The following are a number of quotes that Marriage Missions International individually posted on our Facebook site as marriage tips, which can still be used in a variety of ways:
• A church, ministry, counseling organization, or an individual can use them to share on their Facebook site, if desired.
• They can be used as points of discussion in marriage classes, mentoring, counseling, or coaching situations.
• Couples or individuals can use these quotes to discuss or consider the issues raised, allowing the Holy Spirit, our Wonderful Counselor, to speak further to them.
They make great discussion points for those couples who want to use them for conversation starters for a 22 Minute Date (the guidelines are posted in the Romantic Idea topic). Just make sure, if you use these quotes in a dating situation, you don’t get into heated arguments over them.
The point in sharing these marriage tips is to build marital relationship bridges, not construct walls of contention, causing a breakdown of communication. You can constructively disagree with these tips and with each other, and still learn more about each other and grow closer together, in the process.
It is our sincere hope that the tips below will help marriage. As you read them, please consider:
1. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?
2. Do you have further thoughts on the issue, to apply personally or as a general rule? (If you’re reading them with someone else, please share.)
3. Do any scriptures come to mind, which apply to the marriage tip given? (If possible, please share.)
The following are quotes to note for your use (each paragraph stands on its own —for your knowledge, the original sources are noted afterward in parenthesis):
“God tied marriage to prayer. In 1 Peter 3:7, a man’s prayer life is hindered if he dishonors his wife. Mark 11:25 implies that prayers are blocked by an unwillingness to forgive. And when a couple marries, Scripture reveals that God has joined them together (Matt. 19:4-6). As a gift, God gives each spouse a prayer partner for life. When they pray together, they usher the uniting presence of God into their marriage.” (Actual quote: Prayer Empowers. God uniquely tied marriage to prayer. In 1 Peter 3:7, we learn that a man’s prayer life is hindered if he’s mistreating and dishonoring his wife. Are you bitter with your spouse? Mark 11:25 implies that mountain-moving prayers are blocked by an unwillingness to forgive. And when a couple ties the knot, Scripture reveals that God has joined them together (Matt. 19:4-6). But as a wedding gift, God also gives each spouse a prayer partner for life. When a husband and wife pray together, they usher the presence of God into their marriage in a special way. His presence brings the love, joy, and peace that we all need residing in our imperfect homes. -From Lifeway.com article, “When You Don’t Have a Prayer” written by Stephen Kendrick)
“Prayer Impacts. Is your spouse imperfect? Have you noticed some things your spouse needs to work on? Good! Husbands & wives have a front-row view of the skeletons in their mate’s closet —your marriage unloads your spouse’s baggage into your life. Ever wondered why God gives you insight into his or her hidden faults? For nagging? No, for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your spouse than you.” (Actual quote: Prayer Impacts Is your spouse imperfect? Have you noticed some things the love of your life needs to work on? Good! Husbands and wives have the front-row view of the skeletons in their mate’s closet — your marriage conveniently unloading your spouse’s baggage into your life. Ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight into his or her hidden faults? For endless nagging? No, for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your spouse than you. Fault-finding is not for criticism; it’s for intercession. From Lifeway.com article, “When You Don’t Have a Prayer” written by Stephen Kendrick)
“Have you chosen to nag your spouse rather than pray for him or her? How’s that working for you? Nagging doesn’t change a heart. Talk to God instead. It’s much more effective; God can handle any issue and encourages you to place the problem in His hands (Luke 18:1-8). Turn your complaints into prayers & watch God work” -S. Kendrick. “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful & effective” -1 Peter 5:16. (From Lifeway.com article, “When You Don’t Have a Prayer” written by Stephen Kendrick)
Scripture says prayer is a fragrant incense to God (Rev. 5:8). It ushers couples into His presence. But have you noticed that prayer has an amazing ability to draw hearts together? Hearing your spouse pray for your needs & for God’s blessings over your life is an intimate experience. When God joins your hands in marriage, He also wants to join your hands in prayer. Don’t fail to open God’s precious gift. -S. Kendrick (Actual quote: Scripture says prayer is a fragrant incense to God (Rev. 5:8). It’s pleasing to Him and ushers couples into His presence. But have you noticed that God also has blessed prayer with an amazing ability to draw hearts together? Hearing your spouse pray for your needs, for protection, and for God’s blessings over your life is an intimate experience. When God joins your hands in marriage, He also wants to join your hands in prayer. Don’t fail to open God’s most precious wedding gift. From Lifeway.com article, “When You Don’t Have a Prayer” written by Stephen Kendrick)
No matter what struggles you have as a couple, if you keep praying together, you can see things turn around. If you or your spouse feels uncomfortable or embarrassed praying out loud in front of the other, don’t be discouraged. Many people have felt that way and overcome it. Ask God to help you. Ask Him to teach you and your spouse how to pray together so you can have the marriage He wants you to have. -S. Omartian (Stormie Omartian, from Focusonthefamily.com article, “When Two Pray”)
“Develop a network of [marriage-friendly] support around you. Have a group of people that you spend time with whom you can confide in & share times with. It helps to know that others are going through the same things you are” -Mark Brandenburg. “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another —& all the more as you see the Day approaching.” -Hebrews 10:25 (Mark Brandenburg, Certified Personal Coach & author of Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less, quote appeared in an article from Smart Marriages on 11/18/03.)
