After 27 years of marriage, I’m just beginning to understand my husband’s sexual needs.
I DO know that his need for sexual contact is much stronger than mine. While I would be thrilled, with a romantic rendezvous about twice a month, my husband’s sexual needs are more intense.
I noticed a pattern: the longer he went without sexual intimacy, the more irritable he became. On the days when we made love, Ron was mellow and easygoing about things that might normally have bothered him. During the day after, he was still patient, kind, and cuddly as a six-foot teddy bear. On the third day after our “session”, he would start to get restless and make sarcastic comments like, ”Don’t worry about me. You just live your life and I’ll wait here.”
Then, if we hadn’t “played doctor” in four days, the veins in his eyes would get red and bulgy and his upper lip would start to twitch. If we went into the fifth day, he’d start to gnaw on the sofa.
The longer he went without release, the more pressurized —that is, grumpy —he became. If we ever went a whole week without sex, it’s as if his skin would turn green, black bolts would pop out of his neck, and he would morph into Franken-Husband.
Ladies, if you aren’t “taking care of business” a couple times a week, you may be creating your own monster.
Ron and I talked about my theory, and he agreed with it. He said, “After several days without sex, I start to feel like you don’t care about me. It isn’t a conscious decision, but my resentment just starts to build and keeps getting worse each day that you ignore or reject me.”
Husband’s Sexual Needs for Release
Then, I did some research and it confirmed our experience. Men’s need for sexual release is based on actual physical, hormonal needs. Many studies agree that because of sperm production, natural testosterone, and other factors, men naturally want sexual release about every seventy-two hours, or three days.
Men need sexual contact. God designed them that way. It’s not bad or dirty or perverted, it just is. If a wife makes an effort to meet her husband’s sexual needs, he’ll be more willing to meet hers. Sex is number one on Ron’s priority list and approximately number forty-seven on mine, but I have learned to honor its importance to him.
You are Sex-Driving Me Crazy!
I don’t fully understand the hormonal, physical male sex drive, but I do know a thing or two about the female hormone cycles. Ladies, have you ever gone on a PMS-driven mission called “Gotta have chocolate, or someone’s gonna die?” I have. I once ransacked every drawer in my son’s room looking for last year’s semi-sweet Easter Bunny’s ear.
I’ve clawed through the kitchen cupboards like [the movie character] Indiana Jones on a quest, looking for a little golden bag containing stale chocolate chips. As I ripped it open and blissfully inhaled the aroma, my pulse reacted as if I’d just found the necklace that the old lady threw off the Titanic.
Now imagine that you’re on a take-no-prisoners chocolate chase and your husband has a Snickers bar in his locked briefcase —but he won’t give you the key. He has the capability to relieve your hormonal obsession, but he refuses. How would you feel about him? Would you think that he was selfish? Mean? Cruel?
Ron says that’s how a man feels when his wife rejects his sexual needs.
Ouch.
Would You Like a Me-Burger?
If you think of your husband’s sexual needs as a hunger, his desire can be satisfied in many different ways. Each “feeding” does not have to be a banquet. His wife could “feed the need” with a snack, a meal, or a feast.
Often, a quick snack will satisfy his appetite. (Use your imagination here.) Other times, he’ll be thrilled to sit down (lie down) for a simple meal. On special occasions, however, get out the good china (satin sheets), send the children to Grandma’s house, and flambé a fabulous feast.
Ladies, next time your husband gets hungry for you and you’re too tired to prepare a banquet, ask him, “How about a quick snack?” He’ll probably be thrilled that you’re not rejecting him, and you’ll be able to meet his need without resenting it.
Don’t Make Him Beg
Bambi had four children in five years. She went from being a sex kitten to a fat cat who craved catnaps. She lost all interest in sex and was so tired that she had a “headache” for most of the next decade. When her husband tried to get frisky, she’d often arch her back and hiss, “You must be kidding!” He wasn’t. She refused him so many times that he quit asking. Not surprisingly, they’re now divorced and in the middle of a bitter custody battle over the kittens.
