Marriage Quotes from Ravi Zacharias – MM #340

learn-1820039_1920 PixabayAs the old saying goes, “It’s not just what you live through that’s important, but what you LEARN through and GROW through!” After reading the book, I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah: Moving from Romance to Lasting Love, it’s easy to see that Ravi Zacharias has “grown through” different experiences. This includes his 40+ years of marriage to his wife Margie. Plus, he has “learned through” many things the Lord has taught him about marriage.

Below are a few quotes from this interesting and wise book. We hope what is written here will give you a taste for the good things contained within the book. (You might think of obtaining it yourself.) Plus it will give you marriage and pre-marriage tips to help you to learn and grow in your marriage to the glory of God. Here are a few things Ravi writes (along with a few comments from us):

Quotes to Learn from Ravi’s Book:

“Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you WILL to love somebody, you can.”

That quote was actually given by Ravi’s brother who explained how he learned to love his wife after he married her. His was a marriage arranged by his parents, in accordance with Indian culture. But even so, love eventually developed. This is a difficult concept for us to understand in a culture where the feeling of love is idolized as it is. If the “feeling” isn’t there, then many people will dump out of their commitment. They’ll either switch one partner for another who creates this feeling for them again, or they’ll go off on their own. However, if you look in the Bible, love is described more as actions, (as in 1 Corinthians 13:3-7) rather than feelings.

But what’s astonishing is that as you live out the principles for loving, (outlined in the Bible) many times, new feelings of love are created. That’s what happened in our marriage a number of years ago. We’ve also seen it happen repeatedly in the lives of many others. We became students of marriage and each other, and applied God’s principles for loving. Then God worked miracles, and still does continually.

Quotes on Love and Marriage by Ravi:

“We exaggerate the separation of the emotion and the will as two distinct faculties of operation. It becomes some kind of misshapen two-headed monster. Think for example, of the caricature we make of one difference between men and women. We seem to think that women are more emotionally driven and men more cerebrally driven. If that caricature were true, why is it that more men fall into infidelity after marriage than do women? If women are more emotionally driven, shouldn’t it be the other way around?

“I think it more appropriate to say that women, in general, recognize the emotional ramifications of their acts better than men do. Men do feel emotion. But they do so selectively and fail to face the consequences of reality. Betray a man and you find out that his emotions surge to the top. I believe that a legitimate understanding of what is happening here can preserve the grand union between emotion and will. Without the will, marriage is a mockery. Without emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both. We like the side dealing with emotion, not the will.”

Additionally

“William Doherty begins his excellent book, Take Back Your Marriage with a powerful illustration. His office is located in St. Paul, Minnesota, not far from the farthest point north on the Mississippi River. He describes the river’s formidable but silent current that drives its waters southward. ‘Everything on the water that is not powered by wind, gasoline, or human muscle’ heads south.

“Then he adds these words. ‘I have thought that getting married is like launching a canoe into the Mississippi at St. Paul. If you don’t paddle, you go south. No matter how much you love each other, no matter how full of hope and promise and good intentions, if you stay on the Mississippi without a good deal of paddling —occasional paddling is not enough. You end up in New Orleans, which is a problem if you want to stay north.’

“But this kind of commitment does not come easily. Only if it is taken seriously does it become a delight of the heart. I will also add that this kind of commitment is not seen much in the times in which we live. The reason we have a crisis in our relationships is not that we are culturally indoctrinated. We would rather be served than serve. We would rather be the head than the feet.

“The Christian faith stands unique in pointing out that the Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost. The Son of Man came to serve. This means that the service He gave to humanity was given even when we least merited that sacrifice. There is a joy in service that transcends emotional temporariness.”

For Those Considering Marriage:

“Jesus said that greater love has no man than to lay down his life for his friend. But it is probably more difficult to live a life of continual dying to oneself than to die in one moment. Marriage is hard work. And that’s why, when you come to that pivotal moment of decision my suggestion is that you seek the advice of somebody you love and respect.

“Don’t make such a decision on your own just because you have romantic feelings. Seek out the wisdom of your minister, the wisdom of your parents, and the wisdom of friends. Realize that romance has to be transcended by a strong will and a commitment to you and by you. The important thing to bear in mind is that you must face your willingness to die to yourself before you choose to walk down the aisle. Is this person the one for whom you are willing to die daily? Is this person to whom you say, ‘I do’ also the one for whom you are willing to say, ‘No I don’t’ to everybody else? Be assured that marriage will cost you everything.”

