speak to you to reveal what you need to pray for in your marriage to save it. Always keep the fruits of the spirit in mind. Never be bitter or angry when communicating with him, and ask for the love of the Lord to flow through you when you are in communication with your husband. Pray that if there is anything extra marital that is seeding division, that it be removed in Christ’s name. Be patient, as God works in His time.

        I will be joining Cindy in praying for you. Be comforted knowing God has nothing but success for you and plans to protect you and prosper you, in your marriage and in life. God bless you ;)

  7. FRANKIE from United States says:

    I have been married 49 years, no way out. My body is suffering, just received another cursing tonight. My husband tells lies all the time and says everything is my fault. I have been saved and living for Jesus since 1983. Never stay in an abusive marriage. Run or you will end up like me. Alone, suffering.

    • Heather from United States says:

      Frankie, I am praying tonight for you and your husband, for him to see the love of Christ and our purpose in marriage, and I am praying for Christ to lift you up and give you confidence and courage, and a love for God tg st is contagious. He does provide divine intervention. Even in the worst of worst, find your quiet place and pray. He is there listening. Release your emotions and hurts to Him. He will heal. God bless you and your husband. He loves you.

  8. Christina from United States says:

    What book are you referring to for the 30 days of prayer?

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Christina, the prayers are included in the book that this article came from. Please go into the link provided to look it over. It’s a GREAT book!

  9. Annette from United States says:

    I want to know how to get past all the bad things that have gone on with us but it was before we actually married. We just got married no more than a week ago but I have taken him through so much and he is really a good dude, which I think has turned mean because of all my actions. I relly didn’t think much about when we was dating but now we’re married and I’m so miserable trying to figure out if he still loves me the same. My life has changed over night and I need help from God to stay focused and not get lost again being married to someone that clearly doesn’t care. I might be losing my mind… I don’t know, but I need help bad.

  10. Heather from United States says:

    Help in guiding prayer to change controlling husband: Good evening. I found this blog, and am looking for support to help me to change my marriage. The joy has been stripped from my home, and I would like to restore it. I often wonder if I’m not praying for the right things in my marriage. My husband is constantly in a state of inner rage. He keep his emotions quiet, and is not verbally or physically abusive, but he does know the things to do to send a knife piercing through my heart.

    If he disagrees with something (me talking on the phone, being on the computer, or even being out in the car to fix the XML radio with tech support!), he will give me eye locking piercing glares until I look away and sometimes will even say out loud, “I thought so.” As if trying to verbally or emotionally control me. Up until about a year ago, I would punish myself, wondering “what did I do, why can I not do anything right for him?”

    Something has changed and I feel myself withdrawing from him and feeling bitter, realizing it’s NOT me. I feel cheated! How did I marry this man, and moreover, we have three children I do not want to leave broken hearted over a divorce. He wants to move our family to live near his mother, who often treats me terribly, condescending, and excludes me while trying to “win the affectio of my husband,” and he excludes me and treats me as if I do not exist around his family.

    I have so much unrest inside me, but cannot even cry anymore. He won’t attend counseling. He did once after he had a drug sharing extra marital affair, but will not go back because “it didn’t work, and if we’re going to divorce, we’re going to divorce… it’s God’s will.” He grew up in an abusive household, riddled with drug use and abandonment issues. I need help in saving my marriage. I know God works miracles to change people, and I know marriage can be beautiful and God’s will is not divorce. Please help me to figure out what to do, how to pray, and how to win back my joy. Thank you. In Christ, Heather

  11. Carina from South Africa says:

    Hi there! I heard two months ago… the Holy Spirit revealed it to me… my husband confessed he committed on going adultery five years ago for a while with an ex, and with the same ex a year ago ongoing, as well. Been married for seven years. The Holy Spirit revealed it to me a day before our seventh anniversary 01 May 2014.

