Are you ready for a New Year? We are! We’re tired just thinking about the many difficult things that happened last year (not that there won’t be difficult things happening this next year, as we can already see). But as they say, “Each day is a new beginning.” We’re adapting that by saying, “Each New Year can be a starting place for new beginnings.” And we’re ready to put our energy and focus into making it that way.
But let’s be a little cautious. Let’s make sure we don’t go TOO big in what we attempt to do (unless the Lord leads you accordingly). This goes along with something Pastor Mark Gungor wrote concerning New Year’s resolutions:
“One of the reasons many New Year’s resolutions fail is that people start BIG! You may go full speed ahead into that diet or fitness routine, only to find out by January 5th that you feel like you’re starving and sick of kale and that your muscles are screaming, ‘For the love of everything human! Stop going to the gym!’
“So, what I’m thinking is: Start small. Keep it manageable. Why not find one or two easy-to-remember-and-do things that will make your spouse feel special and loved, which will improve your marriage? And for those of you who are remembering challenged, set a reminder in your phone. (You know that shining little gadget in your hand that gets an inordinate amount of your attention every day?)”
With that said, Bob and Yvonne Turnbull (of Turnbull Ministries) are sharing with us some (small, yet impactful) energizing tips that could help us get a great start as we look into the year ahead. They write the following on this issue of:
Energizing Your Marriage This New Year
The beginning of a new year is always a good time for families to seriously think about de-cluttering their house. It begins when we put away the Christmas decorations for another year; and it ends with us going through cupboards, closets and that dreaded monster known as — shudder — “The Garage.” We’re getting rid of items that we neither want nor need. Our annual house decluttering always makes us feel more energized and ready to tackle a new year.
A few years ago, knowing how good we felt after our home was mercifully cleaned out, we decided to do the same thing with our personal lives, and more particularly with our marriage. We realized that many things came into our life each year that, frankly, only cluttered it and oftentimes not only cluttered it but got us side-tracked from where God wanted to lead us with our marriage. This realization led us to establish a routine that we do at the beginning of every year. It always helps up energize our marriage.
We find a night early in the month where we can spend a couple of uninterrupted hours together and ask each other three questions. As we discuss our answers, we keep in mind a verse found in Ephesians 5:15-16, “Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life, but as those who do. Make the best use of your time…”
QUESTION #1: What areas worked for us this past year, and do we want to continue them?
We discuss a variety of areas of our life that include the financial, physical, spiritual, sexual and relational. Starting with “the good news” always gives us encouragement about what we are doing right in our relationship and that which we can build upon.
The following is a small but a powerfully living example for what worked for us in previous years, and we will continue. When one was leaving to run an errand, we pause and exchange a kiss and say, “I love you” and express those worlds in various ways. This causes us to focus on the moment and on each other. Discuss what has worked for both of you in those five areas of your life and whether you want to continue it.
[Steve and Cindy: We started the tradition of blowing each other a kiss from the garage door as the other backs out the car to drive away. Our grandson, Thor, started us out on this tradition and happily we’ve never stopped. We give each other a goodbye kiss and also make it a point to blow a kiss from the door. It has been a real endearing “habit” for us. Try it; you might like it.
Here’s another: We’ve also enjoyed how we now do our devotional time together. It took us years to figure out this way of making it work for us; but thankfully, it does. We each have our daily personal time with the Lord, listening, praying, reading the Bible, reading devotional material, etc. And then afterward (at whatever time we can), we come together at our designated spot and take turns sharing what we believe the Lord showed us during that time. It has been beautifully enlightening! We cherish that time together.]
QUESTION #2: What areas did not work for us this past year?
Why and do we want to do something differently?
This is the question that really gets you thinking about the things that may have cluttered your marriage. And now you realize you want them tweaked a bit or totally cleaned out. One year we decided we were going to have a date once a week as well as put aside a couple of days every three months to have a much needed “down time.” But guess what? You guessed it. We didn’t do it. Well, just a tad on rare occasions, but nothing like we hoped to do. Oh, sure, we talked a lot about it, but didn’t discipline ourselves to follow through.
So, our waayyy too busy life took over and pushed out time for us to just enjoy each other. So, what did we do about all this? We simply decided to put ourselves first on our calendar. Yes – FIRST. No exceptions. By making ourselves a priority showed us it was greatly benefiting our marriage.
Have you done something differently like the above to make your marriage a Priority First – under God’s leadership and directions? What are they?
Energizing Marriage This New Year
[Steve and Cindy: Through the years we’ve found lots of things that, “did not work for us” — perhaps they worked for a time, but not at that time. And just the length of time we’ve been married (53+ years) causes us to outgrow many things, so we’ve needed to make necessary adjustments. Perhaps it’s because we’ve entered a new season of our life together. Or maybe it’s a friendship with people we used to be close to, but it doesn’t work any longer, or it could be a need for a job or a church change or a home that we outgrew for differing reasons that causes us to look and say, “That doesn’t work for us any longer.” And maybe we “grew apart” for a time and need to find a way to grow closer together.
The thing is that we find ways to make our life work together in the best ways possible so that it reveals and reflects the heart of Christ in the way we approach each other, and other people God brings our way. As Debi Walter (from The Romantic Vineyard ministry) writes, and we agree,
“Let’s purpose to grow in maturity and godliness this year. Let’s humbly ask God to help us in ways we haven’t been able to help ourselves. Nothing is impossible with Him. He loves to make His name great by changing us in ways we could never change on our own. If we do, God will be glorified, and our marriage will benefit greatly from it.”]
QUESTION #3: Is there anything new we want to add this year?
As we discussed these areas of our marriage and family, we decided to just add one new activity in our life in starting a new year. We didn’t want to overwhelm ourselves, which on occasion, we were prone to do. That always backfired.
We used to play casual, fun tennis but had stopped. We decided to put that into back into play (pun intended). Another time we decided when we go walking together to take along some ‘prayer cards’ (on 3 x 5) and take turns reading them, discussing the verses and then praying back and forth as we walked.
Another time when we had our morning devotionals, we each would read out a portion of some scripture verses we were reading and then comment on what that verse meant to us and what we intended to do about it. That helps us energize each other spiritually – husband to wife – wife to husband.
How about you? We encourage you to pose this trio of questions to each other and then “Make your plans counting on God to direct you.” (Proverbs 16:9) Selah.
Thank you, Bob and Yvonne for sharing these challenging questions with us to prayerfully consider. We greatly appreciate it!
FYI: If you’d like to ask each other several other questions (which we used this year, as well) we encourage you to look through:
• REFLECTING, THEN LOOKING FORWARD THIS NEW YEAR
And as we look into this New Year:
“The blessing of the LORD be upon you! We bless you in the name of the LORD! (Psalm 129:8)
Cindy and Steve Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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