Scriptures on Abuse and Domestic Violence

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What does the Bible say about Abuse and Domestic abuse? Does it even address it? Are there scriptures on abuse and domestic violence? The simple answer is YES! Those who believe otherwise are delusional, or they need more information than they’ve had up until now.

First of all, it is NOT okay for one spouse to commit violence against the other. It is something God hates. Also, for those of you who are victims of abuse in your marriage, PLEASE don’t be fooled into thinking that you “deserve it.” You don’t. Your spouse may tell you this is so and saying that the Bible even condones it, but that is not true.

Abuse in Marriage

That’s why we have the topic, “Abuse in Marriage” that deals with this subject. We hope to help those who visit this web site become more aware of biblical truths concerning abuse.

That is also why we put together this article. The Bible says, The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates (Psalm 11:5). Anything God “hates” we should take note of and therefore, hate and reject it as well.

Violence is not something the Lord condones in the home. This is especially true within a Christian marriage where marriage is a living picture of Christ’s love for the church. Those who tell you that the Bible condones abuse in marriage are misguided and wrong.

To help prove this, lets look at what the Bible has to say about abuse. The following are web site links (to Focus Ministries and Suite 101) to articles you can click into so you can read:

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT VIOLENCE AND ABUSE?

More to Glean Through

These next two articles come from different web sites and hopefully, will help you further see that as Christians, we are wrong if we think that the Lord would sanction or condone abuse in the home.

The first article is written by Fiona Soltes and is posted on the web site for Lifeway Ministries. It gives an overall look at how Christians view abusive relationships and what they can and should do about it. Please click onto the link below to read:

•  AN INSIDE LOOK AT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

This next article is posted on the web site BeenThinking.com where Bible teacher and author Mart De Haan reconsiders how he originally looked at abuse in marriage and what he’s since learned as he’s studied the Bible more in depth on this subject:

MARITAL ABUSE AND THE BIBLE

Furthermore

There is another excellent article, which is posted on Todayschristianwoman.com web site. We believe you will find it helpful for those who are under the opinion that abuse is just about violence to the body. Yes, it is definitely that. But there is a whole mind set and behavioral pattern that includes control issues that go along with it as well.

The author Gwyneth Nelson never thought she would be involved in a marriage rocked by violence and control issues. That is because both she and her husband were Christians. As she said, “I couldn’t believe this was my reality and I couldn’t see a way out.” It’s a sad but true story of two people in love where abusive behavior became a way of life. Please click onto the link provided below to learn from and read:

MY ABUSIVE “CHRISTIAN” MARRIAGE

— ALSO —

There are a number of insightful articles, which are posted on the web site for FOCUS Ministries on Domestic Violence. We believe you will find answers to some of your questions on this heart-wrenching issue. Rather than explain each one to you, we encourage you to choose the ones that apply to your marriage. To choose the articles you would like to read:

CLICK HERE

May we always:

Remember those in prison
as if you were their fellow prisoners,
and those who are mistreated
as if you yourselves were suffering

(Hebrews 13:3).

If You Are the Victim of Abuse:

We pray that the scriptures, and what you have learned through the additional linked articles provided, plus what is posted on the Marriage Missions web site —particularly in the “Abuse in Marriage” topic, will help you. Please reach out to the Lord and to those He provides to assist you, to find a place of safety and peace.

If you are an abuser, we pray your eyes will be opened. We hope you will reach out to the Lord and to those who can best help you, to stop the violence you are committing against your spouse. Today is the day to start the journey to bring peace into your home.

Finally, if you are a friend, family member, or someone who can make a difference to help those who are oppressed, we pray the Lord will empower and lead you to do what it takes to bring help, hope and peace into homes that are racked by violence.

This article was compiled by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.

If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

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Filed under: Abuse in Marriage

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Comments

97 responses to “Scriptures on Abuse and Domestic Violence

  1. (USA) I feel for all these women. I too have been verbally and physically abused by my husband. We have been together 13 years. He has always cheated on me and abused me. I have left him before but I went back; he knew all the right things to say. He doesn’t cheat now but now he is very jealous and all he cares about is having sex. He says that is how he feels loved. I love him but I hate when I feel obligated to have sex.

