10 Questions to Start a New Year – MM #284

Pixabay challenge happy New Year -1105854_1280As last year just ended and 365 brand new, unspoiled days stretch before us, how would you like to start the New Year in a way that can improve your marriage? One of the best ways Cindy and I have done this is by taking the time to ask each other the “right questions.”

For many years in our marriage we didn’t know what questions to ask. But now we do, thanks to people like Tom and Jeannie Elliff. We now have 10 questions husbands can ask their wives. And there are 10 questions wives can ask their husbands. What a great way to start off this new year!

Increase Communication in New Year

The goal of this exercise is to increase communication and closeness between you as a couple. If this will be the first time you’ve ever tried to use a tool like this we caution you to go slowly. For example, when asked, “What could I do to make you feel more loved?” don’t give your spouse a long list of things. Start with just a few. The small improvements in your marriage will inspire you to make even more positive changes in the future.

“Knowing the right questions to ask can be a valuable thing” says Tom and Jeannie Elliff, authors of Letters to Lovers. And that’s what we’d like to share with you —great questions.

Every year the Elliff’s get away for a private retreat. Once, while sharing a meal in an intimate restaurant, Tom asked Jeannie the following questions —he wanted to listen to his wife’s words and hear from her heart. These 10 questions have become an annual exercise as Tom seeks to follow the Apostle Peter’s exhortation:

You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)

So, here is a sampling of three of the questions for husbands to ask their wives:


1.   What could I do to make you feel more loved?
2.   What could I do to make you feel more respected?
3.   What could I do to make you feel more understood?

To find see the rest of the questions (which we HIGHLY recommend) please go to the following linked article:

In response to the questions Tom asked, Jeannie came up with her own set of questions to ask Tom. Jeannie encourages wives to ask their husbands these questions every year. This will help them to keep their marriage sharp. Below is a sampling of three of the questions.


1.   Do you feel I properly understand the goals that God has placed in your heart? How can I help you achieve them?
2.   What are some things I can do to regularly show you just how satisfied I am with you as my husband and the leader of our home?
3.   Is there anything I am doing or failing to do that seems to send a signal that I do not honor you or your leadership in our home?

Again, this is just a sampling of the questions a wife can ask her husband. To obtain more (which we highly recommend), please go to the following linked article:

Adapt These Tools in This New Year

If you feel the questions given by the Elifffs should be re-worded to work for your marriage, then do so. The important point is to ask the “right” questions that will best help your relationship grow in healthy, God-honoring ways.

Keep in mind that “a good marriage is not something you find. It’s something you work for.” We hope you will “work for” the best yet for your marriage. And we’re hoping the above questions will help you in this mission!

Cindy and Steve Wright

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Filed under: Marriage Messages

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