This week we’re sharing with you something our friend Debi Walter wrote. Debi and her husband Tom have a wonderful ministry at Theromaticvineyard.com. In this Insight, Debi points out something that is important for all of us to note when we are tempted to settle for that, which we shouldn’t. She writes:
There are times when settling is a good thing, like when you find a place to call home, or when you’re finally able to settle a long-standing argument. Settling on a purchase price of something means both parties are satisfied with the bottom line and agree no more negotiating is necessary. Settling also has permanence to it—like when an avalanche settles at the bottom of a mountain. Once the dust clears you know the pile of rocks is there for good.
But there are times when we should never settle, especially in marriage.
We should never settle in:
• Pursuing my spouse.
Just because you said, “I do” doesn’t mean you’ve said, “I’m done”. The marriage is just beginning and your pursuit of them after marriage is more important than your pursuit of them before. Why? Because before you were trying to get them to commit to love you “for as long as you both shall live.” But after you’re married is when the real fun begins. Nights don’t have to end with a good night kiss at the front door. You can complete your heart’s desire as often as you like.
• Studying my spouse.
Knowing their likes and dislikes and doing all you can to love them in the way that will mean the most to them.
• Resolving conflicts
If there are areas in your relationship that you know are hot spots, it does no good to ignore the issue. It won’t go away. It will only fester over time and cause even more damage. Do the hard work and get the help you need to resolve issues quickly.
• Love for God.
When it comes to our personal relationship with The Lord, we can’t settle. If we do we aren’t standing still, but drifting further apart. It takes a daily commitment to grow in our relationship with God. He desires our time and affection. And giving it to Him wholeheartedly is the best thing we can do to grow our marriage.
Settling brings stagnation and stifles our forward movement. Like a stream that no longer flows to the sea; if there’s a dam blocking the water, it stagnates and attracts all kinds of unwanted pests. It’s best to deal with the blockage and allow the stream to flow freely again. It will not only be best for your relationship, but also for all those who know and love you.
In what ways have YOU settled? Please share this with us.
Also, please know that our prayers are with you that you “settle” only in the areas of marriage, which will make your relationship stronger. If you need prayer, please go to the Marriage Missions Prayer Wall. It’s there that we will join you in prayer for your marriage concern.
Steve and Cindy Wright
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One response to “4 Ways We Should Never Settle in Marriage”
I pursued my spouse and we married. He was a drinker when we met, myself too. Since marrying and also having become a cancer patient, I have practically quit drinking. It’s not good for me and I no longer need it to have fun or let loose. Unfortunately my spouse is the opposite. He’s still stuck in the binge and habitual drinking. It’s killing our marriage.
He won’t seek help and I love him so this has me very stressed. When he’s sober life is good. Otherwise he’s saying hurtful things to me and these remarks have me thinking whether or not he truly loves me or simply a very sick person, an alcoholic, who’s unwilling to get ask or admit he needs help. I am frustrated and sad for me. I really love him and don’t want to leave, but I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.