    I have to bathe and have sex when he wants to. He drinks a fifth of tequila a night and gets very verbally abusive. I go to bed when this happens but he wakes me up to call me names. When I left him I felt so at peace like a big weight had been lifted. I am afraid to leave for fear he may hurt me. Like one woman wrote it is horrible to walk on egg shells; it is like that for me everyday.

    I’m not going to lie I cheated on my husband once and have lived everyday with this regret, and he never lets me forget. I really just want to not be afraid anymore, to be at peace. I pray everyday that God will give me the strength I need to overcome this. I helped my husband get help for his drinking. I’ve held down two jobs to make ends meet. When he got out of rehab I helped him get a job. He is still there but his sobriety didn’t last. What can I do?

    1. The Lord wants us to live in peace and harmony. Ask the Holy spirit to guide you and teach you what move to make. He is our teacher. I left my husband a month ago for the third time it was so controlling and abusive.

  2. (USA) I’m 51 years old survivor of childhood sexual assault by my father from the time I was 11 till I was 15. I have been through therapy and have worked very hard to overcome it and become the person that God had intended me to be. From 15 to 30 I stayed away from church and God, blaming Him for what happened (my family never missed a church service during the abuse, which caused me to equate abuse with Christianity); I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t protected by God when we were going to His church. Then at 30, I began to realize that the distorted faith of my parents was not what God intended for his people and that the abuse was not sanctioned by Him. I was able to reconcile with God and I have to say that is when my true healing began. I love God and wanted to honor Him in all I do. For the next 30 years I tried to grow a better relationship with my mother but there was always something in the way. I always suspected that she blames me for being sexually abused and that I caused it, but then, as a mother myself, I would tell myself I must be imagining it, a mother could never think that of her child. Then last August when during one of my mother’s angry outburst she said that I was nothing more than a wh*** when I was a kid. When I reminded her that I was only 11 she said “then you were an 11 year old wh*** who seduced you dad.” Up till that moment the only explanation she ever gave for staying with my dad was financial.

    I’m here to tell you that at that moment I felt the earth crumble under my feet and an old wound that I had worked for years to heal was ripped back open. I ended up suffering severe depression for about a month. Then my very wise pastor and close friend of 20 years told me to get up and get over what was going on and find out what God wanted. She also told me that I had to forgive my mother, but sometimes the only way to honor her is to stay away from her and not treat her the way that she really deserves to be treated. But I do not have to suffer one more day of abusive treatment just to honor God, God does not want that.

    At that time I had not spoken of my abuse to many people, for fear of angering my mother but since I have shared with my church family and have found that this has been so freeing for me. I no longer worry about building a relationship with someone who will always reject me, I have been able to share what God has done for me, and through my testimony, was asked to help build a new program to support domestic violence victims in our area. I believe that if I would have continued to try and please my mother, I would have never answered this call. So even now I am claiming that night in August for God’s Glory.

    I am still sad that my mother has missed out on a loving mother-daughter relationship and that she is so angry and unhappy. However, I know that God will take all those things that happened to me and will use them for His Glory. And most important I believe that I have truly been released from the burden of that unhealthy relationship which has allowed me to grow closer to and rely more firmly on God.

    1. Marcie, your mother was very wrong to behave like that. Of course it wasn’t your fault! Perhaps she is blaming you because she feels guilty but can’t admit it to herself?

      I want you to know that my five year old daughter told me her father had molested her. I am standing up for her to try and prove what happened to protect her from him in the future. I’m her mum and that’s my job. It’s difficult, frustrating, unpalatable and the worst nightmare you could ever imagine going through a sexual assault case in court with your children but if your child confides in you, you have to support them.

  3. I have been in a relationship with a verbally abusive, angry man. Our fights have been hideous and we have 5 children who witness them regularly. I realized early in our marriage that the man my husband pretended to be before we were married was not who he was at all.

    Although I am a Christian, I began running from the marriage and almost became dependent on alcohol as a form of escape. I continued praying for myself and my husband, and it seems 5 years later, we are not much better off then we were 5 years ago. I was praying this summer and believe God gave me a release to leave this marriage, but seeking counsel, from my pastor at church, was told basically to stay.

