QUESTION: Is Sex Before Marriage Always Out?

Question sex - Pixabay keyboard-824317_1920“Is sex before marriage always out? I know we like this rule for teenagers, and young people who aren’t ready to have kids. Of course that makes sense. But what about adults who are more mature, and are responsible?

“How about a Christian couple who are in love with the Lord and each other?

“How about if the sex in done in love and a nice positive setting?

“What if it is only done occasionally and not abused?

“How about if it was a positive experience for both parties?”

These are questions that were asked in an article, which was posted on the Growthtrac.com web site. Unfortunately, the original article is no longer available to read. But we did some digging to find scriptures and articles, which could give insights into these questions and others, which are important to explore.

Sex Before Marriage and Within Marriage

So first, we’ll give you scriptures that we found, and then we’ll direct you to articles posted on the Internet.

In the Context of Marriage:

The following are scriptures that point out the marital, sexual union that is sanctioned by God:

Genesis 2:24:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” [Notice the word, “wife” in that scripture.]

In Matthew 19:4 it’s recorded that Jesus said:

“‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

We’re told in 1 Corinthians 6:15:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.'”

Additionally:

1 Corinthians 7:1-5:

“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer. But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Hebrews 13:4:

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Sex Before Marriage and Outside of Marriage:

For sexual relations outside of marriage, the following are the scriptural principles we must follow:

1 Corinthians 6:18:

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body. But the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality. Each one of you is to know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. Let no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.

“For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said,

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Also:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10:

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20:

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Romans 13:14:

Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

Galatians 5:19-21:

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Ephesians 5:3:

Sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

Job 31:1:

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?”

Proverbs 6:27:

“Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?”

Prayerfully Consider This from God’s Word:

1 Peter 2:11:

“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.”

James 1:21:

“Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness. Receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.”

2 Timothy 2:22

“Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

Colossians 3:5-6:

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.”

Romans 13:12-14:

The night is far gone. The day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ. And make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

Also, the web site, Got Questions.org can give you further insights into scriptures and additional insights that you might find helpful in answering your questions concerning sex before marriage as you read:

• What Does the Bible Say About Sex Before Marriage/Premarital Sex?

— ALSO —

Below are additional articles, which line up scripturally. They can be helpful to read on this issue of, “Is Sex Before Marriage Always Out?”:

SKYPE SEX, IS THAT WRONG?

WHERE DOES IT SAY IN THE BIBLE Sex Outside of Marriage is Wrong?

PHYSICAL INTIMACY AND THE SINGLE MAN

GUYS AND SEX

Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International compiled this article.

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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30 responses to “QUESTION: Is Sex Before Marriage Always Out?

  1. (USA) Like so many people, I had sex before I was married. I have to say that that decision is by far the one I regret the most. I’m 36 years old, and have had plenty of opportunity to screw up, but that’s the one I count as my greatest fall.

    I didn’t get an STD, and I got no one pregnant, so you’d think I had a good time with no consequences. At first it seemed that way. I didn’t know Jesus, although I still knew it was wrong. Over the years I’ve found that I gave away the greatest gift I could have ever given my wife.

    Because I know Jesus now, I no longer live with the guilt of my decision, but there are still consequences. I know my physical relationship with my wife isn’t all that it could be, and I’m positive my poor decision has played a large roll in that. I wonder what might have been, and that’s a sad thing.

    Sex before marriage is just one way we sin against God. Our culture says there’s no reason to wait for anything, especially for direction from God! But, waiting on God is a very rewarding thing, so wait on Him.

    Also, don’t forget that God is merciful and faithful to forgive our sins if we confess before Him. So, if you’ve already sinned in this area, stop, and ask His forgiveness, and then wait for your wedding day. You’ll be glad you did, and I have no doubt God will bless your marriage for it.

