When Mental Illness is Affecting Your Spouse

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It’s a subject that isn’t often discussed in Christian circles, but what do you do if you find out that mental illness is affecting your spouse in some way?

It’s a scary thought but as author Jim Killam says:

“Look around you. At work, at church. Chances are very good you’ll see someone who’s battling mental illness. Maybe you only need to look as far as the other side of the bed. … or the mirror.

“Many Christians don’t figure that mental illness could affect their marriages. But it does-in about the same proportions as with the general population. Each year, more than one in five Americans suffers from a clearly diagnosable mental disorder. And, Christian therapists add, more couples need to confront the whole issue rather than assume it’s solely a spiritual problem.”

To read more of what Jim writes on this subject, we have provided a link so you can do just that. To do so, please click onto the link below:

• What’s Wrong With Him?

— ALSO —

Additional articles that you might find helpful can be read by clicking onto the following web site links (the first one isn’t a “Christian” web site, but the article is helpful):



WHEN GRACE AND REALITY COLLIDE: Dealing with Mental Illness (Part 1)

WHEN GRACE AND REALITY COLLIDE: Dealing with Mental Illness (Part 2)

— ALSO —

To choose a booklet to read and print out (if you care to) on various psychological disorders, please click onto the following nfcliving.org web site link:


If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.


Filed under: Mental and Physical Health

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54 responses to “When Mental Illness is Affecting Your Spouse

  1. (USA)  I believe my husband has a mental illness and he has wrecked havoc on our family (4 kids) and is now in prison for the next 12 years. It’s been difficult, if not impossible to find resources that are helpful from a Christian perspective! And most Christians do not understand either one of those issues.

    This is especially sad to me because I did everything right -as far as waiting for God’s best – and it is worse than any other Christian’s marriage in my circle. At least with a normal functioning husband, there might be some hope of freeing me of this prison in a variety of ways. but with this, he has regressed to the point that any type of positive ‘partner’ relationship is not realistic, even in a pen-pal role. Thankfully the Lord has provided a wonderful chruch network and I have a great job – must have’s for getting 2 kids thru college and raising the other 2 thru those teen years. I don’t even discuss this with most Christians because they don’t understand the issues with a mental illness and how it destroys lives – ours and his.

    Easier answer for a non-Christian – divorce and move on. But I took a vow for ‘until death do us part’ so where does that leave me? His mental illness has completely destroyed our relationship and any expectations I had about marriage. Is there anybody out there that has been thru this? The Lord has been very faithful so far, but it is often an overwhelming situation.

    1. (SOUTH AFRICA)  I do not want to startle you, but ‘to death do you part’, is not even a biblical vow to begin with. I really believe that sometimes we want to stay committed to the constitution of the marriage, instead of choosing to be healthy people that can be all God has called us to be spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. I have a hard time believing that God would want you to remain in a relationship that is obviously damaging your entire family.

      The realistic expectation of the marriage union is something that you are not experiencing, so the biblical marriage as per God’s instruction is not taking place here. We so easily say God hates divorce, which He does, but one needs to realise that each situation is different and calls for different approaches. Technically your spouse has broke the marriage covenant, and if he does not seek help and the distruction continues and your family is suffering, you need to ask yourself some serious questions. Are you wanting to prove to the world what a great christian you are to stick it out in an unhealthy situation? Are you afraid of failure or admitting defeat to a situation that is beyond your control to begin with? Are you able to function the way God intended you to? Are your children suffering because of this? Are you being authentic?

      I have trouble believing that one is authentic to stick it out in a situation that is making you miserable because of your loyalty to the vows you made, but what about your loyalty towards your family and yourself? What about being truthful about what you can and cannot handle? Surely God hates lies too. Understand where I am going? I do not condone divorce, but my heart aches for people like you suffering like this and holding on to a ‘vow’ , not knowing that you would be dealing with mental illness in future. I believe God is merciful and gracious and will love you just as much now as what He would if you had to decide to make a descision to leave this situation and persue peace.

      I am also married to someone with a personality disorder, so I can relate to people that suffer because of this. The Bible also says we should love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls and minds and our neighbours as we love ourselves… but if we cannot even love ourselves and be true to ourselves, how can we love anyone else? Sometimes we stick it out, out of moral obligation more than being true to ourselves… and sometimes it is guilt and fear that prevents us from doing something that is a healthy decision. I wish you well. God bless you.

      1. (HOLLAND)  Till death do us part is biblical. You can’t send your spouse away for a reason other than fornication otherwise you will make that adultery happens to your spouse. I did have mental problems but the Lord healed me. My pastor spouse didn’t have the faith for it. I had a post-natal depression and he thought I was crazy. The psychiatrist said I’m not but I had a lot of symptoms that looked like it.

        Because of the bad marriage and abandonment he chatted with a ‘normal Christian’ woman. He send me away and told me he would get our children. I got the wrong medication, tried to commit suicide and went to a non-Christian mental institution where he dumped me.

        I stayed a virgin until 24 for this ‘man who God had for me.’ I was so disillusioned and asked him to just live separate for a year or so. He didn’t want to.

        I was so unstable and angry that I jumped into the arms of an unbeliever who said the conversion prayer and got trapped in a life of immorality and drugs. But a few weeks ago I converted and stopped living together with him but find it hard to dump him because he threatened me with suicide. He has got a mental illness.

        I will only date him again if God says yes and when he is converted really. Anyway, my ex-husband regretted his decision to divorce me and asked me to come back after a few weeks, but I couldn’t get out of the relationship. We had already ‘married ourselves’ under the influence of drugs. How misled can you be? My children and small baby haven’t seen their mother for a year. My family and ministry is forever destroyed but I can understand and forgive my ex now. It’s very hard to live with someone who threatens with suicide.

        MY MESSAGE IS, DON’T DUMP SOMEONE WITH A MENTAL ILLNESS. PRAY FOR HIM. I’m not suicidal and don’t have borderline anymore. God can heal your spouse. If you need a time out that’s okay, but don’t get divorced.

        1. (US) My wife & I are now separated. Everyone knows she has some kind of mental problem. She has even admitted it numerous times. But now since the courts are involved, she won’t admit it. She has my two girls (3 & 14 months) & I fear for them. What can I do legally? I want her to be evaluated by a professional, but I’m scared she could manipulate, even that? I really want to help her but she truly thinks she does NOTHING wrong. What can I do?

