Marriage Rituals or Routines

We’re sharing with you something that Debi Walter (from the ministry of The Romantic Vineyard) wrote that we’re sure you will gain from reading. As Debi said, and we agree:

We all have them; habits or routines that we do with little or no thought. Some are more meaningful than others. Compare drinking your morning coffee to brushing your teeth. Both are necessary, but morning coffee is a ritual all caffeine lovers anticipate with joy, while brushing your teeth is a needed routine.

A ritual Tom and I share is our morning devotions. We read the same Bible plan separately but at the same time. We are then able to talk about what we’ve read. This is a fairly new one that started when Tom retired, and it has become one of our favorite morning rituals. Add some good coffee or strong tea and it’s perfect!

[What’s cool about this (because Debi and Tom and Steve and I often think alike) is that this is a ritual that we put into our life together not too long ago! And we didn’t even talk about this with them beforehand. But we have loved this “newer” ritual! Our work/living situations made this especially difficult and/or blocked this for years. We approached our Bible quiet times separately. But God recently showed us that we could rearrange some things and make this a regular part of our life to do separate, but then together. We thank God that He showed us this revelation!]

Marriage Rituals Connect Us Together

Rituals give room for connection in the busiest seasons of life.

One ritual that has been established the longest in our marriage is our weekly date night. (Again, once Tom retired everyday became a potential date day, and we love it.)

When our kids were home our date night was a necessary ritual to focus on just us.

I have a friend whose husband gave her flowers every Friday for years. He knew she loved fresh flowers, so he made sure she had them. It became a ritual she anticipated.

Rituals are meaningful, routines are mundane. Routines are necessary but not always enjoyed. Plus, rituals bring deep satisfaction and are missed when they no longer occur.

What routines in your relationship can you turn into a ritual? Here’s a hint: What are some of your spouse’s favorite things or activities? How can you make these things happen more often?

Need More Ideas?

As an aside, here are a few more thoughts on this from different married couples that could give you some good ideas:

“Keep meaningful rituals in your relationship. Whether it’s having a dinner conversation after work every night or taking a long walk, have something in place that allows you to stay in touch with each other’s lives.” (Mark Brandenburg)

Debi and Tom Walter came up with an idea that turned a routine (drinking coffee) into a ritual dating idea that makes it fun for both of them. She writes:

“Pick an area of your home with comfortable seating and a nice lamp for ambient lighting. If you don’t have a place set up already, consider moving some furniture to a cozy corner for the date. Think coffee shop cozy! Prepare a light snack and hot beverages using the best mugs you have.

“When your date begins tell your spouse to leave their cell phone in the other room. Tonight, is a night to relax over a cup o’ joe together and talk. You can talk about current events, dreams or whatever else stirs your fancy. You just can’t talk about anything that will heat up the conversation. The only heat on this date should be in the cup or in your bedroom. You can even play a game of chess or checkers found in most coffee shops.”

More Marriage Rituals?

The ministry of Focus on the Family posted this ritual that you may enjoy using:

“With your spouse, come up with a code word or acronym that’ll be your private way of expressing love to each other. For example, I.L.Y.M. could be an acronym for ‘I love you more.’ Plant this code word in random spots for your spouse to find. Try writing it on sticky notes around the house, in the snow in the yard, etc.”

You can read more fun ideas on this subject in the article, “Secret Signals Between Spouses“

Here’s another loving/fun ritual idea:

“Make ‘I love you,’ the last thing you say before going to sleep. … Create a ritual that is uniquely yours for right before you go to sleep. Some couples like to hold hands, others like to give each other a quick peck, and some just say, ‘good night.’ Create a special phrase that you and your spouse can say to each other right before bed—something that means something to both of you. Then say it every single night. Whatever you choose to say or do immediately before falling asleep, make sure you say, ‘I love you’ every single night. Those simple words will help you both go to bed feeling close to each other, ready to take on whatever may come the following day.” (April Jacob)

Connected Rituals

All of this goes along with some of our evening/morning rituals. We love holding hands before going to sleep. We both read before we nod off to sleep but cuddling and holding hands (sometimes more) is especially important to us as a regular ritual.

Plus, we have made it a habit to pray together before we get up together in the morning. We lay in bed and hold hands and Steve usually starts our prayer time. I (Cindy) finish up our prayer time. But it isn’t how we do it that is important, it’s that we do it. And our ritual is to do it together before we start our day. Earlier in our married life we did this at a different time. Whatever works for you is fine. Just make sure that praying together (if your spouse will allow it) is built into your daily/weekly routine. You will be so glad that you did.]

Debi Walter gives these concluding thoughts on Routines and Rituals:

Marriage begins with the ritual of exchanging our wedding vows. “To love and to cherish until death do us part.”

Let’s purpose to take our vows to the next level by establishing some rituals unique to us. It will keep our relationship from becoming mundane, and we’ll make great memories along the way.

[Thanks Debi; we agree. As Simone Signoret said, “Chains don’t hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” And rituals and traditions, that we build into our life together, are good tools that can help us to do that! Plus, it makes life more enjoyable along the way.]

“The blessing of the LORD be upon you! We bless you in the name of the LORD!” (Psalm 129:8)

Cindy & Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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