What Is Not Okay In Bed?


“If both partners agree, is anything taboo?” “What about the use of vibrators?” “Is oral sex okay?” [These are just a few questions that Christian women asked about the sexual relationship in marriage from a survey that the authors conducted.] But at the heart of each of these questions were two concerns: What does God prohibit in the sexual relationship between a husband and wife, and what does God permit?

We read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and compiled a list of every scriptural reference to sex. As we reviewed our list it became apparent that God gives tremendous sexual freedom within the marriage relationship. But God also sets forth some prohibitions that we must honor.

These are the ten things God forbids:

1. Fornication: Fornication is immoral sex. It comes from the Greek word porneia which means “unclean.” This broad term includes sexual intercourse outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:3), sleeping with your stepmother (1 Corinthians 5:1), sex with a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:13; 1 Corinthians 6:15-16), and adultery (Matthew 5:32).

2. Adultery: Adultery, or sex with someone who is not your spouse, is a sin and was punishable in the Old Testament by death (Leviticus 21:10). In the New Testament, Jesus expanded adultery to mean not just physical acts, but emotional acts in the mind and heart (Matthew 5:28).

3. Homosexuality: The Bible is very clear that for a man to have sex with a man or woman to have sex with a woman is detestable to God (Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:9).

4. Impurity: These are several Greek words which are translated as “impurity.” To become “impure” (in Greek, molvno) can mean to lose one’s virginity (Revelation 14:4), or to become defiled, due to living out a secular and essentially pagan lifestyle 1 Corinthians 6:9; 2 Corinthians 7:1). The Greek word rupos often refers to moral uncleanness in general (Revelation 22:11).

5. Orgies: For a married couple to become involved in sex orgies with different couples is an obvious violation of (1), (2), and (4) and needs no discussion.

6. Prostitution: Prostitution, which is paying for sex, is morally wrong and condemned throughout Scripture (Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17; Proverbs 7:4-27).

7. Lustful passions: First, let us tell you what this does not mean. Lustful passion does not refer to the powerful, God-given sexual desire a husband and wife have for one another. Instead, it refers to an unrestrained, indiscriminate sexual desire for men or women other than the person’s marriage partner (Mark 7:21-22; Ephesians 4:19).

8. Sodomy: In the Old Testament, sodomy refers to men lying with men. The English word means “Unnatural sexual intercourse, especially of one man with another or of a human being with an animal.” Unfortunately, some Christian teachers have erroneously equated sodomy with oral sex. In the Bible, sodomites refer to male homosexuals or temple prostitutes (both male and female). In contemporary usage, the term sodomy is sometimes used to describe anal intercourse between a man and woman. This is not the meaning of the biblical word.

9. Obscenity and coarse jokes: In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.” The Greek word for unwholesome is very descriptive and literally mans “rotten” or “decaying.” In Ephesians 5:4, the Bible warns us to avoid “silly talk” or, as it is called in some versions, “coarse jesting.” We have all been around people who can see a sexual connotation in some innocent phrase and then begin to snicker or laugh. This is wrong. However, this does not rule out appropriate sexual humor in the privacy of marriage, but rather inappropriate sexual comments in a public setting.

10. Incest: Incest, or sex with family members or relatives, is specifically forbidden in Scripture (Leviticus 18:7-18; Leviticus 20:11-21).

God leaves much in our sexual relationship with our husbands up to our discretion. In all likelihood, the questions tugging at the back of your mind were not even touched upon. When she read this list, Shelby commented: “It’s helpful to know what God says is wrong, but I still sometimes wonder if what my husband and I are doing is right. We have a great time together in bed, but every now and then, this nagging doubt comes—does God approve?”

To help you and all the Shelby’s, we will get more specific and address the questions we are constantly asked.

IS ORAL SEX PERMISSIBLE? Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their excellent book The Gift of Sex, give this definition of oral sex: “Oral sex or oral stimulation is the stimulation of your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips, and tongue. The man may stimulate the woman’s clitoris and the opening of the vagina with his tongue or the woman many pleasure the man’s penis with her mouth.” This sexual stimulation may or may not lead to orgasm for the husband and wife.

What does Scripture say about this sexual activity? Most theologians say the Scriptures are silent about oral-genital sex. Some believe two verses in the Song of Solomon may contain veiled references to oral sex. The first is Song of Solomon 2:3:

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

Throughout the Song of Solomon, the word fruit refers to the male genitals. In extra biblical literature, fruit is sometimes equated with the male genitals or with semen, so it is possible that here we have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress.

The second possible veiled reference is found in Song of Solomon 4:16 (KJV):

Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.