          1. I’m sorry I have a husband that believes he does nothing wrong. He has hit my children he is abusive to me. I got a lawyer and I’m going to demand a mental evaluation on him. I know after sitting with him he will not be able to keep it up and he will brake to who he is. Hopefully, the person that you have doing the study is a male so he can be open minded. Best of luck

      2. (ENGLAND) I agree with you, I am a Christian man but can not go on living with my wife’s mental problems, causing my children’s health and minds to suffer and not helping herself. It has now made me want a divorce after spending the last 9 months in separate rooms and struggling with her mental problems; it drags you down. My 5 year old is finding things very hard. Life is never kind at times.

    2. (USA) Hi. I am Alaira. You may be living with a spouse who suffers with mental illness. Exhaustion from always trying to act and say the right thing to produce an atmosphere of peace for him and never succeeding. His anger and depression may rise from not understanding the social gestures and facial communications of others. He may be faking it through out the work day, then coming home to a family environment and too exhausted to read your loving or frustrated facial and body languages. He may be experiencing hearing, visual, smelling and tasting sensitivities at hyper levels and maybe can hear in a room of 100 people, every conversation as if it is the one at his table.

      Understanding him and his world will help you see him as he is and help you grieve the loss of the marriage vision you hope for. Both take time. Love. Self denial. And a plan for caring for you and your children and your Mental and normal love and social needs. “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

      Tell God exactly what you are feeling. He knows already. Praise him where you are and ask him what his plans are for you. Abigail too had an angry husband. God brought her David. I have found God is my David. Talk to him. He gave me Isaiah 54:5 and much more on my birthday 2 years ago, in the midst of grieving for my marriage vision. This partner in marriage is so missed. It is not just the two of you… but the three of you.

      My husband cycles by the hour. When I have a season of him at his best, I try to rearrange my time so he and I and our children can spend as much time together. Maybe we don’t talk all that another family would. Usually being home. being together. God lead us to a property with 3 chalets. My husband lives in the small bright chalet, our 9 children and I live in the large chalet and I have a healthy bakery in the third one. There is a large lake surrounding the chalet so we live on an island. He is not usually one to spend time with us any more. Yet he can swim, canoe, fish, enjoy gods creation with out planning over load. He comes to our chalet for brief periods and then finds comfort in a small bright place of his own.

      This was Gods plan. He did this. It is a beautiful story with much pain and sacrifice. We still have difficult times. Our seasons change quickly, but I am learning to love the good times (and how few and short they seem) and prepare for the bad times ahead. Meeting them, knowing they will pass, knowing when I must be firm. Having a few close friends who purpose to be my punching bag and a pastor who is very much compassionate to our family’s struggles.

      I pray for us all. May God be your strength. Run your race to which you have been called. Love God more than your spouse. Momentous! Alaira

    3. (ENGLAND) You need to be a bit more specific/descriptive about what his behaviour has been like. Describe an incident in more detail so can tell the type of psych he is a bit better. Sometimes you need to step away from religion and vows and know what’s best for you and wonder if you can recover after the hurt you’ve suffered while still with this man, for this person to do this to you, did they respect you? We have to weigh the pros and cons of behavior. Some people don’t do this they just do whatever they want and make excuses afterwards to try and get themselves out of harsh behaviour. It should be easy to respect those we say we love but sometimes people do not know how to show genuine love that thinks about the feelings of others.

      I think you should not be committed to this guy if you think your life and your kid’s life could be better without him (well you have no choice there as he is inside for 12 yrs -did you say?). I would be open, if i were you, to being friends if possible with your partner behind bars. Has he done so much to you that he’s made you numb-drained? Do you feel neglected? If so and if you have crazy arguments then I’d just be alone if I were you.

    4. Just want you to know -it’s much earlier in our marriage (we just celebrated a year) but I’m walking the same path. Husband’s mental illness is putting us over the edge and I wonder if anyone makes it out of this with their marriage in tact. We’re 3 months pregnant with our first. You’re not the only one in this boat. It’s scary and sad and more than a little disappointing. Praying that God moves mountains and heals our spouses and our homes.

    5. I’m going through the same thing right now. I have 2 teenage kids, and my husband has wrecked havoc on our marriage now for many years. I stayed faithful to my marriage vows for 2 decades, but he has abandoned us emotionally. Our church friends see this as a spiritual battle, and it may be, but he suffers from mental illness and is unwilling to do anything about it. After more than 20 years of marriage, the damage done to our relationship is not repairable.

    6. Yes, I’m going through it. My husband is so argumentative all the time. He looks for all wrong in me, never nothing right. He blames me for everthing. When he makes a decision I agree with him now the same decision he and I made. Since I agree with him he argues with me and tells me I’m wrong, yells at me all the time. Thinking of getting a divorce.

  2. (MALAYSIA)  I only just found this post this morning. I was wondering why are there no comments but now I just went on again and saw this one.

    I also have the problem that my husband has a mental illness I think. Where to go for help? Not many Christians in church seem to understand. My husband will not go for counseling. He doesn’t want to talk about his past. But I think it would be helpful because he is very immature and cannot control his emotions. If he doesn’t get help, he will never know what is causing all the problems.

    We cannot divorce, but we cannot solve the problem. The children have to grow up in a very difficult situation. Sometimes he shouts and hits them out of control. They hate him. Even though I know they can be naughty but still he should be calm and teach them the right thing. He says I am blaming him if I tell him to stop. But sometimes he can be very calm and he is very good at his job so I am confused.

    Maybe he should see a psychologist. But I want him to see a Christian counselor. Any advice?

    1. (ENGLAND) I am seriously concerned that he lashes out at the children, they hate him too. That situation is beyond help, no one should be living that way, especially children. It is totally toxic and the dangers are there for all to see. It is too far gone, for your sake and your children’s, get away and stay away. There is too much talk of mending things, some just want to mend things for their own sake, it is more like point scoring. God did not call us to referee marriages to keep them together, it is far more than that. For the sake of your children, get somewhere safe and far away. They are hating him, that is never good. The talk of divorce not being an option does not apply here, it is the toxic situation which needs to be stopped. The abuse is the problem, do not listen to those who want to try and change the situation, they are coming from the wrong angle. I wish you well and I wish you the best.

  3. (MALAYSIA)  Can anybody please give advice about mental illness. I think my husband has a mental illness because he can be extremely moody and cannot control his emotions. It is very hard on me and the children.

    When he is very angry, he takes it out on us. I know the children can be naughty, but I think he should be calm and teach them the right thing. Now they hate him.

