Love Extravagantly

You might think that it would probably be expensive to show your love extravagantly to your spouse. And yes, it COULD be expensive financially to show your love, but we’re talking about something different.

What we’re talking about is showing your love to your spouse in lavish, yet simple ways. Being married is not about just functionally living together, but spending more of yourself in little, as well as sacrificial ways. This is what expands and grows your relationship (as you once worked at) with him or her.

“To me, extravagant love means choosing to be ‘all in’. Choosing to love the other person, even when you know their flaws like the back of your hand. Because they know yours as well. Instead of loving half-heartedly, or only when it’s convenient, we need to choose to love big — love when it hurts.” (Esther Littlefield)

We totally agree! It sometimes costs us something. Isn’t that the example that Jesus showed us about His extravagant love for us? It cost Him His life. He didn’t hold back or ignore our need.

Creeping Separateness

Too often when we marry, we slide into taking each other for granted. We don’t even realize it’s happening because the whole process creeps in subtly.

“Even if we have an unbending commitment to our mate, most of us are blind to how we lose our marriages by slow erosion if we don’t keep replenishing the soil in which we are planted.” (William Doherty)

We become so familiar with each other that we gradually forget to do things for each other. These little things will help to KEEP the “spark” in our relationship. When the spark is gone, it can lead to marriage problems.

After a while, we start expecting things to be done, abandoning common courtesies. Eventually our marriage partner can feel no more appreciated than a piece of functional furniture. Is that what you intended when you got married? And do you think this is what God intends for us, in the way we live out our commitment to “love, honor, and cherish?”

And yes, the reverse is true for many of you too, in how your spouse should lavish love on you. But you can’t MAKE your spouse do his or her part. However, you ARE responsible for doing your part. It’s what you vowed to do.

The Love Extravagantly Challenge

It’s important to note that finding ways to show our spouse love extravagantly is important to the health of our marriages. It is also Christ-like. In Ephesians 5:1 (in The Message), we’re told:

“Observe how Christ loved us. His love is not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.”

We love how that is worded. THAT is God’s type of love.

“…not cautious but extravagant, not to get but to give. What changes do you need to make to love your spouse extravagantly? Make it your personal purpose statement. Love extravagantly.” (Marita Littauer)

We are to:

“Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV)

So, that is our challenge to you. Walk in love; love sacrificially — extravagantly!

How do you do that?

First — what if you started dating your spouse again? How wonderful would it be to get the sparkle back in his or her eye (as well as yours) like before you married? Part of the reason that happened is because initially you put the effort and time into romancing each other.

Now is the time to do it again. You fell in love with each other by romancing this person. Doesn’t it make sense that by making him or her a priority in your life again you could re-spark the romance? THAT would be an example of loving each other extravagantly!

What about showing common courtesies and politeness to each other again? Just because you live together it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be polite. This includes being courteous even in the little things —like you did before you married.

Are you courteous with strangers? Why should you be less so with your spouse? How extravagant and yet sensible would it be to be polite with your marriage partner? After-all, your spouse didn’t outgrow the need to be appreciated or want any less to be thought of as important in your eyes and priorities. Don’t forget that.

A Wake Up Call to Love Extravagantly

Hopefully this is a wake-up call for those of you that need it. Don’t let strangers treat your spouse with more courtesy and appreciation than you do. If you do — it might eventually lead to a “dead” marriage. Or at best, it can create a lethargic, tired one! And is that what God calls us to have? The answer is a certain “NO”!

You certainly don’t want to be accused of having a marriage lived out like it says in Philippians 2:21. “Everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” Our marriages should so reflect the love of God that when others see how we treat each other they may want to know our “secret.” This very well may spur them on to want to know our God more. And how much that would delight the heart of God?

So we challenge you to:

• Be intentional in showing your love for your spouse with spontaneous, random acts of romance! This may be difficult if you have children because they can take up a lot of energy and time. But ask the Lord to show you how and when you can do this. (That’s what we learned to do.) By being alert in looking for opportunities, it CAN happen. It’s amazing how it works that way. (We have suggestions in the Children’s Effects on Marriage and Romantic Ideas topics, to help you in this mission.)

• Treat your spouse in respectful ways Do this “as unto the Lord.” It’s a godly mind-set as well as an action.

• Commit to do “Random acts of kindness.” Look for ways to make your spouse feel special by doing things for that would be meaningful to him or her.

• Be a partner who displays thanks-LIVING everyday by saying and showing your appreciation to them for even the little things (that you think should be expected, and yet in reality it is taking them for granted). Instead of continually noticing their faults, look for some things they do right and praise them for it. That is extravagant love!

Also

• Love as God tells us to love with words and actions:

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.

“And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.“

As Sharon Glasgow points out:

“These verses describe a sacrificial and extravagant love, showing compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. They also encourage us to show love in the name of Jesus, which is a way to honor Him.”

“…I’ve seen many struggling marriages ignite with passion when one spouse pours out extravagant love on the other. Sadly, I’ve also seen times when it didn’t work. In those instances, we can take heart in knowing that Christ rewards us for how we live our lives wholeheartedly for Him. You may not be rewarded on earth, but you will be in heaven. Extravagant love can transform an ordinary marriage into an extraordinary one, induce greater love, ignite intimacy, help us live above our weaknesses and spend less time quarreling.” (From the article, “Extravagant Love“)

Again:

“Observe how Christ loved us. His love is not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.”

We pray this IS a challenge, but also a blessing to your marriage. Look for ways to love each other extravagantly!

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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