Make & take time to connect. “Author Richard Swensen states that the average couple spends as little as 4 minutes a day in meaningful couple time. It’s hard to spend much more when you’re balancing the demands of a job & children. But as my mother told me when I was a teenager, ‘If you don’t take time for the Lord now, you’ll never have time later on.’ Make time with both your spouse & God a high priority every day.” (Julie Clinton, from Kyria.com article, “Soul Mates”)
Jesus’ 1st miracle took place at a wedding. Why? Perhaps, “He wanted the Bride & Groom to realize His part in their marriage. There’d be an abrupt ending to the celebration, if He wasn’t present to work miracles. He wants US to see His passion for marriage. It’s His desire to see all marriages produce fruit that doesn’t run out. He’s present in our marriage. If we ask He will provide in ways we think are impossible.” (Tom & Debi, Theromanticvineyard.com article: “Water Into Wine”)
“Here’s a great marital or premarital question: ‘Can the 2 of us together do more for the Lord than we could separately?’ Working together helps build a team mentality. Whether it’s struggling over a major decision, serving others, or simply laughing together, sharing life creates a team mentality that makes the marriage bond stronger. The key word is TOGETHER.” (From Lifeway.com)
“University of Louisville researchers found a connection between ‘nasty habits & nasty divorce.’ Seemingly insignificant behaviors left unattended can cause real trouble in the long run & become more irksome over time. The report says they’re like ‘pebbles in the shoe.’ The name for this is, MAD—Minor Annoyance Disorder. Some of us have MAD marriages that may become bad marriages if we don’t do something about it.” (Dr Ray Pritchard & wife Marlene, from Keepbelieving.com sermon “Curing the Itch Mites”)
Does your spouse just need some space? “Trisha & I react in opposite ways when we fight. I like to be all cuddly & affectionate & love it out. She doesn’t want to be hugged, touched or breathed on. If we try to make our spouse react or respond to conflict like we do, we’ll constantly be frustrated, & create more conflict. Sometimes, SOME space in conflict helps everyone see things more clearly.” -Justin Davis (From Refineus.org article, “Stop Walking on Egg Shells”)
“The Scriptures are clear that we’ll reap what we’ve sown (Galatians 6). The Apostle Paul talks about the impact our behavior has upon others, & that there’ll be scars in our lives. However, remember that reaping what you sow works in the positive direction as well. While you’re reaping the ‘weeds’ you’ve sown previously, if you plant good seeds now, by acts of love & kindness, your marriage will reap rewards later.” (David Hawkins, from Crosswalk.com article, “Principle of Sowing and Reaping Can Turn Hurting Marriage Around)
Match your tone & words to your body language. Life is hectic. Stress can color our responses. Our language & tone may not always reflect how we’d like, if we were really paying attention. Show your husband or wife that you value her/him, by giving your full attention –both when they’re speaking AND when you’re responding. Tonight –drop what you’re doing & pay full attention as your love shares their thoughts. -Lori (Lori Byerly, from The-generous-wife.com article, “Showing You Value Your Spouse 1 of 10)
God wants us to seek His wisdom & His knowledge in choosing a spouse & cultivating a marriage. But our culture has a way of luring us away from this gift that God designed for a man & a woman. John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Satan will try to destroy your marriage, but God has a wonderful plan. (From Focusonthefamily.com article, “Guarding Your Heart in Marriage,” by Cheryl Scruggs)
In your marriage “there are 4 key players. You, your spouse, the Holy Spirit & the Devil. Just because you don’t always recognize or maybe don’t even believe that the last 2 are present, does not make it so. They are there. And they’re respectively advocating for you to change your focus & be healed or tear each other apart & run from the mess.” Jesus is the One who draws us “closer to Him and closer to each other.” (http://formarriage.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/your-marriage-is-a-lie)
Don’t neglect to show love: “Think of all the insensitive behaviors toward our spouses which we feel are covered by ‘love’: forgetting to use words such as ‘please’ & ‘thank you;’ coming home late from work without calling 1st; ignoring basic needs as encouragement, intimacy & conversation. Then think what might happen to your relationship if you began treating these needs like your marriage depended on them.” -W. C. (Win Couchman, from “The Couples’ Devotional Bible”)
If marriage is ultimately about getting our own needs met, then marriage is over when intimacy fails. However, marriage can also be viewed as something beyond our needs. It’s often the ultimate test of our values & character. Like no other relationship, marriage can highlight our fears & selfishness. The way we respond in marriage reflects our core beliefs & our very reason for living. -Julianna Slattery (from, Kyria.com article, “It’s Not About Satisfaction”)
“You and your [spouse] each have preferences –on what kind restaurant to go to, what movie to see, how to hang the toilet paper, & so on. How often do your preferences ‘win out?’ Is it more than half the time? Be radical –make it a goal to go with [his/her] preferences more than half the time.” -Lori “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 (Quote from Lori Byerly from The-generous-wife.com article, “Make Room for His Preferences-2)
“The old saying, ‘It takes 2 to make a relationship work’ isn’t entirely true. In reality it only takes 1 person to make a change for the relationship to change for the better. Unless you’re dealing with someone who’s abusive, normal people respond well to being treated well. We have the ability to influence our spouse, the question is, are we going to influence them for good?” (Smalley) Today can be a new beginning!