These erotic words spoken by Solomon’s bride are at the culmination of a very sensuous love scene. Shulamith asks her husband to blow on her garden (a poetic reference used throughout the Song for the vagina) and cause its spices to flow out. Of course one cannot be certain, but it is possible Shulamith is inviting her husband to excite her by caressing her with his mouth. She then invites him to enter her and feast on the pleasures waiting in her “garden.”

Dr. Douglas Rosenau believes Scripture is silent on the topic of oral sex. “This does not make it right or wrong,” he says. A key emphasis in the New Testament is Christian liberty. Nothing is unclean in itself, says Paul (Romans 14:14), and this presumably includes sexual variety. Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at Fuller Seminary, amplifies Paul’s statement about nothing being unclean:

Christian liberty sets us free from culturally invented “moral” taboos; and since there is no rule from heaven, it is likely that the only restraint is the feeling of the other person. For example, if one partner has guilt feelings about oral sex play, the Christian response of the other will be to honor the partner until they adjust their feelings. On the other hand, if the partner has only aesthetic reservations, and if these are rooted in some fixed idea that sex is little more than a necessary evil anyway, they have an obligation to be taught, tenderly and lovingly, of the joys of sex in the freedom of Christ.

In Intended for Pleasure, Dr. and Mrs. Ed Wheat says that oral sex is a matter that concerns only the husband and wife involved. If both find it enjoyable and pleasant, then it may properly fit into the couple’s lovemaking practices. One goal of lovemaking is to fill a treasure trove of memories with delightful love experiences that will quicken your responses during your future times together.

One minister’s wife blushes happily as she recalls a memo her husband sent requesting her presence for an urgent “appointment.”

RUN DON’T WALK! YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS EXCITING, DYNAMIC, RIPPING, SLEEP-DEFYING MEETING. Details follow: Would you like to have a meeting in the bathtub? (Loving massage and oral sex included.) I love you, Your husband

One woman might feel horrified by the above playful interchange between a husband and wife. To her, oral sex is repulsive. Another may think the minister and his wife have a gloriously free, creative, and fun sexual relationship. She sees that oral sex adds a beautiful dimension to this couple’s lovemaking.

Before we go any further, let us clarify our intent. Are we suggesting you incorporate oral sex into your love play? No. We are not making recommendations. Instead, our purpose is to set out for you what Scripture prohibits and to encourage you to seek God’s wisdom concerning His personal recommendations for your marriage.

Each couple is different. Each husband and wife is unique. Because Scripture is either silent —or veiled —concerning this practice, the only way to discover what God allows for you is for you to ask Him. If you’ve never talked to God about your sexual relationship, now is a good time to start. You will not shock God. Remember, sex was His idea. God is a God of wisdom (Daniel 2:20). He promises that when we lack wisdom, if we ask Him, He will give it to us (James 1:5).

As you seek God’s wisdom, you might find it helpful to ask these three questions about any sexual practice you and your husband are considering:

Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume it is permitted. “Everything is permissible for me” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

Is it beneficial? Does the practice in any way harm the husband or wife or hinder the sexual relationship? If so, it should be rejected. “Everything is permissible for me—but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice involves someone else or becomes public, it is wrong based on Hebrews 13:4, which warns us to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

Let’s see how these questions can help when it comes to making decisions about certain sexual practices that are not specifically spelled out in Scripture.

ARE VIBRATORS PERMISSIBLE? Some couples enjoy incorporating the use of sexual aids such as vibrators into their lovemaking. To find out if the use of vibrator is right or wrong, let’s apply the three questions. Is the use of a vibrator prohibited by Scripture? Is a vibrator beneficial in lovemaking? Does the use of a vibrator involve anyone else?

As we look at the list of ten prohibitions, we see that there is no scriptural reference that would prohibit the use of a vibrator. So if a vibrator enhances a couple’s lovemaking and is used exclusively for the couple’s private enjoyment, then it is permitted. Does this mean we are suggesting you run out and buy a vibrator? No. Again, we are not recommending any sexual practice. We are only trying to help you discern what is best in your marriage as you seek the wisdom of God.

WHAT ABOUT X-RATED VIDEOS? Obviously videos did not exist during biblical times, so we will not find “Thou shalt not watch X-rated videos” in Scriptures. (The same is true for vibrators.) But as we read through the list of the ten prohibitions, a red flag is raised. In number two on the list, adultery is defined as “looking on a woman to lust” whether the woman (or man) is on a video, in a picture, or in the living flesh. Secondly, number four on the list describes impurity as “moral uncleanness.” X-rated would qualify as “morally unclean,” thereby making them something God would disdain.

Now let’s apply the questions:

• Are X-rated videos prohibited by Scripture? Yes, based on (2) and (4).

• Are X-rated videos beneficial? Anything that promotes “moral uncleanness” is not beneficial.

• Do X-rated videos involve someone else? Yes. You bring the man or woman on the video into your lovemaking.

