Marriage Missions International

What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Menopause

“Five thousand American women enter it every day. No, it’s not a day spa. Nor is it an outpatient clinic for plastic surgery. And it’s certainly not optional —although many options exist for dealing with it. It’s menopause —often referred to as The Big M. Over the generations it’s been called The Change of Life —for more reasons than one.

“For many women, menopause comes abruptly, far sooner than 51, the average age of the body’s natural cessation of menses—due to the six thousand hysterectomies performed in the U.S. each year. For the rest, this unavoidable rite of passage often sneaks up after a six-month to ten-year hormonal time warp called peri-menopause” (Ronna Synder, from Todayschristianwoman.com article Managing Menopause).

As a husband reading what Ronna wrote, it can be a real slap of reality. One year, one month, one week, one day seems too long to go through this, and yet, many of you know, this is just the beginning of a long season… a very long, long season of difficulties, for your wife and for you!

Sometimes we wish that every marriage could come with a manual on “what to do if…” but unfortunately it doesn’t.

However, we live in a day and age where we aren’t left entirely alone as far as not having any information available to help us! We are blessed to live in a world where some people have lived through a few things and have learned through a few things, and are willing to pass on to others (such as ourselves) what they have learned.

And that applies to the subject of Menopause. How do you survive this transition of life and help your wife the best way you can? There’s no “one-size-fits-all” answer to that, but author Lois Mowday Rabey wrote an article that might help you in some way with that dilemma.

Below you will find a link to the helpful web site of Family Life Today where they have posted this article for your reading pleasure … or maybe we should say for your “survival.”

As you read through this linked article ask God to show you what information you can apply to your marriage that will best help you and your wife:

WHAT WIVES WISH THEIR HUSBANDS KNEW ABOUT MENOPAUSE

The next article we recommend you read is written by a woman named Magnolia, who had a conversation with a man named Andy on the subject of Peri-menopause (which is a type of pre-menopause). Having gone through this herself, Magnolia explains to Andy a lot of things that you may find helpful to know as well.

While this article isn’t approached from a Christian perspective, it’s still very enlightening and worth gleaning through.

To do so, please click onto this Peri-Menopause blog to read:

• How Can I Help My Wife in Perimenopause? A Conversation with a Reader

Plus, below is another link to an article that gives instructions how to give support to your wife during this tim in your lives together. Please click onto the ehow.com link to read:

HOW TO HELP A WIFE WITH MENOPAUSE

Also, below is a link to a blog where a husband asks the following question:

Question: My wife is going through menopause and I am feeling kicked out of a relationship that I really want. She doesn’t want physical contact, most of the time. The sex drive is less than off. She thinks that is all I think about. But it has been nearly year and a half. I am 11 years younger and need some advice.

Please click onto the Dailystrength.org link provided below to read more:

WOMEN: I Need Your Help and Advice

And lastly, from Paul Byerly, on The-generous-Husband.com web site, Paul gives the following insights you may find helpful:

HORMONES OF HORROR

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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Comments

173 Responses to “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Menopause”
  1. Will says:

    (CANADA) I have posted several comments over the past year and have been monitoring the site and the various posts over the past several months. I have been silent for those months but thought I would provide an update of my situation for those who remember me. My wife moved out of the house and left me on August 8th. She still lives in the city but has made no effort to communicate with me since she left me and I haven’t seen or heard from her in over 9 weeks. When she walked out, she said she leaving me and never coming back. She said she was leaving me because she was going on a journey and that she had some difficult times ahead of her and that it was unfair to me to have to deal with her going through it. She also said that she doesn’t love me anymore and hasn’t for most of the years we were married.

    Needless to say that this has been the most difficult period of my life. To have your best friend for 32 years walk out on you and not make any effort to communicate or to see how I am doing; to just ignore me as if the marriage never happened is the worst experience I have ever had to go through. The past several months have been a roller coaster of emotions with more downs than ups. I am ok for a few days and then in the middle of the night wake up crying uncontrollably.

    I pray for my wife everyday and hope she is doing ok and somehow God can bring us back together, although I know she is gone for good and will never return. I still wear my wedding ring but everytime I look at it, my heart is crushed. When we were married we inscribed on the ring, “Eternally yours”. I will always be eternally hers even if she doesn’t return. I can only pray that somehow in all of this that God has a plan, although right now I can’t imagine how anything good can come out of this.

    As has been the case over the past year or so, my faith remains as strong as ever and is as weak as it has ever been at the same time. It’s very difficult to see any hope for the future but I am taking one day at a time, and for today, I am still here. I wish my update has better news but needless to say, I am crushed.

  2. Mark says:

    (ENGLAND) Hi ya Will… I must admit I have notice you were quiet …Like you, I have watched over the forum and have been quiet too. I am saddened to hear that she has finally gone from the scene. It’s so difficult to deal with this at times, people around you saying there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and I can safely say we both know that.

    The sad part is that you want the wife back from a few years ago. I really think that this is really just about a Mid life crisis. I am beginning not to believe in a Hormone change. It’s really just about them reevaluating their own lives. They have had kids, you have been the bread winner for years, she is made re-dundant from her child bearing years and along with that you are no-longer needed in her eyes.