How in tune you feel with your spouse has the potential to decrease after having a child. But this doesn’t need to be the case! Remember that technically you are one. Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father & his mother, & be joined to his wife; & they shall become one flesh.” Both you & your spouse MUST make the effort to continue nurturing your marriage relationship. -Rebecca Dawson (from Growthtrac.com article, “Help! My Marriage is Having a Baby”)
My wife & I made a pact that nothing major financially will be done without agreement from the other. There are times I want to spend money on something & I feel like I’m going to the principal’s office to get permission. Sometimes she feels the same way. Yet the trust we have for each other because we don’t have “little secrets” has caused our marriage to prosper & we make fewer bad financial decisions. -D. Ramsey (Actual quote: “My wife and I have made a pact that nothing major financially will be done without agreement from the other. This pact is sometimes a real pain. There are times I really want to spend money on something and I feel like I’m going into the principal’s office to get permission. Sometimes she feels the same way. Yet that short-term pain and relinquishing of “rights” has brought us closer and closer together. The trust and respect we have for each other because we don’t have any “little secrets” has caused our marriage to prosper. Not only has our marriage prospered, but we also make fewer bad financial decisions and no major money decisions on impulse.” – Dave Ramsey, from Focusonthefamily.com article titled, “Money Talk: The You in Unity is Silent”)
“When you married, you began to fulfill one of Jesus’ commands. “Mike Mason relates: ‘For most people… marriage is the single most wholehearted step they’ll ever take toward a fulfillment of Jesus’ command to love one’s neighbor.’ How can you be faithful in carrying out the commands of Jesus to love your partner selflessly? It can’t be imagined or carried out without the grace & love of God.” -N.W. (Norm Wright, from book, “Quiet Time for Couples)
“A great marriage doesn’t just happen! It takes solid set of decisions, a huge amount of skill, & enormous willpower. I contend that people in extremely healthy marriages built those marriages just as you build a mammoth bridge or skyscraper. They made their marriage triumphant because they simply wouldn’t settle for less. No matter how much work it requires, their willpower gives them this kind of toughness.” (Neil Clark Warren, from book, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life)
Having problems in your marriage? Ask God to help you to discern when would be the best time to talk with your spouse. Make sure that you don’t do it during a time when you should H.A.L.T. —a time when either of you is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. There’s more vulnerability to be less tolerant during those times. “Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” -Proverbs 29:20
Resolving minor conflicts over the computer is a godsend. I write to [my husband] Bobby as a friend, not as the enemy I sometimes think he is when there’s a conflict. I briefly state how I’m feeling about a particular issue, & then ask for his thoughts. It’s worked well most of the time. One thing I’ve never done is let him have it. Instead I simply ask for his opinion. He gives it & we move on. -Lisa Cowman (Kyria.com article, “The Love Connection”)
“Sometimes in marriage, we let a desire for dominance be won or lost in miniscule arenas. To put it in perspective, in the face of cancer, does it really matter what the toothpaste tube looks like? When a spouse is deployed overseas, does the direction of the toilet paper really matter? Next time you face an area of potential power plays, how about making it a win-win scenario? Separate toothpaste tubes for all?” -KW (Kym Wright, from Crosswalk.com article, “Marital Power Plays”)
“Couples may benefit from an ‘Ah, God! Weekend.’ The purpose of such a weekend is to soak in God’s world, slow down & praise God for all your souls can absorb. Other ways to be spiritually intimate might include activities such as serving on a short-term mission team, taking an historical trip & being amazed by God’s hand in our world, or keeping a gratitude journal together.” INTENTIONALLY, grow together with God. (Steve Bell, from Kyria.com article titled, “Soulful Connections”)
Time will always be limited regardless of the stage of life you’re in. Couples should resist the mentality to wait to achieve goals “when they retire” or “after the kids are grown.” “Some people spend their entire lives indefinitely preparing to live,” Les Parrott said, “& that’s a trap that’s easy to get caught into.” Couples should focus on capturing the time they have, making every moment of it count. -B. Elliott (From Growthtrac.com article, “Tips for a Time-Starved Marriage”)
“Communication breaking down? Pray for God to teach you how to communicate thru the time you spend with Him in prayer. Ask Him to help you speak positive words that encourage your spouse & avoiding negative words that tear your spouse down. Pray for God to show you how to listen to each other well. Ask for the wisdom to speak the right words at the right times & for God to bring you into unity with Him & each other.” (Stormie Omartian, Crosswalk.com from article, “Transform Your Marriage through the Power of Prayer”)