Based on these answers, we could conclude that God wants us to stay away from X-rated videos. [PLEASE NOTE: Look for the link to another article below to read on this subject at the end of this one.]

We have considered three “gray areas,” oral sex, vibrators, and X-rated videos. There are many others. We encourage you and your husband to prayerfully seek God’s wisdom, study the list of ten prohibitions, and use the three questions to help you discern what to do in your specific situation.

As Christians we are simultaneously free and responsible. We are responsible to seek the best of the one we love, to think more highly of him and his desires than our own (Philippians 2:3-4). But we are also free to explore new territories of sexual delight.

According to Dr. Lewis Smedes, “The Christian word on trying out a sexual practice that is not prohibited in Scripture is ‘Try it. If you like it, it is morally good for you. And it may well be that in providing new delight to each other; you will be adventuring into deeper experiences of love.'”

God has given you great freedom in your sexual relationship with your husband. Remember His words to Solomon and Shulamith: “Eat, friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (Song of Solomon 5:1).

This article comes from the book, Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex, written by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, published by WaterBrook Press. This is powerful —one of the best “no-holds-barred books on intimate issues that’s available for Christian women (if not THE best)! It addresses 21 questions that Christian women ask about sex and contains so much practicality, healing sensitivity and spiritual wisdom on each subject. The authors present the union of two people so attractively, excitedly, and sacredly that it may be one of the most important books out on the market for Christian women to read because it honestly addresses the real sexual concerns of women. We can’t recommend this book highly enough!

— ALSO —

On this same issue, the following articles are posted on several different web sites. In reading them we believe you will know better what God does and doesn’t allow us to do sexually:





Filed under: Sexual Issues

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122 responses to “What Is Not Okay In Bed?

  1. (UK) I find that God gave us all freedom to choose with particular prohibitions, and for us humans we tend to misinterpret some things in the bible and closet ourselves or hold back. And as some have said that oral sex is wrong etc, it is wrong maybe as your personal choice but I would rather have that freedom with my husband only and not have a person say this and that is wrong. Desire is purely open between man and wife. I would rather give as much love and pleasure to my husband so long as we both permit and have clear boundaries. Reading this gave me a clear out look and happier disposition towards Gods mercy, understanding and uncondional love to tell us before hand how certain things are and affects us. So im glad he gave sexual freedom in my marriage :)

  2. (UK) I strongly feel that in God’s eyes, oral sex is wrong. It is no better than sodomy. Todays so-called Christians have been influenced by this world’s standards. In biblical times oral sex was thought of as unclean, and mostly practiced by homosexuals. This is a learnt behaviour and not a natural one.

    A man’s penis is designed for the vagina not her mouth! This is very unhygienic, and the wrong use of our bodies. Just because people desire something, doesn’t make it right. Also, there’s a link between many cases of mouth cancer and oral sex. I bet most people in biblical times had not even heard of oral sex, so of course it’s not mentioned in scripture. The OT talks of the uncleaness of bodily fluids. Do you think were meant to swallow them? Just because Christians are not bound to those laws, doesn’t mean they can’t learn from it. We can’t disregard everything it says, or beastiality and rape would also become acceptable. Praise God with your mouth; don’t use it in such a perverse way. Anyone who does these things is not a Christian.

    1. It’s very common for the vulva to be called a “vagina.” Many people are not familiar with the word “vulva.” They may know what it means when they read it but it’s not in their normal vocabulary. Some women don’t know where urine comes out of them.

    2. Melanie, it has been within my adult life that these perverse practices were included in “the abominable and detestable crime against nature, whether with mankind or with beast, not to be named among Christians.” In the Bible, the apostle used the terms “akatharsia” and “aselgeia” to refer to such depravity that “was not to be named among Christians.” Corinth was noted throughout the known world as a hub of every kind of vice that could be imagined by the mind of men. When he used these terms, translated “impurity,” “uncleanness,” “filthiness,” “foul” (what is more unclean, filthy, and foul than putting a penis in an anus?), “lewdness,” “demonic,” “licentiousness,” “lasciviousness,” “wanton,” Paul assumed that the Christians there knew what was meant by “akatharsia” and “aselgeia.”

      When we use words like “sodomy,” “impurity,” “licentiousness,” “lewdness,” we are not describing the actual behaviors. We went to the Romans for the words that literally mean the specific acts, for the Greeks, no prudes they, couldn’t quite bring themselves to say the acts of which they were so fond. They were “akatharsia,” having some remaining sense of propriety. The Romans were “aselgeia,” having no compunction about fornicating in the street.

    3. For you ladies who refuse to give you husbands oral sex because you BELIEVE it is a sin, well, I feel sorry for your husbands.

  3. (UNITED STATES) My wife and I have been enjoying each other for the past 18 yrs we’ve been married. Like everything else in life, oral/anal/vaginal sex is something that both of you need to discuss with each other.