    He is still here… living with me in a single garden flat with our dog. I don’t want to feel him in bed; he now sleeps on the floor, can’t sleep on the single bed with two people anyway. I can’t see him naked, and I don’t want him to see me naked. What now? Thank you, Carina

    • Carina from South Africa says:

      He commited adultery with his first wife and two timed dates and common law wifes before he met me. The relationship was abusive… you can’t call it a marriage. I wanted him to move out but he got a job around the corner… he has to stay. But I won’t see him that much and I have more time for God in prayer and in the word to sharpen its edges. What is ideal after adultery… the first time? I don’t know!

      Men are interested in me. I say I’m married but are just friends and will be having the Holy Spirit in me!! I want my husband to court me, date me, send me flowers, spoil me, take me out and flirt with each other and fall in love and renew our wedding vows again. I am open for this now! For romance!!!

      I look differently at sex. I just want Jesus to pick up the broken pieces and make my heart whole again. I want to fall in love and be treated like a lady. I’ve got a five fold ministry gift. I’m a songwriter, and will perform my own songs soon. I am joining the church’s worship team with next enrollment, etc.

      Is it God’s will to give my husband a chance? Is there someone else for me? Why do I feel so uncertain and insecure Thank you, Carina

  12. Stephanie from United States says:

    I was looking for some prayers for my alcoholic husband. I am a Christian and determined to make this marriage work. As I read through the comments some of the advice was disturbing. There should be no encouragement to stay in the same house with a husband that is physically abusive. Please protect yourself and your children. Staying through adultery is a personal choice, but if you want to rescue a physically abusive marriage, please ensure that you have a safe place for you and your children. Pray from a safe place if you are trying to reconcile the marriage.

  13. Noleen from United Kingdom says:

    Hi. I’ve been through a separation since December last year. My husband has run off with another lady. I stil love him and we are still married. There was some evil forces that’s been used on him. I know God will break it. I just want to know if there’s a possibility that he will come back, because he’s not going for the divorce although he commitied adultery. I have 2 girls. Please help me or tell me how to pray as I’m in a situation like this.

  14. shelia from United States says:

    I pray every day for my husband. He calls me his soulmate, and tells everyone that he loves me. A month ago he returned home after us being seperated for almost three months. Everything was going well. On July the 7th he texted to me that he had an one night stand. I told him I had this feeling something had happen while he was away. Even told him I forgave him. We both said we loved one another. About any hour later he texted asking for an divorce. I ask what happen that he had change his love for me and ask how could I be his soulmate if his love for me had changed so fast?

  15. Emma from Philippines says:

    Hi, The past month had been tough for me since circumstances revealed that my husband of 10 years was being partly unfaithful having used the social media and texting and rare meet ups with that special friend and so he claims. My world was never crushed this way as long as I can remember; he was my only boyfriend (in a serious committed relationship) in my lifetime. He is responsible, loving and funny. He also became my bestfriend as I have limited my time with friends since I’ve had children.

    So one can only imagine how devastated I was to find out that my husband is spending some precious, secret, loving time with an attractive former classmate he found on facebook, chatting in the wee hours or while I was asleep, texting to each other, exchanging photos, planning dates, sending messages like how’s your day and exchanging I love yous. That hit me. I will almost lose my husband.

    The following days were chaos, roller coaster of emotions, so much anger, feeling of too much loneliness and fear; all these dawned on both of us. I’ve read and received numerous advice including separating from my husband, confronting or not confronting the other party, demanding from my husband, keeping my pride, going away with the kids and the list could go on and on. But no advice brings me answers or healing or comfort except this: praying for my husband. It made me realize that I’m also part of the reason he may have sinned, had a deeper understanding although not complete acceptance of the circumstances and this brought me utmost peace.

    I have learned to be happy once again, confident that God is watching or whatever may come up, God will pull us through. Prayers and prayers for him calmed the storm, still painful but I’m on the road towards healing and trusting my husband again. Glory to God.

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