“If your marriage is strong & you know of a couple experiencing difficulties, consider how you might embrace them with your friendship & offer your home as a place to seek perspective & support for their marriage. Consider teaming up with another couple & starting a marriage support group in your church, if one doesn’t already exist. Plus, together with your spouse, compile a list of the support ministries.” -D. D. (David A. deSilva, from the Crosswalk.com article, “Marriage: Made Within Community, Made for Mission”)
“The bride & groom are not the only people to take vows on a wedding day. After hearing the couple declare their commitment to one another, the celebrant usually asks, ‘Will all of you who witness these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?'” Think about it: “If we took this promise with seriousness, husbands & wives would find it less burdensome fulfilling their marriage vows.” (David A. deSilva, from Crosswalk.com the article, “Marriage: Made Within Community, Made for Mission”)
Guard your marital relationship from temptations that can catch you or your spouse off-guard. “There’ll be times of unhappiness & vulnerability. Protect your marriage by having strong boundaries that don’t allow for emotional intimacy with opposite sex friendships. They take energy & closeness away from the relationship. Be loyal in the way you speak publicly about each other. Keep your partner’s confidences.” -V.F. (Val Farmer, from Marriage.com.au article, “Ten Ways to Have a Really Great Marriage”)
“Keep meaningful rituals in your relationship. Whether it’s having a dinner conversation after work every night or taking a long walk, have something in place that allows you to stay in touch with each other’s lives” -Mark Brandenburg. And don’t forget to schedule regular date times with each other. You dated your spouse before marriage—that’s what contributed to your falling in love with each other in the 1st place. (Mark Brandenburg, Certified Personal Coach & author of Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less, quote appeared in an article from Smart Marriages on 11/18/03.)
“When children enter the picture, you may need to alter your dating habits. Perhaps you’ve always gone out in the evenings, but now it’s a bad time. Or the cost of babysitting makes dates impossible. Get creative! Try an afternoon date if that works. Swap babysitting with another family. Put the kids to bed earlier & have a romantic dinner together at home. There are many possibilities. Think outside the box.” (Glen and Christie Hoos, from Growthtrac.com article, “Romance: Surviving the Diaper Phase”)
“Often we think that true romance must be spontaneous. That may have worked when it was just the two of you, but things have changed. Don’t sit around waiting for a free moment — it will probably never come. Make your relationship with your spouse a priority and build it into your schedule. Find a regular babysitter so your minds are at ease, and then plan a weekly date night and guard it zealously.” -G & C Hoos (Glen and Christie Hoos, from Growthtrac.com article, “Romance: Surviving the Diaper Phase”)
We couldn’t express the following thoughts any better… Whether you’re a husband or a wife, we encourage you to please follow the link & consider what’s written. We pray your marriage will take a turn on this day in a better direction, as a result: “10 years ago today the world changed forever for those who live in the states —and changed for many in other countries as a result of ripples from what happened here…” (Paul Byerly, from The-generous-husband.com article, Ten Years Later” —In this article, Paul Byerly wrote: “Ten years ago today the world changed forever for those who live in the states – and changed for many in other countries as a result of ripples from what happened here. Major events like this give us a stop action image of our lives – we all remember where we were when we heard the news, and we tend to have a more clear memory of our lives as they were on that day than days before and after that date.
“Take a moment to remember how you were then. How has your life change? If you were married, how has your marriage changed? Have you moved towards your goals in the last ten years? Have you changed goals, or have your goals been run-over by life? What did you hope for? What did you fear? What of those has come to pass, and what has not?
“What can you do in/with the next ten years? How can you be a better husband, better father, better friend? What can you do to reach out and help others?
“Maybe, as part of this day of remembering, you and your bride can recall together where you were (as a couple, or individually) and discuss what has happened in the last ten years. What do you wish you had done differently, and how can you make changes now?)
You may “think your spouse doesn’t get it. But your spouse thinks YOU don’t get it. Who’s right? You’re both right! We can all stand to see ourselves & our marriage more clearly, & improve our situations. We tend to get stuck in our ways” & “in the way WE SEE THINGS. It’s probably just a slight change in perspective you need, but it can make an enormous difference in your circumstances” -M.F. Pray for REVEALED TRUTH. (Mort Fertel, from emailed message, “Do You See That?”)