    For example, 6 years ago we tried anal sex. It was something that I wanted us to try and at first she wasn’t that keen on the idea, but we had an open and honest talk about why I wanted to try it with her and she decided that she was willing to try it for my sake to see if maybe she would enjoy it (it was something that she’d simply never really thought about). I did everything I could to make it comfortable for her but in the end it just wasn’t something she enjoyed so we decided that it wasn’t for us. Even though it didn’t work out for us like I might have hoped, she was glad that we tried it because it was her way of showing me that she was willing to try something new to make me happy.

    She surprised me 2 years ago when she decided to try oral sex, something I’d thought about, but had never asked her for because I always thought that she’d be too grossed out by the idea of it since it wasn’t something her parents ever talked to her about in “the talk”. (I asked her for one, but not the other because I thought she’d be more grossed out by oral sex than anal sex, never said I was the brightest bulb…) It was a wonderful surprise for me and although she doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of oral sex, she’s more than willing to give it to me if I ask her (and sometimes I don’t even have to ask) and as a result we’ve enjoyed it on and off as part of our sex life since.

    In the end because we were willing to talk about what we both wanted in our sex life and we both could find a middle ground that we both could enjoy, now our sex life is better than it ever was.

    1. Sorry. But it’s one thing for a couple to talk about and do things in private. But it’s another to talk (boast) about it online (in public), which to me is wrong. We may not see you sex capades. But we’re invited into them (so to speak) when you give details or summaries. I think we need to learn to keep things scriptural instead of looking for excuses to do nasty things with one another. If a couple are both devoted to GOD and waiting patiently each and every day for the Spirit of Christ to purify their hearts, then they will be removed from Sin. Therefore, the love of lust will fade. And that alone should tell us how clean a marriage bed will be. If someone keeps looking for reasons to have anal sex, then that’s a sign that they aren’t receiving the faith of Christ.

      1. I disagree, JoeM. Jeremy wasn’t boasting about his “sex capades” or giving inappropriate details. He was simply describing his experimentation with different kinds of sexual acts. Simply using the terminology “oral sex” and “anal sex” is not inappropriate. That’s the topic of this page. He’s simply adding real life examples to the discussion.

        His point was that couples can innocently experiment within the marriage relationship. He said that one out of the two things he described worked for both of them. They were both sensitive to each other’s needs and desires. That’s a good thing. It all goes back to 1 Cor. 10 where Paul says “everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” There is tremendous freedom in God’s kingdom. It’s not like morality is relative, but one person may feel called to avoid certain kinds of sexual acts (or even other kinds of lifestyles), but another may feel free to enjoy them with a clear conscience. For you, remaining in God’s love and faithfulness may to avoid these kinds of acts because you are uncomfortable with it and it seems a perversion. That’s good. You ought to obey God’s voice to you. But it may be different for Jeremy. He may not feel God calling him to that.

        In 1 Corinthians 10, Paul talks about eating food sacrificed to idols. He says that it was perfectly fine to do that unless you felt called not to do it because it would be going against your conscience or because it would cause a brother to stumble. This is a similar thing. The same can be applied to alcohol or certain kinds of lifestyles.

        God is good. He leads each of us down different paths for our best benefit and the benefit of others around us. Because of that, we will all have different lifestyles. And that’s a good thing.

  4. (USA) How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Jesus came to set us free from the thousands of Mosaic laws and scrupulous Christians try to recreate the same; forever about sex. Please. It’s not about sex, it’s about love.

  5. I too believe oral and anal sex are perverse. I refuse to allow my husband to perform oral on me and I will never perform on him. I work in the medical field and I know this is filthy. I felt convicted by the Holy Spirit that this was not right. People want to quote “let the marriage bed be honorable and be not defiled” but people fail to realize the marriage bed is defiled when we practice perverse sex that homosexual’s practice. Lets hear the testimony of those who practiced this in the bedroom and have paid a terrible price for this type of behavior. Don’t be surprised with the rise of anal and oral cancer in this generation. I work in the healthcare field and I’ve seen unbelievable things.

    1. People, don’t forget, there is another strong biblical argument to think carfully about this type of behavior. Sex is to make new life. This will be impossible practicing oral and/or anal sex. The scriptural Onan was not right in the Eyes of the Lord when he wasted every time his semen, because he was only interested in lust.

    2. The evidence that other than penis-in-vagina sex is physiologically “unclean” is mounting. Bacteria and yeasts that are benign, some beneficial, when in their usual location may be harmful, even dangerous, when they are introduced to other parts of the body. Certainly there are risks to normal p-i-v intercourse just as all of life has risks. But it is the natural form of sexual conduct.

