The following article comes from the book, Beloved Unbeliever, which is written to women with spouses who are unbelievers. However, the principles outlined in this article apply to every spouse who wants to leave because of abuse. Please prayerfully read and consider what the author Jo Berry has to say, about leaving your spouse because of abuse. (Afterward, please read the linked article written by Leslie Vernick, which is important to also consider.)
Jo Berry begins this portion of the book by citing the scriptures in 1 Corinthians 7:15. She explains that letting the spouse “leave” goes beyond physically leaving the marriage. As you read the article you’ll better understand the scripture:
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)
God Understands
Rather than demanding that an unequally yoked wife stay in a situation where she is abusively oppressed, our Lord gives her an option. He does this because, “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust” (Psalm 103:13-14). He understands her humanity and takes pity on her.
A Christian woman who is facing emotional or physical abuse needs to understand both the terminology and the implications in this verse. She can then act on it within the dictates of her own common sense and conscience. The word “leave,” as it is used in 1 Corinthians 7:15, means to depart or let go. While this most obviously refers to a physical separation, the concept of letting go embodies more than physical absence.
Thought Precedes Action
Since thought always precedes action, I believe we can assume that abuse and cruelty are outward manifestations reflecting a mental state of abandonment of the essence of the marriage. So, although Paul is dealing with physical separation, certainly there can also be a psychological severing, an emotional letting go, that is just as devastating and real as a mate’s actual departure.
Scripture does not deal specifically with this problem of abuse, but Christ’s attitude and certain biblical statements can help us draw conclusions about how to respond to it. The Gospels are saturated with statements about and examples of Jesus’ compassion. He was especially tender toward women and children. Think of how gently He approached the woman at the well, how respectful He was to the woman caught in adultery. Consider also how He met Mary’s needs by teaching her as she sat at His feet. And then think of how, during excruciating agony on the cross, He committed His mother to the care of His friend, John.
Christ’s Example
In the fifth chapter of Ephesians, the apostle Paul commanded husbands to “love [their] wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25) and to “love their own wives as their own bodies“ (Ephesians 5:28). Christ, in love, sacrificed His life for the church. This example is the antithesis of abuse.
It appears, then, that any man that constantly mistreats and maligns his wife, who wounds her psychologically and/or physically, has “let go” and departed from the intent of his marriage vows. He may be living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed with her, but if he neglects her needs and destroys her as a person by attacking her body, soul, or spirit, mentally he has left! If he is cold, cruel, and uncaring, he has already separated himself from her, even if he shares a house with her. In his sick mind, the relationship is over.
Act of Leaving Spouse
The idea of leaving, then, can legitimately include the unbelieving husband mentally and/or emotionally abandoning his wife. The final act of “leaving” may mean he will physically remove himself, but the psychological process leading up to that moment may manifest itself in ongoing abusive conduct.
The Bible says that when this happens a Christian wife is to let him leave. The Lord does not expect or want her to suffer mental or bodily harm at the hands of a husband who is supposed to sacrificially love her. God does not want her to be oppressed or incapacitated by fear. Quite the contrary, “the sister is not under bondage in such cases“ (1 Corinthians 7:15), and any woman who is physically harmed or verbally belittled, insulted, or harassed by her husband is under bondage. Any wife whose husband controls her mind and activities with threats or brutality is enslaving her.
Freedom in Christ
In this same chapter, Paul reminds us, “You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men” (1 Corinthians 7:23). God did not buy an unequally yoked wife out of the slave market of sin so she could be under bondage to another human being. He purchased her with the blood of Christ and freed her so she could voluntarily become His bond-servant.
She has to draw the line if her husband consistently oppresses her, by whatever means. In Luke 14:26, Jesus said, “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate[the comparison of her love for Me, her] own father and mother and[husband] and children and brothers and sisters, yes, even [her] own life, [she] cannot be my disciple.” She has the right and responsibility to choose freedom impossible for her to fulfill her Christian calling.
Submission is Voluntary
We have already seen that submission is voluntarily choosing to yield or surrender to someone. When God instructs wives to subject themselves to their husbands, He is asking them to surrender to their husbands’ love and God-given position. Nowhere does Scripture imply that the Lord expects a wife to accede to verbal castigation or physical assault.
