Marriage Missions International

Thinking of Marrying Someone From Another Culture?

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Marrying someone from another nation can be exciting! There are so many things that are new and different, interesting and challenging. These same things can be a source of frustration and conflict, misunderstanding and hurt. Before you marry someone from another nation, take a look at this list. Perhaps you will see some things here that you have not considered.

We are not trying to convince you that marrying someone from another culture is right or wrong. That is something you will have to determine for yourself. But the Word does say that a wise man calculates the cost before beginning construction on a house. Hopefully this will help you consider the cost of cross-cultural marriage.

Marrying someone from another culture [could] mean that one of you will be living outside of your home nation permanently —which means that you will not be able to see your family very often. That means your children will see very little of one set of parents (their grandparents).

[The following are a few questions to ask yourselves before you go any further in considering marrying someone from another culture.]

Are you willing for your children to not really know your parents?

Not only will your children not have the opportunity to know one set of grandparents very well, if there is a language barrier, one set of parents will not be able to really communicate well with your children.

Are you willing for your family members to not be able communicate well with your children?

Marrying someone from another culture means that you will have a hard time understanding each other’s humor. Things that are funny to one will not be funny to the other. You will have to explain the humor to one another. (Example: Jokes from TV shows, childhood games, comic strips)

Are you willing to take the time to explain why something is funny to you?

Have you considered that you might get tired of having to explain jokes to one another?

Are you ready to just accept the fact that you won’t be able to share each other’s humor?

Marrying someone from another culture means that one of you will not be experiencing your cultural traditions and/or national celebrations.

Are you willing to let go of some of your traditions and celebrations?

Marrying someone from another culture means that one of you must be willing to not give your children the cultural traditions and national heritage that you have.

Are you willing for your children to grow up with a different set of family traditions than your own?

You need to be aware that the day may come when you may need to move to your spouse’s home country.

Are you willing to live in your spouse’s home country indefinitely?

You may need to consider that the socioeconomic class one holds in one culture, may not cross over in another culture. For example, a well educated man from Latin America may not receive the same respect he enjoys if he lived in the United States or Australia.

Are you willing to lose your place in society?

Have you considered how both of your cultures view cross cultural marriages? Light skinned people marrying dark skinned people may be perfectly OK in Venezuela, but frowned upon in S. Korea.

Are you willing to face the possibility of being prejudiced against because of your spouse’s nationality or color?

Growing up in another culture means that the gender role models for your children may not be what you would consider to be good role models. (Example: Machismo in Latin America, outspokenness in American women)

Are you willing for your children to grow up with gender role models you don’t approve of?

You may need to consider the effect of the “home court advantage” on your marriage. If a foreign man marries an American woman and they live in the United States, she would be cast in the leadership role in some aspects of their relationship. (She would better understand the language and protocol of the nation) Whereas if they lived in his nation, he would be able to lead out more effectively in their marriage.

Have you considered how the “home court advantage” may affect your marriage relationship?

The above article was written by Bill and Carol O’Hara who are former missionaries and were involved with Marriage Ministries International. They also formerly had their own web site along with their children Kim and Ryan. This is where we found the above article posted.

— ALSO —

To give you further insight as to some of the positives and negatives when one marries someone else from another culture, the following Boundless.com web site link will take you to an article where you can read about several couples and their experiences within:

CROSS CULTURE MARRIAGES

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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Comments

44 Responses to “Thinking of Marrying Someone From Another Culture?”
  1. Nnenna says:

    (USA) I’m a 25 year old woman who has been dating a 24 year old Black American guy for almost two years. We are considering getting married in the near future. Here’s that catch. I was born and raised here in the states all my life and while my parents tried to instill as much of their Nigerian customs as they could, I still consider myself an American. I did grow up with Nigeria children to an extent however, my parents sheltered us a lot from the outside world as to protect us and I didn’t grow up with Nigerian kids in the same way the rest of the Nigerian community did.

    Now that I have brought my relationship with my American guy to their attention, they are trying to talk me out of it. He’s a Christian, loves the Lord as do I, and although we still have some spiritual and mental growing up to do, I believe that God can bless this relationship if we make Him the central factor and not my parents. I know that my parents have culture to uphold and they need to look good to the other Nigerians but this does not concern me. I’m starting to buckle under the pressure and I don’t want to end my relationship with him because my parents want to save face. What do you think?