Men have fragile egos in this area and, in order to avoid rejection, they may stop pursuing their wives. Ladies, if your husband isn’t asking anymore, immediately sprint into a lingerie shop. I mean now, this minute! March in there, and buy a little —and I mean little —something. Then call your hubby and say, “I’m cooking up something special for dinner —hurry home!”
Unless your husband is a eunuch, he has sexual needs. Do your best to satisfy them.
“But I’m Embarrassed”
I don’t know why, but men are stimulated by visual cues. That’s why they’re much more likely to look at pornography than women are.
That’s also why they like to make love with the lights on. I’d prefer the flattering glow of a single votive candle, but Ron wants to use the same wattage a dentist uses for a root canal. So we have a conflict.
We’ve been married for 27 years and my body is almost fifty years old, and it’s showing signs of wear. I think of it as a comfy sofa: lumpy, frayed, and a little saggy. I try to avoid full-length mirrors, but my hubby still wants to see me —and that’s a good thing.
Several years ago, we discovered a wonderful compromise: we use a red or pink light bulb in the lamp next to our bed. I know it sounds crazy, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. The rosy glow diminishes most flaws, wrinkles, and stretch marks. You can buy these magic bulbs at most larger grocery stores for less than five dollars.
Discussing Wife’s and Husband’s Sexual Needs Together
Ideally, you should be at a place in your marriage where you can ask each other, “Are you happy with our sex life?” If one of you is not, ask, “Why not?” As a married couple, it’s vital that you are able to discuss your needs openly and honestly. If it’s important to one of you, it needs to be important to both of you.
Metaphorically speaking, if the wife waters the husband and the husband waters the wife, they will both be satisfied. “Drink water from your own well —share your love only with your wife [husband]” (Proverbs 5:15 NLT).
This article is adapted from the book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome, written by Nancy C Anderson, published by Kregel Publications. It was written by Nancy, who strayed to the other side of the marital fence —and returned to find forgiveness and restoration. Author Nancy C Anderson and her husband Ron, speak nationally to couples’ groups of all denominations. They share their message of hope and restoration with tenderness and humor. If you live in the United States and would like for them to speak with your group please contact them at Nancycanderson.com.
IF YOU ARE MARRIED and you have additional tips you can share, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
Filed under: Sexual Issues
(USA) Hello everyone. I don’t know if it’s sad that I found this blog or a good thing. I have been married for 4 years and love my wife more than anything. We have a 5 year old beautiful girl and we are great parents and partners in our marriage. Sex is another story. The post talked about being self aware of yourself and your partners needs. I have been open with my wife about my needs and how I feel when we don’t have intimacy. On average we will have sex twice per month but at times less. I have read books, self reflected, everything I can think of other than get angry.
I feel like I am not attractive to her when she is cold to my needs and it definitely effects all parts of our relationship. I tried for the last time three nights ago when I touched her in bed and she gave me a typical deer in the headlights… hands down at her sides with no reciprication and has that look like my hands are stone. The strange thing is we touch each other, kiss, cuddle, a hand on the hip, or something to let each other know we are there and thinking of each other. We touch each other, play, joke flirt etc… but it stops there. After telling her about how I feel for this long I feel it is less painful to go without than to feel like she doesn’t care about my needs or wants me.
Anyway. I feel my heart is growing cold. I want nothing more than for my marriage and family to be together but this is taking its toll. Again, I have told her how I feel in a loving way and she continues to say its her. Now what?
(CANADA) Mike. I feel for you. Touching, playing, and flirting are not sex, that’s all I can say. I wish my ex would have told me how it made him feel when I turned him down. God bless you for not getting angry. I know for me, it’s tricky to have sex with someone I see as my friend. It’s so complicated, I wish I could help. All I can say is, been there done that, I was your wife; she simply doesn’t understand how important it is. And that is not your fault. Good luck.
(UNITED STATES) I agree.
