This article deals with the painful reality of waiting for a spouse to come to an interest in the “things of God” —to embrace Jesus as Savior.
“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)
How confident I was that soon “all would be well with my house.” Little did I know that years would go by with little change. My husband was a good moral man. He loved his family and was deeply devoted. He loved and cared for his parents. Plus, he loved and respected his in-laws. And he was a hard worker, responsible, didn’t drink, smoke or chase women.
“What a great Christian he’ll make,” I thought. Sadly, he wasn’t interested in the “things of God.” He didn’t care to socialize with the “church crowd.” He attended church services occasionally, but never talked about God. What was I to do?
The Painful Reality of Waiting
Whatever you do, don’t be a modern day Jonah. Don’t try to run away from your God appointed mission. There will be direct conflict with “your will” over what to do. The prophet Jonah didn’t want to go to Nineveh for many reasons, but not of them was good enough for God. (Your reason won’t be either.)
You must have a genuine love for his soul because he is your husband and that is who will spend eternity with you. When Jonah had pity on the plant more than the inhabitants of Nineveh, God rebuked him. He said, “You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty-thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left?” (Jonah 4:10-11)
Likewise, with regards to your husband, have pity on his soul. Jesus died as much for him as for you. Pray that God will enlarge your gift of compassion towards him. Pray for a “burden for his soul.” And pray for God’s mercy. Someone cared about your soul enough to point you to Christ.
My husband had a “target on his back” and wasn’t aware that GOD had His arrow of LOVE “aimed right at the bulls eye!”
Drawing Life from God
John 15:5 says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He [she] who abides in Me, and I in [her] bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” God’s spirit draws your mate to Himself. Your spiritual fruit is what is visible when you are abiding in and drawing life from God.
Your husband will unknowingly be drawn “to the things of God in you.” He will be completely unaware of God’s sovereignty in all circumstances. Remember, your fruit of the spirit: “love, joy peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23) all serve to point your husband (unaware) to God. He will notice the difference. But he will not be able to pin-point when it happened or why. He might never visualize the change he sees. But he will notice.
Let’s not fool ourselves. We know we don’t live 24 hours a day with spiritual fruit hanging over us —come on. Nonetheless, let us strive to display fruit here and there to pique the lost to curiosity! Proverbs 31:25-27 says, “Strength and honor are her clothing. She shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom. And on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Let us strive to be godly women of worth.
Opening the Gate
Another eye-opener is how your obedience to God and His principles are the key to opening the “gate” for your mate into the kingdom of heaven. “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice…” (1 Samuel 15:22). God is not moved by your circumstances, crying, discomfort, whining, pity parties, anger or disappointment. He is, however, moved with compassion by your faith. He is moved by your faithfulness, and your devotion to Him. Your obedient prayers of faith and prayers of intercession for his soul please God.
Your husband lingers in the valley of decision (Joel 3:14). So his decision will be based, in part, on a perception of God and His place in your life. A Godly example is the better teacher. Keep praying for God to reveal Himself more and more to your husband in every area of life, work, leisure, provision, and activity.
There is so much more of the above article that is written in the inspirational book, Mission Possible Spiritual Covering
In this book, McCarragher gives you insights the Lord has given her that has helped in her own spiritual journey in an unequally yoked marriage. Also, at the end of each chapter there are scriptures and in-depth questions to better help you in your own journey. We HIGHLY recommend you obtain this book and purchase extras to give to friends. This would also make a GREAT small group Bible study to participate in with other women in similar circumstances.
Filed under: Unbelieving Spouse
I became a Christian after being married for several years. My husband is not a Christian or a kind spirited man. He does believe in God, but has never called himself a Christian. Goes to church sometimes, but does have two jobs that require some weekends. My biggest struggle is his self righteousness, and my children suffer much from his “Archie Bunker” persona. He is more respectful to me, but has lost respect from my daughters and our son also. He is a true “man”, loves his hunting, fishing, sports, and TV above all else.
My children and I are well aware that God and family do not come first for him. He is one of those men that feels bringing home the paycheck is all he needs to do to me respected. He struggles with E.D. and refuses to get help. He is a police officer so many that I seek out, give him an excuse bc of his work. I’m tired of excuses for him. He went to our pastor one time when we separated, and admitted he’s a lousy husband and father, but gave the excuse of his work. We live in a small wealthy community, not NYC.
I pray continually, but it is very hard when your children suffer too, and question me about him all the time. It is very hard living with someone who is prideful and self focused. Two of my daughters have questioned my staying with him. I work part time to take care of the children, which has been a blessing. He struggles getting along at work too, got put on 3rd shift bc he doesn’t take orders well. He is a 47 year old boy.
I am in prayer and God’s word daily. I have done counseling and realize I need to live in God’s will, to respect and love him. It is very difficult living with someone who isn’t happy unless they have something of this world to look forward to; his hobbies. I pray constantly for patience, endurance & perseverance in my marriage, but I do struggle with the patient part. Sadly I must admit I feel stuck in a marriage for financial reasons. I know that is not Godly, but it is hard to give or feel love with a man who does not show it. Am I being selfish in God’s eyes?
Lynn, from what you describe, I see you as anything but selfish. You are praying for a husband who obviously needs it. And the fact that you’re still there (whether it’s for financial reasons, or whatever)… you’re still trying at times. I encourage you to pray that God gives your husband a wake up call–that eventually he “gets it” before it’s too late. We see it all the time that some spouses are clueless until they are pushed to the edge of a brink.
I don’t know why this is, but we see it almost every day that a husband or wife writes how they “finally get it” and they are trying to be the good husband or wife they should have been but it takes a tragedy first or some type of push. Sometimes it’s after the other spouse has given up and won’t reconcile. This is so, so sad. I hope this doesn’t happen with you. I hope your husband has an “ah ha moment” and wakes up and changes in the ways he can.
As I pray about what you have written, a few things come to mind that may help you in some way. I hope so. It’s difficult to be stuck in the place you find yourself. I’m sure you’re growing through it, but there may be some insights along the way that could help you to better understand your husband, and some way help him too. Here are a few articles I recommend you read (along with other articles you may find on our web site): https://marriagemissions.com/missing-relationship-keys/ – plus – https://marriagemissions.com/we-pray-ah-ha-moments/ and https://marriagemissions.com/spouse-wont-change/.
Thank you so much for the insight, and links. I cherish any guidance and strength God blesses me in fellow Christians. Seeking God’s will is easy, it’s acting upon it that can be difficult. Thank you for the prayers. God’s blessings