    We cannot divorce but we also have little hope. He will not go for counseling. But if he doesn’t, then he won’t be able to find out what the problem is. Does he need a psychologist or a Christian counselor?

  4. (AUSTRALIA)  Dear all, Wow, what a lot of issues people are raising! I can only say my testimony. I am a Christian who did not believe in divorce. I stayed in a marriage for over 25 years when the husband was a closet alcoholic, smoked dope, did not work, was abusive (mainly verbally) to me and the kids, and constantly criticised me (the breadwinner i.e. female). In the end I believe he had a personality disorder and a mental illness. I won’t go into the terrible events that occurred in our family. I felt that I had to stay with him because he had not committed adultery. I never studied the teaching on this but just accepted it.

    I was wrong. The damage he did and was doing to me and the children was not of God. Apparently when Jesus talked about divorce “except on grounds of adultery” the word is “immorality”. I do not believe God wants us to be bound to a person who is continually and without repentance abusive, or lives an immoral life (imagine living with a mafia boss/drug dealer who professes to believe in God – is that our marriage covenant? Impossible).

    I was starting to have a breakdown and I begged God to save and deliver us. I fasted for a week. I could see no way out. My kids were a mess. I then decided that my house was God’s house and it was a house of peace. I decided that God’s priority was to rule the house and my children. Anyone, including my husband, who broke those rules (e.g. by hurting or frightening us) was not welcome in the house. I took spiritual responsibility for my house under God.

    I also decided that he had to take responsibility for his actions and could not use excuses anymore to justify his behaviour or manipulate me into accepting it. He left after instigating a fight with my son and hitting him – I was interstate at the time. He then wanted to come back, of course. I said no. God delivered me and my kids and the healing began.

    Now I am divorced. I believe this was God’s will. I don’t believe it was God’s will that he lived the way he did. But that was his choice. It is no longer mine.

    Now I believe that we pray in the Lord’s prayer for God’s kingdom to come on earth. And that in many times in the Bible deliverance occurred through physical change in circumstances (e.g. leaving a place). I also believe that the church supports great evil sometimes by propping up families where abuse is perpetuated. That is not freedom in Christ. That is unnecessary suffering. Also we have to take responsibility for the welfare of our children, not perpetuate abuse upon them by standing by.

    May the Lord bless and guide you in your decisions. In Jesus name.

    1. (ENGLAND) I totally understand why you did that. I did exactly the same thing, there are strict rules about what goes on under my roof and no one is excused. There is no abuse under my roof, it is live in peace here or leave and stay well away. No abuse should be tolerated under any roof, the tolerance of all sorts in homes is the cause of many damaged adults and children. The tolerance in the churches is incredible, they seem to justify everything and condone all sorts of wrongs. It is back to front, and I admire you greatly for taking that action and for sticking to it. I wish your children all the best.

    2. Just don’t remarry or have sexual relationship with anyone and you will be fine. In God’s eyes you will always be his wife unless you were abandoned. God never said life would be easy or fair. What’s the measuring stick on emotional abuse? That leaves pretty much if I get in a fight and call my wife the b word or she thinks I don’t compliment her enough that could be emotional abuse. The rules of marriage and how God feels about divorce was explained in a way so there would be no doubt about what constitues a divorce and that’s abandonment. Infidelity part has nothing to do with the world today so it applied to the customs of that time just Google it and you will understand. I’m still married to my wife 20 years. I’ve known for a few years now she has bi-polar disorder but after she filed for divorce I really studied the illness and I know exactly what I was doing wrong. I figured out so many things I didn’t understand. If we get back together I know she would feel better. But if she doesn’t, whoever she is with will have know idea, her life will be miserable. If I knew more earlier I could’ve saved her; I blame myself.

  5. (AUST)  Dear Chi, I highly recommend a Psychologist who is also a Christian. For year my wife and I went to a counsellor but after no improvement I then would only see a Christian psychologist. The first one we saw identified a disorder in my wife that she was diagnosed as a teenager. I was not aware of the disorder before we were married and she was in denial that she had a disorder.

    I would strongly encourage you that you have a role to protect your children. Abuse from your spouse to your children will likely damage their own relationship with God and with their future relationship with their own spouse. It is totally unacceptable for the father to abuse his children. Making him accountable for his actions may require a time of separation till he gets help. A psychologist can advise on this, any physical abuse should not be tolerated. Emotional abuse can also have a serious impact on young minds and their view of the world and make them very insecure. Ask the Lord to lead you to Psychologist who can advise you on your situation. Don’t just accept the first persons advice.

    I was not told about my wife’s disorder till a year after having a heart attack and nearly died in my early 50’s with no family history and very normal cholesterol. Stress in a marriage can takes it toll on other things in so many ways. My wife is very obsessive about simple things that normal people don’t question.

    In 2010 I was journaling daily any issues. I summarized about 5 months of activity and was alarmed that it did not only align with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Her behaviour included, anger, blame, name calling, paranoia, not rational, insecure, obsessive non communicative etc. I recently went to see the psychologist with the journal as both my wife and I had seen her numerous times. The psychologist told me she believed my wife had borderline personality disorder, and recommended some reading and handling methods. The coping skills don’t change her behaviour but it does prompt my wife to be accountable in calling the behaviour for what it is.

    The real difficulty is that we have no real relationship. I take one day at a time and wait on the Lord to direct me. Allowing a spouse to continue abuse does not make them accountable or get them to seek help to overcome the cause of the problems. My wife has been seeing a psychologist continually for 2 years. Things are improving but very slowly.

    Bless you as you seek to have a harmonious and stable family.

  6. (USA)  I needhelp in my life to overcome symptoms of anger/jealousy/adultery/over-medicating myself due to my wrong & wrost mistake I ever made in my life. Restore my marriage to the best husband in the world! I have put him through so much pain and hurt that caused from me overtaken medications that I have an affair w/somebody I don’t even like, that hurt my husband because his first wife did the same thing to him.

    Especially pray for my husband to be blessed abudantly in everything in his life. My husband is my world-he’s adorable, kind-hearted, loving, spoiles me-I love that; gives me presents & buys me things continually. I want to restore my relationships with my family and relocate to a different beautiful home where we all can restart, rekindle, restore, have peace beyond understanding, fancially relieved of any debt; but to owe no man nothing but to love him.

    Unable to write just at this time due to I need as many prayers as possible to get myself, my husband(which is willing to forgive me; what a beautiful husband I never want to lose over anything! Please pray for our family. Thank you, desperperatly speaking wife.

