Below you will find “Real Life” testimonies from people who have dealt with an emotionally distant spouse. What is especially great is that they have experienced God’s special touch in their circumstances. We believe you will be encouraged and find hope through reading them.
Please click onto the linked articles below to read:
• A SHIPWRECKED PROMISE OF LOVE
If God has done a special work in your marriage that could encourage others, we want to hear from you. Please send it to us even if it isn’t very long in length. You can share your testimony with us by going to the CONTACT section. Then click on “Contact Us” and write it out for us there. Or, if you know of a testimony that you have read or seen on the Internet, please let us know. We would love to feature it to help to encourage those who need it.
— ALSO —
If you want to remain anonymous, please let us know. We will not to reveal your name and the name(s) of your loved ones if that is your wish. We can make the necessary changes to names and specifics that could give everyone the privacy that is needed. Our aim is to encourage others, not to embarrass anyone.
Thanks so much!
WE APPRECIATE YOU!!!
(USA) I feel I have no right to join the discussion, but I really need to share.
I married late, and for the most part, my husband has been wonderful. Nevertheless, from time to time he seems to have the need to break away from all of the good things we share -sex, and daily sharing of our day-to-day experiences during our nightly dinners, after work (we both work outside the home). We both were single for many, many years, so it is a joy and a pleasure for us to have someone to come home to. But recently, he has begun to feel like he is obligated to be home for dinner, and he doesn’t like it. He pretty much says he was getting nothing out of our “Ozzie & Harriet” dinners anyway, so why should he rush home? Mind you, there are nights when he has obligations, and I have evenings when I can’t come straight home. Still, he doesn’t want to feel the need to be home for dinner ANY night, period.
He is not cheating -he just doesn’t want be on a “schedule” particularly one that is compatible with mine, even though we work relatively the same hours. So he wants to get up in the middle of the night – 1am or 2 or 3 am -do whatever he wants to do at home -he is a musician, so this pretty much means practice his instruments all night -and then go to work extremely tired, come home, go to bed, and do the same thing all over again. He figures he can leave me out because we have no kids, and therefore he has no obligations. I think he’s wrong. While I support his atistic inclinations (I’m an artist too), I just feel like maybe he can fit it in at a time that doesnt take away our time together, at least not EVERY DAY.
Am I selfish? I should mention that we are both 55+ -we’re not kids. And we are crazy in love. We share a zillion hobbies and interests. But it is like he is rebelling, and it’s scary. The worst part is that when I come home and he’s in deep sleep, and I feel lonely. I am used to being able to talk to him. I love hearing him share his day. But even as I type at this moment, I am online because he’s sleeping. You may say -get a hobby -I have a million hobbies and “outside interests.” I have so many that I can’t even fit them in sometimes. That’s not the problem. I need the human connection – that’s why I am online right now. It used to be worse -he didn’t want to be touched when we were in bed, and I had to beg for sex. We got past that about 4 years ago (we’ve been married for 6 years) It turns out he had a health issue that was affecting his libido -but we’ve worked that out now.
I know no marriage is perfect -believe me, I am leaving out a lot of stuff that I am not happy with, and I am sure I am no monument to perfection either. Still, It hurts me to know he is pulling away. I don’t know what to do, other than pray. I would love to hear your comments. Thanks for listening.
(USA) God CAN restore a marriage and fill it over flowing with forgiveness and love. I want to offer hope and share my experience. I have been married over 21 years to a wonderful man. First off, we are all flawed. For the past 4 years we have been growing further and further apart like so many on this forum. Three months ago I decided to give God everything. My marriage, my family, absolutely everything. When I got down on my knees and surrendered all my burdens and sins to my Lord, I was washed clean. Absolutely forgiven! Amen! I want to be the woman, wife, mother, friend that God wants me to be.