    • Laylieanna says:

      (USA)  Girl, don’t worry about what others say if you really love this man then that is your choice, not your parents or other people’s. If he makes you happy that should be the only thing that they are concerned about. You’re the one who is with him at the end of the night, not them.

      • Siham says:

        (MOROCCO) First, you have to be sure that he loves you as you love him. Then do what you feel that is right. I don’t wanna say not to care about your parent wishes, but what I want to say is to balance between your parent’s wishes and your wishes. Try to keep both of your parents and your lover rather than to lose any one of them.

  2. John says:

    (UNITED STATES)  Well, if it is of no concern to you, what you look like to the other Nigerians because you are with this man, then why end it?

  3. Hope says:

    (SOUTH AFRICA)  I’m a 21 year old South African who is deeply in love with a Congolese guy. He makes me happy and I feel no pressure when I’m with him. I worried about what my family friends and other people’s comment might be when they find out about my relationship. I know I’m young but I’m not looking for anybody else; he’s the perfect type for me. And I do know that he loves me.

    • Cindy Wright says:

      (U.S.A.) Dear Hope, I don’t know you or this young man, but I plead with you to make sure, very, very sure that he’s someone you can build a solid, loving home with. Most everyone going into marriage thinks that their love is unique and will be able to weather and that their love will only grow deeper with time. That is a romance bubble almost every pre-married couple enters into (that is later popped when the realities of life hit). The divorce courts and unhappy homes are filled with those who began life together that way.

      We just received a letter from someone whose husband is divorcing her. She’s absolutely confused as to why he’s doing that. She wrote, “I still cannot believe he wants to proceed to divorce without seeing me; that boggles my mind. I can’t believe he wants to proceed period. He told me I would ‘always be his breath and his heartbeat.’ I guess ‘always’ didn’t really mean always. He told me I was his ‘everything.’ I guess everything didn’t really mean everything.” It’s heart-breaking!

      I write this to you, not to discourage or frighten you, but to hopefully give you a “wake-up call.” This couple obviously thought they were the “perfect” match as well. When you say he is “the perfect type” for you — that sends up a red flag, because no one is the perfect type except God, Himself. Everyone comes into marriage carrying emotional baggage (with much of it being unopened until the reality of married life draws it out). That’s when the testing of your character, commitment to each other and your commitment to making your marriage the best it can be, will come into play… or I should say, “work” … because there is a lot of work that goes into making a marriage a good one. If you don’t make a good team together, then your marriage will be lacking, or will die, I’m sorry to say. Some people can have a great time being together while dating, but they make lousy marriage partners.

      Give yourself much more time and put marriage preparation effort into really making sure (to the degree that you can be). I urge you to go through our web site — particularly the topic titled, “Marriage Preparation Tools” and talk with this young man. Ask each other question after question — vowing to be completely honest with each other, even if you’re afraid it will cause problems. It’s better to deal with some of these conflict issues now to see if you’re both good at building relationship bridges now (particularly when you have cultural issues to bridge as well, than to be sorry later that you didn’t test this side of your relationship. If he doesn’t want to do it, honestly, I wouldn’t proceed any further. This would tell you that he’s not ready for the tough stuff that marriage brings if he isn’t willing to put in the preparation work ahead of time. That will tell you that you will pretty much have to go it alone at times in your marriage — that YOU will have to put in the work, but not to expect him to do so.

      You won’t be able to find out all there is to know by going through these questions, but this will give you a good start. And this won’t guarantee everything will be fine… but you will be SO much further along in doing what you should, to really know. Too many couples neglect to take this important step, only to seriously regret it later. I’d hate for you to live with these types of regrets.

  4. Sworna says:

    (BANGLSDEAH)  I’m 22 years old. Who I love, he is a plastine boy and now living in Saudi Arabia. He is 24 years. We are deeply in love, have been for 3 years, and we are thinking of getting married. We both are ready to fight. We know it’s difficult but not impossible. And the most important thing is we are willing to sacrifice; from love to lovely home, everything needs sacrifice.