(SOUTH AFRICA) All I can say on some of the comments…What about LOVE in action? Words are easy, BUT showing it is what truly matters. I know that God’s Word says that nothing will matter, if there is NO LOVE in it. It’s a scary thought, but it makes sense. Imagine Jesus did everything to simply only expect something back from us or to see results or to get little help from us today. But He didn’t, He did it out of love, with love, so did God when He sent His only Son so our relationship can be restored with our Father. Now the same with meeting your spouse’s needs. Imagine the restoration that can take place in your marriage if you are only willing to simply deny yourself in that moment to show your spouse how much you love them and they will definitely sense your love because it was done in love. Watch what they will do. It has to be DONE OUT OF LOVE! =) It is they ONLY key! Otherwise, no LOVE and selfishness kicks in.
(AUSTRALIA) lol, so long as your Number Forty-Seven has the same importance to your husband .. or even numbers one, two, three …
(TEXAS) If you are reading this article, odds are you have too much time on your hands, or simply you sought it out for help!!! I personally sought it out, and I am really upset about some of the comments made. If people need to read stuff like this let them. If it doesn’t apply let it fly, as my husband always says! Just because this article doesnt fit your needs it may fit the needs of someone else. If you dont like it, get over it and find an article that will help you with your anger and your own rejection. Thank you to the person that wrote this article! My hubby will appreciate me reading it more than you know!!
(USA) The problems expressed here are so painful to read. Anyone can see that on either side of the marriage union that when one, or the other, stops showing real affection to the other, or makes unrealistic demands, it can be very hurtful to the other spouse. May I say though as someone who has been married for nearly 43 years, that a lot of the problems expressed here can be solved if you give your own situation to the Lord in prayer? God knows your pain. He knows your spouse also. I doubt seriously if your spouse is deliberately trying to hurt you.
Let’s be honest. Initially, the sexual experience is to “conceive” and “have children”. After that, the lustful part is up to the couple as to how they want to continue year after year. I do think that the sexual expressions are important in a marriage and that if one partner is cooler than the other, these things should be talked about. I also feel if one partner is being severely neglected in the intimacy arena, that it certainly can make them feel less loved and appreciated. It’s an issue that simply “has to” be addressed, or as many have expressed, can cause problems outside of the marriage.
I can say this. Intimacy doesn’t have to be the binding knot in the marriage and once these things are successfully addressed, relax and learn to love each other in a new way. There is a difference between sexual fulfillment and a deeper love and respect for each other, and God will help you find that difference as well. A couple should never look at each other as merely sexual objects. People’s situations can change through no fault of their own. A person can become ill and no longer desire intimacies. Does that make them less lovable? People aren’t sexual robots. If one person’s desire for intimacies is stronger than their spouse and their spouse is reluctant to address the issue, give your situation to the Lord. He will help you through it. You can cry to him. You can tell him how hard it is on you, and you can ask him for his love, wisdom and guidance in the matter. He helped me through a rough spot, he’ll help you as well. God Bless you all, it will work itself out.
“I don’t fully understand the hormonal, physical male sex drive.” The male body generates seminal fluid into a bladder-like structure called the Seminal Vesicle. When the seminal vesicle is full, it sends signals that the contents need to be released. The man’s testosterone level goes up, his sex drive become elevated and he experiences the tension of full seminal vesicles. This affects overall mood and disposition (like having your bladder full and needs to be released).
Ejaculation releases most of the contents of the seminal vesicle. This eliminates the experienced tension, lowers the testosterone level and reduces the sex drive. Ejaculation also causes the release of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates the relationship center of the brain. This is why men get more cuddly and are in a better mood after sex.
The cycle repeats. It takes 2-3 days for the seminal vesicle to be filled, hence the male drive for sex every 2 or 3 days.
If your man is going away (or you’re going away) for several days, it’s best to leave him with an empty seminal vesicle. His testosterone level will be low and his drive for sex will be down, reducing his need for sexual release while you two are separated. You could try multiple orgasms until he is having a dry-orgasm, when there is no more semen to be discharged.
I have to say that I was totally opposite with my husband. I never denied him sex in 7 yrs even when I felt bad. We had sex often, I rubbed his back every night, made his dinner worked 50 and 60 hrs a week and he still cheated on me. So I don’t think it is my fault, or that I did anything wrong; he just never had enough. He was insatiable and not satisfied no matter how hard I tried. I turned down many men during this time as I do not cheat, but unfortunately he just cannot say no. I was not over weight, I kept up my appearances and did everything that a woman, wife, mother should do. I even made his lunch for him daily. What more can a person do?
