Dave Willis, on Spousal Arguing
Are you trying to win an argument with your spouse? In this You Tube video, pastor and marriage expert, Dave Willis, talks to you about that concept.
Dave talks about how to “PROPERLY” have an argument with your spouse. He uses a different approach to drive home his points, but it’s effective. And he makes some good points in his talk.
He tells “the real secret” behind resolving an argument. As Dave Willis says, “You either both win, or you both lose” when you argue with your spouse. As marriage partners there is no other way to look at it. When a “team” loses, all lose. One member doesn’t win if another (and in this case, THE) other loses.
As Dave Willis, and we have seen, trying to “win” is a temptation. But it’s a losing one.
“It’s tempting to try to ‘win’ a fight by providing overwhelming evidence. You come up with every possible reason why she [he] is wrong and what you want is right and she [he] will have to succumb to your logic, right? It may sound good, but it doesn’t work. This seems like you’re trying to beat her [him] into the ground, which will cause her [him] to resist.” (Paul Byerly, from the article, “Helping Her Grow Up —The Talk”)
Here’s another point to consider on this issue that goes along with the point Dave Willis is trying to make:
• “Generally, people think the goal of conflict is winning. If you’re winning, your partner is losing. And if your partner is losing, the relationship is losing. The goal of conflict is understanding. Understanding doesn’t mean you agree, which is okay because you don’t need to resolve your conflicts. You just need to manage them. So the next time you feel yourself getting frustrated, instead of digging in and defending your position, stop and say, ‘Help me understand.’ This turns conflict into connection.” (The Gottman Institute, from their Marriage Minute email, “The Goal of Conflict”)
Always keep in mind:
“Disagreements in marriage will come, and that’s okay. It’s not about whether we will fight as a couple—because we will—but how and when we fight that matters. In Mark 3:25, Jesus states, ‘If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.’ As a couple, we should seek to work through our conflict in ways and times that serve to unite us.” (Ashleigh Slater)
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