    1. (USA)  I know this is way late to be commenting on this, but I ran into your comment. The fact is, some people regret it, some people don’t. What stood out to me is the fact that you keep wondering “what if I waited?” The fact is… you didn’t. You need to move on. It’s like a woman wondering to herself “what if this is actually not Mr. Right and he’s out there somewhere?” It’s a little dangerous. It ends up screwing up the marriage.

      What if you had waited and the sex still wasn’t fantastic? If you are having difficulty in your sex life, then you are having difficulties just like anyone else. You shouldn’t be blaming lack of sexual gratification on past experiences. It’s great that you put so much respect into sex. But as someone who didn’t wait myself, I have no problem saying that my decision has not affected my sex life today. If it affects yours that badly, then you need to see a psychologist or marriage counselor.

  2. (USA) It’s such a relief for me to read Brian’s comments! I, like most of my people of Nigerian origin, had been under the impression that all Americans believe in sex before marriage. And coming from a man, it is really heart-warming! Most cultures of the world place great premium on purity and virginity before marriage and as such marriage is often associated with complex rites. They all cannot be wrong, but above all, if we say we are Christians, then we must not simply pay lip service to our beliefs, but follow the tenets of our faith as indeed the Holy Bible has spelled out – the Bible is unambiguous about it; our challenge in the present time is to make it "cool" and get the media to promote it. Good luck world!

  3. (SWAZILAND)  Hey Brian, wishing there would be more Americans who can come out to declare that sex before marriage is sin. The problem the world like ours has is that we get to know about America only through Hollywood where sex before marriage is not a sensitive issue. Unfortunately as a young man I have learned the influence that these movies have on a teen to an extent that they begin to copy what they have seen in the movies thinking it’s real. Press on Bro. May God enrich you with His mercies and wisdom in this topic.

  4. (AUSTRALIA)  I am an Aussie teenager. I do not feel that you need to be married before sex… In the Bible people were much younger than I getting married and living together. I do however believe that there should be a certain commitment between the two people in love. The confusing thing is that ‘Love’ has become such an easy word to throw around. Why is there so much more discrepancy for the word ‘Hate’ then? Marriage is the ultimate proof of that commitment… That is why sex should come after marriage, if I could marry the girl I am with now, I would.

    But I am still in school and law does not allow this union for a few years. I too threw away this ‘gift’ when I was younger. Still an idiot. I was old enough to know better, but young enough not to care… This girl I did not enough love. I regret my actions and wish I had waited.

    I still cannot accept this of myself. I deny it happened still and lock it away in my past. Understand that if you do seek to give up this gift, let it be with someone you love and have an honest commitment with. Ensure that they feel the same way… Marriage is this assurance that you both are prepared for the same committed love to each other. (Sorry if I seem contradictory to myself… This is also the first time I have commented on the internet, any feedback would be appreciated as I hope this first time experience may leave me with more pleasant memories)

    If you care to write any questions, I will gladly respond via this site. I aim to give hope for my generation… We are not bad people, we are lost, Few of us are bad, but there is much good in many of us!

  5. (KUWAIT)  I do not relate sex to marriage. I feel it has to be related to Love, but yes with the mentality of the way people think, marriage is the only binding force that keeps two people together.

    I did make the mistake of giving myself to someone that was only looking out for sex. Crazy that I was, I totally love him. We started out as chat friends from where we made love via our talks. Soon there came a time for our first meeting and as the night drew close I just wanted him to hold me and love me like there was no one. I gave myself totally to him. For me that was love without any inhibitions and most sacred as it can be.

    Sadly I shut out the voice in my head telling me this is just too good to be true. We made love and I never felt so much more wanted. I did this every time he wanted me to. When people asked me if there was a commitment in this relation and how could I give myself to a person on the first meeting, I just had one answer. Love has not boundaries and limits. Him saying he loves me all the time is a commitment in itself. But soon this bubble burst. I realized I was not the only one in his life. Fool that I was, I believed everything he said without even trying to find out if there was any truth.