    Will, to be honest, and this is now how I feel, let her get on with it. You cannot change her, she has to have realization that you were protective, loving caring and part of the glue that held that family together.

    My wife is still with me, but when I hear of some of the most stupid comments she makes to the kids like “aint I a biatch” how low can you get? So I have adopted the approach of… I know what I did; I know how hard I worked… I know what I achieved. And no-one can take that away from me. My and Your dedication was hopefully second to none. Why they change it to this new person I do not really know why. They can come up with excuses, but I really can say that they do change the outlook of their lives.

    I have really gotten to the stage where I am tired of trying. Maybe we try to hard, maybe we should have been harder, lacked understanding, kept them at arms length, never have tried to be the stronghold, and never have been the warm loving caring people that we are. I have seen plently of other marriages where the male figure is an absolute total idiot. Why do their marriages seem to last?

    Only time can tell of the greater purpose for this upheaval. Let them realise that there’s a cruel world out there that will suck the life out of them. As I said long ago, what have we got to lose by enjoying our lifes, meeting new friends? Maybe it is time to do what we want to do, and not work ourselves into the ground and have come out the other end of our marriages despondent.

    What I should be saying here is whatever is God’s Will … will be. And maybe all of this will turn us into stronger people with a stronger bond.
    However… I do feel at times is, where on earth is this leading? As always we can only all pray. It does say if two or more agree in prayer then it shall be done… I’m still waiting …like you.

    I NEEDED a build you up point at the end… Have you tried? Have you stood by her while you get a barriage of abuse? Do You care? Well, you have done your bit mate …it’s time for her to face up and start realizing you have done more than a lot of men would have done… and that’s a fact.

  3. Dawn says:

    (PHILIPPINES) Hello! I am 54 and my husband is 45 and I consider myself so blessed that I had my menopause just a year ago. I somehow feared this so called change in life since my husband is younger. I never realized how difficult it really is, and how insecure I could be physically, psychologically and emotionally until now. It is so difficult to admit the reality. Suddenly I am lost, and insecure.

    I noticed that my husband has lost interest in intimacy. I still have the desire, although physically, I feel uncomfortable. On my own, I tried to find means to help myself. I tried to communicate to him my desire but to no response. I feel so undesirable, rejected and insulted when he would just ignore the message that I want him. Although I can feel my husband’s love for me, despite the absence of intimacy, I can hardly imagine how a man his age who is supposed to be sexually active can be this cold. This has been going on for several months now.

  4. Jim says:

    (USA) Will, Mark and others, I looked at this site for sympathy as a husband facing some mild rejection in the bedroom. What I found is a group of caring men with much deeper problems than I can fathom. God bless you as you continue in your search for God’s will. You are men of strength. Thank you for shareing your stories. -Jim

  5. JC says:

    (USA) “Looking for hope and finding wisdom” I entered this forum looking for honest answers and hope that someday my life, my wife and our intimate bond would somehow be resurrected. As of this day I can tell you; “it is not good and it is not bad” but I am still here and we are still together. The two women responsible for keeping my marriage off the rocks and cliffs and who I believe should be an inspiration and as I believe are “totally protected by all that is good” is Cindy and Magnolia, whose words of wisdom and inspiration got me through a most terrible time in my life.

    Their total honesty, wisdom and willingness to lay all their emotions and feelings out for all to see is more than inspirational but a life changing event for me. I could actually feel their sorrow and concern for my deep feelings of despair without hope.

    What I got was not hope but truly heartfelt wisdom and knowledge to help me bear through the despair and hopelessness. I have been waiting for their responses to some of the forum comments and finally realized “there is nothing more to be said”. Any male or female going through this issue, can simply read the history writings from this forum and the writing on the wall…. The answers are quite obvious.

    Cindy Summation: “we just survived through it”… With Steve’s comments: – Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, New Living Testament)

    Magnolia Summation: YOU are “collateral damage”. Nothing more needs to be said as to what this means or the implications of what you are going through or even the outcome of the aftermath. The sheer implications being there is absolutely nothing you can do to “fix” the problem as all males simply believe is in their DNA to access the situation and fix the problem. Take comfort in the fact that you lived this long, had the privilege to love a women with all your heart, most likely have kids that adore you both.

    To summarize my situation and all that my wife and I have been through: My wife and I celebrated our 37th may be less I do not remember now, at a very private grand opening of a new restaurant. I knew the owner and had him open the restaurant one day early for just my wife and I which he agreed to do. When the waiter and the owners began to serve us, the waiter asked my wife what the secret was to being married for so long… My wife, in tears, told him, “we made a commitment to be with each other forever and we take every day one step at a time”.

    So the moral of the story is in my opinion “is to live your life as best you can”. “Trust in God to carry you when you fall down” and “Never give up Hope”!

  6. Lisa says:

    (USA) I had a total hysterectomy and have gone without hormones for over a year and half and really need them so I did natural. I do estrogen and a progesterone cream and a prenatal vitamins with dha and 5-htp. Within 3 days I was a happy woman, and felt like me. Oh, I take the 5-htp at night and a little extra progesterone at night for a good night sleep you can get this at Gnc and the vitimins are one a day; you get them at any store.

