Calming Tensions This Christmas Season

Even with the joy of Christmas, most of us have experienced stress that comes along with this season of the year. The Christmas song says, “‘Tis the season to be jolly.” But it’s also a season where we put a lot of unnecessary stresses onto our married lives. This can make us anything but “jolly”. The first Christmas may have had a “Silent Night” but many people don’t see enough of them during these days of Christmas giving and “cheer.” That’s why we’re addressing the issue of calming tensions this Christmas season.

We’re told by psychologists that sadly, the holiday seasons are the most stressful times for most people. This is because of unmet expectations, and unforeseeable tragedies. Plus, there’s the strain of having people come together who probably shouldn’t be together. What a sad testimony for a season that should be filled with celebration in honor of the birth of our savior Jesus Christ!

Let’s try to keep in mind what we’re told in this anonymous version of the “Love Chapter” from 1 Corinthians 13:

The Christmas Love Chapter

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,
but do not show love to my family, I’m just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies,
preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime:
but do not show love to my family, I’m just another cook.
If I work at a soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity;
but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes,
attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir’s cantata,
but if I do not focus on Christ, I/we have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn’t envy another’s home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn’t yell at kids to get out of the way
but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return;
but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break, necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust;
but giving the gift of love will endure.

All the points made above are many of the reasons why we need to keep our priorities straight. So, we’ve gathered a few “calming” tips from various resources. Pray, read, and see what you can apply this Christmas holiday, and carry beyond into the New Year.

Calming Those Holiday Tensions

We encourage you to:

•  “Speak love in words. The best gift you can give is for a person to hear their value and worth from your lips. One year, all our sons were struggling college students, so instead of spending money on a gift for me I asked them to give me words that would make me cry. Each read a tribute letter and my husband had them framed and they hang in my office to this day.” (Pam and Bill Farrel)

•  “Move Beyond Bah Humbug. Christmas cheer only lasts a few weeks. But the joy that comes from knowing Christ should last year-round. The next time you hear yourself grumbling about something, apologize to God for breaking His commandment: ‘Do everything without grumbling and arguing‘ (Philippians 2:14). Then apologize to the one you offended. Apologizing for our failures is one of the fastest ways to get rid of a negative attitude. If you replace grumbling with gratitude, you will lay the foundation for a wonderful new year.” (Gary Chapman)

•  “Play Music of Christmas Past. Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day, my wife and I play Christmas music after the kids go to bed. We even listen to the same Christmas songs from when we were first married. We’ve found that this music helps us realize how much God has changed us throughout the years. Plus, we see how blessed we are. The Christmas music even gives us an opportunity to reminisce about childhood Christmases before we’d even met. (John from Colorado, in the article, “Meaningful Christmas Traditions for Couples”)

Also, Despite Holiday Tensions:

•  “Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for relationships. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress, too.” (Nancy Williams)

• Sneak away together. “If your house is full or you are staying with other people, plan for the two of you to spend some quality time together as often as possible. That might be with ‘an early night’, or a stroll to the park. It could be a midnight feast, an early morning start, or any other way to ‘escape’ children, family and/or friends (however much you love them!). It’ll help to ‘anchor’ you and your relationship. Plus, it gives you time to discuss and problem-solve any potential issues.” (Elly Prior)

•  “Infuse Laughter into your Christmas holiday. “According to researchers, laughter could be just what the doctor ordered when it comes to coping with life’s stresses. It’s been proven that laughter: • Relaxes muscles. • It lowers blood pressure. • And it eases mental tension. • It also reduces levels of hormones that trigger the stress responses and suppress immunity. Laughing releases endorphins, the same stress-reducers triggered by exercise. Laughter is beneficial for improving one’s perspective on life.” (Detroit News and Free Press, April 22, 2001)

With that thought in mind:

To help you infuse fun and laughter into your Christmas holiday, here’s a link to your Christmas bell. It’s loaded with free downloadable puzzles, games, quizzes, etc. to enjoy. Just tap onto the photo and enjoy what’s available for your use:

Above all:

• When you are feeling stress because of holiday tensions, remember we’re told:

“Be anxious for nothing. But in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

It will take intentionality to drop our anxious feelings, but it is possible.

•  “Prepare with blessing. No matter how you find your situation, consider how you have been blessed. The Lord is good to us all: “All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:15) (Dr. David B. Hawkins) 

Let’s focus on celebrating the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ, instead of focusing on the offensive behavior of others. Strive to be part of the solution instead of being part of the problem.

As we’re told in Hebrews 12:14, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy. Without holiness no one will see the Lord.” Our hope is that you find a way to make peace with those around you TO THE GLORY OF GOD! What a wonderful gift to give in honor of Jesus Christ! It’s also a great gift to those He has placed within your influence. May there be peace in your little section of the world — your home!

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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