  7. (SOUTH AFRICA)  Wow this is hectic. I am married for 8 years and most of the time I was on anti depressants. We had a rocky marriage even with this medication and two years my condition worsened and escalated again see doctor and tried new medication. 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 and at this time we had separated.

    Having educate myself and through my counseling with my psychiatrist it came to the light that anti depressants worsens your condition. BP 2 affects your whole life negatively. My wife wants to divorce and me not. With this separation my relationship with the Lord has bloomed and helped me coping better with my illness. I cried before Him many times about my marriage and today in church I had a word that God will restore my marriage.

    I thank Him for that and told my wife. She was without words. The message was that God can do for His people what he has done for them in the past also today and tomorrow, maybe some of you might not understand this.

    My bottom line is that if your spouse has a mental illness and is having medication for it and works to help himself then there is no reason to break up that marriage. God also does not want that. Unfortunately this kind of message/preaching you do not hear from the pulpit which makes it difficult for couples in this situation. Hope this helps.

  8. (AMERICA)  My wife married me in 1984 even though she knew I had mental illness. After 7 yrs in the military I was honorably discharged with a diagnosis of bipolar illness. I told the doctors, who wanted to put me on lithium, “I need love, not lithium.” They didn’t listen, and since I didn’t like the lithium, I stopped taking it. My condition got worse and I eventually cut my hand off because the verse that says–“if your hand offends you,… Matt 5:30.

    I was diagnosed schizophrenic (1990) and stayed that way until June 2010, when I finally got the assurance of my salvation. This happened by much reading of God’s Word and praying, and seeking God.

    We were separated and divorced before I cut off my hand. But God!!! He had his own plans for my life. I never stopped loving my wife and was thankful she didn’t poison our 2 kids against me. Now I have a diagnosis of only schizo-affective disorder and that is healing each day. I read and pray and even fast some days. God is readying me to be reunited soon!

  9. (US) My husband has borderline personality disorder and struggles with a lot of poor decision making that hurts our relationship. Times can be so hard, but I’m with Alaira. She made a lot of great points. I will pray for us.

    This has been a verse that has been renewing my strength: “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:18

  10. (USA) Does anyone know of a website that focuses specifically on Christian perspectives for coping with a spouse who has borderline personality disorder?

  11. (CANADA) I have a mental illness and the church disowns me now they will not make visits, or give me a ride to church. This makes me feel unwanted and unloved as my parents died 18 years ago and I am separated from my spouse due to him being abusive physically, verbally, financally, and threatened to kill me. I went through clinical depression and now a depresion over the seperation due to finances in my home. I have no food in my house and I was turned away from one food bank and the other food bank gave me all dairy products and I have severe allergies to milk products and milk. There is no help for me out there and I am so depressed I feel like ending my life tonight!

    1. Hi Linda:

      If you see this late Saturday, please call for help…below is a list of resources that includes Canada (they start about half-way down the page). I know Cindy usually recommends counseling services at Focus on the Family website, but they are not available this evening. In the interim, please check the nearest crisis center on this list and call:


      I will pray for you precious one.

  12. (AUSTRALIA) I have been married to a Christian husband for 13 years and we have two boys aged 10 and 15. 4 years ago my heart broke when I discovered that my husband had a different life at work -he was in love with a woman. I forgave him by God’s grace. When my heart just healed, 2 years later I learned of another case where he tried a fling with another woman who told me about this. I was able to confirm that it was true.

    I then forgave him again since it was something that happened many years ago. But I realised that I needed to work on some career in order to be prepared to look after our boys. He always had a bad temper and I caught him out with pornography many times during the 15 years of being married and each time he would first deny it and then I had to show him his links and then instead of feeling sorrow he would even get more angry at me. He would sometimes during anger outbursts hit my eldest son in an abusive way. 1 year ago I reported him to the police.

    I sit in a very difficult situation -I still love him but I can see the damage done to our boys. He brings confusion to them and they start to rebel since their Christian Dad swears at them and shouts at them at times. But when he is nice to them they thrive on that. I realise now that the only thing that may wake him up is to separate, but the reality is that I don’t have any income to support our 2 boys. He would say that if he was in his friends shoes whose wife separated from him and who is asking for child support, that he would just leave his job and not pay any money to her or the kids. I know he is like this –he hates his work and can never keep one job for long.

    I spoke to a few pastors and they all know how me and my boys suffer but each one of them say that they will pray for me. None are willing to say, here is a place for you or we will help you to look after your boys until you are better. It reminds me so much of the Samaritan. All the well literates walked past the wounded man but only one man was willing to do something practical –help him with accommodation and paid for someone to help look after his wounds. I forgive those pastors since I think we are in the last days and maybe they themselves struggle to make ends meet or they struggle with their own family issues. Please pray for me for some supernatural provision and His will in our lives. Please pray for my boys who are hurting badly…

  13. (USA) I have been so blessed to find this website and be able to read everyone’s posts (both on this topic and others that have relevance). I am struggling so hard right now as my spouse, who has been diagnosed in the past for clinical depression (and medicates for it), has threatened to leave me and the kids. We’ve gone through this before, usually a very long valley followed by a very brief “mountaintop” experience in our marriage.

    I know (more so, should say hope) that things should get better and to hang in there, but I am so drained from putting up with everything from my spouse, protecting/sheltering the kids who are younger, that I’m at my breaking point. We’re both Christians, and I do hold my marital vows seriously. I am by no means without fault, and I can certainly improve my actions/behaviors to be a better spouse, but it seems pointless at times to even bother trying cause nothing will suit short of perfection, sometimes it even makes things worse. Our physical/emotional intimacy is virtually non-existant, and my partner could care less (seemingly) even when things are going better.

    I’m going to fight for my marriage to the bitter end, but I could really use some prayer. My support network is very far away as we recently moved for work, and locally I have no one I can trust to completely confide in. We do attend a church where the pastor provides counseling, but I’m not sure if that’s the best answer as my spouse is very concerned with the outward image/persona to the public. I have asked a friend who is in the ministry to recommend a good Christian counselor, if even just for me to go to.

    If you read this, please pray for our marriage, and my spouse and I. Just being able to write this has been helpful. It’s just so hard to hear that our marriage was a mistake, and that the kids were a mistake, etc etc. My hope is in the love and strength of Jesus Christ, from HIS power I can endure.