I sat down with my husband and confessed how I was not the wife that God wanted me to be and that God was changing my heart. I started doing a daily online devotion at blueletterbible.org and reading God’s word. I was also lead to this website which has been a blessing! Thank you!! I started submitting to my husband and respecting him unconditionally. I started treating him the way God said wives are to do. My husband is wonderful, yes we are still flawed but I can see all the beauty instead of disappointments.
Within days I saw immediate results! I was being complimented, my doors where being opened for me, flowers and affection was overflowing! I printed off, 100 ways to love your husband and wife. I also printed of every conversation starter I could find. I cut every conversation starter and put them in a huge class vase and asked my husband if he would draw two and I would draw two in the morning while we had coffee and just share our thoughts on them. We do this daily. We took the 100 ways to love and highlighted the ones that were the most meaningful to us. “Extend Gods grace when he offends you” was the first one he highlighted. They are all wonderful ideas and have been so helpful to both of us.
We are spending time together doing fun activities which we weren’t doing before. We started going back to church which is such a blessing. When I decided to give God everything and obey his word, HE MADE CHANGES, NOT ME. You cannot heal your hurt or your marriage ONLY God can. I stopped worrying about our problems and put my focus on Christ. We are all a “work in progress” the question is… are you working or allowing God to work on you? God wants to heal broken hearts and restore marriages.
Last night my husband said, “I trust you with my heart more than I ever have”. Wow, what a huge compliment, to be in-trusted with someone’s heart. We all know how precious our hearts are and how easily they can be hurt. Over time, both of our hearts had become hard, bitter, selfish and unresponsive to each other and God. I know GOD can touch and change the hearts of each one of us if we would only humble ourselves to him. Only GOD can fill a heart with love until it is overflowing like a fountain in a dry dessert. I give all the praise and glory to God for the restoration of our hearts and marriage!
John 4:14 “but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
(UNITED STATES) I am so tired of the enemy (satan) attempting to destroy what the Lord has blessed. I have been married for 12 years, but my husband and I have been together for 15. Lately, like in the last 2 months, my husband has been very distant, angry, aggresive, agitated and is constantly saying sometimes he wants to be alone- all alone permanently.
His mother is a minister and though we bump heads sometimes, I know she is a prayer warrior and I prophetess. I know God speaks to her by His spirit. I called her and told her what he said to me and she told me to pray and enlist the power and might of Jehovah El Gabor (Battle Fighter). She told me to anoint everything that belonged to my husband and pray in the spirit that the Lord would give him a spirit of peace and to pray that the Holy Spirit would overshadow him and lead him and guide him. So I did. He likes to spend time in the basement so I anointed the WHOLE basement.
The Word of God says that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, dark forces, spiritual wickedness. It is safe to say that we are not dealing with our husbands and wives, but the wicked spirits that are operating through them. That’s why the word also says to guard your heart with all diligence, because out of it flows the issues of life. We have to stay prayed up, stay before God’s face and trust and believe that He will work everything out. He will be glorified! He is faithful. We have to just continue to walk in love concerning our marriges! Love covers a mulititude of sin. Be encouraged if you are going through something in your marriage have faith in God. His will will be done. He loves us and is glorified when we love each other. It’s hard sometimes but Agape love (Godly love) endures all things:) I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Dear Women of God, I need serious prayer. I feel pregnant and my husband told me to have an abortion, which I didn’t, and he left me for 8 months. I’m only 28 yrs old, so I kept on praying for God to give him back to me. Well, he came back with bad news when I was about to give birth. He has impregnanted another girl. I asked, do you love her? He said no, it was a one night stand. As a women of God I kept quiet. My child was born, and he paid lobolla for me.
That child was born not long afterward. He went there without even telling me, his wife. Now they are blessing the child at church, he tells me. I said Ok, we will go together as a family. He said no, I did not budget for you. Why?How can I trust him?