Many times women who are in this position convince themselves that they would be unsubmissive if they fled. So, instead of retreating and protecting themselves and their children (who may be scarred for life from exposure to continual abuse), they become passive; but passivity is not the same as submission. Whereas submission is voluntary, passivity is forced oppression. Whereas submission allows for individual dignity, passivity breeds self-hatred, and eventually a wife who subjects herself to abuse starts believing that she deserves it!
Why Victims Stay
She convinces herself there is no way out and that she is only getting what she has coming to her. This is especially pronounced in cases where Christian women knowingly married unbelievers. Frequently they stay to punish themselves, to pay the penalty for their sin. Their attitude is: I got myself into this, now I’m stuck with it. So, they become passive. It is vitally important that a woman who suffers maltreatment in her marriage draw the distinction between submission and passivity.
Also, some women stay because of guilt. They believe that their faith in Christ is the reason for their husband’s abusiveness, so they think that staying is a cross they must bear —part of their suffering for Christ. They need to realize that there is an immense difference between being persecuted for the Lord and for righteousness’ sake, and being physically or emotionally abused by a man who is a tyrant.
Although, an unbelieving husband might use his wife’s faith as an excuse for attacking her, that is not the real reason. Men who batter or consistently demean their wives are emotionally ill. The emotionally yoked wife who is being vilified by her husband does not have to submit to his tirades. God does not ask her to yield to outrageous attacks.
False Assumptions
Sometimes a Christian woman who is being harmed by her mate stays with him. She believes the Lord will protect her no matter what her husband does. Candy thought that, until Glen shot her. Eleanor thought that, until Ed fractured her back and skull when he threw her down the stairs. Emily thought that, until Howard burned down their house. He was spaced out on pot and booze and fell asleep on the sofa with a lighted cigarette in his band. Their three-month-old daughter suffered severe burns over 30% of her body and was in the hospital for months.
Claudia thought that, until she had a mental breakdown. Her children had to be put in foster homes while she recovered. That happened because the court ruled that her husband was not a fit father.
Like Begets Like
If there are children involved, the repercussions of living under such disparaging conditions can leave them with lifelong scars. Scripture teaches the importance of example. We are warned not to associate with fools, liars, fornicators, idolaters, blasphemers, or hot-tempered people. If we do we may end up imitating their behavior. Statistics show that many parents who are child abusers, and many batterers were themselves mistreated as children. Many abusers came from homes where one or both parents were abusive. Like begets like. Removing herself and her children from danger isn’t selfish, isn’t sinful, isn’t unsubmissive —it’s smart.
God hasn’t called the wife to live in a spirit of fear and instability but of “power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). He hasn’t chosen her to live in a state of confusion, not knowing what to say or do next, or what tirades her well-intentioned responses might bring. “God is not a God of confusion but of peace“ (1 Corinthians 14:33) and “has called [her] peace“ (1 Corinthians 7:15).
The above article comes from the terrific book, Beloved Unbeliever: Loving Your Husband into the Faith
— ALSO —
On Leslie Vernick’s web site, she answers the question on whether or not scripture leaving your spouse because of abuse. I highly recommend you read it:
• SCRIPTURE SUPPORTS SEPARATION FROM A DESTRUCTIVE SPOUSE
Filed under: Abuse in Marriage
You are God sent. That’s me right there you are describing. I had to leave. Clutching my 3 week old baby I was called a cow, fatso, ugly girl echoed by my 2 and a half year old son. Hearing his father abuse me…what does he know? But my husband – a “born again” Christian – didn’t stop. Neglect, malice, treated me like a slave. He threatened that I would lose my kids and home and called and told social services that I have postnatal depression. I was broken.
Our church said I wasn’t born again. That I should submit more. Little as buy me food..I was insulted that’s all I do at home. My baby was just 3 weeks, I was in pain, I had to clean, take care of the kids and stay awake all nite from day 1 I gave birth and came home. No help or support. I was told I will go to hell fire…I could go on and on. But I went back to God and found peace and left my abusive marriage. I left the church. Am happy now. You are saying the truth. Am a living proof. God bless!