  14. (USA) Ok, I have a boyfriend I love who has scizh paranoid delusions. I have been on a roller coaster ride for 3 years. I have tried to commit suicide to get out but my believes in Christianity stopped me. I asked my Pastor and he said I can do better if I got out what I’m struggling with. God didn’t give up, why should I? There is some good. I also believe there is some narcissism also. I just want to be ok and conscience free. Help.

    1. Ann, No one is worth trying to commit suicide over. Please find another way to “get out,” which doesn’t include killing yourself. I’m thinking this guy is not for you if you want to get out so bad that you’re willing to end your life over it. I pray wisdom, discernment and help for you to make the right decision here. You were born for a purpose –killing yourself is not that purpose. I hope you will prayerfully consider this.

  15. (USA) I thought my marriage was just bad until my husband sent me an article about control, on the flip side they the person being controlled could be “Passive Aggressive”. Upon further investigation, I believe this is what my husband is being attacked by. I have suffered for years with his behavior and now his suspicious delusions or telling him I am cheating. He has abandoned me and his children because of this. He refuses to admit he has problems and blames me for everything. I love my husband and want to reconcile. I pray for his deliverance.

  16. (USA) I have found myself in a situation that I did not see coming! I married at a young age. Of course that didn’t last but a few months. I remarried at 23 and that marriage lasted 35 years. My wife passed away due to Hep C and heavy drinking. I remarried my first wife a few months later. Before the rice hit the floor I knew it was a mistake. The controlling nature and “HER WAY” started as soon as we left the altar.

    Then I found out she had Hep C also. She takes heavy medication for what she calls a failed cervical fusion. (I believe she is just addicted.) We have been married for 2 years and I lost my job and any money I do get she spends it on her grandchildren. I love children, but we have to eat also!

    In the last 8 months she has gained 70 lbs. She just sleeps and eats and won’t even try to exercise. She has started talking to herself and saying things that don’t make any sense. I know she is very ill but the doctors are slow to help her. She won’t let me talk to them and I am lost as to what to do for her. She thinks she knows everything and won’t let me help her. Her own children thinks she crazy and refuse to help her.

    For my own health and sanity I feel I must leave and get on with my life. But I do care for her and I don’t know if that would be right. Any words of wisdom/encouragement would be a blessing.

    1. John, let me commend you by letting you know how much I respect and admire you for remarrying your first wife. I do not know the history of her past relationship(s), but it reads like she cares for her children and grandchildren. It is a beautiful story to read that the Lord has reunited an original married couple from so long ago.

      It seems like your wife may have a genuine mental illness that causes her to feel as though she needs to have things “HER WAY”. This may also stem from experiences she had in past relationships, including the brief marriage you two had way back when. Perhaps some counseling would help in this situation, preferably a Christian counselor or your pastor (if you have one or if you’re even Christian).

      From what I read, I get the sense that you actually love this woman and care deeply for her and her well being. You know she has Hep C, which you can relate to from your wife who passed on, this failed cervical fusion, and what evidently is a mental illness. Maybe she has depression or major depression? (weight gain, just sleeps & eats, no exercise, refuses to receive help from Doctors). Maybe even Bipolar?

      Her children should be desiring to help her because she is their Mother after all. If a person cannot rely on family, who can they rely on? Plus she spends money on their children, her grandchildren. Have you ever considered having a family meeting or an intervention of some sort? You could meet with her children, a counselor, a doctor, and whoever else you thing should participate in trying to help your wife beforehand. Put everything out on the table, explain all the problems you have noticed, express your love & compassion for her and your desire to see her get healthy, and then collectively develop and action plan.

      Above all else, pray. Pray, pray, pray to the Creator of us all, our Heavenly Father, through the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the Great Physician and has the power to heal and guide you through anything.

      It genuinely appears that you do love your wife and not only care for her, but you’re concerned for her well being overall. I think you should should stay with her and try to work through her mental illness together along with her family (and yours). If you leave her now, you may always wonder what happened to her, feel guilty, harbor remorse, and undoubtedly she’d be on your mind for some time to come. Don’t give up on her because she has a mental illness. I’m sure she doesn’t like the condition she is in nor desires to stay in it but she may not feel there is any help for her. You could be the one to implement the change that she has so desperately needed for years. I hope things work out for you and her. May the Lord bless you both in this difficult time.

    2. John, I, like Joseph, hope the best for your situation. I know I’m reading this two years after the time you wrote it. However, I’m in the position of your wife. I’m probably a bit younger, as I don’t have grandchildren. My spouse and I have been married 20 years and I sit in your wife’s position, not yours. I don’t have the talking issue, and am very lucid and capable, but I did fall to a major clinical depression 6 years ago, gained 80 pounds and certainly checked out for a time. I’m not ill with a dreaded disease like Hep C, but maybe if I was, my spouse would have not checked out on me, too.

      We all come to our world’s with baggage, and mine,did, too. When life started to get too hard, he left me mentally and emotionally. He’s here and a remarkable provider. But now that I’m out of the depression (2 years running) my spouse fails to get close to me in any way. We’re just roomates, raising our children together. The Human Condition we all face is that struggle to get up everyday and put one foot in front of the other and try again. Even though I’m not “depressed” anymore, I face a world of “symptoms” every single day that could put me right back into that place of nothingness if I would let them.

      I have good days and bad days. The good days are extremely productive. I do what I believe a good mother and wife should do (cook, clean, laundry, drive the kids around, be social, friendly, etc). The bad days I seem behind the 8 ball the entire time, fighting that dreaded demon of wanting to sleep the day away, having no plan for dinner, not even seeing the house cleaning needs, but still making sure, always sure, that the kids are taken care of and loved. I even recently realized and acknowledged that I, too, was very angry at my spouse.

      Would you believe I didn’t even know? Satan is the author of confusion. Your wife may feel that she needs things her way because of something that happened the first time you were married. Have you sat down and asked her “Dear, I know you hurt. I’m so sorry I can’t take it away. But I also have some ideas that I believe could help you and us. Is there a reason, a real, deep reason, that you won’t let me lead our family?” Oh, if my spouse took this kind of care in questioning me I’d reach out and throw my arms around him.

      Do you know how many of us all (you too I imagine) have their greatest need to be focused attention on them for a while? Not gifts, not even acts of service like taking out the trash, just time together, sitting, listening, seeing life through her eyes. If you can do that for her, you can find out how to love her deeply again and walk with her hand in hand. And she’ll move mountains to overcome all that she can for you.