  6. My husband of 18 years likes role plays, making videos on his phone, taking pictures, oral, and even used a bannana a few times, if I would let him anal. I hate it. I feel so disgusting. If I say anything to him he gets mad and tells me that I’m boring and he’s just trying to spice things up. To avoid a fight and criticism I just do it hating every minute of it.

    I believe this is more lust than love. He struggles with the spirit of lust he got when he was 12 when he saw his father’s porn. He has cheated on me twice while married and twice before we were married that I know of. I regret ever taking him back. He doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it since we are married. I can’t go to our pastor because he is my father. I’ve prayed about it asking the Holy Spirt to convict him. I think he does get convicted but denies it, because he will stop for a month or so but always goes back. I don’t even know if I love this man anymore. He has put me through so much emotionally and physically. He admits to having lust, has even read Every Man’s Battle. I’m really at a loss.

    1. My first advice would be to find a spiritual mentor that you can talk to about anything – since feel you cant’ talk to your father about your relationship with your husband. Is there anyone else that you know whose opinion on the subject you would value? It, also, seems to me that you’ve been hurt so much by your husband’s cheating that it would be BIBLICAL (on account of “sexual immorality”) for you to divorce him. THAT you’d probably have to talk with your pastor/ father about, though – before you did it….

    2. I agree with Tony. It is hard to deal with the sin of pornography, especially when you’ve been exposed to it at such a vulnerable and impressionable age. You and your husband need to seek wise Christian counsel. This is not something you can try and deal with by yourselves. This kind of sin needs to be brought into the light before it can heal.

  7. The most important thing to God is the simple fact that a man and woman love each other and help each other through life together. Sex is a way to share each other in a way that you do not with the rest of the world. If your partner wants to explore parts of this world with you then you should enjoy it. That is why you are together. I do not believe it is acceptable to condemn and judge your partner for things (unless they really are horrible) and in that case you should leave. But wives and husbands whose spouses would like to explore oral or anal or anything else between two people is not only ok but who else to do things with? People who are too good or too judgmental often don’t realize not only parts of this world that God has given us but what better to share with your one partner more than one’s self?

  8. Hi. This sexual question has become the separation of my marriage. My husband believes that anal sex is alright with God, and I was not sure. I think I may have been convicted from the Holy Spirit, but I am not totally sure. I was Christian before, but I wasn’t really living it or understanding it. I became convicted of not being married and having two children together etc… We were engaged and then we got married after my conviction. I then started questioning anal sex.

    This is very important to my husband. He feels like it is a part of sex and it is denying to him if I were to refuse it. Like a rejection of some sort. He is still figuring out what Christianity is all about. I spoke to different pastors and got all different opinions on this matter, that it was wrong, or that is was right, or that it was grey. It has now created such a division between us and a mistrust. As I said, it was ok for Christians to do so, and then I changed my mind.

    We are now separated and our two children will be in divided homes. I am very sad about this. I became a Christian and this sexual act that is not in the Bible has become what separated us. How do we know what is right or wrong? I just know that my family is broken and I do not know if I am right by refusing this sexual act and claiming it to be wrong with God.

    I never knew it was so unclear to be a Christian. So unclear to know what is pure. I know we are suppose to love and please the other, but of course we are to love God above all including our own families. If there are any suggestions or wise words, it would be appreciated.

    1. Hi, I am sorry to hear about your separation. I noticed however that you mentioned anal sex not being in the Bible, but it is. It is referred to as sodomy, and it is a deadly sin. It does not give an exception to married couples either. Go to biblegateway.com and type sodomy into the search bar since I cannot remember the passage just now, and it will bring up the passage for you. You were not wrong, even if it was permissible. No husband should coerce his wife to do anything she felt strongly against. Also, this should not be the driving force for a marriage to become divided, so I am very sorry to hear that it was. I will pray that things turn around for you and your family. God bless you.

      1. “I noticed however that you mentioned anal sex not being in the Bible, but it is. It is referred to as sodomy, and it is a deadly sin.”

        Question: “What does the Bible say about anal sex? What is sodomy according to the Bible?”

        Answer: There is no overt mention of anal sex in the Bible. In the account of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19, a large group of men sought to gang rape two angels who had taken the form of men. The reasonable presumption is that the men of Sodom wanted to have forcible anal sex with the angels. The men’s homosexual lust is obvious, but again, anal sex is not mentioned in the passage. The words sodomy and sodomize come from this biblical account. Sodomy is, literally, “the sin of Sodom.”

        In modern language, the term sodomy has acquired a broader definition than what is biblically warranted. Today, “sodomy” often refers to any form of non-penile/vaginal sexual act, which includes anal sex and oral sex. If the biblical text is used as the basis for the definition, though, “sodomy” cannot include oral sex or, technically, even anal sex. The strict understanding of sodomy, based solely on the events of Genesis 19, would have to be “forcible anal sex, with one male raping another male anally.”