This is a great article. It sheds light on what I am dealing with in my personal life. Thanks for posting this article. Toni
Wow! This is by far the best Christian article I have seen on women who are abused by their husbands. It brings me a lot of clarity on what me and my children should and should not tolerate. Thank you so much.
I just “left” my husband. After 3 years of constant mind games, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and more recently physical abuse, I have decided to save my 2 year old daughter and myself from any more pain. I love my husband (I know, I wonder why as well) and I am scared to live my life without him. But I know that I can’t make him see what he does nor change what he does. I feel bad for him and guilty that I am leaving him because he has nothing (which is the same way he came into our relationship).
I have just about the same that I had but I feel like I took from him. I am trying to talk to him and be peaceful and tell him that I still love him and want him to be a big part of our daughter’s life. But he has chosen to curse me and threaten that he will only watch our daughter until I can find childcare and then he will disappear out of our life forever. I had hoped that he might wake up and realize our relationship is toxic when I told him I was leaving (my intent on telling him was not to make him change or scare him; it’s truly for my daughter’s and my well being) but he turned into a victim. I know I need to be strong and look forward, but this loving heart and soul wants to give in and run back.
I am a husband of a verbally and emotionally abusive wife. She has been abusive to me and the kids for 6 years. I confronted her months ago and things haven’t gone well. She has pushed me physically, tried to destroy my character, badgered, belittled, criticized, condemned, cussed at, and threatened the kids. All the while the church ignores the accusations of abuse by myself and kids. I am tired of “love her like Christ loves the church” being an excuse to live with her abuse. Thank you from me and all those who have been abused by our spouses while the church condones it.
Men can be abusive but I have found that emotional/verbal abuse (and even physical) by women to be equally common. The continuous admonition of “husbands to love her as Christ loves the church” is quite out of context. Any “church” where Christ is treated with contempt seems to not have the presence of God. He leaves and does not put up with the abuse.
The problem is the children. Men find themselves in a situation where they can’t leave and want to do what is best for the children. This requires Godly grace and wisdom.
As the husband of your wife you have authority to bind and to loose in your wife’s life. That is, declare abuse illegal and mutual respect legal in your house, as it may be a demonic work of darkness. Nevertheless, I’m seeking wisdom on this issue myself and I’ll let you know what I discover. God bless, brother, be strong in the strength of the Lord.
Thank you for submitting. I was not only emotionally abused by my ex wife, but she hit, slap, etc.
If sin is sin to God, which it is. Is the abuse against a male any less in the eyes of Christ? I don’t think so. After she refused counseling, and we separated (she left), I went back to her to try and make things work for the sake of the children; two sons who are now young adults. She destroyed the eldest, and is working on the youngest. All in the name of looking like she is a great mother on the outside, while inside quite the opposite. Now they are P.A.S.S. Parental Alienation Syndrome. The youngest, with whom I shared a relationship, has totally cut off all communication with me as of this entire year.
I know for a fact there she was affected by demonic spirits. I have the gift of discernment, and am experienced with that realm of deliverance. All the praying, all the binding of spirits, seemed to have no effect on this evil woman. Yes, that was my mistake for not seeing it before I married her. I was 30 years old. Felt pressure to marry. And indeed I loved her, but (other than our sons) to no avail.
This woman is now 52 years old. And still is immature, name calling (me and my sons), and all the evil of rage, anger, and jealousy. I spelled it out plainly to my sons, whom both told me that she is unstable, demonic. Most likely bipolar. The family courts would do nothing short of what she wanted. And due to P.A.S., they still, even after 21, and 19 choose to disconnect from me.
Allen, with some little differences you have described my wife as well. Never heard of P.A.S. Wow! God help you sir! My wife and I have three girls. I am their sole emotional support. They want their mom to leave our lives. In the process of supposedly trying to help, it became clear our “bishop” and his wife have a screwed up, co-dependent relationship and I fired them. I don’t want no messed up bishop wife and bishop messing up my wife’s mind even more than what it is already. She refused to let them go and instead chose to remain loyal, even to the detriment of her relationship with me and our kids.
