In whatever you do, be it watching television, or getting caught up into any other type of entertainment, remember:
“Everything is permissible” —but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible” — but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.” (1 Corinthians 10:23-24)
How blessed we are that we have a God who has given us the freedom of choice! And how fortunate we are that when we make poor choices, He doesn’t send lightning bolts from heaven to turn us into crispy critters. If He did, we’d all be fried by now. But just because we have freedom of choice it doesn’t mean that we should use that freedom to do whatever we want. If we do what we shouldn’t, negative consequences can hurt us, others, and God’s Kingdom work. We need to be aware and ask God to help us with this.
The Psalmist prayed in Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” How wise those words are for us to pray for our own lives!
Television and Entertainment Choices
But how does this apply to marriage? It applies greatly when we realize that we have so many choices as to how we spend our time together. This can be applied when we own a television (and/or media that can pull our attention in many different directions). It’s not that there’s anything wrong with watching television or getting involved in other sources of social media. There are times when media can be useful to us for many reasons. Sometimes it can be educational and/or fun. Or it may be that sometimes we just need time to retreat into something that doesn’t challenge our brain so we can “unwind” for a while.
Psychologist John Gray talks about this in how men [sometimes women] watch television. He said that they find it helpful to watch TV to unwind from the day’s pressures. He writes:
“Men come home and every day they like to go through a ritual to forget the day. They want to come home and waste time. This is because they’ve been doing ‘useful things’ all day. They have a need to retreat to their ‘cave’ for a while.
“To men the most ‘useful’ thing to do after work is to do nothing useful — just watch TV. They have a need to escape and retreat. They do not want to talk about problems for a while to recuperate.”
Television Watching in Moderation and with Mutual Agreement
So, TV viewing (or other types of media, including gaming systems) can sometimes be useful to both husbands and wives as long AS LONG AS IT’S NOT OVERDONE. It’s important to note something Paul Allen points out:
“Technology is notorious for engrossing people so much that they don’t always focus on balance and enjoy life at the same time.”
That’s why it may benefit couples to periodically take the time to assess together whether they’re “on the same page” in how they spend their time. Marriage involves a lifelong commitment of negotiating. That’s because daily we’re bombarded with too many choices as to how we spend our time — especially with advanced technology. Everything is brought right into our homes to deal with in some way or another.
A while back, we received the following illustration from a friend that brings this point to home:
“Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I said to her: ‘Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state, I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I’d much rather die’.
“At that point my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me. She proceeded to disconnect the television, the Cable, the gaming system, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPad and the iPod. And she then went to the fridge and threw away all my beverages! …I ALMOST DIED!”
Finding the Proper Balance
As humorous as this can be, it also has some truth to it in some homes. We pray you’ll work with each other as a team. Find the proper balance for how you spend your days together. It’s something we continually have to work on ourselves. It just comes with the commitment of marriage.
With that said, we’d like to share the following poem that was sent to us. It is written by an unknown author and has certainly challenged our own hearts. In light of the scripture written at the beginning of this Insight, there’s a challenge in it for us all. We hope you’ll read this message together and spend some “intentional time” together discussing it. Is it “beneficial” and “constructive” to the good of all concerned?
THE 23rd CHANNEL
The TV set [phone, or other forms of multimedia] is my shepherd.
My spiritual growth shall want.
It makes me to sit down
and do nothing for His name’s sake
because it requires all of my spare time.
It keeps me from doing my duty as a Christian
because it presents so many good shows
that I must see.
It restores my knowledge of the things of the world,
and keeps me from the study of God’s word.
It leads me in the paths
of failing to attend the evening worship services
and doing nothing in the kingdom of God.
Yea, though I live to be 100,
I shall keep on viewing television [and/or other media]
as long as it will work.
For it is my closest companion.
Its sound and its picture, they comfort me.
It presents entertainment before me,
and keeps me
from doing important things with my family.
It fills my head with ideas,
which differ from those set forth in the Word of God.
Surely, no good things will come of my life
because my television offers me
no good time to do the will of God.
Thus I will dwell crownless
in the house of the Lord forever.
Balance Is Key
Let me (Steve) just say that as a recovering “TV-holic”, balance in this area of my life is essential. I can easily find myself spending endless hours in front of the television (and other sources of social media) rather than doing anything productive for my spiritual or my married life if I’m not careful. I (maybe we? need to beware:
“Television promotes passivity. People wrapped up in watching T.V. have neither the motivation nor the energy to develop an intimate relationship. It can become so hypnotic that one does not realize how much time is being given to television viewing.” (from article “Too Much Television“)
If you feel a “check” in your spirit over this issue, please, don’t ignore it. God gives you that check for a good reason. It is for us to make the changes He knows are necessary, so you don’t rob your spouse, children, and your God of the time needed from you.
To help you further in this area of your marriage, the following are a few suggestions to help you decide how much time you should spend in front of your television (as well as your computer, phone, iPod, game system, etc.). And then we encourage you to read the comment made below this Marriage Insight. It’s a good one!
FYI: We originally wrote this Insight a number of years ago; but we felt a tug on our hearts to bring it out to use again (with a few revisions). The comment written below this Insight is just as relevant for all of us today as it was before. But first, here’s some other suggestions:
Television and Other Media Choices/Changes:
- “Do you realize that every time you turn on the television [and other media], you’re choosing to NOT do something else? It’s important to choose wisely, especially if the time you have to spend with your family is limited.” (Dennis Rainey)
- Don’t watch TV [or other media] mindlessly. If you’re going to watch, make it for a specific program with a specific purpose.” (Dennis Rainey)
- Read the article, “Fifteen Reasons Why I Should Unplug My TV.” It might not persuade you to unplug your TV, but it might help you to at least make the commitment to better LIMIT your viewing.
- “In our house, we have Psalm 101:3 printed out and taped to the top of our TV as a reminder while we watch. It says, ‘I will set no worthless thing before my eyes. I hate the work of those who fall away. It shall not fasten its grip on me.‘” (Dennis Rainey, from “No Worthless Thing“)
- Tip: Many couples have an agreed upon “No Media” night once (or more) a week where instead of plugging into any media, they spend time together plugging into growing closer together in their marriage. It’s a type of “Outside Information Diet” where they let the outside world go on without their participation.
- Read the article, “How Much is Too Much TV?“
We encourage you to pray over and seriously consider this matter. We hope that the above information helps your marriage in a positive way.
May God Bless your marriage!
Steve and Cindy Wright
— ADDITIONALLY —
To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:
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Filed under: Marriage Insights
(MIDDLE EAST) Dear Steve and Cindy, One thing we have tried to do for the past 2-3 years is apply the Sabbath principle from Scripture to our computer and the Internet. That means no computer and Internet on Sundays.
There have been a few times where we have had to make exceptions because of our work responsibilities. However, we really try hard to be as consistent as possible with this. Computer work and things to look at on the Internet are never ending and lines have to be drawn somewhere.
I trust these thoughts will help facilitate further discussion.