From what you’ve written here Teresa, I can’t even start to think what you could do. This does not appear to be about you, but about your husband, and this woman’s, lack of character, lack of moral standards, and lack of decency to do what is right, no matter what temptation faces them. Some people will fall into temptation and cheat no matter what they have going on at home. What a horrible thing to have to go through… my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry that you have had to live through this. I pray that you are able to pick the pieces up of your life, hold your head up high, and live a good and blessed life (despite what your husband has done, which stabbed you in the heart). I pray God infuses hope into your heart that you will eventually experience better days –ones that will bring a smile to your heart.
Thank you Cindy. I am still broken so badly I cannot even express but your words help.
Teresa, I am sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. Sounds like you were doing everything right. But, unfortunately, if there is a dysfunctional spouse who is unwilling to do soul searching and self examination, that spouse may never be an emotionally, intellectually or spiritually mature partner.
Sadly we see this way too often with men. Sometimes, there are aspects of boyhood that they don’t leave behind. Or some men get stuck in feeding an addiction to the sexual experience. Addicts usually can’t get enough and need more and more. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Hello, I found your post interesting as well as the comments. I have another problem. I constantly meet my husbands advances and shower him with physical affection. My problem is that he doesn’t care a thing about my needs. I don’t need sex every day or even every other day, but I try to make it enjoyable for both of us so he doesn’t feel like a rapist. I am resentful because I only ask for one thing and he continues to hurt me. He’s a very social person. We have three small kids and he continues to go out and drink with his friends, go on trips, and completely take advantage of me. He hardly ever has time for me aside from wanting sex, and would rather please his “friends” than me. Though, we have a very healthy sexual relationship, I am tired of being emotionally ignored and I want a divorce. I want someone who loves me and cares about me and doesn’t just use me as a babysitter, cook, maid and sex tool.
Mari, I have the same situation. The only time my husband has for me is when he wants sex. I’ve cried to him for years about how lonely I am. I have to beg him to spend time with me. When he does, he’s congenial enough but as soon as we get home from wherever it’s right back to work. His work and HIS family (not ours) are everything to him.
When he finally crawls into bed hours after I’ve fallen asleep, he is interested in sex. He says I’m the only one who can give it to him. I tell him he’s the only one who can give me what my heart is aching for, but he just says “we spend plenty of time together” (we’re self-employed and work at home.) We have raised 3 wonderful children and I’m tired of waiting to be important to him. The female has a brain-heart-sex drive connection that needs to be acknowledged by the male. Jackie
My wife did not even try to meet my needs and sought others out to see to hers. I am stuck in my marriage because the state required me to get a guardianship for her mental problems. So there is no possibility for a divorce. I have people tell me that the last year I have been a total terror. First after just about killing her jerk Boy Friend, he thought it was funny to yank my cane out and dump me face first on the floor. Then two weeks latter hurting another man a friend of my fathers and taking my marital rights to boot.
Then they say I have completely lost it when on Memorial day I stood up to my father in my home about who had the right to go out with my wife.
Some are saying I need to be readmitted to a stress center because I told everyone that the first person that is not a law officer that tries to extract me from my home on the fourth is the person that dies first. My father said can’t you see just how unreasonable you have become over what would just be a joke. When you threaten or try to remove someone from their home without their permission and strand them 30 miles away, it’s not a joke, especially when they are using a cane or walker like I do.
I admit I intend to be the hardest target anyone ever took on. If it is an officer he better have a warrant, and I better be charged on the spot. I want to know if anyone else would not stand for this?
My husband and I have been married for almost 18 years. I have read many books about women and men’s sexual needs and I am so confused now because I feel like our needs are the opposite of what I’ve read. What if it’s the other way around? I am the one with a high sex drive. Everything that has been listed for a man’s needs are my own and I’m a woman. I have always initiated but now I get road blocked. My husband tells me no on a regular bases and I don’t initiate any more because iv been rejected so many times.