      Do it for me, John. I pray daily, sometimes hourly, that my precious husband will drop his fears someday and do this for me! Be the start. I’m praying for you and all just like you. Your wife didn’t mean for this to happen to her. Or you. She knows it’s harder to be the caregiver than the one who is all. We all know. You’re a hero. Believe in yourself. And remember who she was when you met and fell in love the first time. That young woman is still here. She’s counting on you. Pray for strength. Jesus is in this with you. “A cord of three is not easily broken”… Love to you and yours today. I hope I wasn’t too late for this marriage. Blessings.

    3. Sounds exactly like my husband. Always was controlling and so was his family. 45 yrs. into this and I am just done. EVERYTHING is his way. I am the mentally deranged person. He has NOT made any money in 15 years and still says I have no patience. Really? He lied to me forever. He only wants me to forget about everything on a daily basis. Really? I do NOT have a mental illness and yet he is always telling me that I do. Mostly because at this point I WILL NOT INDULGE him in his fantasises anymore.

  17. I’m married 6 years to a man I believe has BPD. It’s a very crazy situation to be in and I don’t know what to do. The church is clueless, counselors have not been any help as they normally fall into his trap of manipulation and deceiving them and then it all gets turned on me. I feel like I’m losing my mind most days the burden and stress is unbearable.

    I’ve got 2 kids and an elderly mom I take care of in my home. My husband is now again threatening divorce. This has been going on the entire time weve been married, but this time I believe he will follow through. I have no finances, and no career. He’s already started to withhold the money and I’m desperate to know what to do. It’s damaging my faith in God as I cried out to him for what to do and I don’t know anymore. I’m doubting I can even hear him anymore, as well as battling feelings of does God really see and get this and why isn’t he doing something.

    Anyone who understands BPD will know what Im living through – utter hell. He just emailed a parenting plan and that’s putting me through another roller coaster as my youngest is only 2. Please pray for me and my family. Any insights would be appreciated. And pls don’t tell me to go to another counselor I can’t afford and who doesn’t get this at all. The last one had a PhD and turned on me because I can’t bring myself to say the words “I love you” anymore to my husband. There’s just too much damage. And then she told me in her opinion he doesn’t have a mental illness.

    1. Eileen… I just stumbled upon this site tonight and my heart is just grieved reading your comment. Its been two years since you posted… and chances are you will never see this since so much time has passed… but I just want to say that I sincerely do understand your hell and I hope that you have found support and have found peace.

      My husband also has BPD, but has not acknowledged it yet… if he does, there may be hope. I hope that your husband has faced his mental illness and has gotten help that has restored your marriage, and if he hasn’t… in two years time, I hope you have escaped and have fallen hard back into the comfort that only God can provide.

      I understand your response to what feels like God’s silence in giving you direction, but God is your comforter and He has not left you, and will not ever leave you. I’m in the midst of praying that my husband’s eyes are open to his illness so that we can fight it together. But if his eyes are not to be opened to it… I have to accept that I can not fight the illness for him. I hope you have come to the same conclusion. Blessings to you.

  18. (South Africa) I need urgent advice please. My Brother-in-law’s wife has real serious mental problems and we as a family are very very much concerned for his and his children’s lives. We need her to be evaluated urgently, forcefully if necessary, as she most definitely will refuse treatment. Please, its very urgent. Any information that will point us in the direction of help in Gauteng, or their hometown of Sasolburg, will be greatly appreciated. Kind Regards.

    1. Corne, I’m not sure if this will help, but the only place I can think to recommend you talk to is someone who works for the ministry of Focus on the Family – South Africa. They’re located in Kwazulu Natal, which is far in one aspect, and yet they might know of someone in your brother-in-law’s area. They seem to be fairly well connected, from what I can tell. You can go to their web site at http://www.safamily.co.za. They have a “Contact” link where you will see their phone information listed, as well as email info listed. I hope this helps in some way.

  19. Wow, it is heartbreaking to know that so many Christian families are struggling and living in fear. I am one who has endured some very brutal emotional, verbal, and mental abuse without even knowing it is mental illness. I just go to the point where I realized something is not right with him. We have separated many times over the past 14 years of marriage but always got back together because when he is right in his head he is a great person.

    I just forget that this mania can come on and destroy us in just one blow up …and over nothing. He is delusional, the whole world revolves around him, he is negative, paranoid, and thinks we are saying things when we are not (we as in me, and my 13 year old son, 12 year old daughter, and 9 year old daughter).

    He takes most of his anger out on me and my son but it seems to have gotten worse recently. He is so scary that I feel like I cannot talk or do anything right in his presence same with my son. I wanted to leave a week ago but my daughter was having her birthday. My son told me not to defend him that it just makes him worse. We are all walking on eggshells.

    I know I need to get him out of the house. He makes me feel guilty and like it is my entire fault when all I do (I am the provider) is work and come home and cook for the family. He tells me all the time that I don’t know how to communicate and calls me all kinds of names and then ignores me for days. I call that neglect and abuse. I am so scared to leave but I cannot talk to him about it. I am afraid he will flip out and then who knows what could happen?

    I have to sneak around and make plans to leave him and I feel so guilty for doing this because I know he will have to go live at the mission in our city. I am so frustrated. I don’t want to be the one to end this I have worked hard at trying to make this marriage work and it won’t matter in the end he will blame me.

    He is very vulgar and says things that no Christian man should say. I just want it to be over but I am even scared of that. And I will be left with the mess he has made of my son and the girls. I know God can heal them but I’m just hoping and praying I can handle it all.

    1. Precious Jill, I know I’m seeing this two years after the fact. I want to reach out and find out what happened with you and your family and encourage you. I too, live in a marriage, similar, yet, not, at the same time. Mine is exascerbated by the fact that I was the breadwinner 15 years ago, and a great one, when my husband’s job skyrocketed and he overtook my salary by double.

      When our third child was born 9 years ago, she was seriously ill, so I took 6 months off, which became a year, and we had to make the very scary, and I do mean scary decisions for me to quit working after 11 years with my company and 15 years working. God confirmed our decision by again doubling that salary. Life was good financially, and we gave back to the church and helped many in need, etc. But my identity took a major hit, because I was raised with a working mom and didn’t quite know what to do at home. And my husband was raised in poverty, and even though he knew where I had come from and my successes, he started to look at me differently.

