Near Miss in Marriage

Have you been in a “near miss” lately? Debi Walter, from The Romantic Vineyard offers the following Insight to explain what a “near miss” in life and in marriage can look like (that we believe you will benefit from reading). She writes:

Sometimes we have a near miss and don’t even realize it, but not this time. I happened to be looking out our window at 35,000 feet when a Southwest jet flew by our window going in the opposite direction. It was really close—close enough that the pilots could have waved at each other as they passed. It was a near miss that could have been tragic!

There are probably close to 200 passengers on our flight and most didn’t even see the jet; it happened so fast. But I saw it and for a second fear gripped me thinking of the “what if’s”. I’m tempted to ask the pilot about it as we exit the plane.

But God! He is the ultimate pilot of every circumstance we face. I don’t have to fear the “what if’s” because He is in control of my life. I trust Him.

Near Miss in Marriage?

What about the near misses we have in our marriage? An unexpected conflict comes up out of the blue, and you have a choice to make: Swerve to avoid impact or keep going full speed ahead. It happens so quickly that the impact can happen before you know it.

How many of us have memorized the emergency procedures set up on airplanes? If we’re honest, most of us tune out the instructions. If there were an actual emergency requiring the use of the various safety devices, we would all struggle to remember what the flight attendant said before take-off. We would do well to pay attention.

The same applies to our marriages. Have you taken the time to consider the safety features of marriage?

• Seat Belt – This is like our vows keeping us safely in place. You can’t wander off without making a conscious decision to undo the seatbelt.

• Oxygen Mask – Sometimes the pressure changes drastically in your relationship. So much so that it takes your breath away. This is when it is good to pause and breathe fresh grace into your marriage. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Don’t panic thinking the worst. You are on the same team and working to help each other through the crisis.

Also:

• Flotation Device – Sometimes the crash is inevitable. It happens to the best of marriages, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end. Seek outside help when necessary. Trained counselors are there to come alongside you to help you make it safely back to solid ground.

• Emergency Exits (marked by lights on the aisle) – God’s Word provides us with wisdom to know how to escape conflict. His Word promises to be a light to our path and a lamp to our feet (Psalm 119:105). All we must do is ask Him to show us the way, and He will!

Are you aware of the near misses in your marriage?

If so, thank God for His kindness in leading you and protecting you. Have you ended up in a devastating emergency you didn’t see coming? What did God show you through the crisis?

Emotional Intimacy Prompt:

Plan time to answer the above questions. It is good to look back with thanksgiving for what God has done. And it is good to revisit past conflicts and learn from it to help you plan better for the next one.

Near misses are inevitable in this life. How we handle the emergency makes all the difference.

Thank you, Debi, for sharing this with us.

But before we close out this Marriage Insight, we want to include a few additional thoughts from Mark Merrill. He has written on the subject of “How to Avoid a Head-On Collision in Your Marriage” which can definitely be a “near miss” situation (at least we hope so, as we take precautions to make sure it is). He writes:

“Sometimes marriage conflict comes up suddenly, out of nowhere, and scares the living daylights out of you. You feel that near-miss aversion of a bigger blow-up. Or sometimes, you feel the full pain of a head-on collision.

“But some calm, smart, proactive and reactive actions can protect your marriage when that head-on collision suddenly seems imminent.”

Near Miss Caution?

And here’s one of his suggestions that he offers (which goes along with Debi’s suggestions):

“Use Extra Caution: Pay attention to signs in your marriage that extra care is needed. For example, when you or your spouse are sick, tired, or at the end of a hard day, realize that this is the equivalent of adverse weather that requires slower, more cautious driving. Extra caution includes being a better listener, thinking about the timing of conversations — especially tough topics and avoiding trigger points with each other, such as when not to talk about tough things.”

We call these “Halt Times.” They are any time one of you is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Usually, it’s wisest to avoid bringing up any important subjects. And if you do, “Use Extra Caution.”

Lastly

And then here’s one more “aversion” tactic you can use when you should be cautious concerning marital collision circumstances (you can see the others he talks about by going to the link provided):

“Put on the Brakes…Gently: When a conversation suddenly seems to be overheating towards a collision, it’s time to calmly ease on the brakes if possible. Knowing when to put on brakes is critical in driving and in marriage. Taking a break from the situation might be just what you both need to avoid a catastrophe.”

We hope what is written here will help you in those near miss marital situations to keep you from colliding with each other in unhealthy ways.

Cindy & Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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