Make Your Spouse Feel Special

MERRY CHRISTMAS (Well, almost)! May you, on this day and throughout the year, (not just at Christmas time or birthdays or on your anniversary) find ways to make your spouse feel special so he or she is glad to be married to you! We hope with all our hearts you will!

Or do you assume that he or she “should just know” that you care? After all, you married him/her, didn’t you? So, he/she should know that you aren’t a very demonstrative person; that’s just not the way you are! Or perhaps it’s because you’ve been so busy that you haven’t even thought about making the effort to make your spouse feel special amidst all the craziness.

If that’s your approach to your relationship, be careful. You could be walking down a dangerous marital path.

“We have to fight against taking our spouses for granted. And taking them for granted is easy to do, because on the day we marry, we gain a monopoly of sorts.” (Gary Thomas)

The love and care you expressed earlier in your relationship can get tarnished with time. Your spouse needs to know that you care today — not just “back then” when it occurred to you to express your love in tangible ways.

Does Your Spouse Feel Special and Valued?

Sheldon Vanauken wrote something that we see happen in marriage relationships continually:

“The killer of love is creeping separateness… It’s taking love for granted, especially after marriage. It’s ceasing to do things together, finding separate interests. It’s ‘we’ turning into ‘I’. The failure of love might seem to be caused by hate or boredom or unfaithfulness, but those were results. First came the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure.”

So, we want to ask you: when your spouse comes home, do you roll out an emotional ‘Welcome mat’ where he or she will enter and feel loved and valued — that you even noticed he/she came home, or that you care?

If not, the following is our challenge to you. Make the effort to greet your spouse like you did before you got married; don’t take each other for granted just because you’re now married.

“Invest in your relationship as early as you can, as much as you can, and as often as you can!” (J. Kevin Krafsky)

With all of this in mind, the following is something you might find helpful to use. Below we’re making available two separate lists of 20 ways to make a spouse feel special. These lists come from the fun book, Lists to Live By for Every Married Couple. They are compiled by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens, and John Van Diest. (This is a fun book composed of variety of lists.)

Glean through the list that’s appropriate for making your spouse “feel special.” But don’t get hung up on pronouns; every marriage is different. If you think your spouse would prefer something listed in the other “20 Ways” then adapt it to bless your spouse. The important thing is just to DO something that shows you care, beyond the everyday things that you do! Be intentional and show your spouse that when you said, “I do” on your wedding day to love and honor him or her, you meant it. You meant it back then, today, and for the rest of your life together!

20 Ways to Make Your Wife Feel Special

(This list is written by Al Gray — married 34 years.)

1. Ask her to dance when you hear your [or a special] love song.

2. Polish her shoes for special occasions [or rub her feet when she’s tired].

3. Have good conversation when you’d rather read the paper [or text messages].

4. Give her a back rub with no expectations of lovemaking.

5. Buy and plant a rosebush [or another flowering or special plant] as a surprise [or buy her flowers].

6. Keep your home repaired and in good order [little and big things matter to her].

7. Make sure the car has good tires and is in good running condition. [And if you don’t have a car, find another way to show that you are watching out for her and want to help her].

8. Hold her hand when you lead the family in prayer. [You DO lead the family in prayer, don’t you?]

9. Write out a list of all your important documents and where you keep them.

10. Find a way to save something from every paycheck.

11. Ask her input before making decisions.

12. Hold her tenderly when she cries.

13. Ask her out and plan the entire date yourself, including making the reservations. [You can find ideas in the “Romantic Ideas” topic on this web site.]

14. Occasionally, eat dainty desserts with her at [her favorite restaurant].

15. Understand when she forgets to enter a check [or lets you know of bigger purchases]. [The principle here is to work to be a dispenser of grace, whenever you can.]

16. Shave on your day off.

17. Call if you’re going to be more than fifteen minutes late.

18. Encourage her to take time out with her friends.

19. Remember to carry a clean handkerchief [or tissue] when you go to a romantic movie. [And don’t make fun of her if she cries during certain scenes.]

20. Tell her she will always be beautiful when she worries about getting older.

And for wives, here are:

20 ways to Make Your Husband Feel Special

(This list is written by Alice Gray.)

1. Don’t interrupt or correct him when he is telling a story.

2. Compliment him in front of his children, your parents, his parents, and friends.

3. Be as concerned about your looks as you were when you were dating.

4. Let him have some time to relax when he arrives home from work [or a little later if that works out best].

5. Develop a genuine interest in his work and hobbies.

6. Admire him for his strength and significance.

7. If he wants to take a lunch to work, pack it for him.

8. Try to be home (and off the phone) when he gets home.

9. Help your children be excited about Dad coming home.

10. Buy him socks and underwear on ordinary days instead of giving them as gifts on holidays.

11. Keep your bedroom tastefully decorated and clutter free.

12. Understand when he wants to spend time enjoying sports or hobbies with his friends.

13. Keep his favorite snack on hand.

14. Stick to your budget.

15. Watch his favorite sport events with him.

16. Try to go to bed at the same time he does.

17. Trade baby-sitting with friends so you have some nights at home alone.

18. Keep lovemaking fresh and exciting.

19. Bake homemade cookies for him to take to work.

20. Ask yourself one question every day: “What’s it like being married to me?”

An Added Bonus on Making Your Spouse Feel Valued

Additionally, here are two bonus tips we found that we’re posting on our Facebook page:

“How do you overcome the routine you’ve fallen into? By daily acts of kindness, letting your spouse know you’re thinking of them throughout the day. Never leave the house without a passionate kiss… giving a little passion to remember you by for the rest of the day. Take 30 seconds to email or text a note of care and even enticement. Also set aside time to have a weekly date night so your relationship continues to grow.” (Beth Young)

And secondly, it’s important to always remember the following that is given by clinical psychologist, Renee C. Hinson:

‘Relationships are living entities, and if left alone, they’ll atrophy. Marriage is never a finished product. It requires attention and a time commitment. You have to find time somewhere that’s devoted to the relationship so you don’t gradually drift apart and graduate to living separate lives. Those who go the distance are intentional about the relationship and make the commitment not to let it deteriorate.”

That’s so true! And so, if you’d like some more specifics to help your spouse feel special, try these:

• 100 WAYS YOU CAN LOVE YOUR HUSBAND HIS WAY

• 100 WAYS TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR WIFE HER WAY

Always remember — ESPECIALLY with your spouse, as we’re told in Ephesians 5:2:

“Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.“

Please know that our prayers are with you that together we can make our marriages the best they can be!

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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