        The Bible clearly and explicitly condemns this as an immoral and unnatural sin (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9). And the Bible strongly condemns rape, as well (Deuteronomy 22:25-27). So, clearly, the Bible condemns sodomy in the sense of male rape. The more difficult question is whether the Bible condemns all anal sex.

        Ultimately, our answer is the same as our answer for “What does the Bible say about oral sex?” Outside of marriage, all forms of sex, including anal sex, are sinful and immoral. Since the Bible nowhere condemns, or even mentions, anal sex within the confines of marriage, it would appear that anal sex falls within the “mutual consent” principle (1 Corinthians 7:5). Whatever is done sexually should be fully agreed on between the husband and his wife. Neither husband nor wife should be coerced into doing something he/she is not absolutely comfortable with. If anal sex occurs within the confines of marriage, by mutual consent, then there is no clear biblical reason for declaring it to be sin.

        In summary, the word sodomy does not occur in the Bible, although it does originate from a place name in the Bible. The specific sin of Genesis 19 was forcible anal rape of a man by another man. This passage does not concern marital relations. Anal sex between a husband and wife, within the confines of marriage, in the spirit of mutual consent, cannot be definitively categorized as a sin.

    2. I’m so sorry to hear about your separation. If you all are interested in repairing your relationship, you should seek wise Christian counsel together. As far as whether it’s okay or not, I think that according to 1 Corinthians 10, it’s permissible, but if it’s uncomfortable to you or you don’t feel edified by it, then it may not be appropriate for your marriage. Sex is the most intimate and vulnerable act you can do with someone. Both partners need to be in agreement about the acts they do, otherwise the relationship can become deeply damaged. Seek out a pastor or Christian counseling center that knows about sexuality and marriage. They may be able to help you. I pray God heals where you and your family have been broken. God bless you.

  9. When one becomes accustomed to fellatio and cunnilingus, natural sexual intercourse is reduced in excitement similarly to what addiction to masturbation.

  10. Is it immoral for me and my wife to stimulate each other’s anal area with fingers or vibrator with no penis penetration?

    1. We don’t see that this is a problem at all AS LONG AS you and your wife are in agreement that this is okay with both of you. There is no other person involved either visibly, or physically, so why not? This is YOUR marriage bed and both of you are in agreement to please each other, so it seems that this could enhance your intimacy, rather than be problematic.

        1. Any kind of porn is wrong. The spirit of homosexuality is sweeping across our country and seeking to overtake as many as possible. We must take every thought and bring it into captivity and make it obedient to Christ.

          If people’s thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death. But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace. Romans 8:6 One can commit adultery just by looking, it’s not okay to be aroused by someone else. This is what porn is set out to do aroused/ and put lust in someone’s heart and mind. It’s a crafty setup and your husband must cast these imaginations down by the authority Jesus gave us.

          In Luke 10:19 reading from a plain version the NCV, listen, I have given you power to walk on snakes and scorpions, power that is greater than the enemy has. So nothing will hurt you. Also let him know that 2 Tim 2:5 says no athlete is crowned unless he competes according to the rules (commands).

          I pray in the name of Jesus that your husband will take heed to the Word of God because he means every word. 1 John 1:9 says but if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us. I pray your husband will confess his sin to God and turn from it and I pray that he will walk upright worthy of the call where with we have been called to. In Jesus name, Amen. God bless you and yours.

  11. I’ve always been scared to talk these things but we’re children of GOD so we should be able to talk and get feed back from each other. I’ve always had problems with using toys because you have to go in those stores to get them. That makes me feel wrong. I’m glad to see someone that can point out questions a lot of christians have and don’t know how to ask. Sex is from GOD so if someone needs help in that area.

    I’m glad I found this. I pray you ask God for guidance, as well. Like I said this is very hard for me to talk about but as husbands and wives we are to keep each other happy in the bedroom as well. Thank you for your thoughts.

    1. Hi Marie, I totally agree with you. I felt the same way, concerning talking about these types of issues. But eventually, God showed me that we have every right, as married Christians to do what we can to improve our intimate times with our spouses. We shouldn’t be ashamed to have the best sexual relationship possible with our spouse. Why would the Song of Solomon be put into the Bible, if we’re to be all “hush, hush” about it. So I’m glad to see that you’re bringing this issue more to the light. We need to encourage and help each other in this area of marriage.

      As for purchasing toys to help enhance our intimate times with our spouse, I agree with you that going to one of “those stores” can be problematic. Most of them have many other things there that deal with sexuality outside of marriage, as well as pornographic things that invite unhealthy appetites and desires, and visual adultery. It’s one thing to play with “toys” together that will enhance making love to our spouse, it’s another to invite pictures, fantasies, and images of others into our private time together. As author Bob Moeller wrote on this issue, “Sex with the aid of pornography, whether magazines, or videos, transfers that highly intense emotional psychological attachment to someone other than your spouse. It’s as if you’re making love to two different people at the same time. You’ve allowed another lover to enter the bedroom.”