  5. Joy says:

    (PHILIPPINES)  I am 27 years old, married to an American and I will undergo interview Nov. 10 in an embassy. But when I review some of their questions I cannot understand very much what they mean by the questions: What are your concerns about being married to someone from another culture? And what do you think the biggest problem will be and have you thought about how you will deal with them? I have idea in the U.S culture yet, please send me what is the right answer. Thank you.

  6. Stephanie says:

    (MEXICO)  I’m 22 years old, I have a long distance relationship with my American boyfriend for 3 and half years. I met him when I took a year abroad to learn English when I was 18. After my 12 months there I had to come back home to start my carreer. I’m still 3 semesters away from finishing and our plan is to get married and for me to move up there. My family is supportive even though some of them can’t communicate with him since he does not speak spanish (it’s incredibly akward to be translating conversations between my dad and him).

    It’s been awfully hard to hear comments of his friends telling I’m with him to get a green card. He obviously knows what kind of person I am and doesn’t pay attention to those comments. I’ve asked him to consider the possibility of building our family in Mexico. But even though he loves to spend time here it doesn’t seem like it’s something he would like permanently. It’s hard for me to let go on my heritage, customs, language and family. I would do it for him but it would be definitely great to see that he would be willing to do the same for me.

  7. Yousra says:

    (MOROCCO)  Ok girl, if you really love this guy you have to stay with him. Don’t worry about what other people say because love is a great thing that you can have in this world. Also don’t worry about your parents because they are not going to live with this man. But the decision is up to you. If you love him very much you must stay with him. I hope you take the right choice and the good decision. With all my love, Yousra

    • Imperial resident says:

      (MOROCCO) It is true that it’s all about love, but sometimes love can be blind, if we let go and put aside each other’s culture and traditions. I believe a good couple is to be aware and have in their daily attention the cultural differences and know how to live with it. Marriage isn’t just pleasure but indeed is a job that needs someone who has patience and commitment, and is maturity enough to understand his/her spouse.

      I would advise that girl to go for it and get married but to be very aware to understand his culture, his religion, if it’s different, his country and family traditions and live with it. If she can’t then she simply apologizes with a good and kind manner about certain things –that she cannot be part of in his culture, and everything will be just fine and almost perfect since perfection belongs to God only.

      Peace be upon you and God bless you all, Imperial resident

  8. Carlota says:

    (CANADA)  Hi Nenna, Your story is very well like mine. You have to trust in the Lord and continuously pray for your couple… That your testimony be a blessing to your family and that it brings many to Christ.

    We must remember that all things will pass, including our countries, nations, ways of life etc… Only Jesus will not pass. Ultimately, I think before anything else, you must connect spiritually with your partner. Only the spiritual lasts and serving God in spirit and in truth. Keep honoring your family (as is right before God), visiting them, loving them etc… “When God approves the ways of a man, he disposes in his favor even his ennemies”. Have faith!

  9. Jalen says:

    (MEXICO)  I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with an Italian girl for 3 years now. We met when she came to the US to study abroad for 1 year (I am an international student from Mexico, currently attending a University in the US, the same one she went to), and by the time she left, we were already in a relationship.

    Nowadays, we use Facebook and Skype to keep in touch, but with Italy being 7 hours ahead of the US, finding time for each other during the weekdays were very slim. I have gone to Italy twice for breaks just to see her, explore her culture and just enjoy being with her in her hometown of Milan, Italy. She’s been thinking of coming to Mexico City (where I lived) with me for Spring Break this year so I can introduce her to my family. She speaks Italian as her native language, but is also very fluent in Spanish, English and Portuguese, so I know communication will not be an issue between them.

    We are in love with each other, and marriage is still a ways away, but we have talked about it from time to time. We have also discussed settling in the US, if possible.

    We are aware of each other’s cultural background, and although we generally enjoy the other’s culture, I feel like we still could use some exploring so we can really see the differences and whether or not they will affect our relationship and possible our future marriage.

    I’m just lost on what to do now. Our plan right now is to just finish our education (I am in my final year at the University, whereas she still has 1 year left), and we’ll see what happens afterwards… I’m just worried that there might be one or more differences in our cultures that will cause problems with our relationship later on…

  10. Raja says:

    (TUNISIA)  I’m 21 years old, and I’m in love with a Bosnian guy. To communicate we use both English and we’re planning to get married and we’re going to settle in Bosnia :( I know I’ll miss my family (they mean everything to me..).. My dad is not okay with the idea that I’ll leave Tunisia. I’m so confused about everything BUT not my love for him.