    I do want to honor God, but my husband’s anger and rage and lovelessness hurts. I used to cry everyday and wish for death, mine or his, didn’t matter. I used to dream of the day I would no longer be in this living hell. I have begun to seek God and find peace in his love, but it’s still hard everyday. I pray and anoint my husband, I’m trying to stay strong spiritually to contend with him, although I know he is not my enemy, but I wrestle against principalities, powers, rulers and spiritual wickedness in high places. Some things I truly believe are generational and bloodline curses, and although he says he’s a believer, I see little fruit in his life. I know he doesn’t believe in the power of the Holy Spirit, and I’m afraid he is defenseless to stop doing what he is doing.

    I see my 18 month old imitating his yelling which is hurtful to me to think I could raise another generation such as he is, so I continue to pray for our 3 sons at home, 7 altogether, and 3 girls (2 at home) that they will know the freeing love of Christ and not get caught in this vicious cycle. I pray that if God’s will is for me to leave he’ll let me know and I’ll be obedient and strong to get out. If God wants me to stay I pray for the ability to do it in a way that brings glory and honor to him, today and every day.

    I pray for my husband to really come to know Christ and to receive his love and be washed free from all of the anger and hatred, and fear (and insecurity) that lead and direct his life.

    I know God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever ask or think and to Him be all glory, honor and power. His will be done in every situation mentioned in this posting. I pray for every family, every husband and wife to come to know the saving, healing power of Christ’s love. I pray for men and women to stand strong, and to have the strength to move when God says move. I pray for wisdom guidance and godly counsel. I pray for direction and most of all that the power of the Holy Spirit would fill each home (including my own) and bring deliverance and healing, forgiveness and love. I pray all these things in Jesus name. Amen

  4. I wanted someone to love and for him to love me. We got married and I believed the love would grow even stronger with wisdom and maturity. He knew I was told that I might not be able to have children, but I wanted a child, (a child is the biggest blessing there is). After a year I became pregnant. He wanted me to choose. I told him that I loved him but could not kill what was in me. He has anger issues and walked off his job 3 years into the marriage; our son was a toddler.

    He wanted to work for himself. My parents kept our son a few miles down the road and I seldom saw him because I worked 12 hour shift work and overtime on my days off. This lasted for four years as he tried different things. He had planned for me to quit and help him travel to shows. He was in sales, and I homeschooled our son 4th, 5th, & 6th grade. I could not have done it without my parents help. Then our son went to a private school for 7th grade, they paid for, and a lot more financial help thru the years.

    He emotionally was abusive with his words with our son and me. I cannot say them because I know it would be too vulgar. He always came across as charming and smart to others. Some could see some of his temper but not the whole picture. I was good at hiding a lot of it and our son was of strong character. The physical abuse was bad, not as bad as the verbal. It was also embarrassing to us, so we didn’t’ tell, and he kept me isolated. He’s a controller.

    My son and I were far from being right. I don’t back down, but also I’m a survivor. He had food issues. He bought the best for himself, 2nd best for me and 3rd best for our son. When our son was young, 7 or 8, we had steak one night and he threw his in the yard and told him to eat it now. He picked it up and as he was rinsing it off he told him he hoped he got sick. I could do nothing except to choke mine down to keep it from getting worse. It was not unusual to have food thrown at me. I cleaned, worked in the office, in the yard, did a man’s job because it paid a dollar more (shift work), carried health insurance as he was figuring out what he wanted to do and any time I cooked (which I’m not very good at) he fussed so a lot of food was thrown in my face. Mom always kept the freezer that they bought, full of all kind of hand shelled peas, cooked mustard and turnip greens, vegetable soup, Brunswick stew, cakes from scratch, ect…

    By the time our son was in the 12th grade, he told him he could only eat the cheap hotdogs (he would get two different kinds) and ramen soup. For some reason our son would accept and adapt, but that made him mad so he told him he had to get a job and buy his own. Our son had a strawberry birthmark on his chin so because of peer pressure I would not agree to him getting a job until he graduated, which was just a few months away. He and I started Christian Marriage Counseling and Marriage Matters thru the Church. Then he and our son got into it (a broken promise and a hotdog) and he hit our son in the back of the head with a wrench. Our son stayed with one of his friends and his parents and finished school, 2009. I tried for 3 more years, it only got worse. I had told him that maybe we could work on our relationship over the holidays and after the 1st of the year I was going to visit and help Mom, because Dad had to get chemo and radiation, Mon. – Fri., for 6 months.