    This has helped me so much and my dear husband has seen a good change. He said he got his wife back. He said he missed her so much. Oh, and at least give one another back rubs 2 times a week. Ladies, if we take care of ourself we will be a blessing to everyone and be living the way our Lord meant for us to.

  7. Mark says:

    (ENGLAND) Thank you for a couple more responses on this forum page. I have been very quiet recently as I have sat back and watched. I agree that there is nothing we can do except to be supportive. I can honestly say that if any Husband sees an uncharacteristic change in their loved one, that hits out of the blue, with a gradual build up to “I do not know what I see in the future of us two”. They are either midlife Crisising or Peri-menopausal or menopausal. So what can you do???

    (1) Read back through the posts. There is plently of evidence on here.
    (2) Pray NOT that God can change her. Pray for your understanding in an uncertain future.
    (3) Talk to your friends –privately. Try to talk to someone a lot older than you. Especially men You will you will be suprised at how many will say something about their married life and open up with this part somewhere.
    (4) If your Best friend is younger, Watch Out he will not understand. He will probably turn his back on you as he will not be able to cope with the pressure of how you feel. First hand experience of this.
    (5) Be prepared for other events to happen along side and COPE with them as they will seam BIGGER than they would have been if you were not dealing with both.
    (6) Talk to each other BUT don’t argue; conversations with arguments will not get you anywhere. This is fact.

    Above all keep praying, God is listening, He knows the bigger picture. This is very hard waiting in vain, BUT pray for understanding. Your wife was probably your best friend, OR you wouldn’t be on this page searching for answers, so above all hold that.

    When praying (and I have been guilty of this) go with an open heart, remember that you are talking to the Creator, Your Lord, Your Saviour THE ALMIGHTY GOD and He deserves respect. If you could… would you answer a Prayer of someone who is constantly moaning about the person they are praying for.

    We have all learnt so much on this forum. Thank you all for your Input. God’s Blessing be with You and your families.

  8. Tressa says:

    (USA) Just something for the men and women to keep in mind: Although females have been going through menopause since the creation, it’s new to each and every woman. She may have heard about “the change” all of her life, but the shock to her system when it happens to her it is brand new, frightening and very unfamiliar.

    Husbands – I can guarantee that your wife is ashamed of her outbursts. I know I am. I have never been angry or a crier by any stretch of the imagination. But now, I have a daily “rage” hour from five to six o’clock, followed by tears. Who is this person? I hate it with a vengeance. I continue to gain weight, although I’ve been working out for five months, five days a week and eat very little. Just the sensation of my own body makes me freak out! This is not me!

    I have never, however, taken any of these “rages” out on my husband. I go by myself so I don’t take it out on anyone. I share what is happening in my body with my husband -(most of it – I don’t want to over burden him) and he takes it right to God and prays for me. This is new to both of us. He also reassures me of my beauty and desirability and tells me that even when I’m 85, I’ll still be the most beautiful woman to him. He is awesome.

    Although I’m more uncomfortable with my body than just last year, I keep reminding myself that he loves it. Ladies, remember this. When he grabs my chubbier parts, I cringe inwardly, because of the hate with which I have grabbed them in the past -and still do. But he grabs and pinches with affection. Let him touch and pinch you (YOUR husband, that is, not mine! :) ). This is a sacrifice for him on your part. I know it’s not easy. Believe me -I know!! Husbands, realize how difficult this is -that her body (in which our society finds a woman’s value) has betrayed her, and she feels that you will find her undesirable. Continue to encourage with love and patience.

    Above all, pray. Realize that this is new for you both. Men AND women -ask your partner what you can do for him/her. Ask how you can help your spouse. Yes, women, ask what you can do to help your husband. He might just ask that you let him in on what’s going on with you. Or maybe to see you au naturel once in a while. Keep communication open, between the two of you, and between yourselves and God.

    • Disgruntled husband from United States says:

      There are VERY effective treatments, HRT, for menopause. To NOT seek out this treatment is cruel to your partner, for sure!!

  9. Shawn from United States says:

    Please pray for my family!!! I am a husband and daddy and my wife is going through menopause or demonic possession or something…She just took my daughters and moved back to her parents house. She used to be so sweet, kind, loving, had the prettiest eyes I have ever seen, and now not even remotely the same person. She has been a stay at home mom and homeschooled our two daughters 10 and 12 for two years and I am a pastor. She moved to her parents, put the girls in public school, went back to work, and I am left gasping at the coldness of a most beloved wife.

    I am crying out to God for His grace/mercy/strength/love/protection(for wife and daughters) and am beside myself. I keep praising God for what He can and will do; have 500 people praying for her, but would like to have even more. Help Me Please! I have now been without my loving wife and daughters for 20 days, and feel like without God’s help, my world has ended. Don’t know what else to do, she wont even go see a doctor. I have tried for six months and have not been successful. Broken hearted in Missouri.

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