The Church is RIDICULOUSLY incompetent in these matters, many or even most ministers and counselors see the woman as a victim and you already know the legal system is completely demonized and biased in favor of the perpetual victim being the female.
Hello, I’ve been married for just about 2 years and my wife has repeatedly (over 5 different times) spent over 10 minutes kicking, punching, and scratching me while cussing me out using language that would make most sailors blush. I usually stand there and just take it because I’m afraid what might happen if I do fight back. I’m above average height and have good upper body strength but will not retaliate. During the beating I’m tempted to call the police but I know they’d believe she was the victim and I was the perpetrator. I do try to leave but she’ll confiscate both car keys (since the vehicle is in her name). Usually I call a friend and try to get a way for things to cool down. There have been interventions, prayers, and counseling, but to no avail.
While I don’t see any biblical verses that justify me divorcing my wife I do some, which allow me to separate for both of our sakes. She may very well be bipolar, had a hard childhood, etc but I need to protect both myself and her mental, physical, and emotional well being. I’m simply amazed how little there is about this subject online or anywhere else in the media. It’s clear that most think of the wife as the victim since she generally has the weaker physical stature. I love God and her very much and have decided to stay after each of the 4 beating sessions, the last one happened two days ago (still have bruises) and she also makes it a point to find my possessions and break or throw away as much as she can. I don’t hit women and I don’t think I ever will but enough is enough. Please pray for God to make clear how I can separate in such a way that will help us both heal. Any of you have thoughts on this? Love to you all.
Dear Friend, you are in an untenable situation. You’re right – there are few places you can turn, as a man, to find help for spousal abuse. Without any physical evidence of what your wife is doing that you could show the authorities, she will probably never be motivated to change. She feels she has the upper hand and has complete control over you.
Now, here’s the tough question: If you did have evidence of her abuse would you press charges against her? That could be a game changer. It could work positively that she would finally realize she has a problem and gets treatment, but it could also mean the end of your marriage if it goes the other way. We aren’t counselors and are in no position to tell you what to do. You need to reach out to a domestic abuse center. I know where you live there will be some. BUT, will they be willing to accept that the husband is the one actually being abused?
If you go back to our web site and into the section again you can look in the links and resources section for a few suggestions as to whom you might want to contact about this.
Friend, I wish there was a “sure thing” that we could give you that would change your marriage overnight. Cindy and I want you to know how much we admire your tenacity and courage to stay in your marriage and to “believe” that things will heal and change. Please don’t give up on finding the solution – even if people dismiss your claims. God will honor your faithfulness. -Steve Wright
I am in the same type of abusive marriage. I married my husband 5 years ago. He dragged me down financially, emotionally, and physically. Recently, I had been staying with him and his mom, and I was told to leave because of course, he wanted to go our separate ways. I left without a place to go, grabbed whatever I could in tow. Now he expects to live separate lives and for me to still meet his sexual needs. I mean I do not know what I have done for him to treat me so low. I am tired. He is winning. I feel like the loser because, I am the one that has to start over and over. So you guys I feel your pain.
So it’s only ok for a Christian woman to leave the above situation if her husband is a non-believer? But if we are married to a Christian who has emotionally left the marriage and is emotionally abusive, we just have to grin and bear it?
Did you read the Leslie Vernick article that was linked to this one? If you read both, I’m not sure why you would ask the question you did.
I have been married for twenty one years to a man that finally admitted over the phone to talking to his friend that he has bad intentions towards me. He says that God will not forgive me if I leave or divorce him. I should have known better since I only knew him for three months.
My biggest mistake was listening to others that had no clue about physical or mental abuse. I feel fustrated and burnt out living with someone that puts me down, trying everything within his power to stop me from getting my masters. What hurts the most is that he used the children. I pray that one day he will realize what he has done. After reading what Jesus wants us to do and what Jo wrote, gave me the strength to mentally and physically let him go even though he let me and the children go years ago, for drugs.