  11. Colton says:

    (USA)  My girlfriend and her family came to the U.S. from Saudi Arabia when she was extremely young. As a result, her household is much like the households over there. Her family is a pretty strict Islamic family, while she isn’t so much, hence why we are dating.

    I’ve been kept a secret, because it is just a fact that her parents would not allow me to be in her life. I’m a senior in high school, she’s a junior, and we just started dating about 3 months ago now. But I love her. I’d honestly do anything to be with her. Unfortunately, she doesn’t share the same mentality. She isn’t willing to open herself to love for me because she cares too much about how her family would react. I’m not thinking about marriage right now or anything, because we are simply too young, and so much could happen. But she has pretty much put an expiration date on our relationship because she knows that she wants to marry a boy with a similar cultural background and race so that he fits in with her family, effectively leaving me in the dust.

    She is my best friend on the planet, and I’m hers. But I wish that there was something I could do to at least give myself a chance. I’ve never met someone so perfect in my eyes, someone that I’m willing to give so much up for, and dedicate every bit of my being to her. I just wish there was something I could do. I feel hopeless.

  12. Douggy says:

    (UNITED STATES)  Wow! I’ve come across something interesting so here’s my honest opinion. Im an American male currently living in Peru (I’ve been here almost three years). I just ended a year and half relationship with my ex-girlfriend (Peruvian) back in January of 2012 mainly because I’m an American and beleive that American men and Latin american women are just very bad mixes indeed!

    I’ve finally come to realize that North American men just do not have the so-called spunk to keep a typical Latin American happy. However, it is interesting to note that my ex was definitely not with me for the purpose of a green card because she already came from a family with money so the issue of being with an American was not based on 1.) To marry me and obtain papers later or 2.) Asking for certain quanities of money because in Peru (without a doubt, can be classified as a thrid world developing country) it was best for me to realize that my relationship with her was wrong. I’ve realized that people of such different nationalties cannot get along in a successful sufficient intimate manner etc.

    I plan one day to go back to the United States in the future and eventually marry an American woman because it takes an American woman to understand an American man!

  13. Noorhaa says:

    (MALAYSIAN) Howdy, people. look, here! When you are dating someone from a different background, there are lots of matters that need to be considered in the first place. Your different backgrounds, languages, perspectives on life, religions, cultures including food, attire, festivals and etc. Differences DONT always mean separation in future. Let me repeat it: differences DONT mean problems. I’m sorry if some of you have come across bad nasty divorce/separation before, because of differences. But to rethink about it, even people from the SAME ethnical background, experience nasty divorce/separation. It’s all about finding your HAPPINESS.

    When a person is publicly willing to start a relationship (regardless different / same background) s/he is willing to publicly COMMIT to it. Commitment involves accepting and offering thrust, willingness to fight for your happiness, mutually compromise for each other and many more. But lets say yours turns up bad at the end, it’s ok. Take it as an opportunity to learn new things about life and just march up! (I’m a malay-yemeni lady married to an egyptian-american man, settling down in Malaysia.)

  14. Bobbi says:

    (USA) I am 25 years old. 5 years ago I worked in an orphanage in Haiti. While I was there I met a national Pastor’s son. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was special, I could tell he loved the Lord and wanted to serve Him. He and I hit it off from the beginning. I know I fell in love with him from the first time I saw him; it was almost as if someone told me he was going to be important in my life. The time came when I had to return to America, but my heart never left Haiti. This guy and I became engaged, but it has not been an easy road. We have had to deal with long distance relationship, problems with my family not wanting to accept him etc.

    Now five years later, we are still together, and I am so happy to say we will be getting married in less than two months! When you truly love someone, you can overcome any obstacle. Never give up on your dreams; I was told to give up by many people and so was my fiancé. But now we will be together, and our marriage will be stronger because of all the obstacles we faced and made it through.