    Now I am at a place where I have severed all ties with him. Feeling used is a very very mild way to put it. In this scenario, if marriage was there, none of this would have happened. Sex emotionally binds you to the person and when it hurts, you just wish you could rip your heart coz it really, really hurts.

    Yes sex is important and it increases your love but if it goes wrong, the hatred and guilt surely kills you. GO for it only if you feel you are rid of any emotions.

    For me: I still love him and always will coz I believe if I want him, God will get him to me, not for revenge, Only for LOVE!!!!

  6. (ZIMBABWE)  I am one person that truly believed in no sex before marriage and for some time I did try to stand by it. I did manage though to keep myself pure for some time but I really do regret ever having had sex before marriage. I met a guy that I thought knew what I believed and seemed to respect that. He did wait for a very long time not knowing that this guy was a pro in the game.

    While I thought he respected me and my way of thinking, he was busy plotting how to get me to bed with him. He had other ladies of the night take care of his sexual needs. He waited over a year and after that asked for my hand in marriage but before that could happen he asked if I could finally have make love to him to show my commitment. Yes, I fell for his trick because now a date had been set for the traditional wedding but little did I know that for him it was the usual.

    Soon after I slept with him, this guy just started disappearing bit by bit until he finally said that his finances were not looking good and he couldn’t perform the traditional marriage of paying the bride price as in our culture. I did finally find out some of the things he did in the past and those that he had been trying to hide from me. I thank God I didn’t end up getting married to such a loser. But everyday of my life I regret having had sex with him before marriage. Right now I am married to someone else that now truly loves God but I still have visions of me having sex with the other guy.

    It’s true, there will always be moments that the thoughts will crowd up your mind and sometimes you see flaws in your partners’ kissing because you have kissed someone else before. I pray that someday it will come to an end but let me tell you that it’s true that there is no condom for the heart. I am here to tell you it’s better to wait than waste yourself away before marriage.

    Even in my current marriage we started off on a wrong note because we slept together before we got married but soon afterward I had to let this guy know that yes, I had slept with him but it was wrong and if he still expected that from me then it’s better we part ways because I now wanted to commit myself to the Lord.

    At first he didn’t understand but after some time he came back and said he respected me for that because no one has ever dared to go that far. We soon got married but know I also see that the way we used to have sex then is totally different than now. It’s true that you have put kids to bed first and all. Please guys talking from experience I would not want want anyone going through the same. Regardless of what some say or promise, wait till you marry. You will notice the difference.

    God Bless and thanks for a lovely website.

  7. (INDIA)  I did have sex with a man in my college days. I felt I was very lucky to have him; I was so committed that I could even die for him. I struggled with my parents and really wanted to marry him. I even fought with my father for marriage.

    But soon my friends told me that he is having relations with other girls. I never believed in those words until I found him with a girl sitting beside him. I felt very alone and came without talking to him with a lot of tears and anger for him.

    I realize he is a big cheater… he never called me or even explained why he was with her. I married a different person soon after hoping to forget him. But whenever my husband touches me I feel like it was so bad.

    I went for many years, but finally last year I got a note saying, “how are you?” from my lover. He is married to a good looking girl, and has a kid. Also, he is happy but I am suffering with his sickness.

    1. (NEPAL) Hey anonymous how are you doing? First of all, you did good and don’t feel bad when your husband touches you, because it was your past. And now just watch your present for the future. Just think of the someone (your husband) who loves you so much. How could you hurt him and his innocence by re-falling for your past lover?

      Ok, the thought comes to mind: why are you attracted to your ex-betraying lover and his sincerity and hardness for your family, so much more than your husband’s caring love?