      When our daughter was 3, she was diagnosed with a very serious chronic illness that was going to change all of us forever. Because I was already struggling with my identity, and because I firmly believe that I was under attack by Satan himself, a series of events in one week led to me falling into a deep clinical depression. 9 months went by before doctor in 2 different hospitals were able to do enough testing to conclude that, in fact, our daughter did NOT have this disease at all, though a biopsy had confirmed it conclusively 9 months prior.

      Life should have gone back to normal, but I was already gone emotionally. I was not catatonic, crazy, weird, none of the words or ideas you think of when I say gone. I mean I was just checked out. I could sit and play video games on my computer (once a tool for accomplishing much and great things) for hours and even late into the night. I stopped going to bed with my husband and would just play and play. Not social games to connect with people. Just brain games. (I would learn years later that this was the brain’s way of stimulating itself during this hard time -psychiatrists often use this tool, or movies or something that people enjoy, to keep their patient’s brains stimulated during a major depression where the hippocampus shuts down. – who knew?)

      However, it was damaging as an example for my kids and my husband completely judged it. He began treating me like you say your husband treated you. He has never lashed out at our children. I believe that was down so much to him as a child that he knows better. But he’s abusive with me in ways that made me (until recently) very confused… Silence, Withholding attention, love, communication, sex, touching of any kind… Yet, he will tell me he loves me every night, he will kiss my forehead and hug my quickly “goodbye” every morning, call me during the day to check on me for about a minute, call every single night when he travels, which is very often, and play his part perfectly.

      He’s helpful at home, offering to cook, clean, drive the kids, go to their activities, go to church with us, etc. But when it comes to discussing me or getting closer again (I’ve been out of the depression since 2012) he refuses to discuss and stays silent. There are no women. He is a workaholic. And our girls definitely notice his silence and blase’ ways toward me and now them. My oldest is in counseling because she feels abandoned by her daddy while he’s still in the home. He blames me! He said I did this to them.

      My point is, Jill, that Satan has the most cunning and evil ways. And he’ll stop at nothing to destroy your family and then pick you all off one by one. I’m quite aware of what I did to create this situation and why my husband has lost respect and love for me. But I also know that emotional manipulation and all that your huband is doing to you is his problem, his responsibility, not yours. If you could see how many people do this to others, you would realize that no matter what you did to change it, you wouldn’t be able to. And neither can I.

      Because I am 99% certain that my husband was raised with this same type of silent treatment and manipulation and withholding love and affection and attention. BUT ALL THAT BEING SAID… UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER LET YOUR CHILD OR YOU BE STRUCK! NOT ONE TIME! THAT ONE IS ON YOU! YOUR JOB IS TO GET EVERYONE OUT THERE AND TELL HIM THIS IS NOT OK. You don’t have to discuss divorce, you just have to remove the kids and yourself from the situation, because he sounds angry and not realizing at times what he is doing. He needs to own and be responsible for this, but you need to be responsible for those kids who cannot be responsible for themselves. I wish you the best. I would love to hear what has happened in the last two years since you wrote.

  20. We’ve been married for 30 years. I’ve heard “I hate you” from my wife for 20 years. It was after marriage and children that secrets from her past started coming out. Abused as a child, rebellious teen coming to Christ, homosexual behavior, and then getting married, all without telling me anything. Then the anger and hate started. Blaming her father for how she treated me. There have been layers and layers slowly pealed back, like an onion. Each new layer, more anger, more blame, more inability to forgive, some healing, perhaps a light. Then another layer as a new part comes out.

    She refuses professional help, claiming all she needs is the church. The church says all she needs is the savior and a better more understanding husband. The church is ignorant on how to help and says we just need to pray more. They haven’t been slugged in front of their children, woken up with a fist in the stomach, and beaten down everyday. They haven’t been in the emergency room with a concussion getting a line of staples put in to hold the scalp on.

    It has been hard on our children, growing up with hate. Instead of memories of a secure home, they have hate and anger, lies and blame, and going to church with Mom after seeing her nearly kill Dad; while Dad stayed home to hide the bruises and wash off the blood. If I don’t go to church, I’m asked why my attendance is so bad. If I go to church with a black eye, I’m joked about with “What happened, wife set you straight again” Ha Ha Ha.

    The children had to hear their mother yelling about divorce and leaving, about being taken away and keeping them from Dad. One daughter has to deal with a memory of coming home from school to find blood on the door and across the kitchen floor, blood soaked bath towels in the bathroom, and Dad gone from the house. While I was getting my head stapled back together, she cleaned up the blood while Mom sat in the living room and did nothing.

    But the church asked me what I did to cause it. I had been attacked from behind my back, which she even admitted to, but they still asked what I did to provoke and deserve it. After all, they say, “she’s a woman, it can’t be that bad” and “you’re the head of the house, so any lack of Love is your fault as the husband” and “if you just loved her more, as Christ loved he church, then this wouldn’t happen.”

    There is no help from church or community. One time I did call the police for help and an ambulance. In place of help, they automatically asked me to leave the house, even though I was the one with a black eye and bloodied face. She had no mark at all, and I was told to leave or face arrest. Obviously the male deserves it. Only woman are abused. Abusers are always, and only, men.

    Then there are the pretend apologies, the forgiveness, the repeat, the new layer of story, the new reaction of hate and abuse. I’m not a professional therapist. I’m completely worn down. Christians are supposed to help bear one another’s burdens; until there really is someone that asks for help. Then everyone drifts off. Then there are only accusers, saying I somehow must have deserved it. I used to even believe them. And there is not one that says to her, that maybe she needs to change something, that maybe, despite the past, she is responsible for what she does now, without excuse.

    No, it’s easier to pretend to not see it. I don’t need another lecture on how to live with it, and if I were just a better Christian. I need help. You don’t tell a drowning person, “if you would just swim better.” But that’s the Christian church. I guess when there’s a bullet in my chest, someone will pray for God to forgive whatever I did to deserve it, if I’m even around after that. But she isn’t to blame, not in the church’s eye. She had it hard growing up so it’s understandable; and besides, everyone knows it’s never the woman that’s at fault.

    1. I’m so very sorry Jack, that you have found no support for what you are going through in your life with your wife. Most people are absolutely clueless, when it comes to the abusiveness that a woman can inflict upon a man. They recognize, sympathize with, and give help to women who are being abused by men (which they should receive the help and sympathy), but when it comes to a man being abused by a woman, they either make it into a joke (which it isn’t), they turn a deaf ear, or they minimize and ignore it. And what you found with the “justice” system is sadly typical. They often arrest or warn the husband who is being abused, rather than the wife who is causing it. This is wrong on so many levels. My heart bleeds with sadness over this. It just shouldn’t be.

