The following are “Surviving Infidelity” Web Site Links and Resource descriptions that deal with surviving the damage that can occur because of extra marital affairs and infidelity. We pray you will find them to be helpful.
- Affairrecovery.com This web site offers hope, support, and recovery for couples and individuals who have suffered the pain resulting from infidelity, betrayal, or sexual addiction. The Affair Recovery Center is a partnership of counseling professionals dedicated to the restoration of marriages crippled by infidelity. Their community includes couples who have experienced reconciliation and renewal. Some of the services they offer are: individual counseling, affair recovery groups, free resources, seminars, on-line study courses, plus subscription —only services for in-depth resources and ongoing support.
- Beyondaffairs.com This is the web site for Beyond Affairs Network and Passionate Life Seminars which was founded by Anne and Brian Bercht who are authors, Seminar Speakers, and Relationship Coaches. This web site is dedicated to helping couples and individuals heal from the devastating pain of affairs and build even greater lives together. You can also sign up at this web site for a free e-mail newsletter. As they say, “Whether you’re a betrayed spouse, the spouse who had an affair, or a friend, family member, or other professional who wants to help someone who is in the midst of an affair crisis, this newsletter will provide you with resources that can help.” They have a lot of helpful articles and information which could greatly benefit those who visit their web site.
- Dearpeggy.com This is the web site for Peggy Vaughan, who put together this web site to help people (both men and women) deal with the devastating impact of a spouse’s affair. The main reason for her commitment to this effort is that, as she said, “I’ve ‘been there’ myself —and know how it feels.” You will find a variety of different articles and links to additional web sites to help you as you deal with this difficult issue.
- Hopeandhealing.us Hope & Healing is a Christian based support ministry devoted entirely to helping couples who have experienced the heartache of adultery. It is led by couples who also have experienced this heartache, are still married and are committed to being the husbands and wives God intended them to be. Hope & Healing was founded and designed to support, encourage, offer hope and provide practical strategies for couples willing to grow through this crisis in their marriage.
- MarriageBuilders.com This is a great web site, featuring Dr Willard F. Harley, Jr. which has a whole section devoted to the subject of INFIDELITY and many other subjects on marriage. You will also be introduced to some of the best ways to overcome marital conflicts and some of the quickest ways to restore love. Dr. Harley has saved thousands of marriages from the pain of unresolved conflict and the disaster of divorce. His successful approach to building marriages can help you build yours. There’s even a “Discussion Forum” that you can use to ask questions.
- Newlifepartners.org This is a Christian online resource and support group for women whose lives have been impacted by husbands or loved ones caught in the web of pornography and/or sexual addiction. On their web site you’ll find sharing, caring, love, hope, and prayer to help you daily walk out the Lord’s plan for your life. They’re not a counseling group. They have no paid counselors —they’re a peer support group. This means that each of the ladies within NLP is going through something similar to what you may be experiencing. The resources available to NLP members include an email discussion forum, online chats, small group forums, Bible or book study groups and an annual retreat.
- Retrouvaille.org (meaning “rediscovery and rhymes with pie) This is a program for couples with serious problems who are disillusioned, separated and/or on the brink of divorce. You’ll be helped by volunteer couples who have also “been to the brink” —who have experienced serious problems including affairs, alcoholism, gambling, violence, etc. or who have simply fallen out of love —but who have worked their way back. They’ll teach you how to fall back in love again and heal your own marriage and make it stronger than ever before.
This successful program (85% when both partners work at it) teaches simple techniques of communication and exercises to work on forgiveness, healing, and restoration of trust. The program begins with a weekend and includes 12 follow-up meetings over 3 months. These are not spiritual retreats, sensitivity groups, seminars or social gatherings —there are no counselors involved and you don’t have to say anything in front of anyone else. Couples discuss the topics and practice the skills in private. It has a blank envelope donation system and is open to couples of all faiths and to the non-religious. For those in the USA: to find a program in your area call, 800-470-2230.