      So think as a human and try to love the one who loves you and is thinking of you now that you are their whole world, rather than the one who is in your past. If anything is wrong in that, then forgive me… ok take care…

      1. (USA) Anonymous, I agree with Kail. Your past is your past. I am reminded of Philippians 3:13-14, where it says, “Not that I have already obtained this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me. I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

        Too many people are looking backward too much. They want to re-write their past and lift out any mistakes they may THINK they have made and relive them to go on a different path. But when we do this by getting re-involved with past relationships, ESPECIALLY when we are intertwined in marriage, we are on the wrong path. Too much has gone on since then. You complicate and hurt too many people who are now in your life — as well as hurting the cause of Christ.

        Put your eyes forward to your present path… don’t dwell on the past. Press toward the prize GOD has for you by reaching for righteousness — not being involved with a past lover. Whether he cheated on you or didn’t (although it sounds like he may have, and now is cheating again on his wife and child by contacting you — which he shouldn’t do)– whether he may have been “right” for you or not, isn’t the point… he isn’t now. You have a husband; he has a family; don’t mess that up. Don’t even put a toe in that door. You are swinging open a door of temptation that has very grave consequences to many innocent people. You are playing with fire and many can be burned as a result. Slam shut that door!

        Be a lover to your husband. Love him as Christ. Love him as a wife should — whether you had a past or not. Leave the past in the past and “press on”…

        Whether you married the man who is now your husband for the wrong reasons or the right reasons… the fact is that you DID marry him. Don’t look behind, but rather ahead at BEING the right person. Ask God to teach you how to love as He does.

        Please realize that we can romanticize the past and put a different spin on it than it really was. When present troubles come up, we can look back and live in the “what ifs” and drive ourselves crazy and do a lot of wrong thinking and living. Look at the people of Israel when God used Moses to deliver them from the Egyptians. When trouble came upon them, or when things weren’t going as they thought they should, they cried about what they THOUGHT they lost in Egypt — which wasn’t a real picture at all. Their minds played tricks with them. I believe your mind is playing tricks on you — and you are entertaining the enemy of our faith by allowing all these doubts to creep in and cause havoc.

        I hop that you will not allow your mind to drive you in directions you should no longer go. Read Philippians 4:8-9 and go with God on this. I pray you will!

    2. (ZAMBIA) We do wrong, and when we realize it’s our duty to do right, that’s God and forgiveness working. Please the man you have now decided he wanted you honestly and publicly. The one who so called loved you, did not. Please don’t break your hubby’s heart by pining away for the other guy. May God open your eyes to your current blessing, and may he love you into loving your hubby… God bless and good luck.

  8. (ZIMBABWE)  I searched for this website because a lot has happened in my past. I lost my virginity when I was 18. I didn’t know what it meant to have sex at that time and the consequences attached to it. The relationship was high school puppy love and I thought this guy was my whole world but little did I know that by having sex I had killed the passion.

    Well, I managed to move on then started a relationship with a much older guy. I told myself I had to save myself from a heartbreak by not having sex again. He respected me for the decisions I had made but after one year of dating I slept with him. I regretted this act but every time I would find myself doing it no matter how much I told myself that I was going to stop. Now the problem is, I don’t love this guy anymore although he wants us to be together and has asked for my hand in marriage.

    I have learnt that the biggest mistake that one can make is anticipating that they are so much in love with someone that they think they are going to be married to that person and for that they have sex before they get married. I no longer love this guy that I’ve been dating for years and I don’t know what to do. I need help.

  9. (ZIMBABWE) I did fall in love, which was good. We had electrifying sex and excellent as you may imagine, and that bound us even more when we got maried and we still having sex. So have sex only when you are sure of the person.

    1. (UNITED STATES)  How can you be sure of that person? Love is not a feeling, Love is an action and it is not about having sex or the feeling from it. Love is a choice you make daily. If you can fall in love, then you will be able to fall out of it, if you think of it in that sense. I am pretty sure God knows what He is talking about in regards to our sexuality, when to abstain from it and to give it only to whom you have married.