“At night before bed we need to tell our spouse something about them we appreciate—something related to a characteristic they exhibited in something they did that day. When we both feel appreciated, we’re more willing to be sacrificial with each other. Things that would be points of contention before, are less bothersome & don’t turn into major blow-outs when we’re assured that we’re appreciated by our partner.” (Naomi, as pointed out from Lori, from The-generous-spouse.com)
“Some couples find it helpful to write down their goals or mission statement to make sure that decisions made align with where they want to go as a couple. If your relationship is really your priority then you must allocate time towards growth as a couple. This may mean that time devoted to children, friends, chores, & even your standard of living, needs to be reduced in order for you both to make 1st things 1st.” (From Marriage.com.au article, “If I Only Had Time”)
“Laughter can take care of many ills, tear down walls & repair what appears to be hopeless. Our Lord is a God of joy. Let His grace, love & humor be the glue in your marriage & behold the abundant riches which come from a lifetime committed to your spouse” -Lynn. “Laughter is as good medicine” -Prov. 17:22. “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice” -Philippians 4:4.
Marriage Tip: Simple acts of love, shared with your spouse, like spontaneously nestling into each other’s arms & hugging, is a great way to emotionally connect during a ho-hum time. Keep in mind: “Hugging has no unpleasant side effects & is all natural. There are no batteries to replace, it’s inflation-proof & non-fattening with no monthly payments. It’s non-taxable, non-polluting, & is, of course, fully refundable.” (Author of quote, unknown)
“3 questions that can change your marriage for the good, if you ask them: -What can I do to help you? -How can I make your life easier? -How can I be a better husband/wife to you?” (Gary Chapman) Those words when spoken, and given as a gift to your spouse is a living example of the scripture: “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” -Prov. 25:11. The receiving spouse will indeed be blessed!
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds… encouraging one another —and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” -Hebrews 10:24-25 “Lets take the time to examine ourselves & see where we’re expecting our spouse’s to be more mature & less selfish than we expect of ourselves & start to turn that around. Let’s look for ways to encourage each other to do & be better.” -K. C. (Kentucky Colonel, from Grownup.com article, “What’d You Expect?”)
“Each day assorted voices & images lure your spouse & you away from each other: TV, cable, Internet, email, blogs, chat rooms, radio, magazines, newspapers, music, movies, books & video games. Media is competing with you for your spouse’s attention & affection! It can twist your sense of reality, creating unreasonable expectations for your spouse & can present a distorted picture of relationships.” Be on the alert! (Quote from: Moments With You by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)
Your child is influenced by the state of your marriage connection. The more warmth & love between you & your spouse, the happier & healthier your child is. The more alienated your relationship, the more your child can be affected. This truth is a result of God’s design. God created marriage to connect people in a deep way that reflects His passion for people. Children are a fruit of that love & connection. -C. & T. (Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, from Lifeway.com article, “Reconnect with Your Spouse”)
Concerning texting & emailing your spouse, please, whatever you do: “Don’t send angry text messages that include attacking comments, criticism, name calling, foul language, or degrading comments. Your partner can keep track of the hurtful text messages & quickly be reminded of how you are hurtful. Re-read the text messages before you send the messaging, & make sure it has respectful & safe messages.” -J. Estes (Jennine Estes, from Growthtrac.com article, “Text Fighting”)
“Keep committed to sex, in spite of all the distractions. Your marriage & sexual relationship must continue to be high priorities. Be cautious of commitments that rob you of time for one another. Keep your sexual feelings turned toward home. Fantasize being with each other. If sexual feelings are triggered in response to someone other than your mate, immediately put your spouse in the picture & bring the spark home!” (Clifford L. Penner and Joyce J. Penner, in Kyria.com article, “It Doesn’t Just Happen”)
“Our expectations shape how we act (& shape how people act & respond to us). If you think about your spouse as someone who is lovable & delightful, it’s amazing how lovable & delightful he/she will become” -Lori. “Our minds can shape the way a thing will be because we act accordingly to our expectations” -F. Fellini. How sad to give more grace to others than to your own spouse. May grace abound in your marriage! (Quotes from Lori, from www.the-generous-wife.com and Fredrico Fellini)
“The reason so many people struggle to restore their marriage is because they refuse to love before they FEEL love. If you wait until you FEEL like loving, you’ll be stuck forever. But if you treat your spouse like you have a great marriage, then you’ll have a great marriage. A marriage that acts like a great marriage IS a great marriage.” -Mort Fertel. “Love IS patient, love IS kind…” -1 Corinthians 13:4
“Scripture reminds us, again & again, that our goal as Christians is to become more like Christ. In Eph. 5:1 we read, “Be imitators of God.” Elsewhere, Paul wrote, “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Rom. 8:29). As I grow in relationship to Christ, my [spouse] should be able to notice at least some family resemblance” -G. Thomas. Does your spouse see Christ in you? (Gary Thomas from the Kyria.com article “Why You Need a Double Standard”)
Treat each other with respect. “Whether a spouse makes millions or earns no outside income, becomes famous worldwide or is known just within the neighborhood, rises to the top of the ladder or holds it for the other, each is as worthy as the other. Giving dignity & respect for the needs & desires of each other, is essential to make any relationship to work.” Give the love & respect God asks of you. (See Ephesians 5.) (Joe Beam, from Crosswalk.com article, “Fame, Fortune and Marriage”)
“I offer you no miracle cure for the problems of life. If it’s true that into each life some rain must fall, then some of you are getting a thunderstorm right now. But it doesn’t have to destroy your marriage. When the love of God is the foundation of your marriage, rains can come, winds can blow, rivers can rise to the threshold, but your house will stand firm because it’s build on the rock which cannot be shaken.” (Dr Ray Pritchard, from Keepbelieving.com sermon titled, “Grow Up!”)