I feel like walking out of this marriage because honestly, my needs come last. I don’t know what to do. Am I being paranoid? Please help me with prayers, because I don’t trust what he says. He’s a liar, cheater and he says he’s a God fearing man. What kind of God fearing man is this?
(USA) Our prayers are with you and with this precious child. I pray the Lord brings peace into your life and that the cheating will no longer be present in your home. If your husband is a God-fearing man, he sure isn’t living it. I pray the Lord opens his eyes to his dishonesty and brings him to the feet of repentance. What he does with that, I don’t know. I hope he turns his life around to man up and become the man of God, husband, and father he should be. We need more men to be courageous enough to turn their back on temptation and lead in a godly, rather than godless way. But I pray you and your child will be protected, all the same. May He bring you peace in the middle of this storm.
(UNITED STATES) I need prayer. I heard my husband on the phone setting up a date to meet with a woman at a hotel for sex. I was devastated. We have been married 32 years and in the beginning of our marriage he had an affair and got the woman pregnant. I asked him to have a DNA done but he refused.
He does not talk to me at all. I am very lonely. I hear him on the phone talking to whomever laughing and talking but he does not to this with me. Any suggestions on what I can do. I do not trust him at all.
((USA)) I feel more and more depressed because my husband and I are not on the same page. He is not concerned or take in consideration of my feelings especially when it comes to making big decisions. We come from two different cultures but we are both Christians. We keep bumping heads because he believes that since he is the man of the house (spiritual leader) everything should go his way. All he wants to do is control me.
I pray that we can be on the same page. He gets angry when I ask him to pray with me and I’m all out of answers. All I know to do is bring up divorce.
(CALIFORNIA) Hi, I’m scared. My husband of 17 years has left again. He has left me almost every weekend since I met him. I understand there is something wrong with me to let this go on BUT I love him. He calls me the meanest things and has lost interest in sex. I am living a nightmare but I am still scared maybe he’ll not come back this time. Anyway, leave, stay, I lose! Help.
Jeannette, This is difficult to say to you and I’m sure, it’s even more difficult for you to receive what I’m going to say. But I have a feeling you already know it, and it would be even more cruel, if I didn’t say it. Essentially, you have already lost him. He obviously considers you a door mat to step upon and over, to go where he wants to go and do what he wants to do. I’m thinking one of the reasons he “has lost interest in sex” is because he has someone else he is getting it from. It may even be multiple people –which could be scary, because he could end up giving you a disease he picks up along the way. But even if he isn’t getting it somewhere else, he is not treating you as his bride, but as something to stomp upon and walk upon. That is not acceptable.
Jeannette, I’m all for reconciliation of relationships, but right now, as things are, you will progressively get treated even worse. And your self-value will keep taking more and more blows. Please stop this train wreck. You need help. There are two books I recommend you read. One is titled, Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis
and the other is titled, Foolproofing Your Life: How to Deal Effectively with the Impossible People in Your Life
. You’ve GOT to take charge of your life and stop allowing your husband to walk all over you. It’s demeaning and isn’t healthy for either of you. Don’t jump to another extreme and demand change, but rather learn what you can do to stand up for it and make it happen in a healthy way.
IF your marriage has any chance of surviving the abusiveness that’s been going on, it will be because you crawl out from under the rock you are living under –a boulder of denial, and feeling worthless. And then look up to God and out for additional help He can lead you to. You may need to find a counselor who is “marriage-friendly,” which you can find the description of in the Marriage Counseling topic. It is someone for YOU to go to first, to find out why you have allowed this for so long and how to get up the courage to ask for more of your husband. Those two books and a counselor may help you to break free from this prison of fear and denial so you can gain the courage to look up and find out how to better approach your husband so you stop allowing yourself to be his doormat.
This is NOT what God created you to be or how He created you to live. PLEASE get the help you need. Use the time your husband is away to work on your issues and what you can do to eventually stand up and truly live in freedom from fear and abusiveness. I hope you will. I pray the best for you, Jeannette.