I am a very physical and sexual woman. I do want emotional connection but I feel it when I have sex with my husband. If we don’t have sex on a reg basis then I start sliding downhill. I have always been physically and sexually attracted to him and I never had said no to any of his advances. However he shuts down my advances. My ideal would be at least twice a week but I’ll be lucky to get some once every couple of weeks. The longest we’ve gone is 1 year because I was pregnant and he used the excuse that he didn’t want to hurt the baby. My sex drive while I was pregnant increased an already higher sex drive. I can’t be in a sexless marriage. My husband is hot. I’m just so confused.
This is a great article. I feel like I could write a book in response but I also think I would just be writing something to get you all on my side. I love my wife. I truly want to believe that what she’s doing in her mind is right. But as others have stated, it’s not right even if she thinks it’s NORMAL.
Reaction to action is there but my wife can’t MAKE me do anything I don’t chose to do. Therefore, I must fight my demons. God fights with me. Thank you God. I would be lying however, if I didn’t admit that I pray DAILY that God will open her eyes to see what she is doing, and correct it.
The first time I saw my husband I couldn’t believe such a gorgeous creature existed. He is Greek and looks like a living version of those famous statues. Long wavy black hair to the shoulders, taught muscular body, the “Greek” nose… The guy was stunning and the women were after him like I’ve never seen. His physicality was breathtaking and like any normal female, I couldn’t wait to test him out. And I wasn’t disappointed.
My concerned dad was worried,”Could I handle being married to such a handsome man?” Well, yeah. Thirty years and 3 children later, we’re still married. We’re both still in lust with each other. How does that happen? How can a person maintain such desire? One word: Reality.
Looks aside, he’s an astounding person. I married him because I LIKED him. No amount of looks could compensate for a shallow, selfish person. He was a fully grown man,not a boy. He’s a spiritual man and understands that the “punishment” is built in to the sin and no amount of messing around heals anyone. He’s faithful and good and I still love him.
And I, your humble commenter, understand that a man’s well-being occupies that special area below the waist. The biology of producing children is centered in that region and the feeling associated with it never goes away. All feelings, desires, emotions… life itself exists for a man there. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the way men are built.
Most men are not “pigs” nor are they selfish when it comes to sex. It’s a necessity for men to be able to release fluids from their body. It’s healthy, it’s normal, it’s life-giving, and it’s what makes a man a man. Ladies, his job is not to go to work, clean the house, watch the babies, or cook you dinner, and maybe you’ll sleep with him. Sex is not a reward.
Many females really don’t understand the psyche of a man because they haven’t been taught what men are all about or what they need to exist. I guarantee if you satisfy your man, he’ll do anything for you. All those things you want and harp on about are yours with the simple act of giving yourself to the man you love.
Never assume your man will stay loyal and married to you if you quit sleeping with him, get fat, cut your hair off, quit wearing make-up, quit making his favorite foods, and in general quit paying attention to him. After 30 years of marriage I now have friends who are divorced, because they, too, had been married many years and chose to quit sleeping with him, get fat, cut their hair off, quit wearing make-up, quit making his favorite foods, and in general quit paying attention to their husband. They’re single and their former husbands are remarried. And I’ve seen the new wives and they’re not beauty queens. But you better believe they’re sleeping with their man.
His job is not to make you happy. And he’s not a selfish pig. He’s your partner, your friend, and your lover. He chose you. He married you. Happiness is the result of the love you share. There you will find it. And for the love of God, don’t get fat.
There is no excuse for cheating. And also, if it’s not a man’s job to make his wife happy, then why should it be her job to satisfy his sexual needs and be responsible for his happiness?
Just a thought.
Because men and women are different creatures. Women want ALL their needs met, but don’t want to give a man what they need which is sex. Women want a job, home, children, and a loyal spouse. Men want sex. They don’t care if the house is spotless, you cook like a chef, the kids are wearing designer clothes and going to private schools, you are the PTA president, or your mother is the best mother-in-law ever. That’s all nice, but secondary. Guys would eat Ramen noodles and hotdogs everyday if they were getting laid. But women don’t want to give men what THEY need.