“There’s an insightful verse in Genesis 11:6 about talking things thru to accomplish goals: The Lord said, ‘If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.’ As a couple, let’s choose to ‘speak the same language’ & make plans that nothing can stop. Let’s work together to make a union that empowers each of us to live a life that counts.” (Kym Wright, from Crosswalk.com article, “Marital Power Plays”)
“Work at becoming your spouse’s best friend. Decide to be attentive, to listen, to see the meaning & the merit. Get morning coffee & the evening tea, care about his comfort & the lotion on her back. If you’re persistent, you’ll both begin to break the residue of distractions. Man & woman were not designed to be alone (Gen. 2:18), so stop being alone. Pray together & share Scripture as that friend your romance needs.” (Tim and Julia Clinton, from Kyria.com article, “Marriage Works”)
If you’ve been dealing with challenging issues in your marriage, it may seem like your relationship will never change. But don’t let your frustration get the best of you. While you and your spouse’s own efforts to change may fail, God will change your marriage if you pray. Prayer has the power to accomplish what nothing else can” -S. Omartian. “The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective” -James 5:16. (Stormie Omartian, from Crosswalk.com article, “Transform Your Marriage through the Power of Prayer”)
Whatever you do to connect love & passion is not only good for you two, but also for your child. You can’t overstate the parenting benefits of a loving marriage. That’s why, when you see behavior issues, attitude problems, or other “child issues,” it’s good to look at the state of your own union with each other. Children are often the warning signal you need to address your love within the marriage. -Cloud & Townsend (Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, from Lifeway.com article, “Reconnect with Your Spouse”)
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” -Prov. 10:19. The more we talk the more likely it is our words will be full of sin. We used to quote this to our teens when they wanted to talk for hours on the phone, or chatting on-line. The same applies for married adults” -DW. Be careful of how you “process & vent.” SELF-righteousness often rises “when words are many.” (Debi Walters, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “Water Into Wine -Proverbs 10”)
“Touch is a powerful thing. It can even reduce anxiety & tension. Give physical touch often, with no expectations attached to it. Hug in the morning. Kiss good-bye & hello. Take your partner’s hand when you walk somewhere. Put your arm around the other. In moments when you sense tension in your partner & you don’t know what to say, give a hug & express, “I don’t know what to say but I love you. Touch often.” -G.R. (Gail Rogers, from Growthtrac.com article, “You Can Have Straight A’s in Your Marriage” )
“Every couple has ‘raw spots’ —topics that are emotion-laden & must be approached with care. Listen carefully to each other & discuss topics lovingly. Value each other’s point of view. There’s rarely a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way of seeing things. Healthy couples know it’s important to ‘agree to disagree.’ But, if we truly value & understand our mate’s point of view, chances are good that we’ll find a place of agreement.” (Dr David B Hawkins, from The Relationship Doctor’s 7/31/2011 emailed article, “Recovering From the Breakup, Makeup, Shakeup”)
After years of counseling & working with married couples, I’ve learned that the wife speaks a “love language” & the husband speaks a “respect language.” Because he’s speaking 1 kind of a language (respect) & she’s speaking another (love), there’s little or no understanding. “If I didn’t understand what one was saying, I’m a stranger to that person. And that person is a stranger to me.” (1 Cor. 14:11) –Eggerichs (Actual quote: To say that communication is the key to marriage is to assume that both spouses speak the same language. After more than 3 years of pastoring, counseling married couples, and conducting marriage conferences, I have learned that in fact the wife speaks a “love language” and the husband speaks a “respect language”. They don’t realize this of coarse, but because he is speaking one kind of a language (respect) and she is speaking another (love), there is little or no understanding, and little or no communication. “If I didn’t understand what one was saying, I am a stranger to that person. And that person is a stranger to me.” (1 Corinthians 14:11) (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Cracking the Communication Code, pg. 4)
