How Do I Convince My Spouse to Fight for Our Marriage?

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11 responses to “How Do I Convince My Spouse to Fight for Our Marriage?

  1. (UNITED STATES) I know the past cannot be changed but you can change who you are and not repeat the past. How do you convince someone of that? Even when they were in the wrong also. I have begged and pleaded for our family to be together. But he keeps saying cruel things that are just heart breaking. I know he still loves me and our family, but is masking his own self by throwing himself in to someone else’s family. My child deserves to have her parents together. I deserve to have the love of my life. The pain and crying at night and crying in the morning has left me in such despair.

  2. (GHANA) Forgive yourself first, agree that you are meant for life and use your current situation to build the future pressing onto the higher grounds. It is difficult but look up to the Almighty who can bring total change. In Africa, once there is love there is solution somewhere. He should love you beyond the past and if he agrees, that brings the first step. God be with you.

  3. (USA) I’m tired of being the only one willing to communicate and fix this marriage. I’m so drained and I want to just stay to myself. I could write a book but I’m so tird of the subject I don’t want to talk about it. I wake up and feel like I don’t want to be with my husband and the feelings won’t go away. I devote a lot of myself to this marriage and I just want God and God only. He is passive aggressive and that immature behavior has drained me and I’m just not in a good space with him and don’t feel like being bothered.

    1. (UK) Oh Alisha, what a bad space to be in. I can relate to your situation. I’ve just come out of a deep hole. I felt exactly like you, if not more. One thing I have learned though, is that he is a reason that God has given you the will to desire and to do the right thing for your marriage even if it hurts. Please my dear sister, do not take that lightly for it is the greatest gift from God and He is able to help and sustain you throughout. Do not give up. Seasons come and go and yes, I know there are those that seem to last longer than others. Just let the Holy Spirit do His job with your husband.

      I also learned that we hurt so much sometimes because we carry the burden that is not ours, but God’s. I pray that you continue to find joy and pleasure in seeking God and worshiping Him, for that is your only hope and salvation in marriage and in life in general. I also pray that you gradually learn to let go and let God carry the burden and let Him do whatever is needed to change your situation. I can feel your pain because I know how it feels like to lose hope and be frustrated by a spouse who does not seem bothered.

      God does show up and does more than we can ever hope for. Now, I am a happy, peaceful woman who is amazed by God’s sense of humor. So, situations do change and I am living testimony to that. Remember that you are a positive gift to your marriage. So whatever you do, do not do, say and don’t say, should be for the glory of God because you are here for a reason. God is ready to take you to another level as soon as you acknowledge and accept your divine appointed role in your marriage. He is watching; He is willing and ready to help you when you are weak, tired and frustrated. Take care my sister, God is on your side always!

    2. (USA) Alisha, I feel your pain. Sometimes it FEELS like I’m the only one who cares for the deeper issues of my marriage, as well. Be sure to stay in prayer. I recommend Stormie Omartian’s book, The Power of a Praying Wife. The prayers in that book change things. Sometimes we can’t go by how we feel because our emotions can have us tossed to and fro and lie to us sometimes.

      I am sorry you feel drained, I have been there. Below is a prayer for strength I found on this wonderful prayer website called Missionaries of Prayer. It truly helped me through my weak moments. Be blessed and pray without ceasing.

      “Heavenly Father, I am now here distraught and utterly hopeless. I confess all my sins to You, heal my spirit, soul, and body. I commit to completely turn away from a lifestyle of sin and allow You to have full control of my life. I have been so tired and heavy laden; please give me rest. I resign from running the affairs of my life and let You reign in all aspects. Remove all the worries, anxieties, fears, and trepidations in my mind, will, emotions, and heart. Lift off all the shock, fear, trauma, terror, grief, pain, and shame off my spirit.