Hi, I am 54 now, and have a good physique. My wife is 51. We have a good married life, except the physical sex since four long years. I need sex at least twice a week, whereas, she doesn’t need it – even for months. In the past, my wife had undergone some operations for appendix, piles, twice for cysts; couple of abortions. She was treated for thyroid also. She had taken HRT also due to early menopause. We had a very satisfying sex life till we were 50/46. But now, for the past four years she stopped her interest in sex, not me.
She is very satisfied with me; happy with me, but I am always starved for sex. She doesn’t like oral sex or even masturbate me for release. So, since then I used to masturbate always, watching porno clips, surf sites. She has allowed me to get released outside anywhere, but she won’t have. She does not have any affair or anyone in her mind. But I don’t wish to go for paid sex or starting an affair with some ladies, due to personal ethics and hygiene. Kindly, give me an idea so that I can convince her either for sex, or oral or any other method you can suggest.
Menopause is incredibly uncomfortable and lasts for several years. It’s like reverse puberty except worse.
It’s very hard to go through menopause because it literally makes women sick. But it will come to an end.
It sounds like your wife has also had surgery. Pregnancy also changes the body. Older women can’t compete with the younger ones and sometimes it is hard not to feel self-conscious in an older body. It is important for women of every age to feel they are still attractive to someone.
I believe older women will feel more comfortable in the bedroom if they are not fully “exposed”. If she feels comfortable in a t-shirt, let her wear the shirt. Newly married couples can’t keep their hands off each other . I think people who have been married many years, who have not had sex in a while, almost become self-conscious about it. You almost have to ease back in to it, until she is comfortable with it again. Once the comfort level is there and she knows that you still love her and think she is lovely, she will be more open to it.
It will take several months to be comfortable again with sex for her.
I honestly believe most women don’t understand what a basic need sex is for a man. You may have to be patient until she is through menopause. Maybe you can ask her out she feels and what is it about menopause that has her not feeling well. Women like to talk and your conversation is how she will know you love her.
It sounds like you both love each other and I admire your strength in not going out and cheating on her.
I am a young woman but the older women in my life have well educated me about the effects of menopause. First of all estrogen controls much of a woman’s sex drive. Without it sex drive can be non existing. Menopause reaks havoc not only on a woman’s sex drive but on her body in ways men can’t understand. Not only can women experience a lack of desire but as the estrogen leaves your body sex can become physically PAINFUL as women can become dry, unable to create lubricant, unable to become physically aroused, the walls of their vagina can become thin and less elastic, and can sex tear their skin.
Your wife could be having some very painful problems that she is embarrassed to talk about. Sex after menopause makes no evolutionary sense. The woman has no eggs, can’t carry a pregnancy, and the hormones which drive a healthy young woman to sex for reproduction are non existent. Her body isn’t programed for reproduction until death like a mans is. It’s only normal and natural for that part of her life to decrease as the hormones that drive it do. What your wife is going through is natural and normal. Furthermore with all of your wife’s health problems and surgeries sex could be painful for any number of other reasons also. I would suggest talking with her about the reasons she has for lack of intrest. I’m sure it’s hard for her also. Be aware that it probably isn’t a personal slight against you. If she had a healthy sex drive for so long it is likely more a physical problem that she needs to work through.
I’m 56 and my husband 58. We had a great sex life with several times a week up until I was about 50 and going through menopause. Now we only have sex about once a week and I initiate only because I know he must need it. On a daily basis I walk into his office, we work from home and I find him masturbating to porn. I’m confused as I have never not allowed videos in the home and I knew he viewed them when I was out grocery shopping, etc. but this constant use of the Internet for sex is hurting our sex life.
When I initiate it, most generally, he has already taken care of business earlier so he can’t function then I get upset and this becomes a vicious circle. I need advise and help with getting him uninterested in porn and focusing back to our marital bed. I admit it’s because of me that it has diminished to once a week. Frankly, the interest is just not there and it hurts. We use lubricants but I think that discourages him that he doesn’t arouse me when it has nothing to do with him at all. I don’t dare take hormones as my mother ended of with breast cancer because of it.