A healthy way to react to an insult: “respond in a H.A.R.D. way—Honest, Appropriate, Respectful & Direct. When we’ve been wounded & can’t ignore a troubling situation, address the person in the HARD way. Confronting the person will keep the air clear & accounts short.” Remember though, “we can’t control how they’ll respond. All we can do is be clear about how their comments have impacted us & ask for what we need.” (Original text: Let’s consider the healthy ways to react to an irritation, insult or emotional wound. First, be honest with yourself about the wound. It does no good to tell yourself you haven’t been wounded when you know you have. You must take a few moments and acknowledge the infraction. What happened, and why do you feel the way you do? Second, do not go on the offensive. Don’t “fight fire with fire,” as the saying goes. Scripture instructs us to have a fitting word for every situation and any time we feel unfairly criticized is certainly such an occasion. These incidences, in any kind of relationship, are not opportunities to be on our worst behavior but actually our best. Third, our best behavior means responding in a H.A.R.D. way — Honest, Appropriate, Respectful and Direct. When we have been genuinely wounded and cannot ignore a troubling situation, we must address the person who has wounded us, but we must do so in the HARD way. Being assertive and confronting the person will keep the air clear and the accounts short. Fourth, while we must often share how we’ve been hurt by someone’s comments, we cannot control how they will respond. Fortunately for me, Christie spontaneously noticed my hurt and apologized. This was an optimal situation. Such was not the case for the woman writing to me. All we can ever do is be clear about how someone’s comments have impacted us, ask for what we need and allow the other to respond the way they will. Finally, how a person responds to our feedback says a lot about them. –Dr. David Hawkins, from the Crosswalk.com article, “Keep a Short Account with Your Mate”)
“Married couples who travel together spiritually discover an amazing truth—experiencing spiritual intimacy makes everything better. Life is less overwhelming, sex is better, stress becomes more manageable, & problems are more apt to be tackled as a team. Spiritually intimate couples discover they have more in common on the soul level than any division the gender gap creates on the surface of their lives.” -S. Bell (Steve Bell, from Kyria.com article, “Soulful Connections”)
“Marriage is a covenant created by God. He’s the One who took 2 separate people & formed us into 1 flesh. He’s passionate about our Oneness for it reflects the Oneness of the Godhead. If we realized this we’d be more apt to guard the treasure we’ve been given. Marriage isn’t simply 2 people who love each other & want to start a family. Marriage is much more. It’s a relationship established & upheld in Heaven.” -TRV (The Romantic Vineyard, Debi Walters) from article, “Water Into Wife, Proverbs 7”)
“A Cool Tool for praying for your spouse: Please feel free to use or modify this for your spouse’s needs… Sunday= pray for his/her Spiritual walk -Monday= pray for his/her Moods & Mental health -Tuesday= pray for his/her Thought life -Wednesday= pray for his/her Weaknesses to be healed -Thursday= pray for his/her Time usage -Friday= pray for his/her Friendships -Saturday= pray for his/her Sexuality.” (Lori Byerly, from The-generous-wife.com article, “Cool Tool”)
“1 thing is true: you’re married to an imperfect mate. And here’s the spiritual reality that flows from this difficult truth: even though our mate disappoints & hurts us, the Bible still calls us to respect our imperfect spouse. This is true whether you’re a husband (1 Peter 3:7) or a wife (Eph. 5:33)” -Gary Thomas. You may not LIKE what your spouse does, but you’re still to treat him or her in a respectful manner. (Gary’s quote comes from Kyria.com article, “Feeling Let Down?”)
“Accept the call to praiseworthy thinking. Obsessing over our spouse’s weaknesses won’t make them go away. In fact, it makes things worse. You’ll have to fight the natural human tendency to obsess over your mate’s weaknesses. I urge you to affirm your spouse’s strengths. I’m not minimizing their weaknesses. I’m just encouraging you to make the daily spiritual choice to focus on qualities for which you feel thankful.” (Gary Thomas, from Kyria.com article, “Feeling Let Down?”)
“Form your heart thru prayer. Can I spiritually form my mind to accept [my spouse] as they are? Yes. Practice praying positive prayers for your spouse. Find 5 or 6 things he or she does really well—or even just 1 or 2! And try to tire God out by thanking him for giving you a mate with those qualities. Follow up your prayers with comments or cards that thank your spouse personally for who he or she is.” -Gary Thomas (Gary Thomas, from Kyria.com article, “Feeling Let Down?”)