More Thoughts to Consider:

“I took an early morning walk and saw two workmen who were dismantling a cement block wall. They were taking great care to keep the blocks intact for another structure they were building. What a metaphor this is for the home! When two lives meet, they are like two distinct walls. Each has to start by dismantling his or her wall one brick at a time. Those bricks are then taken intact and with other materials used to build a structure with a roof that brings them together at the top. That is the new home. Two wills are as two walls. Rightly dismantled and rebuilt they provide the strength for a new union of two lives.”

“The playwright Thornton Wilder said it well: ‘I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married. It was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them. And it wasn’t our love that protected them. It was that promise.'”

Sore Points

We realize that the above quotes bring up sore points for those who didn’t “consider the costs” before marrying. There are also those of you who have found the “costs” over-whelming. You may be married to someone who, up to this point, isn’t a promise-keeper. And now you wonder what you are to do. You wonder how can you live this way.

We wish we could give you “quick fix” answers, to infuse hope into your hearts. But we really can’t —as much as we wish we could. We are only human. But please know that our hearts grieve with you. We also offer our web site as a tool for you to use. It may help you with some of the specific problems you are facing. God has and is using it in miraculous ways. Beyond that, we are praying for you. Please put your hope in and focus on God.

We serve a God who created the heavens and the earth and everything else within it, out of nothing. He is not restricted by our human limitations. He can resurrect the dead (including dead dreams and feelings). And God can also infuse hope, where things look hopeless. “With God nothing is impossible.” We encourage you to lay your burdens and your crushed dreams at His feet. Ask Him to help you to live as He would direct.

Don’t Limit God

Don’t be impatient, because you’ve done that and so far nothing has happened as you thought it should. Die to your plans and pick up His. Quit looking at your time-table and accept His. Don’t limit what He can do by putting your human limitations upon Him. If you do, you will continue to live in disappointment. Trust, believe, and anticipate what God can do.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

We pray that what we were able to share from what Ravi Zacharias wrote, will plant seeds in your heart to further seek God in centering your life and your marriage around His ways. Keep pursuing God’s ways and His purpose for your life. We serve an AWESOME GOD!!!

Cindy and Steve Wright

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Filed under: Marriage Messages

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Comments

18 responses to “Marriage Quotes from Ravi Zacharias – MM #340

  1. (IRELAND)  Thanks for this encouraging article. I especially liked the admonition at the end which said, "Die to your plans and pick up His. Quit looking at your time-table and accept His." How often we pray for God to work in our marriages and in our lives. We ask for guidance and change and for his will to be done but we too often want our will to be done and in our timing! We are impatient, disobedient, and untrusting. May God give us the grace to trust Him, wait on Him, and obey Him.

  2. (SOUTH AFRICA)  I am very blessed by Dr Ravi’s materials. I am working on families in SA and wish to have much closer interactions. Pastor Piet

  3. (USA)  I have been so blessed by this article. As I sit here and read tears has been rolling down my face. I felt as though the last three paragraphs were written directly for me. I have felt like my marriage was hopeless for the last 10 years. However the article says that Christ can resurrect the dead including dead dreams and feelings.

    For the first time in a long——–time I feel a little optimistic about the situation. I have been married for 15 long——-years. I have 2 beautiful and intelligent daughters. I truly thank God for them. My husband just was such a wounded little boy because of his alcoholic and abusive father. He had absolutely no love or compassion in his child hood. His childhood was filled with pain and fear.

    However, I honestly believe that GOD is going to do the unthinkable. This is actually a miracle I feel this way. I cannot wait until people say, “What happened to your husband?” He is so full of love, joy, peace, and compassion. I am going to simply say with God all things are possible. We have been committed church people through our whole marriage but, people do not seem to care about getting to the root of people emotional pains and heartaches in life. I will always be grateful to this ministry and I will tell people who need marital comfort to go to Marriage Missions International.

  4. (INDIA)  Great topic, dealt with immense power of the Holy Spirit and buddles of experience in life. No wonder, it is Ravi. I really appreciate this article.