      So, truthfully, I wouldn’t go into a store that sold those types of products. I don’t want to support their business because they promote and sell that, which they shouldn’t. I want you to know though, that we do provide links on this web site to online Christian websites that sell enhancement toys, creams, and such “for those who are married.” They can’t guarantee that all their customers are married, but that is definitely their goal. You can see a few of them listed in the “Sexual Issues” Links section at: http://host.agencysrvr.com/~marriage/about-us-2/sexual-issues-links-and-resource-descriptions/. I have no problem going to their online store to make purchases… they promote fidelity, marriage, and Christian values in enjoying our love life with our spouse. I hope this will help you, as you seek to enjoy and pleasure your husband, as God intends.

  12. I am 76 years old. Age and medical problems make it 99.99% unlikely that I will ejaculate or achieve full erection. Are my wife and I able to perform oral and/or manual fore play on each other hoping that we will reach our desired goal but knowing that it is improbable that we will?

    1. Dear Grumpy, I sure don’t see why you couldn’t. This is between you and your wife in your marital bed, and as long as you both consent, I would say go for it. Even being able to touch each other sensually can bring you closer in your intimacy. Go… enjoy… love each other in the ways you can.

  13. Christians, Think! Is what you are practicing or considering pleasing to God your Savior? The behavior being questioned has been regarded as filthy, depraved and perverted for thousands of years in Christendom and the preceding Israelite economy.
    Ask yourself: Why am I here? Does what I am doing (or thinking about doing) help to build up the kingdom of God? Would I be ashamed for any of the respected older married people in the church to find out?

    The acts being questioned are some of those included in “the abominable and detestable crime against nature, whether with mankind or with beast, not to be named among Christians.” These acts were until recently regarded as so depraved that they were referred to in guarded speech, in euphemisms and broad, general terms. “Not to be named among Christians.” Do not allow the numbing of your sensibilities by the continual barrage of public lewdness to cloud your judgment. Only a few centuries ago, a wicked pastor’s debauching of a virgin bride-to-be was seen as less reprehensible than his act to avoid impregnating her. The rape was judged as disordered but proceeding from natural desires, while the act to avoid conception was in the category of crimes against nature. (He was not put to death because there was only one witness against him: the girl he raped. “One witness is not enough to convict anyone accused of any crime or offense they may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” Deuteronomy 19:15, 2 Corinthians 13:1 (NIV) Her testimony was sufficient for him to be dismissed from his pastorate and to be banished, but not punished.)

    Only a few years ago a man was imprisoned for five years for confessing in open court (in a divorce case) to “oral sodomy.” It hasn’t been so very long since such acts were seen as despicable and perverted, degenerate. What happened? In the span of only a few years we find ourselves living in a “Sodom” or a “Corinth.” My perception is that judicial activism has brought about the change. Legislatures follow the lead of judges rather than judges interpreting the law.

  14. I think that because humans were created by the Lord a person should look at the wonders he has made within you and not think of what is right or wrong within sex. For instance, why do certain sex acts between a willing couple feel good? Who put that ability for it to feel good? The Lord did; we did not create that ability. The Penis, who made it possible for it to orgasm? The anus, why does it feel good if done correctly? Any sex act that does not harm you and makes you feel good has a reason that makes the body react; it was not by our making.

    So to finish, the Lord has given us a body that we can enjoy; use it wisely and embrace the wonder the Lord has created within you. The ability to decide is mental, like whether you like Green instead of Red. With that whether a wife refuses anal sex with her husband or other acts, they are all mental decisions they developed in their heads. It was not the Lord who created the ability for the act, who put that decision in your head but gave the ability to decide. But to deny the ability to orgasm, or feel good in any manner was not because the Lord did not give you the ability, it is because you are making a poor choice in failing to use what the Lord has put within you to use for pleasure.

  15. My wife doesn’t always want to have sex as often as myself. If she is aware that I masturbate “in between our time together.” Is that sinful that I masturbate alone? Also, if I incorporate anal sex alone with masturbation is this sinful? (She is also aware.)

  16. I can’t believe what I am hearing from so called Christians. Being a Christian myself I am aware of what God permits us to do in the bedroom with our husbands and well if it was an abomination to God for two men to practice anal then of course it’s an abomination for a man to do it on his wife. And why? Because our God is clean and holy. The anus is our passage way for the waste in our bodies. It was not created to have a penis in it. The vagina was. Come on fellow Christians. Get with the program.