    • Cindy Wright says:

      Hi Bobbi, I’m happy for you. Just remember that this is just the beginning obstacle for many that will come in the future after marriage. Our lives never stop giving us obstacles to overcome. But when we marry, God uses them as a vehicle to help to grow us into the character of Christ. Determine NOW to not grow apart –that when obstacles come (which they definitely will) and when the shine rubs off of the newness of love and you start drifting apart (which it definitely will) determine together that you will do what it takes to weather each storm together.

      Dr Steve Stephens’ in his book, “Marriage: Experiencing the Best,” gives a good way to look at this issue in marriage: “Relationships go up and down while love comes and goes. Someone once asked Alan Alda, the famous television and movie star, how he managed to have such a long and successful marriage. His answer was that most relationships begin with a ‘vibrant’ love, but soon fade into ‘utter discontent.’ It is easy to give up and forget that ‘love returns in waves… you just have to wait it out.’ Alan Alda was right; love is like the tides of the ocean. Sometimes they come in and the passion is high. You feel the love and the relationship is wonderful. Then there are times when the tide is out —sometimes way out. The relationship is dry and lifeless. The love is gone.

      “You look out at the sea and wonder if the tide will ever return. But if you’re patient and stay at the beach, the waves will again crash on the shore. The excitement and romance will return. You will feel love again.” I hope that you and your future husband will always keep that in mind. Right now, it may seem like that will never happen, but it does, even in the best of marriages. To help prevent yourselves from seriously drifting, you need to continually work intentionally at building your relationship in loving ways so that when the storms of life hit you (a serious illness or loss of a job or such) and when little waves of busyness keeps nipping away at your relationship, the investment you made all along, will help you to return back together again. May God help you and guide you in your relationship.

  15. Aimar says:

    (BAHRAIN) I come from Bahrain and while I was studying abroad, I met this amazing beautiful lady, who comes from Iran. We’ve been together for over 2 years now and we had the best time of our lives together. We feel comfortable with each other. We might argue some times, but our relationship is perfect. The thing is we are of the same age, and planning to further our studies and take a Master’s degree together, and as soon as we are done, I will propose to her; of course with her parents permission.

    The thing is that I am young, and I never had the chance to work, nor save any money. Basically, I did not build my self yet, my father is supporting me right now. Getting married to her would be the best decision I would ever take in life, my parents are okay with it, her mother too; but her father is expecting something big by the time I come propose to her. Meaning, I would have an apartment, car, a good job and salary, basically be able to take the responsibility of his daughter and take care of her. I don’t blame him for feeling that way, it’s his right.

    Our age might be one of the challenges right now, since in both of our cultures, it is very crucial to get married within our specific age.

    I cannot keep her hanging like that because she’s a lady and has plans to do in her life. I love her and she feels the same too. I would do whatever it takes to have her by my side. There are some things we do not agree upon, like I want to reside in my country when I am done with studying to be able to work and save, while she prefers staying somewhere else. In the end, what I am trying to say is that both of us would die for each other, we are perfect together, it is just that each one of us have different dreams. The girl is perfect, she is the lady I have been looking for my whole life, and now that I’ve found her, some cultural issues are on our way which we both can’t agree upon. I do not know whether I have delivered the message, but I do not want to spend one day without this girl.

    To those out there who can advise, I would really be happy to hear you. Thank you.

  16. Sara says:

    (EMIRATES) I am Sudanese and I want to marry a guy from Bangladesh. I am positive that he is the one I want to marry, however, I have strong faith in allah as well. We do not talk as being Muslims. We cannot so we are just waiting for me to get into uni so he can come and ask for my hand. However, I pray to God that I end up marrying him and that my parents somewhat accept him. But I also pray that whatever happens, should happen, if it’s good for me as I don’t know everything and God does.

    I really love his character but I don’t know what life has for me. I also try to think of both case scenarios so that my heart doesn’t break. I dont want to be too hard on myself since you don’t always get what you want in life.

  17. Bart says:

    (NETHERLANDS) Douggy, Sorry to hear that it didn’t work out, glad you weren’t married yet though? I would like to know more about your experience with Peruvian women, because I am involved with one at the moment. Would you mind sharing your experiences?

  18. Eveline says:

    (HONDURAS) Hello, I would like to listen to your opinions, please. I have a relationship with a Jewish man. He is 56 and I am 48. It all started as a friendship. Now its been 2 and a half years of a relationship.