      “I pray for divine order in my entire being and everything concerning me, my family, studies, career, ministry, relationships, finances, plans, desires, and dreams. I want Your best for my life. I desire Your perfect will in all areas of my life, not Your permissive will. Teach me to depend solely on You for strength, not on people or things. Strengthen also my inner man and spirit to withstand all the temptations of the wicked one. I bless You Lord at all times. Your praise will always be in my mouth. I ask for the joy of the Lord to be my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10) Let there be light in my life. I believe that You hear this prayer for healing. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.”

  4. (SOUTH AFRICA) Hi guys, I’m emotionally drained and my spouse just continues with this affair. I’ve even given him the choice of choosing what he wanted and he chose his marriage. They work together, which makes it really hard. He says it’s over. I so wanna believe him because it’s the 3rd time I’ve caught him out. He says he loves me and this chick and doesn’t know why he is doing this. Everytime I confront him, he shows me love and affection but is it to cover up his wrongdoing? This other woman refuses to let him go.

    I pray and seek God’s guidance as he is my only comfort. I sometimes want to give up and then I think that’s satan and don’t budge and just stick it through. I’m currently pregnant with our second baby and the stress is killing me. How can I allow my God to intercede in my life?

  5. I dont know what to do…my husband wants to call it quits he is so convinced we can’t be be happy together. It hurts so badly..I love him so much. God knows what is in both our hearts. Ever since I strayed from Gods path things got worse. And it feels as if it may be too late. I’m praying for God to restore my marriage and relationship with Him as well. My jealousy and reproach has pushed my husband away and I want to show him I do want to change and am changing not only for him but for myself. How can I prove that?

  6. I just watched first short clip. However, what happens when I haven’t been together for 2 yrs, and you dont have really permission to say that to him? He wont read any material, go to any classes, or to a workshop. I pretty much live on streets while he sleeps well. I have been trying for 2 yrs to save this marriage. I have asked for help, begged for help and nothing.
    If he doesn’t love me, then why isn’t he with someone else if it’s that easy to end everything?

  7. My wife caught me in multiple affairs 2 years ago. We fought our way through it and remained together. We were doing really good, so good that we renewed our vows on our vacation this past June. Now Oct. and she says she can’t and won’t go on. She is tired of hurting and being sad and unhappy. This was a total shock to me. Not that I didn’t know she still had hurt from what I did, but that it was to this point. I have completely changed my ways and done everything asked of me. We should have gotten counseling long ago, well stayed with the counseling. Instead we tried to self-cope and it didn’t work. She never went to any counseling for herself. She had depression before and I believe its worse now with what happened. She says she will go to counseling with me, but just to tell the counselor how she feels. She is persistent that she does not want to work on this.

    We decided last night that we will stay living in the same house but I will sleep on the couch and we will just have general conversation or none at all. I love my wife deeply and I believe with the counseling if she would go with open mind that it can help her first and then work on us she would see the love we have together. Any advice beside counseling? Thanks.

    1. Hi Chris, Your wife is deeply hurt. I know. I’m the same kind of wife. My husband cheated on me. He had 4 prostitutes instead. I know you want to fight for her. So do that. Know it will take at least a year to win her back. You must pursue her.

      For her depression, get her help. And why not check out This is a great resource. I hope it works out for you. Not sure where I’m at with my own husband. I still love him. I’ve forgiven him. I simply don’t trust him.

      I wish you the best. I hope you’ve learned that the grass isn’t greener and that you truly broke her heart. I pray God heals it and yours too.

    2. Hi Chris. Your wife has been betrayed by her one true love and trust has been broken. You need to understand that no matter how much you try to convince her that you have changed, to her you are hauling her in for your own self-pity. Sometimes the mind triggers to something which is seen as innocent in your mind. Keeping away from female friends and colleagues is a place to start. Renounce all which you have done to each other – eg. anger, deceit, unfaithfulness, etc. Seek forgiveness from one another. Read the Bible and pray together. The healing from the deep wounds will take a good number of years and if you show her that she is your one and only each day, you will begin to see the gradual change. Buy her flowers and chocolates or maybe a weekend away. Do whatever she asks of you to build trust again but do not hurt her again. May God be at the very centre of your lives.