    On Nov. 6, 2012, he grabbed my face squeezed it and punched the pillow several times. That was the first time that I felt like he wanted me dead. I didn’t say a word. The next day I called my Mom and they came and I’ve been in a different state since Nov. 15, 2012. Since then he has told me that his temper scared himself twice, once, when he spit in my face and when he grabbed my face. He also slipped up and told my Dad that he couldn’t sell the house because he had to sign a disclosure stating that he knew it had a black mold problem (I have COPD) he had POA over me at the time. He told our son he wasn’t able to work because he was too distraught since I left.

    He wouldn’t let our son live with him and he has two places to live. Our son also has lived with my parents. Sometime in September our son came to live with my parents and me. That’s when I told him he was old enough to be responsible for the decisions he makes and we could start a friendship that a parent and child should have. My son, one beautiful night, told me he had to show me something, so he took me down a country road. The moon was bright shining thru the pecan trees. When we got to the stop sign he told me to open my door. I did. He then told me to look down at the road. I said OK, he said right there is where you’re leaving all your bad memories. Then as we were headed back I asked him what do I do when something comes into my mind. He told me those are the lessons that I learned and that I was to hold onto what I had learned and to accept and adapt to things that happen in life.

    I named my son Jacob, because I knew God gave me the biggest blessing that I could ever receive. I didn’t know what to name him and God changed Jacob’s name to Israel. Jacob passed away Nov. 23, 2013, God has a new name for him. He was 22 and born when I was 30. I don’t know why things happen the way they do, but I know I would not want to give up the friendship that I had with my son. And in a marriage contract it also says to love and cherish, not hate and perish.

    1. Dear dear Vicki, How very sad I am for you that you suffered so at the hands and by the words and actions of your husband, and that your sweet, sweet son did too. Jacob sounds like a wonderful son to have been blessed with… may your memories of his love and grace warm your heart. 22 years is such a short time to live on this earth, but it sounds like he left you with a beautiful legacy to hug in your heart. You have suffered so many losses. How I pray the Lord brings you comfort. Finding a new “normal” to “adapt” to will be especially difficult for you to do. I pray you will… and that God will bring you a ministry to be involved in some day, in Jacob’s memory. As one mom to another, my heart hugs yours, even through the Internet. I have and will pray for you. I pray that eventually you will experience a brightness in your life, in your future.

      I also pray that you will find friends in your everyday life who will help you as you grieve. I encourage you to go into the “Prayer” topic of this web site… into the “Links and Recommended Resources” part of it and look through the web site links we provide. There are several prayer ministries listed that I hope you will take advantage of. You truly need others to lift you up in prayer and to cry with you, as you walk this very painful journey. May you experience moments of comfort.

  5. With all the suffering of victims of abuse, why does God allow such financial suffering after removing themselves from the abuser? Why does it seems the abuser goes on to financial security and happiness so easily? Why does God not take vengeance swiftly, while on this earth?

    1. There are some things that we’re just not supposed to know. That is where faith comes in. It would be such sweetness to see them get what we want them to get but is that what God wants us to do? He wants us to love and forgive and leave the retribution up to him. Believe me I know it sucks. I’ve had to start over twice. But I don’t regret a thing that I’ve gone through it because it brought me to a point of being saved.

      Yeah, I had been baptized and according to my mother that’s all I needed to have done but when I was finally at the end of my rope and really think I care whether I lived or died I asked God to please help me that I was not doing well running my life myself and he saved me because I genuinely asked him to help me and genuinely accepted him as my savior. It’s hard. He never said it was going to be easy but it is very worth it. Hang in there. Sou can do it starting over is not that bad one step at a time. You will be in my prayers

  6. What does the Bible say if your step-child is being abusive towards you and your spouse will not defend you? And please don’t tell me to keep praying and practice patience and love. I have been doing that for 8 years. Now this kid is an adult and even a bigger bully. He lived with his mom for about year only to get kicked out because he threatened her with a knife. I don’t feel comfortable living here any more, but at the same time I don’t want to break my vows. What can I do?

    1. You might consider separating from your husband until he is more serious about protecting BOTH of you. Your home should be a safe zone from any abusive behavior. We have articles on “Controlled Separation” and on separation with goals and rules and structure. Just look in the “Separation and Divorce” topic for insight on this issue. This is one of those times where separating yourself from the abuse this step son brings into your home seems like the wise thing to do. I hope it helps.