      And the church? Again, it’s so very sad how naive and ignorant they are over this. I LOVE the church… they do so much good, but on this issue, they have no idea… and they should. Abuse is wrong, no matter who perpetrates it.

      Please do what you can to try to educate those who need it (as we are trying to do). And please realize that there are SOME of us who do get it (although we are in the minority). May we never give up in trying to open the eyes of the ignorant and the naive!

      As for what you can do… I think you realize that there is little you can do. It shouldn’t be, but it’s true. We’re living in an upside down world… wrong is applauded as right, and right is disdained as wrong. If you leave your wife, then you will probably lose your kids and then they would be alone in facing these types of situations. This is so wrong, but that’s what seems to happen. I just hope that you can find ways to protect yourself, and be the hero here for your children’s sake… they need one sane, non-abusive parent in their lives… that’s for sure.

      We posted an article on this matter, on this web site that is one of the saddest we have. But it’s important. I encourage you to read it, and read the comments below it, written by other men who are and have been abused by women. It’s sad, but we want to give voice to those men. That’s the least we can do. We keep praying that it will open the eyes of women, the church, and others who need it. Here’s where you can find it posted: http://host.agencysrvr.com/~marriage/husband-abuse-can-a-wife-abuse-her-husband/.

      I hope that in some way, it will help you. I wish we could do more… but we don’t know how to help more than this. Perhaps one of the web sites we link to, within the article, will be able give you insight in some way. I hope and pray so. I cry with you and your children, and pray for you… My husband and I both do. May you find the help and courage you need.

      1. Educate them? Suffered 25 years of mental abuse. Husband is beyond help now. And I get to take care of the abuser for the rest of my life. Yippee.

    2. I couldn’t agree with you more. There is NO support. Not from my husbands family, not from ANYONE. No one realizes just how crazy someone can get. Refuses help. Not even rational at this point. Absoulutely NO ONE to help. Just bad mouthing about how I am not understanding. 25 years of this and another 20 in the future. Platitude of liberal people who think they are helping you. No one in his mentally disturbed family has any idea they are the same. Kids are done with it. So am I. Need to live on welfare at this point…If I can get it.

  21. (USA) I have been married for 13+ years to a man with Bipolar I, Rapid-cycling, and Adult ADD. We have had some hard times, but I want to give hope to everyone: It can get better. It took a long time to figure out an effective way to help my husband manage his illness as well as maintain a Christian marriage, and it’s not perfect, but it’s possible. Keep trying to find something that works, look to God for a perfect relationship and not to your spouse, adjust your expectations for your marriage, and remember that what your spouse has is a medical condition. Every marriage is different, so what works for us may not work for you, but what has worked for us is to live a really low-key life –the least amount of stress (both bad stress and good stress) the better. We strive for peace, and we have received it.

  22. Hello. My husband and I are in a loving, Christian marriage. We have had our share of bumps in the road due to a few major issues. One-I am infertile. Two-I am in cancer remission. Three-We want to adopt, but can’t agree on the race of a child we want to adopt. Four-I can’t seem to get along with his parents, who are divorced and remarried. I don’t know what else to do besides pray about these issues. It is an uphill struggle with all of these issues. Help! In His love, A Childless Mother/Frustrated Wife

  23. My wife is falling apart; everything worries her. When her reality is compromised she starts drinking and that’s when I get mad and she turns into this person I know she’s not. It’s getting worse everytime she been diagnosed already but nothing helps. If I don’t do what she wants it’s a fight. She doesn’t believe anything I say or do. It really hurts. We’ve had a rough marriage but I’m in love and I can’t bring myself to leave. I love her. She’s a good person any other time. Can someone help me?

  24. You do not want to hear of the horrible things that happen to the spouse and children of a severely mentally ill spouse. We have lost everything as this point. I want out and I can’t because he is too emotionally disturbed. Six lives have to go down. The mentally ill patient has all the rights and the rest of us have NO rights to life. No, it’s not about belittling persons. It’s just that no one else COUNTS. The financial loss, Wrecked relationships, etc.

    Bury your heads in the sand. Be positive? I am at my wits end. There is no help until someone dies and they say – Oh, isn’t that unfortunate. So sorry. Too late my friends. We are all screaming for help and no one hears our call. Christ? He has left those who deal with this everyday. Show me. Where is the help? No one in society WANTS to deal with this problem. You only criticize those who are actually dealing with the problem. With nowhere to go. It is not a marriage when one spouse constantly tells the other horrible things they do. We all need to be a saint. It is pretty hard to be a saint when you are trying to pay the bills and wonder what to do with the mentally impaired.

    Unless you have this in your life then you need to have a little more compassion for those whose are dealing with mental illness everyday. Most of it is brought on by people needing to have their way. They cannot cope with real life. To me it has become a battle of wills. The mentally ill live in their own world of which most of us a not a part. Do I need to be mentally ill too to have some compassion?

  25. My husband has depression and anxiety and he doesn’t do anything but sit around on the computer and won’t eat unless I fix him something. What’s my responsibility? H’se negative and blames everybody and everything for his problems. He lives in the past. We have six kids and they are all detached from him.

  26. My husband is very much older than me. But when we married he was more vibrant. Now he has suffered heart attacks and has become messy and nasty. I already suffered from bipolar and he is triggering my mental state. Would I be a horrible person to divorce him at this point?

  27. What if you were the one with mental illness? Would you expect everyone including your spouse to turn their back on you and walk away? Or would you want them to honor the vow to love you in sickness and in health? The people you love with mental illness did not ask for it! God placed these hurdles in your life to teach you how to be selfless and overcome any adversity. God loves people with mental illness just as much as those who do not. Now If the person refuses to get help, then that is a whole other situation that you might need to walk away from. So often when someone gets ill, they not only have to watch the people around them suffer because they are ill, they also have to deal with the symptoms of the illness.

    With mental illness, it is usually non-stop torture inside their heads along with physical,spiritual and emotional pain and chaos. Would you walk away from someone who had a heart attack? What if they told you they had cancer? When it got tough would you up and walk away? Stop and think about it for a moment… Why is a person with Mental illness treated differently than someone with a physical illness? Why does society think its OK to withdraw support from a loved one in their greatest hour of need? Is this what we want to teach our children?