    1. That is definitely your personal conviction and opinion, and as such, you should follow that. But if you go with that line of thinking, the vagina sure has a lot of waste that comes out of it too. And so does the mouth — there’s a lot of garbage that comes out of it, so maybe we shouldn’t kiss either. :)

      1. Oh come on. You are talking like a person of the world who hangs out on a sex site uses to justify anal. Our God is holy therefore us as children of God are called to be separated from the world and its ungodliness. Be not conformed to this world but be transformed. That is what the word of God says. And if we as Christians do what the world does.. The lost who do not know Christ. Then we are not saved.

        1. And let’s also put it this way. The purpose of sex the way that God intended it for is to number one reproduce. And second of all for a husband and wife to enjoy intimacy and pleasure together. Now excuse me for being blunt but it a man cums in a woman’s anus or her mouth, that is defeating the God given purpose of reproduction. And so is a man master bating. I suggest that you read through the old testament. When God establishing laws for the Israelites. It talks about sex alot. And God is clear on what he regards as unclean. And yes I believe very firmly in what I believe in and that it fits within God’s expectations and nothing would ever make me change my mind. I stand firm on the solid rock of Christ Jesus. Cheers.

        2. And I am perceiving some Pharisaical thinking here. Just because God convicts you a certain way, it doesn’t mean that this is a blanket law for everyone who is married. What you are saying is not written in stone where within the marriage bed it is to be done as you have it convicted in your heart. Even food sacrificed to idols was not off limits for everyone, but for those who felt convicted in their conscience (1 Corinthians 8 and 1 Corinthians 10). There are other examples in the Bible, such as Jesus healing on the Sabbath, and King David eating on the Sabbath, and such where God lets us know that we are not to be so legalistic that we put it up as everyone’s standards because we are convicted that we are not to do so.

          I don’t want to go into a theological debate here, but please don’t pass judgement when a married couple decides together that they can explore each other’s bodies in certain ways. And no, I do not hang “out on sex sites.” And anal sex, while it is not what my husband and I prefer, that doesn’t mean that I would condemn it for another husband and wife, if they are in agreement and exclusive with each other. And lastly, it is not your decision if someone is “saved” –but God’s alone who freely gives it through one’s acceptance of the sacrifice of the blood of Christ, through faith –not of works.

          1. Cindy~ Thanks for your comments and replies, which I believe are supported by the biblical view of freedom in the marriage bed. Our guidelines are not unclear, nor are the few cautions governing preferences within that freedom. Like other theological issues, some folks remain very uncomfortable apart from long lists and legalistic structures. Serious and respected biblical scholars have written extensively on our sexual liberty while an entire book of scripture was given to the church and unintended primarily to be read allegorically. The obvious sexual prohibitions for us provide Godly safeguards without imposing our own biases and judgments that scriptural freedom never intended.

          2. Thanks Barry, I really appreciate it. I always try to line everything up biblically, but of course, there are those that will disagree. Thanks for your kind words.

  17. Cindy~ you are quite welcome. I was motivated to write following several uncharacteristic remarks addressed to you (on Feb. 8th). (Barry)

  18. Thank you. I’m dealing with a husband who wants me to allow things; of course I’ve tried numerous times out of submission, but feel completely compelled during and/or afterwards. Even still the fact that he has a bag of sexual perversions, to me, makes me want to run for the hills along with our 2 boys ages 9&3, to protect them from these spirits. I was completely unaware of these deep dark desires until about 6 years ago.

    Porn? I knew, I tried, but felt it was a sin, even though he doesn’t. Fornication? I was lost when I met him and had more partners, etc. but I’ve repented and asked forgiveness. Drugs for increased sexual desires and enhancement? He showed me, as I allowed him to. But the crossdressing even though only around me, and me wearing a strap on for him for his pleasure, and him using my medicine for adhd for a night of sexcapade at home in our room, still leaves me feeling like nothing but a sex slave, bound by my husband’s sex addiction.

    1. If you are asking about marital sex then we have SO much information on our web site to guide you from a Biblical perspective in the Sexual Issues section.

  19. Is it a sin to have sex before being married ? I only had sex with my husband. I didn’t like it and dreaded going to bed. After many years he left with another woman. After a long time I did have sex with a man and found out it is enjoyable. I was shocked that it was so different.

  20. Oral sex is detestable to God, it is an expression of homosexuality. Many husbands and wives will be cast into the lake of fire for indulging in this sin. Please read your bible and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. Without holiness, no man will see God. Stop teaching others to sin against God by publishing these articles. Sex between a man and his wife is supposed to be a holy union, not indecent and depraved. Read your bible and live what you read, turn from sin. Oral sex opens the doors to torment from demons of Succubus and Incubus. Couples who practice oral sex conceive children who are homosexuals or bisexuals. Repent