Good message.
Thank you Sunflower. We really appreciate it. We pray it is helpful to those who need it.
(US) Oh… reading these painful replies reminds me that I am not the only one suffering through this. My wife is not only distant but has turned my children against me. I have learned how to survive day to day in this train wreck of a marriage and family.
I feel robbed of my marriage and the love of my children. My wife is thought of very highly in my church and community so no one can understand what or why I am experiencing this. Even my therapist stopped seeing me because he wants my wife to join our sessions but she refuses to come with me. I am afraid that one day will be just too much and I will walk out forever abandoning my wife and children. I think that’s what she wants so she can lay total blame on me and completely justify that I’m a bad dad and husband.
How much more can I take? I pray daily for healing and forgiveness but I only feel abandoned by God. Please pray for me and send some encouragement.
(UNITED STATES) I will pray for you and your wife and children. I have similar circumstances with my husband being so charismatic to the world, yet so controlling and demeaning at home. I need to be aware also of my own weaknesses, sin, and such. I just want truth to win out. Keep praying, God is with you, seek Him and be in the Word, and in time there may be healing and forgiveness. And I will be praying.
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I are Christians and been married 30 years. We have had awful arguments and I am so tired of them. My husband can argue and debate and become cruel, belittling, deny any anger, and places blame on me for all our problems. When I’ve had enough during an argument I must separate myself from him because I cannot stand the hurtful words and the loud shouting. But he will follow me where ever I go, even if I get in the car he will get in the other car and follow me.
He will catch times I’ve had dirty dishes in the sink and take pictures of them, as well as dirty laundry piles, though I do the housework just fine. I’ve discovered them on his cell phone and he tells me he was experimenting. I’ve caught him viewing extreme porn and he will deny it completely.
Its been so many years of this that I have grown cold towards him. It would help if he would admit his behavior and anger etc… was wrong once in a while but he won’t. Instead he denies any anger or wrong doing. I used to forgive and forget but after years of this, I feel I am getting old and tired! 57 years old… I have grown a tough skin and now I’m so cold inside towards him.
So I am not intimate with him. It even frightens me when he tries to cuddle or hug. I believe this is not right but I cannot help this feeling I have towards him.
We are filing bankruptcy because his business failed 4 years ago and he won’t look for a job. I am looking for a job but I have had no job in 25 years, raised my kids at home, housewife and mother. We will be out of money in a few weeks. I’m still looking of course.
My husband is very hurt and is asking me if I love him. I am thinking we maybe should separate but really want to find marital Christian counseling scholarship for free because we cannot afford to pay.
(KENYA) Hi. I can identify with quite a number of the comments. My husband likes flirting so much and has cheated on me several times as much he is a man of God. It has affected our marriage so much sometimes I wish God would just take him away. I have prayed against the women he cheates on me with. I am afraid of contracting sexual diseases.
I feel angry with God for allowing him to behave the way he does. Sometimes I don’t even feel like being with him. He has promised to change but he is very secretive so I think he is seeing some woman. He cannot leave his phone just in case I look and see anything incriminating. I am so bitter, it has affected my self-esteem and sometimes I feel like I would not mind some attention from another man just to hit back. Off course I know it’s wrong but what am I supposed to do?
I have concluded that these people who call themselves men of God are the biggest hypocrites in the world.
Sometimes I pray very dangerous prayers then I repent and I guess that’s why the Lord has not answered me. What should I do? Is there a true woman/man of God who can intercede for my marriage?
Kuiha, Please don’t be fooled. Just because someone says they are a “man of God” and may act like it in SOME ways, it doesn’t mean that he is. We’re told in God’s word that Jesus said in Matthew 7:21, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” What that means is just because someone goes to church, says he’s a Christian and even does SOME things that appear to show he is a Christian, it doesn’t mean that God recognizes him as such. The fruits of our actions reveals MUCH about our spiritual life.