- RonAndNancyAnderson.com This is the web site for Nancy Anderson who wrote the book “Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome.” She and her husband know what it is like to survive infidelity. They have been there and done that. You may also want to visit their blog at www.joyfulmarriage.blogspot.com.
- Tornasunder.org This is the web site for Dave Carder who wrote the book Torn Asunder (which is listed above). He is the Pastor of Counseling Services at First Evangelical Free Church at Fullerton, in California. He also sees couple —not individuals over issues concerning Infidelity recovery. For contact information you can visit his web site.
- Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome -Written by Nancy Anderson, published by Kregel Publications. As some reviewers have said —which we agree, “This is wisdom born of tragic but genuine experience. Because Nancy Anderson nearly ruined her marriage due to infidelity, she truly knows the misery that an affair can cause. Her honesty, vulnerability, and repentance provide marital lessons guaranteed to revitalize and strengthen couples who are susceptible to the lure of an affair. She does a terrific job telling her compelling U-turn story of rebellion, repentance, and restoration.
- Because I Said Forever: Embracing Hope in an Imperfect Marriage -by Deb Kalmbach and Heather Kopp, published by Multnomah Publishers. This book is by far one of my (Cindy’s) favorite books on the subject of marriage addressed specifically to women. It’s a compilation of true testimonies on various subjects of marriage lived out by different women who have and are living through some really tough situations and yet God has helped them to live victoriously despite the difficulties. The authors have done an excellent job of “applying biblical principles to the challenging issues involved in a difficult marriage.” Women who read this book will “understand how doing things God’s way brings fulfillment and peace, regardless of the circumstances.”
- Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage -Written by Dave Carder, published by Northfield Publishing. In this book, Dave Carder, counselor, author of the bestselling Torn Asunder, and a sought-after expert on issues of adultery, includes eye-opening stories, clinical insights, and up-to-date data. He reveals what adulterers learned the hard way —and want the rest of us to know. For example, every spouse has a “Dangerous Partner Profile” of the kind of person who tempts them. Close Calls should be on every church leader’s and marriage counselor’s required reading list.
- Godly Whispers: A 90-Day Devotional To Help You Recover From Your Spouses Affair, written by Marsha M Rozalaski, published by Marsha M Rozalaski. Did your spouse have an affair? Here you will find God’s deep love for you and His plan for your life and your marriage. With these devotionals you will be able to: – Face each new day with a renewed sense of hope – Turn what you’re experiencing into God’s loving plan for your life – Turn your pain and devastation into a new course with a distinct path – Uncover new ways of prevailing in the face of devastation – Feel God’s peace being poured out into your spirit – Feel wrapped by His love and carried by His arms – Experience God’s wisdom and comfort by knowing He is listening – Heal your marriage through God’s loving plan.
- Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It -By Jerry Jenkins, published by Moody Press. There’s so much that needs to be said on this subject that Jerry says very well. We can’t emphasize enough the importance of taking this subject seriously. This newer edition (previously published under the title of “Hedges”) also comes complete with a Study Guide which will make the lessons personal. They’re designed for your own reflection or to talk them over with your spouse to help you to work through the different areas of your life that will need protective hedges put into place. We HIGHLY recommend this book to every married couple!
- Hope After Betrayal: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage -by Meg Wilson, published by Kregel Publications. This is a TERRIFIC book for women who need to experience healing after finding out that adulterous sexual addiction has invaded their marriage. Not only does Meg, herself, greatly minister through her own personal experience, she also gives insight into the lives of several women and the journey they took to healing after finding out about their husband’s addiction and adulterous situations. The book also has sections after each chapter that can also be quite helpful. One of them is called “Path Lights” which contains related scriptures and quotes. And the other is called “Journaling” which poses questions and thoughts to help women to process through this difficult journey through journaling.
- Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis -Written by Dr James Dobson, published by Multnomah Publishers. In this book, Dr. Dobson offers practical help for the spouse who wants to hold the marriage together. He shows how to rekindle romantic interest and draw the offending partner back home. Love Must Be Tough offers realistic hope. “Dr. Dobson’s premise of tough love, which essentially means defining and maintaining the line of respect around yourself, seems sound and practical. Applying it avoids the drawn-out, torturous emotions that go with living in a decaying relationship. Dobson makes the seemingly radical recommendation that people facing infidelity or other marital crisis of similar proportions precipitate a crisis to bring the situation to a boil. Dobson’s point is that the boil will very often restore the relationship. Precipitating the crisis shows your mettle, which commands respect and even admiration. This book is NO GUARANTEE that you will win your spouse or significant other back. But, like anything else, if you don’t do something you will more assuredly lose them anyway.”
- My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me -Written by Anne Bercht (with Brian Bercht and Danielle Bercht), published on-demand in cooperation with Trafford Publishing. In this book the author walks you through the painful ordeal she and her family experienced after she discovered that her husband Brian had betrayed her by committing adultery with another woman. You also read about the difficulty of having a spouse who moves out to begin a new life with the woman he betrayed her with, and the eventual painful process of reconciling and rebuilding a new marriage together. Through it all, as Anne candidly reveals the emotional upheaval and anguish they experienced —you get a glimpse at to why she could eventually say her husband’s affair “became the best thing that ever happened to me.” She also walks you through anger issues, co-dependency issues, and many others that you could benefit from reading.
- Surviving an Affair -By Dr. Willard F. Harley and Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers, published by Fleming H. Revel. This book is a guide to understanding and surviving every aspect of infidelity —from the beginning of an affair through the restoration of the marriage. The authors Drs. Harley and Chalmers describe why affairs begin and end, how to end an affair, how to restore the marriage after the affair, how to manage resentment, and how to rebuild trust. It also guides you step-by-step from the devastating blow of infidelity to a loving and trusting marriage.
- The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage -Written by Michele Weiner Davis. It was published by Simon & Schuster. Although this book does not come from a “Christian” perspective, most of the principles presented are very solid. She teaches you how to identify specific marriage-saving goals, move beyond ineffective, hurtful ways of interacting, and become an expert on “doing what works.” Inspirational anecdotes and in-depth case studies show how couples have used these techniques to save their marriages, and how you can use these same techniques to rescue yours. The author also offers solution-oriented strategies for readers to cope with infidelity, and midlife crises. And if you think you partner already has a foot out the door, this proven program is a recipe for change, even if only you participate. (NOTE: While we agree with about 95% of what this book presents, we do disagree with some of Michelle’s advice to couples who face an Internet Pornography problem. But, even so, we recommend this book to couples because the rest of the advice is very helpful.)
- Torn Asunder Workbook: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair -written by Dave Carder, Moody Publishers. This book is very comprehensive and is a great practical guide for dealing with extramarital affairs. It’s very comprehensive because it carefully sorts out the different kinds of affairs and deals with each kind —giving very practical and insightful information. It doesn’t lump all infidelity together “giving over-simplistic spiritual answers.” It’s practical because “it deals with daily, gut-level issues both partners face.” We highly recommend getting this book! There are a couple of parts that especially stand out and set it apart from other resources. One in particular which is EXCELLENT is titled: “When Your Spouse Doesn’t Want You Back: The 90-Day Experiment.”
- Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity -written by Gary and Mona Shriver, published by David C Cook. This is an absolutely terrific book! We can’t recommend this book highly enough! It’s written by a couple who have been through this horrible experience themselves. “More than ten years ago, Gary Shriver shocked his wife Mona, with a confession of his three year affair —as well as a one-night stand.” It devastated their marriage! After Gary’s confession they struggled to keep their marriage together with all the strength they could muster and the Lord’s very real help! What we appreciate about this book is how totally honest they are in their writings and how transparent they allow themselves to become as they diary the gut-wrenching struggle —each giving their own perspective during the healing process. This book is a great road map to follow to recovery!