“Keep in mind that no man or woman is ever ‘on’ all the time. Give your spouse room to be a less-than-perfect human, to have bad days, ‘off’ days, & ‘average’ days. The spiritual challenge is that you’re more apt to define your mate by the bad days while taking the good days for granted. Hold on to the good; begin to define him (her) by the good; thank him (her) & God for the good; & thereby reinforce the good.” -GT (Gary Thomas, from Kyria.com article, “Feeling Let Down?”)
Grow with God. “Everyone needs to change, because God wants every person to keep growing to become more like Him as long as they live. Since God is in the business of changing people, there’s always hope for change. You & your spouse can change, no matter how tough the struggles you face. Being married creates the perfect opportunity for change because it helps you see how much you need to grow as a person.” -S.O. (Stormie Omartian, from Crossway.com article, “Transform Your Marriage through the Power of Prayer”)
“When a marriage is in a state of unrest, Christians should be willing to look to God’s Word & accept its truth & instructions. A few verses God has provided to bring healing & harmony: ‘Be angry & do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger & don’t give the Devil an opportunity‘ (Eph. 4:26-27). ‘Be kind & compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ Jesus” (Eph. 4:32).” (JB & Shugie Collingsworth, from Lifeway.com article, “Doing the Right Thing”)
“The one-flesh union of husband & wife is to model truths about the union between Christ & the Church. The Lord wants us to tell this story with our sexual conduct. Sex outside of a permanent, one-flesh, legal, marriage covenant is a violation of God’s design. Hebrews 13:4 says, ‘Let marriage be held in honor among all, & let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral & adulterous.’” -MK (Mary Klassen, from Girlsgonewise.com article, “The Royal Wedding”)
Marital Bedroom tip: “Get your bedroom organized! If there is any place you are going to have order it should be in your bedroom. If you de-clutter your bedroom I can almost guarantee better sleep, more intimacy, & simple peace of mind. The bedroom is a place for you and your spouse, a place to get-a-away, a place to be intimate, a place for rest, a place to talk and laugh.” -Godcenteredmarriage.com
Marriage tip for ladies, from The-Generous-Wife.com: “Time for an underwear check. Go through your undies drawer & remove anything worn, ugly or that doesn’t fit. Replace with pretties. Toss a sachet in your drawer or lightly spray a touch of perfume. ‘The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.‘ -Song of Songs 4:11b.” Wives AND husbands: show love by taking care of yourselves, inside & out.
“What would an expert say about your marriage? If you can be honest with yourself, this is a great marriage building thought exercise. If you knew you were being observed, what would you avoid doing that you normally do? Why would you avoid it? …The things you would hide are the things you need to focus on.” -Paul Byerly “He reveals deep and hidden things; He knows what lies in darkness…” Daniel 2:22 (From The-generous-husband.com article, “What Would an Expert Say About Your Marriage?”)
Does your marriage need a tune-up? “Study your spouse. What kinds of things does he or she get excited about? What are your mate’s dreams? What does your spouse think would make his or her life more fulfilling? One way to make your partner feel appreciated is to express genuine interest. Even better, you’ll both experience joy as you help make your spouse’s life more satisfying.” -Michael Lace (From Kyria.com article, “Does Your Marriage Need a Tune-up?”)
“Many people who say they want a better marriage never do what it takes to have one. Why? Maybe they’re afraid of failing. Maybe it’s too much work —change requites effort. If you say you want a better marriage but aren’t working at it, ask yourself why. What’s keeping you from doing it?” -TGH. Change takes courage. Work on becoming heros & put forth the work into taking your marriage up a notch. It’s well worth it! (Quote from Paul Byerly, from The-generous-husband.com article, “Risk Vs Reward”)
“Pray for your spouse & your marriage. Commit to pray daily for your spouse & your marriage, & I don’t mean the “Lord, please make him/her do __.” I mean pray that they’ll be strengthened, for their spiritual life, for them to walk in their destiny in Christ & for blessing. If you don’t know what or how to pray, the prayers found in Ephesians 1:17-23, Ephesians 3:16-21 & in Colossians 1:9-12 are fantastic.” -S.M. (Scott Means, from Surrenderedmarriage.org article, What Do You Think”)
“Build your marriage with service. Finding ways to serve will bring more satisfaction to your relationship. Perhaps you can rub your partner’s shoulders or offer to take a chore that’s normally theirs. Find ways to serve in your community together. Maybe you could pick up trash at the park, or serve in a soup kitchen. Right now think of a way to serve your partner or serve with your partner.” (Marriage.com.au article, “Building Your Marriage With Service”)
What irritates your spouse? “Whatever it is, sit down & think through the issue, then brainstorm solutions. Try 1 solution for a week or so & then reevaluate. Modify or change out your solution until you find something that works. Then move on to the next problem. The important thing is to listen to your [spouse’s] frustrations, look for practical solutions & be willing to work to solve the problem.” -Lori (From The-generous-wife.com article, “Fix It”)
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