  5. (SOUTH AFRICA)  Reading this article was an amazing thing for me. I never consulted anyone before marrying my husband and it was done out of feeling more than anything else. What does the world believe? Love conques all? The media makes marriage look so easy. My husband and I want to instill Godly principles into our children so that when they choose their spouses one day it will be done according to God’s word and his principles. Thank you for such an amazing teaching!

  6. (NEW ZEALAND) The Lord God is good. I praise Him and thank Him for ministering to me through you. The comments from my brothers and sisters from Ireland, South Africa, USA and India brought tears to my eyes. There is no such a thing as “coincidence” or “chance” in God’s economy (Joseph was not sold by his very brothers to end in Egypt by “accident”).

    If we are reading this article tonight (it’s after 11 pm here in New Zealand) it’s God who put it before us, to bless us, to do us good. I have made a copy of the article, to keep it and read it again. Thank you Cindy and Steve. Thank you Dana, Piet, Tracey, Johnathan and Jean. You have all been a blessing to me. May the Good Lord bless you all!

  7. (INDONESIA)  Hi, I just want to say thank you for this really good article. I believe (like Damien) that there is no coincidence… when I had the chance to read the article… truly a blessing for me… I have been praying and struggling for quite some time about my future… especially my plan to get married. The last three paragraphs reminded me… His plan is far better than my plan… my time-table… Isaiah 55:8. Thanks again… God Bless u all. :)

  8. (NIGERIA) I am so much blessed with this article. It has actually broadened my reasoning and is also a source of encouragement to me, although I am not yet married. But this lesson derived from the above article is so graphic, so pungent and life awakening as the case may be, thank you. And may the Lord inspire you more! I am blessed!

    1. I read Ravi’s book “I Isaac take Thee Rebecca” in 2010 a year before getting married and the insight I obtained from the book remains very relevant today, as I experience the dynamic nature of this beautiful institution. I thank God for Ravi and others of the like mind for sharing right to our generation of what it is we ought to expect and do before we make life’s most critical decision. Thank you for posting this so that many can benefit from these critical and God guided nuggets.

  9. I am a Christian and am looking forward to my new marriage. I am really blessed and encouraged in your teaching; thank you very much.

  10. I’m very much encouraged by reading this. God will carry us in difficult circumstances and he will give us a heart to serve and to die to ourselves. Say, whatever happens its your will Lord and I am Yours.

  11. My husband left me after a 43 year marriage for another woman. We had adopted our grandson and 2 years later my husband was leaving me for someone else who he denied in court but after court he was living with her. That was 6 years ago and I still cry. I blame myself for not being a better wife. He told me I was a miserable person to live with and that I complained too much. We were not intimate with each other as I had some medical problems and he made me feel like I was just being used instead of valued.

    I have tons of memories both good and bad. I now see more flaws in this person that I had put on a pedestal than I could ever see while we were married. I also see my own flaws more readily. Marriage is not designed for perfect people.The worst mistake you could make is to marry someone who does not love God more than he loves you. I still pray for reconciliation but it really does look impossible. I do not think the pain will ever go away and I do not know how to forget all the years. I have heard that divorce is like the tearing of flesh and yet he does not feel any pain. Meanwhile every other weekend my grandson goes to see his grandfather kiss another woman instead of me. He hears them tell each other they love each other. Last week my grandson who is now 14 said that his grandfather said he had never been so happy and my grandson replied, I guess your happiness was more important than mine.

    1. I am so sorry for your deep pain from being abandoned by your husband. Jesus is our only Healer, and it is His love that penetrates the depths that are untouched by anyone or anything else. Focus on Jesus alone, and His heart for you. Praying for your healing.

    2. I understand your pain, but there is hope. I have reconciled to my husband after 14 years of separation. I know what it is to be alone. If he came back what would you say to him? How could you improve your marriage? In the meantime I think it would be better to pursue something that would interest you: learn to play an instrument, or a new language, or to paint, or to knit, swim, etc. That will take your mind off your pain. If you want to know more of my story you could read my book: Praying for My Next: My Prayerful Journey Back to My Ex

      As the title suggests, I was done hoping for reconciliation and I was praying very hard for my next husband. God had other plan. That was 30 years ago. I feel very valued. God bless you.

  12. Wonderful teachings especially for us looking foward to join marriage. There is much to learn here. I wish every young person would access this information. God bless you very much. I believe these teachings will equip many.

  13. Is it Ok to marry a divorced woman if that woman became a believer now? And the man claims to be a believer too? Is it considered adultery?