  7. Hi this is my situation: I had been in a physically, mentally, verbally abusive marriage of my husband of two years. We’re both Christians. My husband is an elect Bishop and very abusive. He constantly threatens me and threatens to kill me. I was at a point I feared for my life. I stayed in the marriage trusting God to help mend it, but things were just getting worse. He’s good for a couple weeks and then back to the same thing again. My feelings for my husband husband are not the same my feelings for him now. There’s hate and not love.

    He moved out a month ago and moved to another state. Now he’s insisting that I come with him because I’m his wife and God put us together… that my place is with him. He claims he knows how to love me now and that he’s sorry for the abuse. But he has told me that over and over again and still ends up doing the same thing. I’m at a point where I want to end this marriage. I know that is my decision. I need help and guidance through this.

    1. Please note, I’m very concerned wherein any human being feels it is God’s will for them to stay in an abusive relationship and allow their children to be at risk on any level.

      I encourage anyone (Male or Female) to love yourself and move out of harm’s way and Above All, use trustworthy resources to move to safety (sheltering arms) and the LAW to prosecute without hesitation.

      The Law is for the Lawless. A person has to want HELP and seek HELP to get HELP. Simply said, the Church should have ZERO Tolerance for any abuse (verbal, physical, and sexual). Forgiveness, yes, Prosecute -yes… You maybe a Christian HE or She is Not… God is Faithful.

  8. I have a question about the cycle of abuse. There have been studies that have shown that, as a woman, if you have grown in a family where you have witnessed and been part of domestic abuse, your chances to be in a domestic abusive relationship are much higher. My sister and I are that. Except that I am single and she is in a domestic abusive marriage. We both witness the same. We both got hit by our father with the exception that as adults he only hit her. He only kicked me out because he was upset at fan.

    He began going to church so regretted his action. I’m grateful and proud of the changes he has made, the turn around he has made and how now he is seeking the Lord. But that has not erased the past.

    How can my sister be in an abusive relationship and I’m not? How can our wounds be healed and be able to let go of the past? I mentioned to a godly woman that the root of why my sister’s predicament is that of the actions of my father. Her response was that we can’t blame our predicament on our father’s actions. She said that we’re adults now and we no longer can “blame” our father for our actions.

    I partially agree. It’s true that we’re now responsible for our actions. But there is no denying that our parents had some influence. I cannot say that our father has nothing to do with what is happening now. I’ve chosen to be single until I can be healed from this. My sister, on the other hand, has gone from one relationship to another, until she ended up with the worst kind. None of the other relationships were any better and he uses that as an excuse that he’s better than what she has ever had. How is this possible? How can I explain this?

    1. BG, Bless your heart… I’m so sorry that you have to deal with these types of issues, it should never be. No one deserves to have this happen to them. But I’m so glad for everyone concerned that your father has finally gotten help.

      However, you’re right in saying that your dad is and isn’t to blame. Yes, there comes a point where we need to stop blaming the person who abused us, but yes too, to the fact that there are memories and certain directions it all starts to send our lives, which can be problematic. If those memories and such are not properly dealt with, we will continue to be haunted by them and they could have a great influence upon our decision making for the rest of our lives, and any marriage we would ever have.

      I can’t answer for your sister… we are each our own persons. But I can tell you that I grew up in a bad background. A LOT of dysfunction happened and it greatly affected all 4 of us kids. With me being the oldest (plus I had other victimizations that happened to me at the hands of other family members that my siblings didn’t have), I got the brunt of much of it.

      However, my siblings seem to be the ones who have had the hardest time getting past their pasts. I have a brother (3 years younger than me) who went into drugs and alcohol as a form of self-medication, where he eventually died from the side effects of his addictions. How I miss him! I have 2 other siblings that have their own dysfunctions, including VERY unhealthy relationships of the past and present, and unhealthy coping “skills”, which have set their lives on unhealthy paths. I feel so bad for them, but there is little I can do, other than love them, and hope and pray that they will get onto better paths. My one brother HAS been making some good strides recently, so I’m hopeful for him.