Your husband, as a “Christian” husband, is to represent Christ –the Bridegroom to you, as his wife (see: Ephesians 5, for one of many examples). From your husband’s actions and his unrepentant spirit, what he’s telling by his actions is that Christ is unfaithful to His church –that He flirts with others in ungodly ways –continually breaks the hearts of His bride knowingly, and is a cheater. I’m not thinking that’s what Christ does, nor who he is. Also, I doubt your husband’s standing as a “man of God.”
Please don’t think that because you see a lot of men cheating, who claim to be “godly” –that this is the way it is. There are many, many, many godly men who would never cheat –not only because they don’t want to hurt their wive’s hearts, but especially God’s. They take their relationship with Christ very seriously and hold it sacred. I’m so sorry that you have not met these men. I’m so sorry that your husband is not one of these men.
And yes, you should be concerned about contracting sexual diseases from your husband. Please protect yourself sexually. Please don’t allow him to have relations with you until he is tested and comes out clear. It could end up costing you your life, otherwise. here Besides AIDS, there are now STI’s that are becoming resistant to medicines. You need to be cautious, even if your husband isn’t. He should be protective of you, rather than subjecting you to such dangers. And please don’t allow yourself to believe the lie that because you hurt so badly, solutions to cheat and do that which you should not, are acceptable. They are not. They will only complicate matters. I sense that you have a conscience that is sensitive to spiritual matters and if you cheat, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
As far as what you “should do,” I can’t tell you that. That is something between you and God. Yes, because of adultery, you can divorce. But that doesn’t mean that you have to. That is something you need to talk to God about, rather than people, because they don’t know if your husband will change his ways and truly show that he IS a man of God by having a broken, repentant spirit over the horrible way he has been treating you. Kuiha, I’m so, so sorry that your husband has done this to you. I hope that you find a way to continually release the bitterness that is trying to choke your heart. It will only keep you an on-going prisoner to your husband’s unfaithful ways. I pray the Lord comforts you, deals with your husband, and helps you to be wise as to how to interact with him in the future. May you see better days and years ahead –with peace, absent from unfaithfulness being lived out in your home and your life.
(UNITED STATES) My husband and I have been separated for a year now. He did some things that made me feel very uneasy and I struggled to control my thoughts. I started a path down a dark place and started to think of another in his place. I came to realize months ago how wrong I was. I love my husband and never stopped loving him but I was so hurt by everything I felt and all he would do that I couldn’t see straight and would then try to hurt him in return.
I’ve read a very helpful prayer book for wives and I’ve been praying every day. I have stopped my mental distraction and talked to my husband. We made a decision to move back in with each other but I still have some uneasiness. Please pray for my marriage to have complete restoration. I know now I should have submitted to him and respected him. I have prayed, repented, and asked for forgiveness. I Trust GOD and all that he does. I understand I have to endure some long-suffering for a while but I say it is momentary and will be over soon. I pray all be in agreement with me, that my marriage me completely restored and Blessed! Thank you.
(UNITED STATES) Admittedly, my wife and I are having problems in my marriage and your posts somewhat help me in dealing with the situation. I find your opinions very useful and very realistic that I think it can help me save my marriage. Upon browsing the net, I also found this site where I ordered a book and found the thoughts and opinions of the author about marriage very provoking but is definitely an eye-opener. Check out the book here: http://savemymarriagetoday00555.sitemoxie.com
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have been married for 10 years with two beautiful kids. I am the guilty person. I have lost interest in my husband. I am not sure if I ever loved him. We don’t do anything together, we don’t talk, only fight. I have requested a divorce but he doesn’t want out. Over the years he became very laid back in terms of the marriage, holistically. He has no goals and just thinks about himself. I don’t share a bed with him for the last few years and find it very difficult to be intimate. Recently he was retrenched and the situation is worse. PLEASE ADVISE ME, PLEASE.
How are you now?