    I have always had a problem with him, which is the fact that he is not a Christian. My second problem is that he’s still involved in his divorce process and because of all the ‘problems’ he has had through it, he is telling me that now he doesn’t want to marry again. Third problem so far. Right now, and because of this 3 things, I’ve asked him to give me time to think and consider my relationship with him but it’s breaking both my heart and his. We both want to be together again but don’t know what to do because we don’t see an easy solution. The divorce is no problem, but the other 2…

    He is working in Mexico right now and I am living in Honduras. The distance helps a little, but we talk 2 to 3 times every day. We really miss each other. So far, we had not encountered a problem that we could not resolve ourselves. But this has really made us to suffer!! Do you think I should be with him while things resolve themselves?

  19. Royal says:

    (UGANDA) I still feel that where there is true love you can as well abide and give it a try… though you need to give a second thought as to what elders and your parents have to say about it. For you can’t tell your destiny. Sometimes God reveals to us whom we should marry. Try prayer, fasting, and having time with God in church. Present the guy’s photos to God while prayer. I believe God will answer you. He has done it to many that I know.

    One thing you should not do is to rush for you might crash, and don’t wait, for you might be disappointed. This world is trembling. Your parents may be protecting you from something that is dangerous, that you might not be aware of. Have time with them too and try to probe further about why they are reacting like that. All the best.

  20. Gloria says:

    (BELIZE) I wanna go to Tunisia and meet someone I met a long time on facebook. He is from Algeria. We want to get married in Tunisia but don’t know how will we arrange living cause we are both from other countries. Can he come with me to Belize? Will Algeria give him a visa? I don’t wanna be far away from my mom and my family. But I love him too.

  21. Lili says:

    (ALGERIA) I am agreement with this about marrying someone from another nation.

  22. Marvin says:

    (PHILIPINES) For me God created man to be smart, not stupid. Many people, especially woman when they fall in love, can be so stupid. They don’t listen, even when they know there’s a bunch of conflict. They say there are happy even though they sacrifice a lot. They think of marriage like a fairy tale that will last forever naturally. But when reality strikes they give up and sometimes they are trapped.

    Life is short. Plan well, think hard. Feelings are not permanent; they can change easily. In the Bible we can see that God doesn’t allow the Israelites to be married when they’re from different cultures. He preserves culture with good traits and beliefs that are close to him. I still prefer marrying your own kind, not only to preserve your culture, but to live a marriage that is life fulfilling.

  23. Diane says:

    (ENGLAND) I would think twice. I married a man who I loved very much and I still love him now but as a friend and father to my two grown up children. We separated after 15 years. I went to Spain to live with him. It was definely the differences in our cultures that ultimately led to our break up. I moved back very happily to the UK 3 years ago after having lived in Spain for 30 years.

    My two kids followed -no work there. This is the hard part. My daughter has rejected my country, has decided that she is more Spanish than English. I really don’t like her for it. I see her as sniveling and alien. She likes it here but needs to be there -obviously it is psychological. Spain is only two hours away and she’s acting a bit desperate. However, I must keep quiet otherwise we would fall out, big time. I’m having trouble getting over this. She is alien to me. No problem with son -I suppose I don’t identify with him as much. He’s like a ray of sunshine over here and doesn’t act so desperate. I think she needs help, but it’s up to her. Think twice, it’s great to love someone but your children will not know the same things as you -ever

    • Kate says:

      (UK) Diane, I do think your daughter is more comfortable identifying with what she wants and it’s best to keep it that way. Your marriage only ended because you don’t like Spain and the culture. What about your husband? The person he is? Why would you want to trouble your relationship with your daughter if she finds herself more Spanish? Respectfully, I must say is that I hope you see through God’s word to hold on to your close relationshps and not end it over something that has nothing to do with hurting another intentionally.

  24. Nina says:

    (TAIWAN) I am 26 years old from Taiwan and my partner is 25 years old from Thailand. I spent 13 years growing up in Taiwan and another 13 years in Thailand. However, I have this Chinese curtrual belief and a little bit of western points of views because I have been taught by American and westerner teachers. On the other hand, my partner spent his life in a very Thai society.

    We dated for almost 7 years, and we have been discussing about marriage and having kids. We have a very different points of view. My family lives in Taiwan, and he does not see them or want to go back to my home country to visit my family. For the past 7 years, he has only visited there twice.