      I had my own hauntings. But I have worked, and continue to work very hard on pushing through them. I refuse to live as a victim. I’ve gone to counseling, have taken classes, read and listen to what I can that will help me, and continually depend upon the Lord’s wisdom (that He gives when we ask for it), and His leading to “get healthy” and leave the past behind as the past. As a result, I feel that I am free. I haven’t acted out the dysfunction and have married a wonderful man who is my partner, not my abuser. You CAN get past your past. I’ve lived it, am living it, and have seen others do this too. But I have to say that this is more rare, than it is the norm for people to escape the victim status, because it takes real intentionality and painful times to get there.

      I say all of this to you because I believe that right now is a GREAT opportunity for you to do what it takes to get onto a healthier road than your sister has done. (Perhaps she will be inspired by you if you do what you can.) You recognize that we can drag our past into the present, which can sabotage your ability to leave the past as your past. That is a HUGE part in all of this. The first step is recognizing the ugly truth. And then the next step is pursuing the help that is needed (even if you go off on some bad roads at first because you THOUGHT they were good ones, you don’t give up finding a better one), and then applying the truths you discover that will best help you. What helps your sister or the next person may be different than what you need; please just recognize that.

      But I really, really encourage you, with all my heart to find a good counselor that can help you on this journey. Make it your job –your mission to get healthy emotionally, whether or not you ever marry. This is the best time to do this because you see and recognize the need. Perhaps marriage is in your future… I don’t know. But it’s good to properly deal with your past so you’re able to fully function without added baggage, no matter what you do.

      If you don’t know of a good counselor now, I suggest you contact the ministry of Focus on the Family (www.focusonthefamily.com). They have counselors on staff… you can tell them what happened in the past to you, and they can get you started on a good path, and then recommend some good counselors, that you can contact, to best help you with the types of abuses you need to deal with. They have a great contact list, and I would think that they could send you off in a good direction.

      I hope for you, and pray for you that this will help. Please don’t give up, even when the journey gets painful, which it will… I’ve never seen otherwise. But it’s a lot like having surgery… after the initial cutting that needs to be done and the pain that will immediately bring, the healing afterward can get you onto a great path to get rid of all the pain. I’m sending love and prayers to and for you and yours as you pursue good emotional health.

  9. I really appreciate the depth and comprehensibility of this information. It’s vital that we all have a deeper understanding of these patterns that are becoming more and more prevalent in our homes.

    I was in a marriage for approximately 20 years, where I was subject to physical & emotional abuse, as well as adultery. In addition, the pastor at a church we attended, gave support to his harmful actions against our children and myself.

    I praise God that through our flawed legal system, His justice and mercy prevailed. We were able to accomplish much to provide boundaries, which are a necessity in these cases.

    I would like to hear more about what’s helped people, who are in faith, post-divorce and continue to deal with the behaviors that go along with being a continual target albeit a healthier distance. How do we continue to honor God AND each other at such a contentious point?

    I have many reminders to pray for my ex husband, who was conduit for an amount of pain I couldn’t see coming. Only by the grace of God I do. My children see a lot of their father and they attend church with him. He doesn’t physically abuse them, however, his ways have really twisted up their minds and perceptions of what the truth is. They question their ability to know what the truth is.

    Thankfully we do have God’s word to go back to and actions do speak louder than words. Wrath is mine says the Lord… I’m glad of that. It leaves me free to lay down whatever things may come to mind to do in retaliation. But the Lord does tell us to stand up and trust him. He is thankfully always with us. He works through us in unimaginable ways.

    I’m thankful to have really strong, wise, humble, experienced women of faith who help & pray with me and give me courage and clarity to take the next steps. Usually women in these situations become isolated, therefore cut off from that which would revive their spirits. I wonder if having a connection with those who can help, is a common denominator for women and men who successfully leave an abusive relationship.

  10. The question I want answered and am searching the web for it is this: Can someone heal from a sexually and emotionally abusive marriage and still remain in the same house? It seems like it would be impossible because the patterns are so ingrained… after 22 years. My spouse only just recognized a day ago what he has done to me. And bizarrely, I want to comfort him (yes, I see how sick that is).

    This is just one day of acknowledging before our therapist. Today he’s remorseful. But, that is just today. What happens when the shock clears from his recognition of what he has done? The pattern would be blame and denial. A way to justify his actions and remind me how “we both hurt each other -we are human.”

    I left him once a year ago and he believed I was having an affair (I wasn’t). It was so hard the first time. I went back because the “anger issue” seemed resolved. Seven months back and he’s still not lashing out at me… but the manipulation got sneakier and smarter and I only just caught on and see how I played right back into it. Paralyzed.