  10. (ZIM) I’ve been reading the comments that everyone has posted and I couldn’t agree more that having sex before marriage is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. I first had sex when I was 19 to a guy tht promised to marry me. He was so much older so I believed him and of course as you can imagine he ran away not long after that.

    It took me forever to get out of the emotional rut I found myself in and as a result I rebounded into an even worse relationship and I seem to be making the same judgemental errors over and over. When I find someone it’s as though I have stupid written all over my forehead. Right now I’m in love with a wonderful man who I’ve just discovered is very unsure of whether we should get married or not, even after promising me last year that we would be together.

    Don’t get me wrong, he loves me and we are in a committed relationship. Its been about 14 months, but now his tone and opinions about settling with me appear to have changed and I’m really nerve wrecked and scared about it. I’ve done everythng possible to assure him that I’m ready to be his wife but I’m not sure where he is missing it. I’m beginning to think he doesn’t take me seriously because we have slept together and so there is nothing intriguing about marrying me or rather what’s the rush anymore?

    I want to settle down and I’ve come to love and understand him just the way he is. He really has the qualities of a great husband and of the man I want to spend my life with. I often pray about it. I hope God will answer when the time is right.

    1. (PAKISTAN)  Dear Amilla: All the Abrahamic religions forbid premarital sex because God wants women to be protected. Women are emotional, flying high on passions fed by men therefore VULNERABLE. Love is really about loving God first and then loving yourself, respecting yourself. This gentleman may be a great guy but maybe hes lost the thrill of the chase. Ask yourself, should you be putting yourself down because of any man? Is he worth you denying yourself to him? Let him crave you enough to take you down the aisle.

  11. (ROMANIA)  Hello to everyone, I have been reading all these posts and I think that one aspect was missing. I had sex before marriage but at a fairly late age (23 yrs). I was fully conscious about what I was doing and I did it with the right person I had been with for 2 years, there were no unwanted consequences — so everything was perfect by worldly standards.

    Therefore I don’t regret it but I do feel guilty because it looks like I fall short of God’s standards. And here comes the frustration. I believe that God gives not only interdiction but also a solution to your situation.. which I don’t see. I would greatly appreciate if someone comments on some of my points below.

    1) As someone above pointed out, today marriages happen later because the two *should* have a stable life… education, place to live etc. This was a *must* for me because my parents could not give me a house to share with a wife. But this is the rule, not the exception. A couple these days should be financially secure, which implies education & job, which implies 23 years+.

    2) I’m DYING (read: losing my mind) to know what is a guy supposed to do with his sexuality until 23 years of age. He may not engage in sexual intercourse and some say he is not even allowed to, pardon me, masturbate.

    3) I realize not everyone has high sexual demands, but 23 years… that’s 10 years of masturbation (+guilt if you believe you may not do it), which I think is NOT what God intended when He created our sexuality. For some people sex is also a *need* not just a want or a nice-to-have, and they are not necessarily addicts/enslaved.

    4) Another issue is: given soo many couples (Christian & not) ‘trapped in sexless marriages’ or ‘sexually mismatched’ (this & other sites are full of these, this is the primary reason people go to the Therapist). I want first avoid entering such a situation in the first place (prevention is best!!) by trying my girlfiend. Trying is a harsh word but I honestly love her and, while she is so good in every other aspect, I know myself well enough to say that I have high sexual demands and I don’t want to ‘tie the knot’ and risk going to the Therapist all my life and/or ruining 2 lives FOREVER (because the Bible is very strict on divorce also).

    5) How can I be the only one in this situation? Am I mad?

  12. (SOUTH AFRICA)  I got involved in sex from avery young age with my boyfriend and got pregnant by him, we continued in that relationship and hve been that way for 14 ears now, all this time I never knew Christ. After I came to know Christ I tried to break the releationship but I never succeded we now have a second child and still not married, because of financal issues and other problems we are now planning to get married. we have both come to know Christ and still struggling to break off the sex out of our relationship.

