Thanksgiving Leads to Grace Living

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday to sit back and celebrate together, giving thanks to God for all He has done and is doing for us. It’s actually our favorite holiday, for that very reason. We love the focus of this special holiday. As Debi Walter points out (and we totally agree):

“It’s a day to notice God and thank Him for His love, presence and guidance all through the year. Thanksgiving is a time to reset our focus from the busyness of life to what we deem most important.”

And yet, in the bigger picture of life, having an attitude of thanksgiving isn’t just a one-day holiday. It’s to be an attitude of the heart to be lived out continually. That’s what God tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

But what about the tough times? How can we give thanks during those difficult seasons and circumstances of our lives? That’s when we look up to Heaven, and by faith, we give thanks that we have a Savior that will help us through those times. By faith we trust that somehow Christ will bring redemption out of our darkest circumstances. That’s all part of our faith walk on this side of Heaven.

Faith is defined as: F.A.I.T.H. which means, Forsaking All I Trust Him. It’s also: Forsaking All I Thank Him… because I DO trust Him — not my circumstances, but HIM!

Thanksgiving Leads to Grace Living

And when we live with that kind of an attitude of continual thanksgiving we will step into “grace living.” In other words, as we look to Jesus as our savior AND Lord, we will see more for which we can be thankful. And within or marriages we will then be able to extend grace (unmerited favor) upon our spouse because of the grace God extends to us personally every day.

“By being understanding and extending grace, you’re hopefully putting on reserve a deposit in your spouse’s bank of understanding so when you’re someday in the same situation, he or she will extend grace to you, as well. Remember this: Grace is the glue that holds the two of you together.” (Cindi and Hugh McMenamin)

In a grace living marriage relationship, I (Cindy) won’t be so quick to pick my husband apart with my unmet “expectations.” Instead, I’ll give him more grace and space in our everyday life together. And those unmet expectations won’t take us into a downward spiral in our marriage where eventually the “bad” discolors all the good and things will look to be hopeless.

The fact is that my husband isn’t perfect — but neither am I. I shouldn’t expect more from him than I want for myself. I want him to overlook my “stumblings” (sins), idiosyncrasies, and “clueless” times when I don’t meet his needs. And yet sometimes I’m not as quick to overlook HIS “stumblings” and clueless times. And that’s just plain wrong. As Steve’s marriage partner, I should be quick to give grace — especially if I expect it back.

No One’s Perfect

We’ve heard so many spouses start their sentences with, “I know I’m not perfect and I don’t do everything I should, but…” And then they rattle off a list of things their spouse does that isn’t perfect either. Yet somehow their spouse’s “imperfections” are inexcusable (where they believe theirs should be).

And yes, there are some things that can’t be overlooked. If there are moral failings, integrity issues, or abusive ways involved, obviously, they have to be dealt with and worked through. But with other matters, such as irritations… we need to let up a bit on each other. If we look at them truthfully, these aren’t sinister plots aimed against us to ruin our lives. They’re just irritations that need to be worked through.

You’re always going to have something going on that irritates you in the close setting of a marital relationship. However, these irritations don’t have to ruin a marriage. That is, unless we keep looking at them to such an extent that they poison even the good. And then they DO ruin it.

It’s important to believe in the good will of the other and grace living. In doing so, we can more readily embrace marital optimism, which is important to the life of the marriage.

Faith in the “Big Picture”

Rebecca Hagelin (in her Crosswalk article, “Stoke the Fires of Marital Optimism”) wrote something on this issue that’s important to note:

“For marriage to work, good communication habits are not enough. Faith in the ‘big picture’ of your relationship is important too. Losing hope that marriage can work —and that your spouse means well —can feed a downward spiral. It’s all too common in our divorce culture: struggling couples lose confidence in their ability to make their marriage successful.”

Please don’t allow yourself to lose that confidence. Thanksgiving and grace living is vital, in how we live our lives (especially in marriage).

Marriages are falling apart everywhere because too many spouses are bent on fleeing from working through the hard stuff, in pursuit of what we perceive to be better. But there’s something to be said about persevering. We’re told in James 1:4 “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

The Importance of Perseverance

And as you persevere in living your married life in an attitude of thanksgiving and grace living:

“Look for what you appreciate about your spouse. In doing so, you recalibrate your mindset. In a class we teach we have students take ten seconds to notice everything that’s green. Suddenly, they see green everywhere. Why? That’s all they were looking for. The same is true in marriage. When we invoke a positive mindset, we see many more things they do well, which brings appreciation and positivity.” (Drs Les & Leslie Parrott)

Try to look at your spouse with a thankful heart, rather than a picky, negative one. That definitely takes some work sometimes to get our minds to focus in that direction. But it’s biblical. We’re told in Philippians 4:8, ‘Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.’ This is a great principle to apply to how you view and talk to your marriage partner.

“As we express thankfulness and gratitude, God’s peace descends on our minds and hearts. God calms our emotions and directs our thoughts. When we find ourselves struggling with an aspect of our marriage, let’s try to develop a more optimistic perspective. With a positive attitude, we become a part of the solution, rather than a part of the problem.” (Gary Chapman)

Lastly

On the lighter and more positive side, we want to encourage you to find ways to laugh together. Now, we realize this may be stretching the point we’re trying to make but hear us out on this one. Laughing together truly leads us to grace living with Thanksgiving. We believe this with all our hearts. Here’s something Heather Hamilton wrote that drives this point home (in a humorous way):

“I’m not going to bore you with the science of laughter, but laughing together creates a powerful emotional and social bond. People who share moments of laughter are less likely to hate each other. They’re less likely to kill and go to war with one another. It’s hard to stay mad at someone for their politics when you’ve rolled on the floor laughing with that person. Trust me, it’s science!

“This Thanksgiving, I propose that you barnstorm into your family holidays with a comedy. Leave the arguing behind. … Let’s start to heal our families, our countries, and ourselves with some tried and true laughter. I bet you’ll be able to see people with a little more grace after a drink has shot out their nose.”

So, with this said, we encourage you to look for ways to laugh together, give each other grace, and show appreciation to one another. That is grace living in the spirit of thanksgiving at its finest!

Cindy and Steve Wright

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you grow further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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