    1. Yes, Kay, it IS possible to get past this, but it certainly won’t be an easy journey, and it WILL need to be one where his eyes are fully open, and he wants to permanently change. That CAN happen, and perhaps he is at the beginning stage of this, but you both will have a painful journey ahead of you. You would have a painful one, either way –whether you stay together or you pull apart. Please try to see if you can do it together. Perhaps it will start out together, or separately and THEN together… I don’t know, but it IS possible that this situation can get to a place of healing and health, and peace, and love –healthy love.

      But because it’s so complicated, you will need help to get onto a better path to healing. I recommend you contact the ministry of Focus on the Family (which you can find at Focusonthefamily.com). Go into their “Contact Us” and then their “Contact a Counselor” sections and reach out to a counselor so he or she can direct you to a good place to get the help you need. They will start you on this journey of healing, but then they can direct you to the resources that can help you beyond that. Please, please reach out to them. Start this journey with the help of others who will help you to see the possibilities to get to a better place emotionally and maritally, instead of living in the negative side of this –staying in a victim mode. You CAN get to a better place… I hope you will, pray you will. Please don’t stay paralyzed. I pray God helps you in the ways you most need it.

  11. Lord Jesus, please protect and pray for my son Julian that is in court right now. Put a veil over the judge and the attorney’s heart to give them love, understanding and compassion. Help him to win his case. Thank you. I love you so much.

  12. I am in a physically abusive marriage. I love my husband dearly; we have a two-year-old son. But I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I feel a divorce is my only way out. I am at the point where I am fearing for my life. I really feel like there is no way out of this but to divorce and it’s killing me inside. I was never the type of little girl to dream about marriage. But somebody did marry me. One thing I always told myself is that if ever I were to get married I don’t want to remarry; I want to be married and stay married. but I feel like I have no choice I don’t know what to do please help.

    1. I have been in 2 Abusive relationships. They stem from my abusive childhood because that is all I knew. I thought being hit and verbal and emotionally abused was normal. Do you want your child to think that is normal? You have to get out of that situation. You need to make a plan and have somewhere safe that you can go with your child that he will not be able to find you. Leaving an abusive spouse is the most dangerous time in the relationship. It is imperative that you have a plan to leave. Where to go. Money to survive on. you need to call the police and inform them on what’s been going on and what you were planning to do.

      When you decide to leave, you need to call the police and tell them you are doing so. They do not need to know where you were going but they will protect you from your husband. God does not condone any of this in any form or fashion. It is not your fault. Nobody deserves to be abused for any reason. God saved me. and I know God will save you if you accept him. My church website is wearethrive.org. It is a wonderful Church in Port Orange Florida. It’s name is THRIVE. I will pray for you. Look at our website and listen to some of our sermons. God bless you and good luck.

  13. About a year and a half ago my husband started treating me differently secretive, cold, critic and even cruel. He would stay out all night and his phone would die but he was at his family’s house, none of whom apparently have a universal charger. My point being he was lying to me …my best friend and soulmate. I knew deep down why but did not want jump to conclusions. He is very careful always deleting text, skyping, or talking on FB.

    When I confronted him with actual evidence he hit me. Told me I was crazy that I had trust issues and needed help. But I did not want to give up on my marriage. I read books on how to make him attracted to me again and tried to work on things like trusting him without question and appreciating him, wearing a lipstick he liked. All this while going through my own personal battle with clinical depression and complete lack of self worth and respect. How can you respect yourself knowing you are allowing yourself to be treated so poorly and in front of your two young boys?

    But after daily put downs and never being able to please someone whom you want to please most in the world (all while some home wrecker is getting the kindness and respect you have earned). I let him consume my joy and SELF RESPECT. I want the man I married back… but I think he hates me. He has yet to admit anything to me; he hits me. I can’t handle him making me not love myself. I want a divorce. Please pray for my family. I don’t being divorced. I married him for all his qualities and flaws. I can forgive but not if he isn’t sorry. Please pray for the THE LAKE FAMILY.

  14. Hi my name is Alexandrea I have 3 children and I left my abuser. I’m in fear for my children’s lives and my own of course but I am willing to do what it takes to have my children safe. I recently had to put my abuser out because of the extent it came to and it was the first time physical force was used by him. I am having a hard time because I don’t want God to be mad at me if I have to defend myself, I feel like my emotions are everywhere. One minute I’m scared the next I’m angry, and when I’m threatened by my abuser I’m enraged because in the forefront of my mind I feel like he would thrive off my fear.