  13. (UNITED STATES)  My wife and I married at the age of 24. Until then, neither of us ever had sex. There may be other couples like us, but it seems as though we are in the minority. America is a sex crazed nation; you can see it everywhere. People often have multiple sex partners, even as teenagers.

    Even though we don’t have the sexual experiences of so many others, the exclusiveness of our relationship is something special. Sex is the most intimate thing 2 people can do with each other. Every time my wife and I engage in sex, we are giving something to each other that is only between us. It makes us feel good to know that I am the only guy in the world she has ever had sex with and she is the only girl in the world I have had sex with. We can express our love for each other knowing that our intimacy is something we only share between us. This is worth more to us than being able to say that we have had sex with other people.

    1. (USA) Doug, That is a good testimony to the value of waiting. Thank you for posting. Should be an inspiration for others who wait.

  14. (USA)  I think some of the folks out there have raised excellent questions about the extended adolescence western society forces on everyone, including the young Christian, and the 10 years of celibacy during our sexual prime required of those of us who would save sex for marriage. I myself suffered the injustice of being a 24 year old virgin for 3 days, and my dear wife had to wait 23 years. I know first hand that this is no fun, but considering the alternatives, I am convinced I actually maximized my enjoyment even from a purely carnal perspective.

    If I had become sexually active before meeting my wife, I would have had a lousy sex life and a lousy life in general. Men and women have differing sexual needs. Now that I am active, I want it 3 times a week minimum, 7 times a week on average, and 9-11 some weeks to balance out those 3’s. If I were not in a marriage relationship, I would have no chance of having this kind of sex life, yet I would want it. My chances of finding a partner willing to engage in this would be slim. I would have found myself pursuing women who I would not want to marry just because I wanted sex, and get it way less than I wanted. I would have wasted time that I could be pursuing my own betterment trying to line up sex partners. Worst of all, having the wrong girls around could have kept me from finding the right girl. By being with multiple partners, I could have contracted a disease that puts a severe crimp in one’s sex life, like herpes. I could have gotten someone pregnant. I would have traded the stress of celibacy for a far worse set of stresses.
    The human sex drive is powerful, and one of the greatest privileges we have as Christians is the option of NOT HAVING OUR DESTINY CONTROLLED BY IT. I am glad God permits me and my wife to control our sex lives, instead of having our sex lives control us.

  15. (SOUTH AFRICA)  I was 34 when I started; that was last year before my birthday. I love God and I wanted to wait then I went back to my exboyfriend and I felt ready and we are planning to get married either this year or next year. I wanted to wait but age is against me. I love kids and I’m planning to have at least 3. I think I’m already late. I hope God will forgive me. I feel guilty every time we do it.

    1. (US) Feeling Guilty, Don’t despair. You, as a Good Christian woman, waited as long as you could.

      I know it’s hard. I too had to wait. Though I’d lost my virginity in high school before I became of faith the next year in college, I had very little sex through all my 20s. Only 2X!! That’s very hard for man who’d had a little sex in HS… very hard to do when a guy is at his peak sexually during his 20s!!! I MB’d a lot, and felt guilty about that. I too was disappointed God didn’t provide me a GF/spouse who I could as a Christian legally express my love sexually with (after marriage).

      “…I wanted to wait but age is against me. …. I think I’m already late…”

      It’s never too late. You’re not too old. 34 is still young. Many of us didn’t meet our loves until our 30s…

      Neither of us were virgins, but both of us had little experience. I know she regrets not waiting but I understand it’s also hard for women to wait.

      “…. I hope God will forgive me. I feel guilty every time we do it….

      Yes, God will forgive you. If you haven’t married, please try to stop or abstain. Tell you fiance why (you’re a Christian trying to follow God’s rules) and if he really loves and cares for you, he should understand. If a Christian lady told me that while I was trying to get her to ML with me, I’d honor and respect her even more.