Below you will find “Real Life” testimonies from people who have dealt with an emotionally distant spouse. What is especially great is that they have experienced God’s special touch in their circumstances. We believe you will be encouraged and find hope through reading them.
Please click onto the linked articles below to read:
• A SHIPWRECKED PROMISE OF LOVE
If God has done a special work in your marriage that could encourage others, we want to hear from you. Please send it to us even if it isn’t very long in length. You can share your testimony with us by going to the CONTACT section. Then click on “Contact Us” and write it out for us there. Or, if you know of a testimony that you have read or seen on the Internet, please let us know. We would love to feature it to help to encourage those who need it.
— ALSO —
If you want to remain anonymous, please let us know. We will not to reveal your name and the name(s) of your loved ones if that is your wish. We can make the necessary changes to names and specifics that could give everyone the privacy that is needed. Our aim is to encourage others, not to embarrass anyone.
Thanks so much!
WE APPRECIATE YOU!!!
(USA) I’m reminded Retha, of the quote that says, “Behind every beautiful flower and sunset you see the reflection of God.” So often when we are in pain, and/or we expect God to direct things in a different direction than He appears to be doing at the moment, we can only see that which is ugly, discolored, and distorted. The ugliness becomes our focus and our view of everything else becomes tainted as well. We forget to live out the principles set forth in Philippians 4:8-9 where it says:
“Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
I’ve applied these principles (when I remember them) in so many distressing situations and have found them to be sound. It takes discipline to look away from that which is ugly when it seems to cry for our attention, but by focusing elsewhere, you are committing your situation to God and are concentrating on that which you CAN do instead of that which you can’t.
“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3).
(UNITED STATES) My marriage was struggling with my husband saying the exact same things. I started searching for answers and God led me to buy two books one called "Praying through the Deeper Issues of Marriage" author Stormi Omartian. I’ve learned that as a Christian we must pray. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. You must ask yourself what do I want, if I want my marriage then I am going to fight. Nothing is impossible for God. He can turn the hearts of men around in Malachi 2:16, God the author of marriage, says He hates divorce for it covers one garment with violence. God hates divorce and it only takes one committed partner to pray and bring God on the scheme for change.
In the book I stated earlier she says "Marriages can be saved when you apply Biblical principals by relying on Gods word." This book is awesome and she gives testimony. I prayed this prayer and went on a fast and I have seen God’s power show up and soften my husbands heart. Please get this book.
(INDIA) My husband should listen to whatever I say. Suppose if I say to sit; he has to sit. Why am saying this? It’s because of my father. My father is a big sadist. He used to always say ugly words to my mom, me and my sister. Once upon a time my hubby would use those kind of words so I feared that maybe my hubby was like my father. I don’t want a husband like my papa.
One more thing, he doesn’t show any interest in me for sex and he doesn’t show he has any feelings. One more thing, he should ask me for my salary and he says always listen to whatever I say. Please, send the details on how it is possible to do something about this.
(ZIMBABWE) I have been married for almost 3 years now. My husband is so distant. I don’t know why. Sometimes I feel I have failed him, I sometimes tell myself that I’m not a good wife. At one time I prayed for ten days at midnight. There was change in the beginning but now it’s back to where we were. His problem is that He does not want to communicate when there is a conflict. I just don’t know what to do. Help me.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have tried. I have put up with abuse (all forms), unfaithfulness, disrespect, you name it. I have given all to God, trusting, believing. Now I am tired. Just plain tired of it all, and tired of this man I am married to. I have finally admitted that I made a mistake the day I married this man. I am by no means a victim; I am a strong woman. I will remain married to him for as long as it takes me to get back on my feet again- both financially as well as emotionally. I am working on both. Then I will end what was supposed to be blessed by God, but has been the worst time of my life. There comes a time in a person’s life when you know it’s time to let go, when you say “I give up, I’ve had enough, no more”.
I do not think God blesses all marriages. Mine is not blessed. It is however, a mistake all of my own making. My husband is not a good man, and I often wonder if he is the way he is because of his childhood. But even if he is, I am no longer willing to be “punished” for things I am not responsible for. May God forgive me, but I have come to despise the man I married and whom I loved with my whole heart and wanted to grow old with.
I do not think God will, or even wants to save ALL marriages. Some were simply not meant to be, and this is one such. The words “I’m Done” have finally been uttered.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi all, My husband is so disconnected with his feelings for me it hurts. We do not fight or what, we are a perfect couple to everybody. But what people do not know is that emotionally, affectionately we are not connected at all. My husband cannot say thank you to me for anything, he cannot wish me a happy Mothers day, womans day, if I cry he won’t console me or say anything. Worst, if I try to discuss issues he won’t respond to whatever. He won’t say sorry. We are now 25 years in marriage. We do not touch or kiss. But at our church he is the father to all the teenagers, everybody thinks he is a sweet husband. He even writes sms to his friends wishing them goodnites and good mornings. He can console and relate to all and sundry but not me and my kids.
(ZIMBABWE) I have been married for almost 6 years and my husband and I have been together for 11 years. Ever since i got married it’s like a switch went off. My husband has been emotionally unavailable and doesn’t seem to want to connect with me. I have tried all sorts but all I am left with right now is bitterness, loneliness and rage in my heart. I know it’s wrong, but I cant help it. To top it all he has had one affair after the other. I love him, but am considering divorce. We have got 3 lovely children. I am stuck and don’t know what to do.
(USA) Trish, Why do you think your husband cheats on you? I know how you feel.