    Recently, he strongly disagreed about me giving birth in my home country in the future, and also strongly disagrees about me going back home to visit my family more than once a year. What do I do with these issues? I am very not okay with what he say about me seeing my family. Can anyone guide me please????

  25. Tammy says:

    (US) I am to marry a man from Ireland. I don’t know where to start or how to begin. Please help me.

  26. Ricki says:

    (UNITED KINGDOM) Hi, I am Ugandan and have been married to a Ghanian for 3 years. We have 2 kids together but have recently found out that not only does his parents know he’s married they told him if he ever married a woman from a different country from him they would disown him, as they live in a different country from us. He went ahead and married me without me knowing that his parents weren’t on board.

    His parents are just finding out now that he’s married. He said to them that he loves me and his kids and what’s to be with me? Can you believe their response was it’s not too late to leave her. I am so hurt by what’s going on. Any advice would be nice, please.

  27. Erica from United States says:

    I’m marrying a UK citizen and he’s moving over here. It is a big sacrifice on his part for he loves his country. We haven’t ruled out moving over there one day but it is a matter of going where the Holy Spirit leads us. My heart goes out to him and I want him to have wonderful things to remind him of home and help with homesickness. I have a few ideas and a few things but I feel it isn’t enough. I always used to think that there weren’t many differences between our two countries… and while we aren’t polar opposites…those little differences all add up.

    Do not underestimate your loved ones obstacle of adjustment even if they have a similar culture and don’t belittle their feelings on it. It’s a huge thing they are doing for you. I just pray one day I can return the gift.

  28. Patti from United States says:

    Hello, I want some insight on my situation. I met a man from Sudan and found out he is 15 years younger than me. He is 39 and I am 54, but I look 42. I first met him to share the gospel of Jesus Christ, but then he came to church with me. He is a Christian, but used to be Muslim. He is not walking with Christ, but believes. We got involved physcially (sad to say). Initially I was the one calling him and saw him once every two weeks.

    Now all of a sudden he wants to marry me after knowing each other for a few months. He says he loves me and seems geniune, but I am cautious. He says we are like Mohamed and Kadisha, which is a muslim thing. I have been following Christ for 15 years and I am worried. He says we can get married and try our best, but if it does not work then we knew we tried (What??). He also says the only thing that might be a problem is the cultural differences. I am a white American woman and very independent. He is divorced and has his ex wife in Sudan with his 2 sons. He also has children out of marriage from when he was 15 and 16. He also likes to go to Reggae clubs and dance. I probably know the answer but want some opinions. Thanks much. God Bless.

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Patti, You’re right, you DO “know the answer.” Please listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit on this. There are red flags waving everywhere warning you that this marriage would almost certainly be a disaster. The “cultural differences” aren’t the only differences you have going on that could cause be a “problem.” The fact that he is “not walking with Christ” is a HUGE problem. You would be unequally yoked in many areas of your life –pulling against each other in so many ways. What would make you think this would be a good idea to marry?

      Please be wiser here and back off from entertaining the idea of marriage to this guy. Anyone who thinks it’s okay to get married, try your best and has the attitude that “if it does not work out then we knew we tried” is NOT someone you want to make your vow to God with. Patti, I sense that you are wiser than this. It doesn’t matter how nice he is, or “genuine” or whether he is in love with you and you with him –this is NOT a marriage made in heaven –quite the opposite. Raise your standards higher than to allow yourself to get involved with someone who will not be a good marriage partner for you in so many ways.

      Re-read your comment. If a Christian came to you asking for your advice and described the situation to you that you did here, what would you tell them? I’m thinking you’d tell them to run as far in the opposite direction from marrying each other as it’s possible. Please take that advice. He might be a nice guy, but that doesn’t mean that you would both be good for each other or that your marriage would be something that would lead others to want to know your God better. I pray for you and hope the best for you.

  29. Chloe from Canada says:

    So I’m Asian and I met a Nigerian man when I was volunteering overseas this summer in Cambodia. The Nigerian man (he’s 27) is over there as a soccer player. I’ve only seen him 4 – 5 times while I was over there and it’s been 4 months now but we are still talking (not via Skype or anything, just via Facebook). We talk every day for a few hours. And he says he loves me and all but I don’t think there is anyway we can ever be together right???… I mean I would really love to marry him, but what about work, and getting a visa? He has only had education in Nigeria up until he was 15, and I feel like no one would hire him in a developed country (let me know if I’m wrong on this part). So I feel like… we are just stuck like this.