I’ve been married for 6 years and in total I’ve been with him for about 11 years. My husband is sweet for a while then we fight. I am guilty too because I fight him back when he pushes me around and puts so much fear in me. He is really big and extremely strong. He breaks things! He has slapped me before, strangled me and sexually mistreated me. I’m almost certain he has been unfaithful as he has had some questionable mails on his phone that he has strange explanations for. When I try to leave, he dramatically apologises with tears in his eyes and begs me not to leave.
We have 3 children. I cannot survive financially on my own. What do I do? I fear for my life. I stay because of my kids and financial reasons. I have no friends; my parents did not raise me but my granny did. No parents to run to. What do I do? Therapy does not work, we’ve done that. It’s ok for a while and then it just goes haywire again. I haven’t been to church for almost 2 months, I know this is wrong. Please help, people I do know do not know what I’m going through, I have no one to turn to.
Dearest Dale, How I wish we had the resources to help you, but other than what we offer on our web site, and praying for you, which I am, I can’t do too much more humanly for you. But please know that I care and am praying for you. I also encourage you to read everything you can in the “Abuse in Marriage” topic to try to protect yourself, as best you can. It’s important for your sake and the sake of your children. Tragically, once a spouse crosses the line of abusing the other, it usually escalates in danger. So please, please be careful. And sadly, your children are being exposed to this behavior and it WILL change who they are and who they become unless your husband stops giving into his impulse of trying to resolve his frustrations by abusing you, all of this will spiral down into an ever-growing, impossibly unhealthy one.
Please know that in the “Abuse in Marriage” topic you will find Recommended Links in it. There are two in particular that may be able to give you some direction in some way. The ministry of Hidden Hurt is based in the U.K. The gal who runs it may have suggestions for you as to what you can do, given your circumstances. Also, Hot Peaches has lists of hotlines, shelters, and much more that could possibly guide you in some way if you contact those who could possibly guide you. Both are a good beginning for you to try to get some guidance on this. I hope you’ll take advantage of them. You definitely need some guidance.
Also, you need to let some other people know what’s going on. I know this will be hard, but it’s more dangerous for you to try to go this alone. You need others who are aware of the dark side of your situation. Your pastor may be a good one to talk to, as well. I hope he is wise… some pastors are good on these types of situations, and others aren’t. But it’s sure worth a try to reach out to him and/or others in your church. You need help –especially God’s help in gaining wisdom in what to do concerning your husband’s abusive behavior and your children being exposed to this. Even if they don’t see it all, they will still pick up on the toxicity of what’s going on. I pray that you’re able to find the help you need and the wisdom and discernment you need, as well. May God help you, and wake up your husband to reach out for the help HE needs to stop all of this before it’s too late.
I’m in a similar situation. Been married for almost 8yrs now, together we’ve got 4 children. When I met him, he seemed alright, we both felt in love. After a few days he started behaving strange to me but I had to stick with him as he impregnated me soon after meeting him. He started shouting at me in the middle of the night just for turning around to change position in bed. I knew I was in trouble. He became controlling, jelaous of my friends & even at one time broke my telephone cutting me from them. We got married for the sake of our son. We moved from country. When we got there, heck broke loose. He assaulted me day and night while pregnant. I cried all the time as I knew no one couldn’t speak the language of the local community. I thought of ways of freeing myself. One day while he was in his bed I stormed out of the door running for my dear life I met two strangers who kept me warm as they did the necessary things to help me, calling the police and the ambulance. While at the hospital I gave birth without him. He started calling and making threats if I left him. Went back with him as he promised he’d change. After two months he started again. I left him again, got shelter away from him but he found out and persuaded me to go back. I became pregnant again with second child. Seven months after baby was born, he seriously assaulted me, battering me against the chest of drawers and almost strangled me. We were separated and he was ordered not to approach me unless for parental responsibility. I had custody of our children. After one year he started again trying to persuade me as usual promising not ever hurt me. I took him back. For a while he stopped physical abuse but didn’t stop controlling me emotionally as in what to wear, what to eat. I told him to leave my house & he eventually left. We got separated again. After living separately for a while he thought that kids needed both of us. He was looking after our three children for a while until the social workers suspected that he was neglecting their vital needs and emotionally abusing them. He started calling me to get him out of the mess and save the children from being taken into foster. I agreed, as I love my children. After two months of living together, I feel suffocated, belittled, angry, and resentful all because he is controlling every thing I do. I have to ask for permission to cook. I cannot go to church as he won’t let me bring my children with me. One time he poured my food away while I was cooking then he almost broke my fingers right in front of the children I called the police who told me to get in touch with domestic violence agents. We don’t share a bed now. I sleep on the sofa just because he discovered that I’m using contraception without his knowledge.