(ENGLAND) Behaviour is linked to past situations. For example, a friend of mine has a dog whose first owner was a man who used to beat it. It will now not allow a man near it. Its past experience affects its present behaviour. We are all the same. A person brought up in poverty will try to control money in a marriage. Fear and control always go hand in hand. The dog controls its owner because of its fear from the past.
When we get God to take us back and heal these hurts from our past we stop being controlling and can love freely. Marriage problems are a result of two people controlling each other without knowing why they do it because they have never been aware of the root issues controlling them so the devil sits back and laughs at them!
(ZIMBABWE) I think people who are married shouldn’t stay separated.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I have spent 15 years, 11 years married to my husband. He is a God fearing man who loves the Lord. He is kind, loving, generous and has a lot of respect for me. He has never cheated on me and is totally dedicated and loyal to our marriage. He often helps around the house and does the cooking. He is a very passionate man with loads of love to give! So what is my challenge???
He has been unemployed for the past 3 years and in previous years he did not work for very long. All the bills are on me! I have to support us and our Daughter (21 at Varsity) and my son 10. I battle each month to pay our bills, keep a roof over our heads and keep food on the table. I am often stressed and in a bad mood. I have been sexually dead and have not enjoyed him touching me in years. I am angry, frustrated and always take it out on him.
Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. I read my Bible and pray every day to saturate myself with his Word to strengethen my faith. Most of the time God gives me what I ask for. I am weary because my sexual problems are slowly breaking my marriage. My husband being unemployed is a catalyst to this. Why won’t God heal me and give us financial relieve? Sometimes I turn to alcohol just to make me dead. Pray for us.
(USA) My husband has become very emotionally distant. I have been with him for 10 years and married to him for 5 years. I love this man with all my heart and soul. I have done some inexcusable things, never unfaithful, but inexcusable things and reactions due to my past relationship. I could not handle the feeling of being controlled, even though I don’t believe he was trying to.
I am working on trying to restore our marriage to a better place, a new beginning and he doesn’t feel that this is something that can be done. He informed me that he wanted to move out, but will wait until I find a job since I became unemployed last June and still so.
4 years ago, I felt emotionally distant from him, due to a lot of stressors going on in my life and he convinced me to stay and work on our marriage. Now the tables are turned and he says too much has happened and it is not the same. I don’t understand that because the tables are just turned and he wants to bail. Says that he needs time to be by himself and does not know what he wants from there.
I am praying for God to give me strength and to please help us heal our marriage. This is the man I want to spend my life with.
(USA) Dee, I have experienced what you are going through and now the tables have been turned on me. My husband and I have been married for six years, together for eleven years. After the first couple of years of marriage, I felt unhappy and wanted to leave. He pleaded for me to stay and I did. Now four years later, he wants out. I have been an emotional wreck, but the power of prayer does work. I have asked God to comfort my aching heart and to renew the right spirit in me. At first, my husband did not want to hear a word I said, but now he is listening a little more.
I love my husband, we have two beautiful daughters and I want my family! Yes, I said words to him that I can never take back, but I have asked for forgiveness from him and more importantly God. I have cast all my cares and burdens on the Lord, now I must stand still and keep praying. I truly believe Gods will not mind or my husbands will be done. My advice would be to keep praying and stand still. It may be the most difficult thing to do, but remember God has all power and not man!
(SOUTH AFRICA) It’s so sad that there are so many marraige problems in our world. It should be so easy… Just love each other unconditionally… should’t it? My husband I have been married for 14 years. We DO love each other, but can’t comunicate. He thinks that I’m withholding sex from him if I go to bed early because I’m tired. (I drive up to 200 km each day to take my child to school and have to cope with my other child in a hostel).
If I do try to stay up with him, he just sits there. He doesn’t respond to ANY sms’s, letters or cards or any other way I try to comunicate. He never wants to do things with me and the kids. Would rather do things on his own. He accuses me for having relationships with other men, which I NEVER have, or will (I love the Lord too much).
He doesn’t even get into bed with me, no, he sleeps on the coach or in the spare room. He wants me to initiate sex and everything else in our household, which I feel should not be allocated to a certain person, but be a joint effort. I feel so rejected and feel that if I want to keep my sanity I must just live my live. The Lord showed me that I must live with peace, the peace that only He can give, and that gets very difficult if you get shut out of your husband’s live. Only God can change my husband and me. Lets pray for marrages over the universe… that God can heal and restore.
(MALAYSIA) I am having this emotionally distant problem with my husband. There is this wall between us, we hardly talk. Since we are from the Asian culture, we just ignore this problem and life moves on, but there is no thrill at all. I thought I married the wrong guy but it seems all marriages are difficult to work on. I don’t understand him and he has been a dependent (on everything) rather a partner in our marriage. He is so passive that really frightens me to see the way he lives his life. I am a Christian and running away from marriage is never an option in my mind. Now that both of us are aging, I don’t see any hope of seeing him change. Very sad indeed. I just need the grace to get through the days with him around, changing myself to accept the way he is. Thank God we don’t have to live in this world eternally…
(JAPAN) Please pray for me and my husband as he returned from deployment 3 wks ago. He told me he never loved me and we have been married for 4 yrs and have 2 kids. We are both saved Christians and I feel as if God would not want us to divorce. Please pray for my husband as he is going to counseling and we are also going to start with the pastor counseling together. I really could use the prayers and support because if he decided that he would not be with me I would end up a single mom of 2 the kids who are 3 yrs old and 7 months. Please pray God stirs his heart because right now it is numb to everything I know. I have faith that God can turn this around as I have been seeking Christ every day since he has told me this. So, with this said a broken heart I know God can heal our marriage. Thank you.