    • Cindy Wright from United States says:

      Chloe, This is difficult to know what will happen. There’s no doubt that you would have a lot of differences to overcome. And unless you’re really, really sure you want to overcome and work through this many obstacles –many, which might not be totally resolvable –ones you would just have to keep working with for the rest of your lives together (such as cultural differences), it might not be good to keep going along in this relationship. I can’t tell you what to do. You have to count the high cost.

      One of my sons was going with a gal for a period of time who lived over seas. They met when they were both studying abroad at the same University. And even though they got along really good and enjoyed being together when they could be, they finally concluded that they were geographically incompatible. There were more differences to overcome than they cared to try to keep bridging …differences that they would have to work on for a lifetime. They both decided that they would let their relationship go before things got even more complicated. This is something you and this guy need to decide. Just because you enjoy seeing each other, and talking, and feel an attraction to each other, it doesn’t mean that you would be the best husband and wife together. This is something you need to prayerfully decide. NOW is the time to decide. Once you marry, it will be your lifelong mission to make things work, despite your many differences. You are at a crossroad time in your life, deciding if you should continue to go on together or part because of the many differences. I pray you make the right decision.

  30. Don from United States says:

    My name is Don. Recently I met a wonderful Christian Filipino woman who lives and works in Hong Kong. I am 53 and divorced, she is 51 and never married. We met on Facebook and found ourselves in love with one another within a month. We plan on marrying in the Philippines in November of 2014. We talk constantly on messenger in Facebook. We believe God brought us together for a reason. We both love the Lord, but at times we struggle with sexual thoughts. Is that normal or healthy?

  31. Mary from United States says:

    My daughter met a wonderful, godly man through our church. He loves the Lord and has such a strong desire to live a life glorifying to God. He was born in Peru but has lived in the U.S. since he was about 10. He is not currently a U.S. citizen. Her father and I have shared our concerns about marrying a non-citizen. Been praying and seeking God’s wisdom. Will trust the Lord to make straight our path concerning her/him. Want to be able to answer any questions they may ask regarding what it means to marry a non-citizen. Currently, we are not at peace about it and would want to ask if he’d be willing to become a citizen before we give our blessing. I have explained to her how God placed her in our care since the moment she was conceived and we must consider these things as part of our parental responsibility. She is my only child and very precious. It matters for her and any children she may be blessed with. What a new season we are walking in. Does anyone have info about their experiences with this? What difficulties do we face? I’m not even sure what to ask. Help or advice?

  32. Casey from United States says:

    I am in love with an international student from Saudi. I am an American. He is in love with me, but will not marry me because his family would frown upon it. Is there any hope in changing his mind? He only has 9 months left before he graduates :(

  33. Aaron from United States says:

    (USA) I’m a non-us resident here in the US. I’m in my senior year in a university here in California. My girlfriend is an international student from Myanmar. My girlfriend went back to Myanmar for a vacation. Her parents found out about our relationship because one of her relatives told them about us. She is already in Myanmar when her parents told her about what they’ve found about us and promised not to send her back in the US anymore. They’re trying to control her so much that they’ve already planned an arranged marriage for her.

    I don’t know what to do anymore. We love each other. I could not sleep. I want to go to Myanmar and prove to them that I am a good guy and will never do something bad to her. Her dream is study here in the US. I feel like I will get in her way because of the current situation. I’m thinking about sacrificing myself by letting her go for her to come back in the US to study. I’m planning to go to Myanmar and beg them to send her back to the US and study here in exchange that I will never have contact with her. I don’t wanna do it since a day without seeing her hurts me. But I love her so much that I’m willing to sacrifice everything I have. I hope this one works, but I’m willing to consider more options. Please, help me.

  34. jojo from India says:

    I am 24 years Congolese and planning to get marriage with a 28 years old Nigerien man. After reading all those questions I am so afraid. I am in love but I love so much my country that I am asking myself if I can be far away from my people all my life. I am confused.

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