My option now is leaving him for the sake of my mental well being and the children. .
This is written as most, with the assumption that it is the woman who is physically or emotionally/or both, abused. Well, I (the ex male spouse) was the one who suffered the abuse…both physical and emotional. She left after refusing counseling. Then I divorced her. She waxed worse and worse, much to the detriment of our two sons. What do you say of that? I believe I am free to remarry.
I am at a pretty bad spot. I have let this man abuse me mentally and spiritually for almost 25 years now. Yes, he did hit me once a long time ago and has threatened to do so but has never again. I have had 12 pregnancies and 7 beautiful children. He uses 3rd person talk right in front of me with the kids like “she” and “her” over pretty much anything. He has convinced the lack of housekeeping is all my problem and that I am a horder etc. My teenagers are all going through some rebellion towards everything and often refuse to do even the basic chores. This give me more work than I can handle. We are at 5 loads of laundry a day, 3 full loads of dishes and if it does not get done it leaves a terrible mess. I do all the transport to functions for school and extra curricular as well as doctors and emergencies. I am constantly told what a failure I am. I have found myself snapping lately as I cannot take the abuse anymore. I have actually found myself saying a bad word or two as he has gotten me so frusturated. I need some immediate support so this seperation does not do me in. I am mentally to the end of my coping but I know I need to figure this out to still be a good mom to the 5 of my 7 still at home. We are broke and have no extra for anything. He will soon get a large inheritance but that has nothing to do with me. Please, if anyone has any advice/Thanks
Folks, what about women who abuse men? Do you really think abuse is an exclusive male attribute? I’m dealing with a wife who abuses me verbally, emotionally and at times physically and then turns it around and cries wolf and presents herself as the victim. She LOVES articles like these that only speak of women as victims. Open your eyes and get yourself updated. Female abusers abound and they use he legal system all the time to destroy the lives of decent men.
George, It’s difficult to find info on husband abuse. There are many, many reasons for this, as you can read in an article posted on this web site at: http://host.agencysrvr.com/~marriage/husband-abuse-can-a-wife-abuse-her-husband/. Trust me, we’re well aware of the fact that many men are abused by their wives. We’ve met some of them and know of others. This is a very real problem, but an under-reported and under acknowledged one. In today’s world it’s easier to get help if you are a woman being abused than a man –there is a real stigma. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Abuse is wrong no matter who does it –a man or a woman.
I have fought to sustain my marriage for over 45 years but the infidelity continues on and off (at least that’s how I see it). It got to a point where he physically attempted to squeeze the life out of my diaphragm, so I left and live 2600 miles away. Previously he held a knife to my throat because I had gotten my passport. He turned up at my door, apologized again but refused counseling. It is now 5 years since the separation but he still will not keep away from my home. I don’t want the police to be involved. He claimed to be a Christian from I met him. He even brought his outside child who is younger than our last child into our home to live without our biological children knowing. Am I right to leave the home?
Karen, You need to find a way to protect yourself. Some of these abuse agencies can help you figure out how to do this. This is the type of behavior that can escalate into a real dangerous situation. You aren’t doing your husband any favors by staying within his reach (even moving, as you see, still causes him to seek you out, but at least you aren’t as accessible to his everyday impulses).
You ask if it’s “right to leave the home. To that I would say, it’s like putting money out in front of someone you know, who steals. You remove the temptation AT THE VERY LEAST until they get the help they need to stop that type of behavior. Promises are empty and sorrow is empty without the appropriate behavior behind it to show it’s true. If he refuses counseling that will help him change his behavior –to stop giving himself permission to cheat and hurt you mentally and physically, then it seems wise to remove the source of temptation (in other words, remove yourself –although you need to be even more careful).
