The “Job” of Kissing and Hugging

We ran across something humorous that’s also thought provoking concerning the “job” of kissing. Deena McClure wrote:

“With our meal completed, I brought a homemade apple pie to the table, placed it in front of my husband and gave him a kiss. Our 6-year-old, Mary, asked, ‘Why do you and Daddy kiss so much?’ Before I could reply, our 9-year-old son interrupted, ‘because, silly, it’s their job!’”

And to this we said, “What a great job to have!” And it’s an important one too!

The Important “Job” of Kissing

This son saw the importance of having parents that kissed in plain view of others. Oh, how we wish more married couples would see that importance! This brought to mind something that happened a while back when we were babysitting our niece’s kids while their mommy was in the hospital delivering their baby brother. Steve and I were in the kitchen preparing lunch when he pulled me closer and gave me a big kiss. Just then my 4-year-old niece came in and smiled. Steve remarked to her, “I do that because I love your Aunt Cindy.” She gave the cutest little giggle.

Later that day, she was drawing a chalk picture of some faces on the cement. I asked her who those people were. She said, “This is Uncle Steve, and this is you.” She then drew the arms and legs. I remarked to her that I only had one arm and so did Uncle Steve. She said, ‘that’s because you’re hugging behind your backs.’ Then she smiled and said, “I saw you kiss.” I smiled and asked her how it made her feel. She said, “I liked it.”

Memories

That brought the fond memory to mind of our son David, when he was a little guy, and how he used to hug Steve and I together when he’d see us hugging each other. He seemed so happy to see his parents showing love to each other. And of course, this made us all the happier, as well.

I (Cindy) often come up behind Steve when he’s doing something at the kitchen counter or is working at his desk and give him a long, sweet hug. He loves that, and so do I! He always lets out a sigh and says, “Thanks, I needed that.” Actually, we both do. It’s a tender time that is sweet and healing. Sometimes our days are quite hectic and tiring!

We’ve learned from personal experience about the healing power of hugging! But there’s also all kinds of research out there that supports the importance of hugging each other!

“Who would’ve thought hugging could keep your heart happy and healthy too? Research suggests that the number of hugs received from a spouse (or someone special) yields lower blood pressure scores. Your blood pressure directly affects your cardiovascular health, which means that your spouse can directly affect the health of your heart.

“You might want to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse about hugging each other more frequently, especially if you’re suffering from cardiovascular problems. You might think we’re kidding, but something as simple as a hug can turn your entire day around.” (Mia Miller, from her article, “10 Reasons Why Hugging Is So Important In A Marriage”)

Hugging is Healing

We don’t know if you need to have a conversation about this. It seems that applying the old adage, “just do it” is appropriate here. Hugging, as well as kissing, and just being over-all affectionate with each other in your married life together is healing and it feels good! But it’s good that it’s supported by science.

“Mental health specialist Stacey Ross witnessed profound transformations when her clients with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and addiction received a gentle, comforting touch. ‘[It] can remind their brain what it feels like to be safe and loved.’ Ross said.

“This isn’t merely psychological. Research shows that repeated positive experiences reshape neural pathways. Healing happens because consistent physical comfort creates new neural patterns that support emotional recovery. The brain’s ability to change and adapt through experience means that regular affectionate touch can gradually rewire damaged stress responses and emotional regulation systems. … Regardless of context, hugging is a powerful tool for enhancing well-being. The prescription requires no special training, expensive equipment, or pharmaceutical intervention.” (Mia Miller, from her article, “The Perfect Hug Length to Improve Immunity and Reduce Stress”)

So, our prescription for what ails you (which is supported by science) is hug often! And don’t be afraid to let your children see your (appropriate) affection for each other. There are lots of benefits. One of them is the effect it has on your children (just like it did with my niece and has with our sons and grandchildren).

The Benefits from the “Job” of Kissing and Hugging

Something that Dr Debbie L. Cherry wrote confirms what we’re trying to convey here:

“One of the best things any of us can do for our children is to provide them with a strong marital model. Children need to know that their parents love not only them, but also each other. The child’s sense of security grows as he/she sees parents loving each other. To put your marriage on hold for 18 or more years while you raise the children is not only detrimental to the marriage, it’s devastating to the children. When the parental team breaks down and begins to disintegrate, the children become the biggest losers. When children don’t feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel. No amount of baseball, dance, piano lessons, or toys can make up for that kind of loss.”

Showing Children Marital Love

Christian married couples who show they are in love with each other are also a great witness to other children that need to see the love of God demonstrated in healthy ways within marriage. Here’s another piece of advice from Dr Cherry concerning this “job” of showing marital love:

“If you are always pushing your spouse aside for time with the children, you may want to consider just what you’re teaching your children. By the way you treat your spouse, are you modeling for your children how you hope they will treat their future spouses? Probably not. Spending time with your spouse not only draws the two of you closer together, but it also teaches your children that the marital relationship has to be our number one human relationship.”

As it concerns making your marriage a loving priority, here’s something that Dr Kevin Leman has written that is important to consider, as well:

“When I say, ‘don’t make your children the centerpiece of your home,” some couples react pretty strongly. They ask, ‘Well, why not?’ Here’s my answer: You don’t do it because it gives them the idea that they’re the centerpieces of the universe. And if that’s true, then where is Almighty God? And where are other people? Doesn’t this breed the kind of permissiveness and selfishness that we see in so many homes?”

We hope you will be intentional in making it your “job” to demonstrate love —particularly the love of Christ in every healthy way you can as a married couple. Do it for the benefit of your marriage, the benefit of your family, and the benefit of others that God brings your way.

This is not a difficult job!

“Even if you are not an affectionate person, you can find a way to give those meaningful touches without feeling smothered or getting irritated. Remember that ‘touch signals safety and trust’, two things that are a want and a need in marriage. Being intentional and making physical touch a priority, no matter your love language will benefit both of you individually and your marriage as a whole.” (Amberly Lambertsen, from the “A Prioritized Marriage” web site)

We agree and hope you do too! As the Bible says, “Live a life of love.” We encourage you to do it well. And that includes hugging and kissing your spouse often!

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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