    I have prayed for God’s protection and also out of guilt that God would be angry with me. I feel God working in my situation as far as organizations, family, friends and my mind is slowly calming down. However I’ve been hypervigillant for over a month now and I have lost 21 lbs. Aside from this I have other things going on, I was trying to focus on and I feel the lack of focus. I want to cry and scream and cry some more, I feel guilty, like I’m a burden to everyone around me and I just want to get better. I saw this site and was hoping to get some advice or a way to vent these things to a Pastor or fellow Christian…whomever God appoints to give me some direction or to help me navigate my emotions the right way. I want to say thank you in advance because I know my Father will give what I am asking.

    1. Dear Alexandrea, Oh, how my heart goes out to you, especially with 3 children being involved. First, please know it is not your abuser is absolutely wrong for what he has done to you. I don’t care what your abuser says, abuse is NEVER a way for anyone to take out their frustration. You can’t MAKE him abuse you. That is a wrong choice HE is making. Also, it’s only natural for you to protect yourself and your children. God would never be mad at you for protecting yourself. But never, ever invite this abuser into your home or life again. You need to be wiser than this. Also, there are different ways you can protect yourself. Please read through the “Abuse in Marriage” topic for many, many ways you can do this.

      And then there are many ministries you can contact that can help you in different ways. I’m sure there are women’s shelters there in your part of the country. You can talk to them to get some additional information. Also, here’s a link to a page posted on our web site that have additional links you can use to talk to someone who better understands abuse issues than the average person knows: http://marriagemissions.com/about-us-2/abuse-in-marriage-links-and-resource-descriptions/. Many well-meaning people will give bad advice because they haven’t worked with those who have the sick mindset of an abuser. Please read through the articles and contact the ministries you feel will best help you. It may be a life and death issue. I pray you find the help you truly needs.

    2. Hi Alexandria. I just want you to know up front God will never leave you or forsake you. He is the breath you breathe. Inhale him instead of fear. God sees your heart and he is your friend and he will hover over and protect you all. If you serve God he is not the author of confusion. He loves you and cares when your head is bowed low. Lift your head high, you are protecting your family.

      There are 2 voices. One is from God and the other is from Satan. Every time satan tries to attack my mind I read a scripture out loud. Even a Psalm runs him from my mind. I claim victory for you and those children. I am here if you need a Christian friend in Christ. God Bless you in your new Journey with Christ. I also am going through a battle and I’m on this page for support also through this but my faith is in God not man. Smile you will overcome every obstacle. Hold on to God!!!!!

  15. I married a man I met in Church and would not have changed a thing about him except to draw closer to God. I was married 2 yrs and then one day I got a message from his ex wife which I have never seen nor knew what she looked like because he had no pictures of her at all. They had been divorced for 5 yrs. I was married to one man for 39 yrs and he died from cancer in 2010. I waited years to date. This woman texted me and said she wanted her husband back and I responded back that I would pray for her a new husband but she chose to divorce him for a Heroin dealer. I told her I could not break my vow to God. She then responded she would ruin our marriage. I prayed and did not respond back.

    He now sits in prison from her false allegations of sexual abuse towards their children in 2004/2006. My question is if she knew this why did she stay in this marriage 8 more years if this was true. She even told me she made a mistake divorcing him. We were in a ministry and I have never smoked, drank or done drugs in my life. This was something I was not ready for in my walk with Christ. I have been saved since I was 10 years old and he was a Christian man for years. People have told me to divorce him but God reminds me daily where is my faith.

    I read the word and search for answers but I know this woman is deep in sin and I need to pray for her to turn her life over to Christ but this is a hard thing for me is to sit here married to an accused sex offender as they have labeled my darling husband. Please give me scripture. I did sit through the whole trial and the Holy Spirit was there and I saw many lies and conflict. I have aquired a Christian lawyer and we are fighting the courts. I’m claiming the promises of God that the wicked will be destroyed; but me, all I want is Jesus first, then my husband back home and working for God as we were before. Some say I need counseling; I say I trust God he said he would not put any more on me then I could bear. I know he is able to break those chains. My husband is innocent.