Please talk to some people that can help you. Go into the “Links and Recommended Resources” part of this topic on “Abuse in Marriage” and locate people you can talk to, so you can come up with another plan to better protect yourself. I’ve seen this type of situation end in disaster too many times. Please find a way.
Also, one more thing, just because he “claimed to be a Christian” doesn’t mean that he is. I can claim that I’m an opera singer, but that doesn’t mean that I am. The proof comes when I open my mouth to sing. When your husband opens his mouth to yell at you the vile things he does, and hurts your heart by cheating on you and by causing you physical harm, he shows that there is no way that he is a follower of Christ. You can’t claim one thing and live another, and live in Truth. In Matthew 7:22-23 Jesus made this clear that just by calling out the name of the Lord (in cover-up), it doesn’t mean that the person really lives what he says he does. (We call it living as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.) One day the Lord will tell him to depart forever from His presence, because he really doesn’t know the Lord… he’s just playing along as if he does. Don’t believe that claim. He cannot be a Christian if he lives like the devil.
Then don’t disrespect men who are already abused by using gender-specific language when describing abusers/abused persons. Is that too much to ask? Reading this page is like a knife in the heart of abused husbands. Bob Mackey
Amen, George. By the lack of response to your question in the last month… I assume the folks in charge JUST DON’T CARE. I asked the same thing.
My husband is physically and verbally abusive. Pretty much, I always have a bruise or old bruises. I was molested as a child and he throws that up in my face constantly. The fact that he constantly does that bothers me way more than the molestation event. He threatens to kill me or cut my throat very often. When my kids were smaller he threatened to kill them if I left. When I confronted him about other women that he has online relationships with, but claims to love, he then became very violent and blacked my eye and knocked out my tooth. I have multiple sclerosis and am very afraid I will not be able to take care of myself.
Right now I am ambulatory and to God be the glory. You really wouldn’t know if you saw me. Lately I can tell my symptoms are more pronounced. The Dr says I must avoid stress. That is not a option now. I’m so confused, just really don’t know what to do and don’t have very many options. I get an SSI check in the amount of 721.00 every month, so I have to work within that budget. Please pray for me, that God will open doors and more so, that I’ll have my eyes open to see. Pray please, Amy
Sister, you NEED to leave. This man has threatened to kill you and your children. The next time he might not stop. PLEASE leave.
Hi, I’m from Bangladesh. I have been married to my husband for 5 years. I was young, my age was 18, when I got married. We loved each other. But after marriage, suddenly everything changed! The 2nd day of my married life, he slapped me because I asked him about phensidyle; he was addicted to. He always takes 2-3 phensidyle a day, even more. When I was going to say something and if I asked something like, why are you doing all this, then he tortured me, abused me and used many nasty words. I cried a lot, and I’m still crying.
He didn’t give me peace a single day. After 2 yrs I got pregnant then I thought that maybe everything was gonna be all right if a child comes. But I was wrong! Still now, he couldn’t change himself. I’m tired, and really lost myself. I don’t have any self-esteem. He makes me crazy. I don’t understand that what to do or what should be done! Now my baby girl is in running 3 yrs. She got afraid when she saw us two fight and when I cried loudly. I can’t control myself. It seems that I’m mentally and physically broken. I’m worried about my child’s future and I don’t want my child to see us to fight.
But I couldn’t take any decision coz that time I got confused. If I divorce him then how can I bring up my child alone? I really am afraid of these things. Many times I tried to make him understand that we have a child; we shouldn’t do these things… I mean beat, and abuse. But he didn’t hear me. He always beats me up and abuses me without any reason. I just can’t bear it anymore. I want to be free from this. But I don’t know what is good for my child and myself. Please, I beg you, please help me make the right decision.
Rokeya, Men who abuse their wives very often abuse the children eventually. I don’t know what it’s like for women in your country if you can support yourself, but if I were you I would start planning your escape. Ask God to help you make the right decisions and provide a place for you and your daughter to go. You must get yourself and your child out of danger. I will pray for you.