Are you vulnerable to having an affair? Answer the questions below to better know if your marriage is at risk to this type of vulnerability.
QUIZ: Relationship Vulnerability Map
– By Dr Shirley Glass
There’s no way to predict with certainty whether a couple is “affair-proof.” Responding to the statements below will help identify relationship vulnerabilities that make marriages susceptible.
Write the appropriate number to the left of each statement:
1 = No, disagree completely
2 = Yes, agree somewhat
3 = Yes, agree completely
N/A= Not Applicable
___ We had problems trusting each other before we got married.
___ Our marriage revolves around our children.
___ For childless couples: We disagree on whether or not to have children.
___ My partner spends too much time away from home.
___ My partner rarely takes my side in anything.
___ We’ve grown apart.
___ I’ve felt alone and unsupported at times of loss or crises.
___ We don’t have equal input for important decisions.
___ We argue about the frequency of sex.
___ Our interactions feel more like a parent-child relationship than between equals.
___ We’re uncomfortable about exposing our inner selves to each other.
___ We sweep things under the rug, so we hardly ever fight.
___ There’s a disparity in how invested we are in the relationship.
___ I feel I can’t influence my partner to do what I request.
___ I don’t know if I really love my partner.
___ We don’t know how to repair after a conflict.
___ We don’t have much in common.
Add up your total number of points to interpret your relationship vulnerability score.
16 – 20 = A safe harbor
21 – 29 = Choppy waters
30 – 39 = Rough seas
40 – 48 = Watch out! You’re headed for the rocks.
Take another look at those statements that you rated 2 or 3. You and your partner can work on these issues to build a better marriage. Sharing your responses will give you another way to discuss your marital lifeline. It’s important to realize that your relationship vulnerability score is not a predictor of infidelity. It is an assessment of your marital adjustment.
Remember that affairs can and do happen in good relationships. Even a score that indicates high vulnerability does not mean that infidelity is inevitable. Just as there are happily married people who are unfaithful, there are also dissatisfied individuals who remain faithful because of individual factors.
Dr. Shirley Glass, was an internationally known psychotherapist, lecturer, and author was an expert on infidelity research.
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