One day this week I walked in on him again and finally just blew up. After things calmed down we openly discussed his issues with porn and he said he will not look at it anymore and lie in bed with me and take care of business with me by his side. I want this ugly thing fixed. I felt as we got older, family, home, pets etc were more important than sex, but apparently not. I really need help and with this.
The difference between a warm female body and a picture or video of a female for a man is the difference between a delicious fine piece of chocolate and a rice cake for you and me. Eating both gets the job done, satisfies us orally, and puts something in our stomach, but nothing beats the creaminess, melting, soothing taste of fine chocolate.
Sex is life itself for a man. Men will ruin their marriages, cheat on their wife, divorce their wife, lose their job, ruin their reputation, leave their children, become obsessed with porn, move to another state, leave the friends and family that came with the marriage, embarrass themselves, and the unscrupulous ones will go after their wife’s sister or son’s girlfriend for sex.
Women are more practical than men and excellent caretakers. They know how to get lots of things done at the same time. And no one does motherhood better than a woman.
Men are more passionate than women. The greatest inventions, art, music, poetry, love letters, and sculptures were created by men. The top radio hosts are men and the most famous popular rock bands consist of men. Bach, Michelangelo, Benjamin Franklin, Aerosmith, and The Who are all men. Our Founders were men. One reason: passion.
Men feel things. When they love a woman, they LOVE that woman. They show love through sex. While a young guy will take it anyway he can get it, a grown man shows his love for his wife through the act. Men don’t want pity sex and they would rather take care of business another way than lie in bed with a disinterested woman. People do what they are allowed to do; get rid of the porn.
Men don’t understand the extreme offense a woman feels when he is checking out swimsuit models, young girls at the beach, half-naked women on t.v. or porn. It is betrayal to a woman because he has only one thing on his mind when he is doing these things. When we look around, it isn’t about sex.
Never should porn be allowed in the home. Ever. It is a well-known fact that women in those films have often been abused as children or some other point in their life. No normal woman would do the crazy stuff those films portray. Nor should Sports-Illustrated Swimsuit be allowed in the home. That feature is put out for one reason and that is to excite and stimulate men. Three nearly-naked barely out of high school girls wearing paint does not classify as “swimsuits”.
Going from a satisfying sex life to nothing is probably hurtful for a man. But they don’t understand menopause. It can last for years, it is exhausting, it includes extended periods, and it is mentally a drag. Men don’t understand it. Tell him how it affected you.
Good news! It also ends. Both my mother-in law and mother lost their husbands at ages 52 and 58. I have friends whose husbands have died and friends whose husbands have divorced them. How lucky to have your husband and still love him like you do. It doesn’t take a whole lot to get back in to it. Just desire to love your man. All the goodies will follow: attention and love from him, satisfaction that you are able to please him, renewed interest in your appearance, and those terrific chemicals called endorphins which make you feel alive and attractive. The same chemicals which helped you to fall in love with your husband. Falling in love with your man is much better the second time. Nothing is ever more important to a man than sex. And never will be.
Oh the nerve to put the artistic achievements of men on ‘passion’…Did passionate women have the same opportunities? No, they were chained to the kitchen and bedroom which freed men to pursue their ‘passion’. Easy to be passionate when you aren’t a domestic and sex slave.
Women have the beauty, but men hold the passion. Women are more practical than men.
Please, this is such an eye opener.
This is such a good article. I wish I would have known this in my early years. Now that I’m embarking on my second marriage I have some tools to work with and my husband will definitely reap the benefits. This is my second marriage at the age of 41 and I’m a forever “yes” woman for him.
I am living with my husband for many years. He is emotionally abusive. He nags and yells on a regular basis. I just can’t feel the desire for sex with him because of his behavior. If I do any thing he wanted me to do, that he had nagged and yelled about his ‘niceness ‘ is shortlived and he is yelling about something else. Don’t know what to do. We don’t have money for therapy or counseling.